Faith's Dress

Chapter 18

Silence, sometimes it was the best thing you could ask for or the thing to dread the most. Right now, it was a mixture of both as I stared at my unconscious, floating mother. My body leaned against the entry way of the medical room, my arms crossed as I just stared at her.

Luke found his way next to me, looking over at Jocelyn before looking at me.

"You know I haven't said anything to her. In fact, I think this might be the closest I've gotten to her," I said, still not right next to her like Clary was in seconds.

Nodding, Luke commented, "You have a lot on your mind."

I paused, unsure if he was right about this one. I mean, I defiantly did, but was that the reason why I couldn't approach her?

"In the other dimension, I saw her. I thought I'd get angry, yell at her, hit her even. But the second I saw her, it all just sunk away and all I wanted to do was hug her. Now, I see her laying here, and I don't feel that way. I want to yell at her. I want ask why she did what she did." I paused, my head and eyes looking to Luke, my dad, for help. "Will that go away?"

A small sigh left Luke's lips as he nodded slowly, "In time, it will. Who knows, when Jocelyn wakes up, you might feel differently."

My eyes look towards the ground as I nod, hoping he's right before I look back at my mother.

"I gotta get back to the station. Call me if anything changes?"

"Yeah," I say with a mumble.

Luke stared at me, as if making sure I was okay before he turned. He took only one step before he looked back over at me. One of his hands laid across my front, leaning me close to him as he lightly kissed the top of my head.

The action was soothing, comforting, but it vanished when Luke did.

My mind, like Luke said, was cluttered with things. I couldn't sleep last night, and not because of nightmares. Not this time at least. Jace won't talk to me, causing this empty pit in my stomach. Clary was too worried about our mother to even notice the distance in Jace and me.

In fact, I wasn't even sure she caught on to how distant I was with our mother.

I needed to work out.

Returning to my room, I texted Jace, letting him know my plan and to meet me in five if he wanted too. I changed and entered the fight room. No one was there, returning my ears to silence.

I punched a punching bag for a little bit. I practiced with my blade. Nothing worked to its full extent and Jace never showed up.

"Faith," A women said, entering the fight room. I turned to her, recognizing her as a fellow Shadowhunter that lived in the Institute as well. "Magnus has arrived. Jace and Clary are meeting him in the computer room."

"Thanks," I nodded, setting my blade down.

Returning to my room, I took a quick shower, changed into some normal clothes, before going to the computer room. Like the girl said, Magnus was there, sitting at the end of the table. Jace and Clary sat on either side of him, both looking over at me as I entered.

"Morning," Jace said, surprising me a little.

"Morning," I said, standing next to my sister who strained to look at me from her seat.

"You just come from training?" Jace asked, like he never got my text about where I was.

I nodded, my hands gripping the chair in front of me, "Yeah. I texted you if you wanted to-"

Jace cut me off, looking at his hand that sat on the table. "I was working on a few things."

My voice seemed to dry, forcing out, "Yeah, of course," before running dry.

Magnus clasped his hands together, looking between us. "While this conversation is no doubt scintillating. Remind me why we couldn't do this at my place? At least there we'd have cocktails."

Clary looked at the Warlock with confused eyes. "It's 9:00 in the morning."

"Oh, it's happy hour somewhere, my dear," He replied with a smirk.

Jace spoke up, drawing us back to the subject at hand. "We invited you here, Magnus, because Hodge can't leave the Institute. He's an important part of this mission."

"Well, then, where is our tardy little tutor? There are certain individuals that I'd like to avoid, so let's make this quick."

As if on cue, Hodge walked in with a small computer in his hand. "Pardon the delay, Magnus. I was following up on a lead." He walks over to the main computer, switching the screen before setting his small computer on the table. "Now, we've narrowed down our list of warlocks to these three."

Two women and a man's picture are set on the main computer.

Magnus pointed towards the man, seeming to know him. "Why is Ragnor Fell up there? He's not more powerful than I am."

Jace glanced over at Magnus, his comment usually held with a smirk that didn't take place this time. "Well, some would disagree. He is older than you."

"Certainly not wiser," Magnus mumbled.

I looked between Hodge, Jace, and Magnus, "Who is Ragnor Fell?"

"The former High Warlock of London," Jace answered. Even though we didn't seem to be talking, just hearing his voice took some of the pain in my chest away.

