"Buntis ka?" I can sense that disbelief in Gwen's voice. I kept my head low while fidgeting with my fingers. 

Silence took over us three. I didn't heard Gwen utter any word again and Tobi haven't speak a word yet. It took me a week to figure out and build up courage to say it to Tobi and Gwen. I wasn't certain on what would they react. But I also thought about them shocked and speechless. 

Tobi cleared his throat, "I can sense you're not happy about it, why?" his question caught my attention. I lift my head up and swallowed the lump in my throat, the shaking tears in my eyes, threatening to fall down. 

"I..." I took a deep breath. 

"I don't know what to do." I stuttered before finally breaking down in tears. Gwen shift to my side and I immediately felt her arms around my shoulder as I cover my face with my hands.

Tobi let out a sigh, "Does he know? Anong sabi? Is he mad about it? He doesn't want the kid?-"

"He wants one... he wants a kid but he still doesn't know, I'm scared." I choked on my saliva as tears continue pouring down my cheeks. 

"Scared on what? Sa kaniya?" Tobi asked and I shake my head before lifting my head up. 

I wiped my tears and look at Tobi in front of me, "He will let go of everything when he find out. I already asked him, I asked him if what he would do if he got me pregnant while he's still studying. He said he will stop studying, Tobi. He said he will start working full time to provide for us. Hindi ako papayag, hindi pwede 'yon, hindi niya pwedeng bitawan ang pangarap niya at pangarap ng tatay niya." I once again broke down in tears, Gwen started caressing my shoulders again. 

"Hindi pwedeng masira ang kinabukasan niya dahil sa amin ng anak niya." I faced Gwen to hug her, she immediately wrap her arms around me and caress my back. 

"Lory... anak niya rin 'yan, eh. Siyempre gagawin niya ang lahat para sa bata. Tatay siya at sa tingin niya ay iyon ang tamang gawin. Hindi niyo magiging kasalanang mag-ina 'yon." Gwen tried to comfort me but I shook my head. 

"Hindi pwede, I won't let him loose his studies, ilang buwan nalang, he will finally graduate then took his entrance exams, abot kamay na niya ang pangarap niya. Me and the child would just stop him from reaching everything he have been working on for years!" I exclaimed before pulling away from the hug, Gwen immediately cupped my cheeks and wipe my tears using her thumbs, I can see the tears streaming down her cheeks as well. 

"Anong gagawin mo? Sa 'yo? Sa bata?" she sobbed in front of me, I bit my lower lip and look at Tobi who's now leaning on the chair he's sitting at and biting his thumb nail. 

I look back at Gwen who's waiting for my response, "I..." I want my baby, I want to see my baby grow and live.

"Hindi ko alam." I let out a shaky breath, Gwen reached for my hand and caress it. 

"Kailangan mo magdesisyon, Lory. Lalo na at... ayaw mo naman na malaman niya ang tungkol sa inyo, kahit karapatan niya, ikaw lang ang makakapagdesisyon kung anong mangyayari. Pero please, kung magde-desisyon ka, pag-isipan mo please. Hindi lang ikaw ang ma-aapektuhan, tatlo kayo. At sa bawat desisyon mo sa katawan mo, damay na ang anak mo." she soft said and I nod, wiping the tears streaming down my cheeks. 

"Magagalit si mommy," I whispered, new set of tears threatening to stream down my cheeks as the thought of my mother entered my mind. She'll go nuts, she'll go insane and hurt me. She will slap me, hit me, throw things at me and kick me, I can already tell. I've been through all that, and I thought I'm already used on those and no longer scared. I've been there before, but it's not just me now, I'm with my baby. 

Gwen slowly nods, "Knowing tita, she will, but... you can just not let her know?" she hesitantly said,

I shook my head, "She will find out, she badly wants me and Sam to get married already, si Sam pa pala!" I grip on my head as I thought of Sam. 

I'm stuck in an arrange marriage with Sam. Hindi alam ni mommy na wala talagang namamagitan sa amin. When she finds out, I'm done. 

I started sobbing louder that Gwen pulled me into a hug and Tobi walk towards me to rub my back together with Gwen who's crying with me. 

"I'm fucked up, Gwen. I'm messed up, I don't know what to do! All the thoughts in my head are killing me!! Hindi ko na alam ang gagawin ko!!" I shouted as tears pour down my cheeks. I badly want to hit myself, my face, my arm, but Gwen held me tighter as I squirm in the hug. 

"Lory, kumalma ka, please, Lory kalma!" she shouted while hugging me tighter and tighter. 

