Part 3.

7. London

Two months later, despite having completed her program long before, Yoko still attended the spring master's graduation ceremony with her entire graduate class. Not only that, Yoko represented her class in giving a speech at the graduation ceremony.

The scene of the ancient university, the graduation stage was located in the middle of a beautiful lawn on campus, right under the roots of a tree several hundred years old. The black master's gown with gold trim, Yoko's long hair was loose, her ears were neatly tucked in, she wore a neat black graduation cap, light makeup, white glasses, intellectual and gentle, Yoko smiled brightly.

"...I came here at the end of a sad autumn with an incomplete heart. But the knowledge that the professors gave me, the youth that my classmates experienced with me gave me the motivation to get up and move on. I am Yoko Apasra Lertprasert, your classmate, a good student of the teachers and students of this university. I will definitely never forget and not disappoint everyone. Let's always remember each other... Congratulations on the graduation of the graduate students of the course XX, S University. Congratulations to us, the new masters of the university..."

The audience below was filled with young and talented people, even the school professors clapped their hands in congratulations.

That day, Yoko's family came to attend the graduation ceremony with her, the whole family took pictures happily. Her parents and sister all wanted her to return to Thailand soon, however, her family also understood what Yoko was going through so they always supported all her decisions.

While having fun with her family, Yoko noticed someone coming from afar holding a large bouquet of flowers. Sister Wanwan, Yoko didn't expect her to come all the way here.

Through many years of success and continuous development, Ninestar has become one of the ten largest entertainment companies in the country. From a CEO who started everything with nothing, Ms. Wan has now become the company's Chairman of the Board of Directors, a successful and talented woman.

"Congratulations, you are so talent."

In a deserted teahouse, Wanwan and Yoko were sitting and chatting. Yoko had a family appointment right after that, so she only had time to have a drink with Wan. They both understood that this was not a conversation that would take too much time.

"Thank you," Yoko said softly.

It's you and me, not calling Wanwan Mami anymore. Yoko is no longer the little Yoko of that year.

When Yoko and Faye broke up, Wanwan was one of the people who cared for her the most. Even when Yoko came here, Wan often called to talk to Yoko, to help her feel better and not think too much. But up until now, her story has never mentioned Faye. Since the breakup is a matter between two people, Wanwan will not comment too much.

Looking at the beautiful mature girl sitting in front of her, someone like Wanwan sometimes didn't know how to start the conversation. What Yoko had experienced, Wanwan was also the one who understood best.

"How have you been?" Yoko started first.

"I'm fine, everyone in the company is fine, everyone misses you very much."

"I miss everyone too. If I have a chance to come back to visit, I will stop by the company." Yoko smiled sincerely, there was no intention in the story that she missed or wanted to mention Faye, she handled it very skillfully.

Wanwan heard that she would not be coming back in the near future, she sighed.

"Your contract with Ninestar that I offered you three years ago is still there. If you ever return, it's waiting for you to sign."

Three years ago, Yoko had originally planned to cancel her study abroad trip, but she agreed to extend it. She also confided in Wanwan that she had won the scholarship, but would decline it and stay in Thailand with Faye. It was just that her plans had not caught up with reality, and Faye had broken up with her before she could do anything else.

"I won't be coming back." Yoko looked at the glass of water in front of her and said slowly.

Wanwan was also silent, then she couldn't help but speak directly, she opened her mouth: "The day you found out you got a scholarship to study abroad but decided to cancel it because of Faye. Faye accidentally found out and blamed herself for hindering your life. Smart as you are, You can probably guess the reason why Faye suddenly broke up with you."

Yoko rested her chin on her hand and looked out the window: "I can guess. But, it doesn't matter anymore."

The reason is no longer important. The process has happened, the way both of them handled it, the pain of the past cannot be erased. What Yoko endured is still as clear as if it happened yesterday.

"Everyone knows that Faye did wrong. I, Eye, even Faye's mother, scolded Faye a lot for this. So the first year you left, Faye ran over here, at that time everyone thought that the two of you would be fine. But..."