"And one of my oldest friends. Very prickly, likes to keep to himself," Magnus explains.

Jace turned to the table. "Okay, look. We just need to figure out which one of these warlocks had enough access to Jocelyn that they could create the potion for her without anyone discovering what they'd done."

"By the early '90s, Ragnor was a professor at the Shadowhunter Academy in Idris," Magnus explained.

Clary turned, looking at me as she asked, "Isn't that when our mother lived there?" She turned to Magnus, not letting me confirm or deny her words. "Could he have made the potion for her?"

As if the truth hit him like a slap to the face, Magnus' face grew with a wide grin, "The little bugger! That's why he hasn't responded to my fire message. Ever since Valentine began hunting warlocks, Ragnor's been holed up in his secret country house just outside of London. For all I know, Ragnor suspected my fire message was a ploy by Valentine to lure him out of hiding. We'll have to confront him face-to-face."

Hodge looked at Magnus with pulled eyebrows, "You're going on this mission?"

Magnus smiled, "Of course! I'm the only one Ragnor trusts. Besides, I've played my last hand here. Even I know when to fold." He stands, turning to walk away only to freeze when Alec and Lydia approach us. I could tell Magnus was mumbling some type of curse word under his breath at the sight of the man he loved.

Lydia, smiling from ear to ear, said, "Magnus, I didn't know you were here."

"That was the point," Magnus half mumbled.

Lydia, gesturing towards and awkward Alec, spoke up of their task. "We're just on our way to greet a few representatives of the Clave who arrived early for tomorrow's wedding. How long are you staying?"

Alec, hoping to direct the conversation a different way, asked, "What's going on here? Nobody told me about a meeting."

"Magnus figured out that Ragnor Fell is the Warlock who can wake our mom. We're just bringing him back to the Institute," Clary answered.

"How can I help?" Alec asked?

Jace, standing up and taking a step away from the table, sighed. "We're just recovering a Warlock, Alec. We got this covered."

"Besides, you have emissaries from the Clave to meet. You don't want to tarnish your family's perfectly-crafted image now, do you?" Magnus gave Alec a fake smile.

Inhaling sharply, Lydia did her best to copy Magnus's fake smile. "Again, lovely seeing you, Magnus." With that, Lydia and Alec left, leaving the small group.

Jace looked at Clary and I, "Get ready. We'll leave soon." He turned, walking up the couple of steps and into the many hallways that held mostly bedrooms. I quickly followed, chasing after him and leaving my sister and Magnus.

"Jace, wait. So, what? You're not talking to me now?" I asked, trying to copy his fast walk.

"No, I just... have a lot on my mind," Jace shook his head, glancing over his shoulder at me.

I stopped, sighing as I watched the man I love continue to walk away from me. Walk away from everything. Before I could stop myself, I spoke up. "I know you love me." Jace stopped, his back rising and falling with his breath. "Like I said, I heard what you said. You asked me what happened in the other dimension."

At my words, Jace turned and looked at me. "It was you and me. We lived in an apartment together. We were happy, in love. And I know you saw that ring in your pocket." He looked down at the ground, seeming to verify that he did indeed see it. "Jace, before I went into that dimension I knew I loved you. And when I got out, I knew it even more. And now, standing here, I know that you love me and I love you."

My feet carried me towards Jace, stopping right in front of him. "I know you have a lot on your mind. But please, don't shut me out."

Like things normally seem to happen, someone walked in on us, only this time it was Magnus. He pauses, noticing the look in both our eyes and the air around us growing heavier. "Oh, was I ruining something?"

Jace looked up, meeting and holding my eyes for a moment. "No, let's get going," With that, he turned and left me standing in the hallway with a curious and slightly disappointed Magnus behind me.

After the three of us got changed and grabbed some weapons, just in case, Magnus pulled up a portal for us. The four of us entered, appearing in a wide, open field.

"Ragnor's house is just across these fields," Magnus said, pointing up ahead of us.

"Let's make this quick. We'll talk to Ragnor, then Portal him back to the Institute before anyone knows we're gone," Jace said, his eyes on the ground.

My body was still fuming with anger and sadness, the two next mixing well together. "Quick and easy with no complications. That's how you seem to like things."

"Sorry if I'd like to finally have something simple."

