I am an obvious necessity, yet invisible and unprovable.

Where I live is a small but densely populated town. It was the 2000s, just starting to develop but still having a hint of rural poverty. Because my father worked far away and my mother was sick for a long time, the people I lived with were my grandparents.

At that time, I was too young to understand how difficult my life was. I simply accepted it and lived with it. Every day, a six-year-old girl like me, walked to school alone and then walked home alone after school. Seeing other classmates' families with both parents coming to pick them up, I felt very lonely and sad.

At six years old, I was just a chubby, dark, and pale girl. Carrying a worn-out school bag on my shoulder, I walked alone more than two kilometers to school every day.

Until one day, I met her.

'Going to school alone like that, are you sad, baby?'

She was 13 years old that year, also a lonely and broken person. She saw a six-year-old girl like me, at that time she felt sympathy or perhaps pity, she came to talk to me.

At first, I didn't even bother talking to strangers like her. But gradually, because we went to school together every day and talked a lot, we became more familiar with each other.

Just like that, become friends.

I can no longer remember her appearance clearly. I only remember that she was pretty but very simple, had a very bright smile, often patted my head and asked me if I had eaten yet and bought me cakes. I often argued with her, struggled out of her arms because I was stubborn.

We were so close every day, no one knew we were friends. And my sister and I didn't care what other people thought about our private world. It was strange, how could a high school student like her like to play with a stubborn elementary school kid like me. She often said it was because I was cute. But I didn't think so at all.

As time passed, my sister and I became friends for a whole year.

When I was seven years old, it was a normal day with neither sun nor rain. That day, my mother became seriously ill, my grandparents had to take her to the provincial hospital for examination, I had to stay alone for a few days.

When she knew the story, she thought for a moment, then invited me to her house to play.

It was the first time in a year that she wanted to take me to her house to play. I remember she said there was no one at her house, it would be okay.

Looking back now, I wish that chubby seven-year-old girl hadn't agreed.

But I followed her home.

In contrast to the simplicity and austerity she always showed, her family was well-off and lived in a big house at the end of the street. She said it was her mother and stepfather's house.

She led me into her room, a beautiful pink and white room. She pulled out a bunch of toys and snacks for me.

At first, my sister and I were very happy. We were so close, she completely understood what I wanted and liked.

It wasn't until the afternoon that things changed when that man came home. I clearly heard her calling him uncle.

'Why are you here? Aren't you on a business trip? Where's my mother?' She said .

He looked at her and then at me. At that time, I didn't understand what that red look meant, but I could clearly smell the strong smell of alcohol coming from him.

Let go of the doll I was playing with, I wanted to go home, I felt danger.

Sensing my fear, she took my hand and wanted to take me away.

But it seemed that at that moment, fate had arranged everything. I couldn't leave and the nightmare of her life also began.

He was like a monster, rushing over and grabbing my hand, caressing my cheek, touching my face, scaring me to the point of screaming. She was also very scared, but still strongly pushed him away, shielding me behind her.

However, how could a 14-year-old girl's strength withstand the strength of a grown man. He slapped her, pushed her against the wall and wanted to grab me. I don't know why at that time, I became his target, the person he wanted was me.

And what she did next was something that a seven-year-old like me would never forget. She knelt down, grabbed his legs, and begged that monster not to touch me, not to hurt me.

She cried, begged him, begged him to give him whatever he wanted but not to touch me.

'Don't, don't... She's still young, you can't do that... please don't!! ' She cried so much, kneeling and holding her legs tightly

As for me, I was so scared that I sat huddled in the corner, witnessing everything.

'Do whatever you want to me...don't touch her...please!!'

The monster stopped, panting, its red eyes looking at me, then at her.

Then he grabbed her hair, and dragged her into the room.

I... I was so young that I didn't know what was happening.

She... was so worried about me that she didn't dare scream and just swallowed the pain inside.

If I hadn't been there, she could have escaped the monster, she could have kept a smile on her face.

That day, I did not fully understand what was happening.

A long time later, when the monster had fallen asleep, she reappeared and limped out of the dark room. Something in her eyes had gone out, faded away.

Being so young, I couldn't understand why her hands were bruised and her lips were bleeding. I didn't understand why her neck was covered in tight handprints. I didn't understand why her clothes were disheveled and bloody, and why there was a horrible smell of alcohol and cigarettes that came from nowhere.

That fateful night, I didn't know that to save me she had to give up a part of her soul.

She dragged her tired and trembling steps, but still held my hand tightly, walked out of that house and took me home. She apologized to me so much, but I didn't understand why.

Why apologize to me?

What happened, what happened to you, did he hit you hard?

In my childish mind, I only thought that she was beaten because of me. That was all I could think of.

She knelt down in front of me, ignoring the dusty road, hugged me and patted my head.

'I'm sorry'

'Does it hurt so much? Don't hurt anymore. Let me blow on it for you, okay?'

What more could a seven year old girl say? Words were so empty, so stupid, so useless.

But it seemed that moment was the best comfort. She hugged me, hugged me so tightly that it hurt, but I still kept quiet and let her hug me.

'I'm sorry I showed you something you shouldn't have.'

'Don't cry. Let's go to school together tomorrow, forget about this, just forget everything.'