I don't want this anymore. Nahihirapan na agad ako. Paano pa pagtumagal? 

"Hindi ko na alam! Gusto ko nalang mawala! Ang hirap! Gusto ko nalang mamatay--"

"Lory!" 

"Lory!!" 

Parehas na napasigaw si Tobi at Gwen, Tobi rushed on my other side and grab both of my arms, making me face him. 

"Huwag ka naman ganito, please, naiiyak na rin ako. Seeing you cry and break down like this,  kumalma tayo, please." I saw how tears poured down his cheeks and I felt the snap in me. 

I took a deep breath and slowly nods, I swallowed my saliva and took more breaths, calming myself down. 

"Kukuha lang ako ng tubig." Gwen stood up and rush to their fridge, leaving me and Tobi.

Tobi is still caressing my back as I stare on the floor. 

"You know I would respect any decision you make. And I know you Lory. But if it ever crossed your mind..."  he paused and I looked at him. 

"Aborting the baby, if it ever crosses your mind, I hope... I hope you don't consider it. It's not my body but yours. You, yourself only have the ability to make decision about it. But the baby... kawawa naman siya." his voice cracked at the end. 

I can't help but to cry again but silently this time. Gwen came back with the water and I'm the one who immediately took a sip. 

"If I keep it... what do you think should I do?" I asked the two of them. 

Gwen let out a heavy sigh while Tobi stared at the wall, "Will you keep it with him knowing or not?" Tobi asked, I gulped before slowly shaking my head. 

He slowly nods, I saw how his Adam's apple go up and down. 

"You can just... hide, leave Manila or Tagkawayan. Huwag ka munang magpapakita o magpapahanap, we can also help you. Just... whatever decision you make, kasama mo kami." Tobi said and I felt the tears building up again. I felt Gwen caress my back before I lean on her shoulder and cry silently. 

It took me four hours before calming down and getting myself home at 9pm. Nagpaalam naman ako kay Inin na pupunta lang ako kila Gwen at Tobi. 

He welcomed me with a smile while doing something on the dining table, "Hi!! Busog ka ba? Hindi pa ako kumakain, eh. Pero tapos na ako, pwede na tayong kumain." he said with a smile printed on his face. 

I forced a smile and nod, I just put my bag in our bedroom while he clear the table. I also helped him setting it up until we're already eating dinner. 

"Nag-inom kayo?" he asked while chewing with his food, I gave him a smile and shake my head. 

"No, nag-usap lang, nanood na rin ng movie." I replied, 

I'm nine months on liquor ban, In. 

He nods, "Diba, sabi ko naman sa 'yo, a day-off is a good idea. You have a smile again on your face." he said and I couldn't help but to giggle. 

I stare down on my food and sigh, my smile dropped and I play with my rice with my spoon. 

"In," I called him and he respond with a hum before lifting his head up. 

I smiled, "I'm gonna ask you again, what if buntis ako? Ngayon?" I asked and his brows furrowed. 

"Sa mga oras na 'to?" he asked and I slowly nod, 

He smiled, "Gusto mo ba makita kung gaano kataas ang talon ko?" he asked with a smile on his face and it made me chuckle. 

"Huwag na, I just want to know if what's your reaction? What would you feel?" I asked and he tilt his head. 

"Masaya siyempre! Magkaka-baby na tayo, baby natin. Magiging mama kana at papa na ako." he replied and I slowly nod. 

Mahal na mahal kana agad ni papa, anak.

"Then what would you do after?" I asked again, he fixed his posture and look up at the ceiling. 

"Magsasabi tayo sa magulang mo, tatanggapin natin nang magkasama ang mga sasabihin nila, kung magagalit ba sila o hindi. Tapos... pag-uwi natin, aasikasuhin ko na mga papel ko sa school. Maghahanap ng trabaho, para... may pambili tayo ng gatas ni baby." he answered, I am once again left stunned. 

"Kailangan mo ba talaga tumigil sa pag-aaral?" I hesitantly asked, hoping he would change his mind. 

He nods, "Paano tayo makakapag-ipon para kay baby kung nag-aaral pa rin ako? Mas maganda kung magtatrabaho na ako, kung sakali 'man na may trabaho ka pa rin, maganda 'yon, pero hindi ko hahayaan na ikaw lang ang kumakayod sa ating dalawa." he replied and I felt my throat tighten. Tears were building up in my eyes and I hide it by lowering my head. 

"Okay, nagtatanong lang ako. Masyado pang maaga para doon." I replied and he chuckled. 