I shrugged, my eyes continuing to stare straight ahead, "Didn't know I wasn't simple."

Jace sighed in annoyance, looking over at me, "Can we not do this right now?"

My head whipped over to him, just missing his eyes. "Well, no time seems to be your best time, so..."

Magnus pushed passed us, stopping us as he turned and faced us, "Alright! I came with you to escape my relationship drama, not get a front row seat to yours."

Clary's eyes looked around, confusion eminent on her face as she looked at the ground.

"Fine," I mumbled, walking past Magnus and continuing on ahead.

Suddenly, the sound of Magnus' voice behind me, yelling out, "Look out!" I felt a hand grab my arm and pull me back, my feet stumbling over each other. A sudden green force field popped up liked flames, circling us.

Jace's hand on mine seemed to be the one that pulled me back. Even in the heat of an argument, his touch still sent electric shots throughout my body.

Worried eyes looked at me, "Are you okay?"

"I'm fine," I said, pulling my arm away from Jace and taking a step away from him. He wanted distance, and that was what he was going to get right now.

Magnus looked over the force field. "Ragnor put up wards to protect his lair."

"Why is the fire green?" Clary asked?

"It's a wall of fire that only the pure of heart and intention can pass through," Magnus answered. His head turned to the three of us, "Are you ready?"

Without answering, the four of us walked up towards the force field, crossing it. Well, sort of.

Clary seemed to be the only one to cross while the rest of us seemed to end up right back where we started. The green flames still circled us, trapping us in our spot while Clary seemed to vanish.

Extending my arms out to my sides, I nodding in irritation. "Well, great." I turned to Magnus who stood on one side of me, Jace taking the empty place on the other side. "I thought you said pure of heart could walk through?"

Smirking in his way he does, Magnus shrugged. "I guess we're all not as pure as we thought?"

I stretched my arm out towards the green firing force field. "My sister is on the other side of this fire wall, alone with-" My words were cut off by us vanishing. The field around us now took spot of an old sitting room.

Clary and Ragnor looked at us, causing a sigh to leave my lips as I turned towards them.

Magnus took a step in front of us, looking at his friend with a sigh. "Honestly, Ragnor, was that nonsense necessary?"

"Of course. She offered me anything. You were only up to a timeshare of your flat in Paris. Yawn," Ragnor said, gesturing to my sister for a second.

Shaking her head, my sister spoke up, looking at the Warlock beside her. "All right, enough with the warlock games. Can you really wake our mother?"

"Not without the Book of the White," Ragnor said, facing my sister.

Jace spoke up, "What is the Book of the White?"

Instead, Magnus answered the Shadowhunter's question. "It's an ancient book of warlock magic containing spells more powerful than most warlocks could ever imagine."

Looking between Clary and me, Ragnor spoke up. "I possessed the book when your mother came to me, and I used its contents to create the potion. Regrettably, I no longer have the book. I asked Jocelyn to hide it that Valentine might never find it."

I took a step towards the Warlock, "Ragnor, please, we have to get our mom back. Is there any way to get the Book of the White?"

Ragnor thought for a second, "Possibly. I may have something that can help us. Won't be but a moment." He turned, quickly walking away and disappearing up some stairs.

This would be that moment where the helpful man would either get killed or run off because he was sworn to never tell the truth. I had hoped that this wouldn't be the case and, like Jace said, something would go simple.

Clary looked at the small group in front of her, "What do we do if he can't find the book?"

"We'll cross that bridge when we come to it," Jace said with a sigh as he crossed his arms. His eyes seem to glance over to me, mine doing the same as we pulled together like magnets.

Is it bad that all I really want to do right now is kiss him?

The sudden screams from Ragnor pulled me from my thoughts and to the balcony above us. Ragnor back away like someone had hit him with stomach and stumbled through the balcony. He fell from the second story onto the first story ground with a loud thud.

"Ragnor!" Magnus yelled, running over to his friend.

Jace, Clary and I joined him, all of us kneeling over the gasping man in Magnus' arms. Jace checked his shoulder, finding a large bite wound that bled far to quickly. "Shax demon," Jace said.

Gasping as he spoke, Ragnor said, "Creature took me by surprise."

I looked at my sister and Jace, confused. "How could a Shax demon get past Ragnor's wards?" As I spoke, Magnus tried to use his powers to help his friend.