"Isn't there an event?" Yoko laughed, appearing once a year and saying it was just a coincidence.

Wanwan shook her head: "No, there has never been any event. Every year at the end of the year, Faye goes for a month. Every year, Faye spends a lot of time and takes advantage of her vacation time to fly here. She goes almost every three months. Every time Faye comes to see you, I always hope you two will get back together."

This time, even Yoko was surprised. Faye had been here so many times, where had she gone?

"You came here today to tell me about Faye's misery? Then I don't want to hear anymore." Despite the information she had just received, Yoko still felt heartbroken for herself, she didn't want to hear anymore.

Hearing that, Wanwan sighed, Faye had hurt Yoko too deeply.

"I know the pain you have to endure, definitely more than anyone else. Even though you don't need it, everyone who knows about it is on your side. I have always blamed Faye, blamed her a lot. What Faye did, is unforgivable."

"..."

"But Yoko, can you... consider it as a sisterly thing and go see Faye once?" Wanwan couldn't help but voice her unreasonable request.

"Why? Why am I the one who is suffering?" She thought she was trying to forget, but hearing these words, Yoko still couldn't help but have red eyes: "Why do I have to go see her?"

Wanwan was in a dilemma, as she was the one who knew very well how much Yoko had suffered. But if she didn't come here today, she was even more afraid that these two would put each other in an irreversible situation and make each other regret it for the rest of their lives. Faye hurt Yoko, Yoko also responded to Faye to protect herself, but the two of them would not be able to live without each other.

"Sorry if I made you unhappy." Wanwan sighed.

Hearing that, Yoko calmed down again. Wanwan is not the one who hurt you, Faye is, Yoko shouldn't be angry with Wan.

"Want to move on, is it that difficult?"

"Just once, if you still feel the way you do after that. I will never ask you for the same thing again." Wanwan was truly devoted to Faye, to both of them.

"..." Yoko looked into Wanwan's eyes, then she shook her head:

"I still don't want to."

....

The social media page of famous actress Yoko Apasra, which had been quiet for three years, suddenly posted a post that caused a stir among netizens. The post included a picture of Yoko speaking at the ceremony, a photo with her family, and an announcement that Yoko had graduated with a Master's degree and would continue her studies for a PhD. Yoko's fans were used to seeing their star's talent that they came to congratulate her a lot. But many fans also cried because of Yoko's announcement that she would continue her studies for a PhD.

A few days after graduation and seeing her family back in Thailand, Yoko sat by her balcony window, watering some wilting plants and staring blankly at the sky.

Faye comes here once every three months, and at the end of the year she comes here for a whole month.

The information Wanwan said made Yoko think. She has been here so many times, but only dares to appear in front of Yoko during the last week of the year? This person, doesn't she feel tired?

Even as Yoko guessed, Faye used that negative method because she wanted Yoko to study abroad. And also Wanwan said that the first year Faye ran over here to come back. That time Yoko cried and asked to leave everything and go back to Thailand, Faye refused. The second year, the two of them still argued, and by the third year, they broke up again.

For the past three years, their relationship has been tense, never once have they sat down and talked to each other normally. They can't even act like friends.

Yoko sighed, sat on the windowsill and looked at the sky.

Suddenly the phone rang, seeing the caller ID, Yoko was really surprised.

"Hello Aunt, how are you?" Yoko immediately picked up the phone and spoke politely.

The caller was Faye's foster mother.

"Hello Yoko, how are you? I called you because it was morning there. I wonder if it will affect you?" Faye's mother spoke very gently and affectionately.

"It doesn't matter, it's evening over there and you're up too late, Aunt. Just say it." Yoko sighed inwardly, guessing what she was about to say.

"First of all, I'm sorry for bothering you. I know I shouldn't say these things, because your relationship is you and Faye's private matter. And you've suffered a lot because of my silly daughter."

Her voice was sincere, and had a hint of a pleading tone that made Yoko feel a little heartbroken.