"Oo nga, huwag mo munang isipin ang mga bagay na 'yon." he said before continue eating. 

It's too late, Inin, may laman na.

The morning I went to the office, I already feel anxious. My morning sickness starts kicking in. I had to play a music in the bathroom so no one would hear me vomiting. I don't want anyone to know and reach Sam.

I feel fragile, I feel vulnerable inside. I feel like one wrong scent and I'll burst into the bathroom and puke everything out. 

A sigh escaped my lips after I finish typing a document. I slightly push myself away from my computer and massage my temples. Work can be very stressing. 

"You okay?" My head snap up and look at my back to see Sam holding a cup of coffee. 

I slowly nod before reaching for the cup of coffee in his hand, "Hey, that's mine." he said but I ignored him and just took a sip. 

I shut my eyes, "I feel nauseous." I said, still massaging my temples. 

I opened my eyes and see him staring at me with lines on his forehead, "You're not okay, you want to go to the clinic?" he asked and I shake my head before handing his coffee back. 

He cleared his throat, "If you say so, but I'd just like to inform you that mom and dad wants to meet us. I think it's about the marriage." he said and I swallowed the saliva in my mouth. I can already feel the foods going up my esophagus and here is Sam talking about the marriage. 

"Sam..." I called him and he hummed, "I can't... I can't marry you." I mumbled and he chuckled. 

"I know, I've been also thinking a way out of this. Do you have plans?" he asked, I slightly lift my head up and pursed my lips. 

"There is... I already have a way out, just... scared. Are you busy after work? Maybe around 5pm?" I asked and he immediately nods. 

"Sure, yes I am, what is it?" he asked and I fix my posture. 

"Let's meet by 5pm at the cafe near by, I have to tell you something." I said and he nods, 

"Sure, I'll be there, are you sure you're okay?" he asked again, a smile crept on my lips and I nod. He bid a goodbye before excusing himself. 

I took a deep breath before standing up from my chair and going to the snack area. I'm grabbing a bottle of orange juice when a co-worker opened a chips of sour cream. My eyes widened when I felt my foods go up in my system. I rush out of the snack area and slam the door open of the bathroom to puke everything out. 

May mga katrabaho ako na sumunod sa banyo para himasin ang likod ko habang patuloy ako na sumusuka. 

"Miss Lory, magpacheck-up kana po, noong isang araw ka pa ganiyan." turan ng isa kong katrabaho. I shook my head and stand up from the floor and wipe my lips with water by the sink. 

"Sir," I heard my co-worker called someone, when I look at the door, Sam is standing outside. 

"You should go and get a check-up." he seriously said, the two girls who helped me made their exit, leaving me and Sam. 

Sam entered the bathroom while I silently wipe my lips. 

"Does he know about you being like this?" he asked, I shake my head. 

He flicked his tongue, "Why not? Come on, let's go to the clinic." he held my wrist and I immediately yank his hand away. 

"I don't want to, please." I plead, not wanting for him to find out about my pregnancy that way. 

He looked at me surprised, "Louise, you look so damn pale, you look like you're sick and you probably are. You're vomiting your stomach out, how can I not bring you sa clinic?" he sternly said, I threw the tissue in the trash bin and fixed my blouse. 

"You'll find out later." I calmly said, 

Sam brush his hair backwards with his fingers, "So you know there's something wrong in you?" he asked, I bit my lower lip and slowly nod. 

He let out a sigh, "Fine, okay, just... rest and eat." he said before turning his back at me. 

It was as if he talked to my co-workers not to stress me out because none of them gave me any workload even our chief. I also peacefully eat lunch at my cubicle as that's what Sam suggested so I won't have to be with too much people. 

Around 3pm, I'm just passing time while budgeting my salary for this month when I receive a message from Ali. 

From: Alejandra 

How's your day? Don't forget to eat, masamang magpalipas ng gutom, hindi maganda para kay baby :)

A smile crept on my lips. 

To: Alejandra

I ate lunch and I'm even snacking on biscuits. I'm good. 

From: Alejandra

That's great! Also, I think you should tell Laura and Jax na, they're both worried. Kahit kay Laura muna, nasa treatment pa si Jax, eh.

A sigh escaped my lips, I know Laura have been curious on what's happening to me. Hindi pa namin sinasabi o binabanggit man lang sa group chat. I don't want her to worry, she have been worry so much about Jax. Baka maski siya ay mapasama na sa sobrang pag-aalala. 

To: Alejandra

Sure sure, I'll call her now. 

After hitting send, I dialed Laura's number, I wasn't expecting her to answer at the first try but she did. 