Jace shook his head, "It must have followed us. Jumped through when the fire wall reset."

Magnus tried to ease his friend with his words, also trying to do the same for himself. "Be still, my little dear cabbage. Your wounds are deep. Hold on, please." But it was no use, no amount of Mganus' power could save him. In seconds, Ragnor laid dead in his friend's arms.

All of us grew silent for a moment as Magnus looked at his dead friend in shock. "For centuries, this man knew me better than anyone."

"Magnus, I'm so sorry," I said, my heart breaking for him.

"We have to leave, now," Jace said, his eyes looking around worriedly.

Clary shook her head, "We can't. Not until we find whatever it is Ragnor said could help us locate the Book of the White."

A man just died and all Clary can think about is that book. Ragnor said it himself, he had no idea where it was. If he had something that could help us, then why wouldn't he have brought the book back sooner?

Jace shook his head, "It's too dangerous. If one Shax demon found us, you can bet there are more on the way."

"We have to try!" Clary half yelled.

"We don't have time to scour through mountains of Ragnor's stuff," Jace said, growing angry as he outstretched his arm.

I nodded, finally pulling my eyes from Magnus and his dead friend and over to my sister. "Jace is right. We'd be here forever."

The sudden snap of Magnus' fingers made us look at him, catching him opening a portal behind him. His watery eyes never pulled away from his friend. "Get back to the Institute. I'll transport everything back to my place, and find what you need. Now, leave me to take care of my friend."

Clary, Jace, and I stood up, Clary seeming to finally speak up about Magnus' friend. "Magnus, I am-"

"Go!" Magnus yelled! His sadness was mixing with his own anger, seeming to remind me of my own thoughts and emotions.

In silence, we crossed the portal, putting us right at the doors of the Institute.

As the three of us entered, we were quickly greeted with a smiling Izzy. She fell in step with Jace as she spoke. "Jace, you're coming to Alec's bachelor party, right?"

"No. He doesn't want me there, and I'm swamped," Jace said, looking off.

Izzy grabbed Jace's arm, stopping the whole group as we turned to look at her. "You two seriously haven't worked things out yet?"

"There's nothing to work out. If he wants to talk, we'll talk," Jace said, pulling his arm away from Izzy. His eyes moved away from her, causing mine to follow and set of Lydia who was talking to a man. "We have more important things going on than a bachelor party. Come with me."

The three of us followed Jace passed the Computer room and into the weaponry room. As the room sat empty, Jace used that to speak in secret to us. "We have a mole in the Institute."

Clary looked at a surprise Izzy, "We were attacked by a Shax demon when we went to see Ragnor Fell."

"The attack couldn't have been coincidence. Valentine must have been tracking us," Jace commented.

Izzy shook her head, eyeing the three of us. "You don't think someone from the Institute told Valentine where you were going?"

I shrugged, crossing my arms loosely, "There's no other explanation."

"No one here would betray us like that. This is our family," Izzy said, her eyes mostly set on Jace. But Jace was looking past her at Lydia, Izzy's soon following.

"Not everyone's family yet. I swear, if Lydia is the leak, I'm gonna-" Jace said, his temper getting the best of him for a moment.

Clary put her hand up, "Slow down. We don't know if she did anything yet."

"And wrongfully accusing someone of a crime is dangerous. Trust me, I've been through it," Izzy said, her eyes drifting down to the ground.

Jace gestured over to Lydia. "Lydia was right there when we were talking about Ragnor Fell. If she's not gonna admit what she did, I'm gonna make her admit it." He goes to turn angrily, ready to make his way over to the blond hair Shadowhunter.

Quickly, I put my hand on his chest, stopping him as I move in front of him. "Jace, stop. You are too worked up to talk to anyone right now."

"Especially not an important envoy from the Clave," Izzy added.

Clary spoke up, causing Jace to glance over at her. "Let me talk to Lydia. If you accuse Alec's fiancé of treason, you will ruin whatever relationship you have left with him."

I nodded in agreement, hoping that at least one relationship can still be renewed. "Clary's right, Jace. If Lydia did this, she might not be so defensive with Clary. She might let her guard down. Slip up."

Jace's eyes stared into mine, revealing the battle he seemed to be having with his mind. And possible heart. He turned to Clary, half spitting out, "Fine. But I wanna know everything she says." With that, he turned and walked away.