I wish, I was old enough to understand the look in your eyes. I wish, the day I met you was not when I was still young and just a child. I wish, I was mature enough to tell you it's okay, I'm still here, I'll always be here.

'I promise I'll see you tomorrow and take you to school, okay?'

'Remember that.'

'Yes, I promise to always be by your side, forever by your side.'

That was probably the first time someone said forever to me.

But the seven-year-old girl had no idea that the first promise between the two would be the last time they met.

The next day, I went to the place where I usually waited for my sister to go to school together. But, no one showed up. I remember that I foolishly waited for her all day, skipping class.

At that time, I only knew my house, school and Sister. For the first time, I was completely bewildered when one of those things suddenly disappeared. Where was my Sister, where did she go?

The first day, the second day, and even the third day, she still did not appear. I ventured to her house and looked from afar. But it was just an empty house, the person who lived there had moved out the day before.

From disappointment, confusion to panic, the most terrible emotions a seven-year-old girl could experience. I remember being heartbroken to the point of not knowing if my heart was still beating, and then I was absent-minded and lost in that small town.

Where are you? Where have you gone?

Why did you leave me? Why did you promise to see me again, to be with me, and then disappear?

Don't disappear, please don't...

I'm sorry, I was wrong, please don't leave me?

I can't remember how heartbroken I was at that time. I only remember that when my family found me, I had been lost for a whole day.

'Where have you been?' My father found me in a deserted alley,

'Come home, my daughter, come see your mother. She's about to leave. She won't be as tired as she's been in the past.' He hugged me and carried me away: 'Your mother is waiting for you. Go say goodbye to her.'

That day, I lost the mother who loved me most in the world.

At seven years old, I first knew what loss was, and it made me almost lose everything. I lost my Mom and my Sister.

At that time, I was so heartbroken that I became depressed. After my mother's funeral, I didn't say anything for many days, then I told my father about my sister, but no one knew who she was. My father didn't know, my grandparents didn't know. She disappeared as if she had never existed. As if she was just a character that I imagined to keep me company for the past year.

Then, because of too much heartache, that seven year old child's mind chose the only way it could to protect the simple, intact parts of its childhood.

That mind chose to erase all memories before the age of seven, erasing all the most painful memories and leaving an empty space in the heart.

That intelligent mind, chose to erase Me.

I am the seven-year-old memory of Faye Peraya Malisorn.

I am the reason Faye's heart always has a void that can't be filled.

I was the reason Faye never felt safe and was always afraid of others getting close to her and then leaving.

I am Faye Peraya's deepest, most painful memory.

And I was also what her mind chose to forget, chose to eliminate to protect Faye herself from ultimate brokenness.

I, sadly, am also the only thing in this world that still retains the memory of my Sister, the one who loved Faye more than her own life.

But after twenty years, trapped in this deep place, I have begun to fade away. No matter how hard others try to call out to me, I cannot appear again. Faye will never be able to recall this forgotten memory.

Even though I didn't want to, I could only stand by and watch everything happen. Sometimes, when the feeling of loss and heartache began to creep in and spread throughout Faye, I would appear and become somewhat conscious. But my appearance was only like a knife stabbing Faye's heart.

Remind Faye how painful it is to lose something important.

Faye, wake up, wake up now.

Don't let me appear again, let me sleep forever.

Faye, wake up...

....

"Sis, we found Yoko, Yoko is here..." Tommy shouted into the phone "...how is it over there, Faye?"

After a while of searching, Tommy and the studio assistant found Yoko and immediately called Minhan.

"I'm still following Faye, Faye is panicking and has been looking everywhere for her for a while now..." Minhan said briefly over the phone.

Looking over there, Minhan suddenly realized that Faye was not okay. Faye was bent over, having difficulty breathing, her eyes were panicked, her breathing was rapid.

"... Not good, Faye seems to be having a panic attack..." Minhan was scared and immediately ran to Faye.

Faye searched everywhere, but couldn't find Yoko. The feeling of uselessness spread, the fear that something would happen to her and Yoko would disappear from her life made her panic.

Some memory rose up inside her, making Faye feel like her heart was being squeezed.

Yoko disappeared!

Where is she, Yoko... Yoko....

No, no.

Don't do it again, don't disappear, I beg you....

Faye bent over, breathless, heartbroken.

Please don't, don't...

She held her chest with one hand and her head with the other, and fell to her knees. She was dizzy and lightheaded to the point of fainting. Faye felt like everything around her was gray, darkness was gradually covering everything. No matter how she struggled, she couldn't escape, she couldn't breathe.

From afar, Minhan was also running worriedly.

"The amusement park management would like to announce:..."

Suddenly, a sound came from the loudspeaker, the familiar clear sound echoed throughout the playground.

"Sister Mali, where are you? Come pick up Yo quickly..."

'It's her, it's her voice...'

Faye's eyes gradually regained their light, her heart seemed to receive orders and was allowed to beat again. Faye gasped, trying to lean against the tree trunk to stand up, listening attentively.

"Sis Mali, come pick me up quickly, I'm at the lost child center of the amusement park. Sis Mali, come pick up little Yoo quickly.."

Yoko, Yoko, wait for me...