[Hey! What's up?] she happily greeted, 

I bit my lower lip and smiled, "I'm good, just need to tell you something." I said before standing up from my chair and walking towards the snack area where there's no much people around. 

[Sure, what is it? Is everything okay ba?] she worriedly asked, 

I slowly shake my head, "Definitely not, there's something... but I don't think it's also wrong or I should consider it something bad." I said and she hummed, 

I look on my fingers and starts playing with them, "I'm pregnant," I mumbled and I immediately heard her gasp. 

[I'll excuse myself lang muna, wait here.] she said with the people around her. 

I heard some noises at her line and after that is the door closing, [Are you sure??] she asked, whispering. 

I pursed my lips and nod, "Three positive pregnancy tests, hindi pa ako nakakapagpa check-up pero I'm scared." I replied before letting out a shaky breath. I do not want to cry here, maraming makakakita. 

[Aww, Lory... I can sense that you're scared. You two aren't married pa, how are you feeling? Do you need any help?] she asked and a small smile crept on my lips. 

"Will you adopt me if my parents disown me?" I joked, 

[Of course!! I'd love to! Pero wait... why? I mean... why do you have to move out? Lory... how about your boyfriend? Did he... oh my God!] she paused, 

[Did he broke up with you?! Ayaw ba niya sa bata!?] she exclaimed and I immediately shake my head. 

"Laura, calm down, he loves to have kids pero... when I asked him, he said  he would stop studying just to work to provide for us. He insisted, Laura. I already asked him a lot of time, pero hindi nagbabago ang isip niya." I explained, I took a deep breath and lean by the counter. 

[So what's your plan?] she asked and I shrug, "Wala pa, I'm just letting you know." I replied and she hummed. 

I heard someone knock on her door and call her name after, "I think you need to go." I said and she chuckled. 

[Yes, just message me when you need anything, anything!!] she said before ending the call, a chuckle escaped my lips, I put my phone inside my pocket and walk back towards my cubicle. 

I spent my afternoon thinking, I'm even writing down the possibilities and having plan A, B, C and so on. Just like what Inin said, I also thought of what Mom could do. And it all leads to one thing, anger. There's no way she would be happy. Kailan ba siya naging masaya sa akin? She treat me as a curse and mistake. How come she would still accept me once I tell her I'm pregnant?

After she kicks me out, do I tell Inin? If I tell him, he will drop-out, while I... will I still have my work? If not, paano kami? I can't let Inin sacrifice his studies. 

But I do know something I can sacrifice.

After work, I went straight to the cafe and not long after, Sam arrived. He just ordered us foods and went to the table where I am. 

"Can you say it na? I've been thinking about it the whole day." he softly said as he place the drinks down. 

I forced a smile and nod, "Sure, but I need you to calm down, okay?" I asked and he nods while taking a sip of coffee. 

I took a deep breath, "I'm pregnant." 

I'm not surprised when he spit the coffee out, his eyes widened and immediately grab a tissue to wipe the table. 

"For real?!" he asked, surprised and I nod, "Yes, three tests and all came out positive, I don't know when I'll be able to have a check-up." I replied and his lips parted. 

"Does 'he' know?" he asked and I slowly shake my head. 

His brows furrowed, "Why? Are you trying to keep it secret? A surprise?" he asked and I bit my lower lip. 

"I don't know, the answer is I do not know. Wala akong maisip na gagawin, idagdag mo pa na ang alam pa rin ng mga magulang natin ay may namamagitan sa ating dalawa. Gulong-gulo na ako." I said, tears building up in my eyes. 

"Hindi ko alam kung saan magsisimula, magsasabi ba ako kila mommy? Pero magagalit siya, sobra, she will go nuts! She can hurt me if she would like." I said before picking up a coffee and taking a bite out of it. 

"Why can't you tell him?" he asked, I look at him and he have this worried expression on his face. 

I sigh, "He would let go of his studies just to work and provide for us, hindi ko kakayanin na bitawan niya ang lahat ng 'yon para sa amin ng bata." I replied, Sam lean back and brush his hair backwards. 

"But he's the father, and if that's his decision, it's also for you and the baby." he replied and I shake my head. 

"I don't want him to be selfless and think about only me and the baby. Paano ang pag-aaral niya!? Sayang! Sayang ang lahat ng 'yon! Hindi ako papayag!" By this time I'm already crying, I grab a tissue and wipe the tears on my cheeks. 

Sam sigh and took a sip of his coffee, "What's your plan?" 

I look down on my hand, playing with a tissue, "Running away?"