"It's nothing, it was a long time ago."

"Yoko, can you come back and see Faye once? She did something terrible, I don't expect you to forgive her. I understand that you two can't go back to the way things were."

"..."

"But can you go back and see her once? Look at how Faye has lived without you." Faye's mother held back her sobs and said to Yoko.

There was a long silence, followed by Yoko's deep sigh.

"Yes, aunt, I will go home."

8. Thailand

More than three years ago, the day Yoko left Thailand, as if to tease her, it was a beautiful day with gentle sunlight stretching out. Even though Yoko felt like she was going to die, she still had to smile as brightly as she could to say goodbye to those who came to see her off.

Nearly three and a half years later, Bangkok welcomed Yoko with a pouring rain. This time, no one knew that famous actress Yoko Apasra had returned.

Yoko didn't go back to her own apartment, and certainly didn't go to Faye's. She went straight to her parents' house and stayed with them for a few days. Then she went back to Bangkok and stayed in a high-class hotel in the city center.

That morning, Yoko went straight to the main office of Ninestar Entertainment.

No longer a small company sitting in a modest office, but now an entire office building with all the modern functional rooms. Yoko walked in wearing sunglasses that covered half of her face, a short skirt, high boots and a simple shirt. Yoko thought it wouldn't be easy to get in, but unexpectedly, the receptionist recognized her as soon as she saw Yoko. Yoko Apasra Lertprasert, one of the two veteran actresses of Ninestar, how could anyone not know her? The receptionist immediately took her to the VIP reception hall on the third floor and asked Yoko to wait a moment.

Here, Yoko noticed a room in the corner.

'Actor Faye Peraya Malisorn's Office'

Looking at the title on the door, Yoko's lips slightly curled up, she opened the door and walked in.

The famous actress, known as Ninestar's Number One Actress, was sitting in a small office with a minimalist style. However, the window here was very large, allowing the sunlight to shine in freely. Suddenly, Yoko's eyes caught a baby pink swivel chair in the corner of the room, it was independent and completely alone compared to the surrounding black furniture. It was in a special position as a display piece of this room, and no one had ever sat on it before.

Not knowing what to think, Yoko walked over, pulled the pink chair over to the desk, and sat down.

It used to be like this, Faye sat on the chair doing work, Yoko sat right next to her playing or studying.

Looking at Faye's desk, Yoko saw that she did not display any family photos. But there was only one photo, solemnly framed in glass on the left corner of the desk.

'This photo..'

The angle of this photo is from upstairs. The person in the photo is Yoko Apasra, standing straight and calm in the middle of a crowded airport, surrounded by bodyguards protecting her from a sea of fans, independent and very prominent in the background of the photo. Yoko frowned, realizing this scene, this was the day she left Thailand and flew to England, more than three years ago.

'So, Faye came to the airport to see me off.'

A feeling of sadness flooded Yoko's heart again.

"Yoko!!" A joyful shout rang out, it was Eye-san.

Yoko stood up and went out to greet Eye, who happily hugged her.

Even though she was Faye's close assistant, Eye had also been very concerned about Yoko recently. She and Wanwan were the two people who had taken great care of her when Yoko first started studying abroad.

"When did you come back? Does anyone know?"

"I just got back, I'll stop by the office for a bit and then let's go." Yoko smiled.

Eye remembered something, hesitated a bit but still asked

"Did you... stop by to see Faye?"

Yoko nodded, what had to happen had to happen, sooner or later.

"But no one knows where Faye is." Eye sighed, telling the shocking news.

"What? What do you mean?" Yoko frowned, feeling worried.

Eye pulled Yoko to sit down on a nearby chair, then began to speak.

"Faye said that Faye wouldn't think anything bad, it's just that Faye couldn't stay here anymore, so Faye left. And no one knows where Faye went..." Eye said heartbrokenly: "... I completely agree that what Faye did to you was terrible. But Yoko, for the past 3.5 years, we were the ones who saw Faye in a world without you. And it was really dark and scary."