A quick sigh, along with a fast jog to catch up with Jace down the bedroom hallways, made me yell out, "Jace, wait!"

"Faith, not now," Jace said, annoyed as he glanced over his shoulder at me.

This was it, the only thing I could even think of to shut him up and listen to me for a minute. I grabbed his arm roughly, causing him to turn towards me. I almost roughly pushed him up against the wall before attacking my lips to his. He's taken back by my actions, but kisses me back slightly.

I pull away, looking at him as he tries to catch his breath. "You want to be mad at the world, fine. Kick, yell, but do something Jace. Lay out all the cards, pick one, and fix it. I love you, but this... this isn't you. So toughen up, and figure it out," I said, my hands still on his arms.

Jace had drawn silent as he watched me release him and walk away. I could feel his eyes on my back making me wonder if he could hear my racing heart.

I slipped into my room, slamming the door shut behind me before leaning against it. My lips let out a shaky breath that I didn't even know I was holding. All I could do was hope, hope that my words affected him enough to change his attitude. Hope that if he closed the world out that I wouldn't fall into that category as well. Hope that what we felt wouldn't be changed because of some stupide words said by Valentine.

Hoping a refreshing shower would help calm me down, I warmed up the water and stepped inside. I took my time in the shower, letting the water wash all the stress, worry, and anything else it could find off of me and down the drain.

When I exited, I made my way over to my closet, stopping in my tracks when I found a long sleeve, blue dress hanging in the doorway. It had a little roughly at the bottom of the arms. The right side hung longer then the left, seeming to make it a little sexy. But not as sexy as the deep, exposing back.

A note hung on the hanger, signed with fancy letters, "Izzy". A pair of silver heels sat below it, seeming to tie around my ankle. It was minor compared to what I thought Izzy would pick out, but then again, she loves to be the center of attention when it comes to fashion.

Changing and straightening my hair, I applied little to no make-up. Just enough to match the dress but not so much as to be that noticeable.

It seemed like time had quickly ticked by and it was time for everyone to gather in the cut off, church section. It matched the rest of the building, but still kept its church like glow to it.

As I walked in, my eyes seemed to draw like magnets to Jace's, who stood up front next to Alec. Both wore beautiful suits, the only difference being Alec's was white while Jace's was black. He looked like he did in the other dimension, slightly uncomfortable but great looking.

We stare at each other for a minute before I pull my eyes away and look at the ground. I made my way to the front, where Clary and Simon sat and slipped in the empty seat next to my sister.

"Hey," Clary said with a smile. I gave her a faint smile before the room's attention was pulled to the front.

One of the Silent Brothers stood before us, hitting the ground with his staff which caused everyone to sit down. As the room grew silent, the Silent Brother spoke through his mind like he did with Jace and me before.

"Attention. The ceremony is about to commence."

Faint music started to play as Izzy walked in with a ring pillow. She defiantly was the center of attention as she smiled her way down the aisle. She stepped off to the side as Lydia entered. Her hair was done up and her dress hung beautiful on her.

As she reached the front, she grabbed a cuff from the pillow and placed it on Alec's wrist. He took a necklace from the pillow and placed it delicately around her neck. But, even has this beautiful action seemed to take place, my eyes continuously drew to Jace, who seemed to do the same.

"It is time for Alec Lightwood and Lydia Branwell to mark each other with the Wedded Union rune. A ruin on the hand, a ruin on the heart, a union is born," The Silent Brother said.

Lydia grabs her stele and takes Alec's hand. She starts to mark it with the Wedding Union ruin but is stopped by the double doors of the church opening. Magnus walks in, seeming to catch Alec's like Jace's caught mine.

Maryse stood, walking over to Magnus and ordering him to leave the wedding.

Magnus smirked at the women, "Maryse, this is between me and your son. I'll leave if he asks me to."

Everyone watched the two as they stared at each other. His heart seemed to race and his breath seemed to hold as Alec stared at Magnus. He shook his head as he turned to Lydia, breathing heavily now. "I can't do this. I thought we were doing the right thing, but this isn't it."

Lydia smiled at Alec's words, her head shaking simply, "You don't have to explain."

Alec sighed, "Lydia, I'm sorry."

"Hey you deserve to be happy. Okay? I'll be fine."

