talking to you is like swallowing shards of glass. it's painful and stupid and who in their right mind would even fucking do it?

i hate myself that much.

letting you back in feels like a fairytale i've yearned for forever.

the sleepless nights i had for several months have come back. i am terrified to see you in my dreams because you're always there and we're always happy. but when i wake, it's a completely different story.

peaceful, it is. for i now think you no longer loathe me.

but the truth that hurts the most is that i love you still and i'm scared you'll know. i'm scared you'll block me and never talk to me again.

no. i'd rather have very little conversations with you every now and then than never ever talking to you again.

i'm sorry.

it's pathetic and i haven't changed that much.

i did change in some ways, but it's quite hard to show you i'm better than who i was back then when my impulsivity remains and the feelings still linger.