"..."

"Sometimes I feel like you and Faye are possessed by the movie Blank. In Blank, Khun Nueng kept Anueng, not letting her go study abroad. Anueng got into a car accident for three months and then woke up. But in real life, Faye couldn't keep you, and was even deeply hurt. And now, three years later, after you've overcome everything, Faye disappears..."

"Only you can find Faye, Yoko."

....

Yoko never dreamed that she would return to this apartment so soon. Faye's penthouse, where the two of them had lived together for more than two years.

It's still the same password, her birthday and Faye's, never changed.

From the moment the main door opened, Yoko wanted to turn around and leave, because the feeling was so strong. It felt like she had just returned to the past, that luxurious apartment had not changed a bit since more than three years ago, the day she left.

There were still a few newspapers on the table, the carpet, the chair in the corner, or even the quilt that Yoko used to leave on the sofa to cover herself whenever she curled up to watch TV. The shoe cabinet was still full of her shoes. The bookshelf in the corner of the living room, still had the same decorations, every book Yoko had ever read, never left the shelf, not even a speck of dust. On the shelf, there were empty photo frames, these photo frames were filled with photos of the two of them. The day Yoko left, she took all the photos out and put them away, so only the empty photo frames remained. Opening a small drawer right next to the bookshelf, the pile of old photos of both of them Yoko threw in there, still intact.

On the dining table near the kitchen, was the book Yoko had read that day, still in the same position, still with the bookmark she had hastily clipped. Yoko went near the kitchen, opened the refrigerator and saw that it was similar to her apartment at 4 Privet Drive in England, the refrigerator was also filled with her favorite foods. The only difference was that all the tea and coffee had been thrown away, leaving only water and fruit juice.

The whole house, nothing has changed since Yoko left.

But what hurts Yoko the most is that no matter what happened, and how much she wanted to end this relationship, she still remembers, she remembers every little thing in this apartment. She remembers those postcards on the fridge that Faye and Yoko bought when they traveled. She remembers that chair that she couldn't sit comfortably on so Faye went to buy it for her. Yoko remembers that painting on the wall, that the two of them tried so hard to hang it so straight. And many other things she remembers.

Yoko sat on the sofa, holding her head,

'Seeing Faye in a world without you'

'It was really dark and scary'

Eye's words still rang in Yoko's ears. Gathering the last bit of courage she had left, Yoko took a deep breath and walked into their master bedroom.

Similar to the rest of the house, the bedroom was still filled with the image of its female owner. The clothes that Yoko had not thrown away that day, Faye still kept in the closet, even at fixed intervals, someone would come to take them to the laundry, making the clothes still clean and fragrant like new even after a long time.

The bedroom was a master suite with a large balcony, but the balcony was currently covered. Yoko walked over and opened the curtains to let in some light. As the light streamed in, Yoko couldn't help but feel her heart tighten. The familiar feeling hadn't changed at all compared to three years ago.

If there was anything else, it was the picture frame in the corner of the room. There was an unfinished oil painting on it.

Looking at the painting, eyes wide open, Yoko's heart began to beat like a drum.

"No way!!" Yoko blurted out.

Right next to the shelf where the painting was being drawn was a small notebook. This notebook was the one Yoko had bought a few years ago. At that time, Yoko only had time to write on the outside page the words 'Property of Yoko Apasra' and then put it on the bookshelf without using it. Yoko didn't expect Faye to take it out and use it. Yoko picked it up and flipped through the first few pages. Suddenly, she was stunned, her eyes narrowed.

"No..." Yoko repeated again.

Putting the notebook in her bag, Yoko immediately left the apartment.

Yoko know where Faye went.

9. Faye's Diary

The psychiatrist said that if I don't write everything down in this notebook, he'll make me take medicine. I don't want to take medicine, Yo. Taking medicine will affect my appearance.

I don't want the day you come back, I don't even have the beauty to go see you.

But, will you see me again?

...