In that moment, Lydia proved herself in my eyes and many others. If she wanted something from Alec, then she would have married him, putting him in her corner. Instead, she was letting him choose love.

Alec turned to the crowd, his eyes meeting Clary and I's. A small nod, that's what I gave him in hopes he would do what he should have done a long time ago. And he did. He made his way down the aisle and over to Magnus, grabbing him, and kissing him in such a way I swear you could see fireworks.

As they pull away, they can't help but smile at each other. The crowd, seeing as the wedding was defiantly over, stood and started to disperse. I stood up, Clary seeming to do the same while Simon mentioned something about checking in with Izzy.

Magnus and Alec approach my sister and I, Jace seeming to leave his spot at the altar and taking the spot next to me.

"Much as this will shock Alec, my visit tonight wasn't all for him. We need to speak privately," Magnus says with a blushing smile.

Jace, Clary, Alec, Magnus, and I head into the empty weaponry room. A long table is sat in the middle, wear you could set weapons down. With a wave of his hand, Magnus makes different objects appear on the table.

"I pulled every item of magical importance from Ragnor's belongings. But I can't determine which will lead to the Book of the White," Magnus explains as we start to eye the objects

Clary, seeming to grab the first things she sees, which is a piece of fancy fabric. It looks to be part of a bookmark. "Wait, this bookmark. I've seen it before. In the alternate dimension you showed me a book of spells, and this was in it. It must have been the Book of the White."

Alec nodded, "If that's the case, we can use the bookmark to track the owner of the book."

"Okay," Jace takes the bookmark from my sister's hands, turning to track it. Magnus, having other ideas, takes the bookmark from Jace's hands, giving him a small smirk.

"Warlock tracking is stronger." He holds the bookmark in his hands, closing his eyes as he concentrates on it. He soon opens them, looking slightly shocked and worried. He lets out a sigh, "Well, there's good news and bad news. The good news is I know the owner. The bad? It's Camille."

Of, freaking, course.

"Camille?" I asked, my eyes going wide before my head shakes in disbelief.

Magnus shrugged, setting down the bookmark. "Looks like Raphael has her locked up in the basement of the Hotel DuMort."

"Well, after what we did to her, there's no way she'll help us," I half mumble, crossing my arms over my dress.

Jace looked over at me, commenting, "She won't have a choice. Trust me."

Clary took the bookmark, maybe hoping she could study it or draw up something with it. Alec and Magnus stepped to the side to talk about who knows what. I seemed to find myself stepping away from the group and to my own bedroom. The day's events seemed to weigh on me.

It was crazy how uncomfortable, how unnatural I felt having Jace acting the way he was towards me. A sigh left my lips as I began to take out the silver ear rings from my ears.

The sudden door opening made me jump slightly and turn to face the intruder. Jace stood in front of the closed door, his hand locking it behind him.

"Jace..." My voice trailed off, or maybe it got cut off, either way nothing else was said in that moment. He made his way over to me, making long strides until he reached me. His hands touched my chin, pulling my lips up to meet his in a passionate kiss.

Although the actions defiantly had me breathless, I was taken back by the action. Something in this kiss was different. It reminded me of the one that was given and received back at the Chines restaurant.

Suddenly, Jace pulls away slightly, leaving a small amount of space between our lips. When he speaks, he speaks only loud enough for me to hear him, seeming to speak from the heart. "I don't know who I am anymore. There's darkness in me. It's always been there. But with you... I don't see anything but light."

He suddenly pulls his head back a little more, meeting my eyes and revealing how nervous, how afraid he was. "And I'm scared my darkness will consume your light."

My hands found his face, my thumbs brushing his skin softly as my eyes searched his face. The words I said next softened the air around us, seeming to bring some new found light in our bodies we thought we may have lost.

"It's easier to find light in darkness, then darkness in light."

I lean in, capturing his lips once again. They dance back and forth as my hands find their way around his neck. His hold my waste for a moment, pushing me to back up to the bed before we both crash on it.

In that moment, in that night, it was Jace and me. And no one was going to ruin it.

I actually update in just a couple of days? Who am I? Lol

Jace and Faith!!! Ah!!! I was so excited to write the ending scene. If you can't read between the lines on what happened then re-read it again.

Comment and let me know what you think! Next chapter will be the ending of Season 1 and some of you might hate me. Who knows, but the emotions will be a running.