Sorry is the most empty word in the world. I looked in the mirror and repeated the word sorry for four hours, until my throat was hoarse.

I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry.......... I'm sorry, Yoko

It's not that I don't want to say sorry to you, it's just that I feel it's useless, I'm so useless.

...

The doctor was so kind, he comforted me that my negative personality was because my grandparents and parents had passed away very early, when I was in high school I lost all my family and only had my adoptive mother left. I really didn't know how to refute that. But I was sure of one thing, that was not the reason for the way I treated you.

Am I crazy, why did I choose the cruelest way to treat the person who loved me the most? Why did I treat you so badly? Why did I do that? Why did I push you away?

You are the best thing that ever happened to me

But just because I was afraid that you would give up everything for me, I chose such a cruel way.

...

Today is a beautiful sunny day, the air is cool, not too hot. You will definitely like it. You will sit on the sofa, lie down and listen to music, play with your phone or read a book. And I will happily cook for you, make you a glass of juice. Sometimes I will hug you, you will rub against me and tell me about some trivial thing that happened to you...

I am daydreaming again.

The weather was just sunny and it started to rain, and I miss you.

...

Half a year after you left, I secretly went to England, just to see you.

I sat at the university coffee shop all day, and then I saw you carrying your books and leaving the school. You're so sick, is it because the food doesn't suit you? Or maybe you can't sleep, or...

Yoko, I am crazy. I left you, I abandoned you. What am I doing here?

How selfish, how cowardly, how pathetic..

...

Mom blamed me, Wanwan blamed me, Eye blamed me, and I blamed myself. I deserved to be blamed like that.

But the day I met your mother, she just patted my shoulder and told me to get over it quickly. Live a good life so you can be happy.

Oh my god, kill me!! Just kill me!!

I made you suffer so much, made you go so far away from home. Yet your mother didn't say a word of complaint. She would rather beat me.

Yo, Yo.

...

I couldn't help but look for you, secretly watching you for three days before I dared to appear. But when I saw you crying, I was so confused that I remembered why you were crying so much.

Because I am a bitch. I left you study abroad. Now I have appeared and disrupted your life. But Yo, I can't control myself, I can't control myself, what should I do?

I can't help but want to be with you.

You said you would give up everything if we could get back together. I wanted to go crazy with happiness, but how could I let you do that? You are a strong, talented girl, and yet I buried you. No, I can't do it.

...

The doctor said I was not allowed to hurt myself anymore, I can't fast, or my face would be bad. The doctor really understood me.

But I couldn't live normally. I didn't deserve peace, didn't deserve happiness. A delicious meal, a good night's sleep, a laugh, a sudden joy, if it appeared, would make my stomach growl and want to throw up everything.

How can I have the right to live well, after what I did to you?

...

I live on the rare occasions I get to see you. Just seeing you pass by on the street, I can sit outside a coffee shop all day waiting for you. When I return to Thailand, for me, there is no more sun, everywhere is gray.

My sun is in another country

But I can't show it, everyone will panic, everyone will bother you. But Wanwan also realized, I have to tell Wanwan about going to see the doctor. I have to tell her everything, otherwise she will tell you.

I don't want to bother you Yo, really.

I'd rather die than bother you, but everything keeps revolving around us.

...

Wanwan thought that burying myself in work would help me calm down more easily. I indulged her, took on more work, and focused more on Amor.

But only I know what I want. The house is still clean, the clothes smell good, the fridge is still full of food. I need to be in the best condition so I can see you again.

I'll wait for you, as long as you want, our life will return to the way it was.

...

This time meeting you, being able to be with you for a few days, even though it was just a faint image, were still the happiest days of my past year.

You have a new lover. I sincerely wish you well if she is worthy. You always deserve the best. I absolutely do not comment or interfere in your relationships.

It's just that, because I still love you, I'm jealous.

Jealousy...haha, what right do I have to feel this way?

But I am heartbroken.

I died once when we parted ways. Now I die again when you don't need me by your side. Yoko, do you believe me? If I say I was wrong, if I say I repent every day for what I did to you, if I say that if you just come back, I promise with my life that I will never hurt you again.

Do you still trust me?

...

If I keep secretly looking at you like this, I'll probably get caught one day. But I realize that you hate coffee shops, you'll never look in, so I'm very safe sitting here.

One time I sat right by the window, and you stood right outside to catch a bus. We were only separated by a window, but it felt like a lifetime. You didn't see me, but I saw you clearly.

Yo, I'm always here, can you turn around and look at me?

...

It's over, it's over

You are no longer hurt, no longer angry, all that's left in you is just tiredness, a feeling of indifference when you see me.

It's over.

You are not coming back here anymore. You don't want to see me, you don't want to go home anymore. My sun is not coming back anymore.

It's over, it's all over

I am not allowed to see you anymore, not allowed to come here anymore.

How should I live?

My sun, gone

10. London

On the flight back to London, Yoko read Faye's diary over and over again, feeling so heartbroken that she couldn't breathe. She thought her tears had stopped, but they kept falling for someone else. There were pages where Faye only wrote the two words "sorry", written over 5 pages. Then there were pages where there was only the letter A, like Faye's screams.

Sometimes it was very normal, Faye wrote about going to the supermarket to buy food, but the things Faye bought were all Yoko's favorite things. Sometimes it was about Faye wandering around London, just because it wasn't Christmas yet and she didn't dare to see Yoko.

All of this was so heartbreaking. So painful that Yoko's eyes blurred as she read what Faye had written. There were many pages where the content was unclear, because the words were blurred by tears dripping onto the paper. Faye had cried as she wrote, and now Yoko cried as she read these words.

Faye emphasized many times through her words, Faye's psychiatrist had warned that if anything happened to Faye, the one who would suffer the most would be Yoko. Therefore, Faye did not dare to do anything stupid. But there were times when Faye was walking aimlessly and for some reason, she found herself on the bridge.

Two people, who once loved each other so much, yet tortured each other to death.

Less than 24 hours later, Yoko was in London. The painting that Faye painted was the view of the loggia of Yoko's apartment at 4 Privet Drive. In the painting, Yoko sat with her legs curled up on the windowsill, her hair down, looking at the clouds. This had been Yoko's favorite and familiar position for the past three years. What was special about the painting Faye painted was that its view was right across the apartment.

The third floor flat at 5 Privet Drive, East London, where Faye Peraya had been watching Yoko Apasra all this time.

Right in front of the old Victorian house with many apartments inside, Yoko entered her and Faye's birth dates as the password and walked in. When she reached the door of the apartment on the third floor, the password was the same, so Yoko finally entered that apartment.

Looking inside the apartment, Yoko didn't know how to describe her feelings at the moment. Mostly confusion, then heartache, mixed with a little fear. If she walked in and saw that Faye had left forever, how would she live?

Faye never forced me to come back to her, but what am I supposed to do with this woman?

This apartment, like a world in a mirror, from the decoration, to the interior and design, Faye edited everything to make it look exactly like Yoko's apartment. The carpet, the furniture, the flowers on the table, the L-shaped sofa, everything was exactly like Yoko's apartment.

Yoko felt nothing but pain. Even her rational brain had stopped functioning from exhaustion.

Yoko took a deep breath and went into the bedroom.

In Yoko's apartment, Yoko usually slept on the left side, near the window. In this apartment, Faye was sleeping on the right side, seemingly so tired that she was fast asleep, her eyes still tightly shut.

Yoko walked over and sat down beside the bed, she touched Faye's forehead, it was very hot.

Faye opened her eyes dreamily and saw Yoko.

"Is this a dream again? Only in my dreams will I see you again."

Faye mumbled, then hugged Yoko, pulling her down beside her. Both of them got under the blanket, Faye also hugged Yoko tightly.

Faye has a fever and is very sick.

This cruel woman...

Then, Yoko started to cry, her tears slowly falling down, the emotions she had suppressed deep in her heart for years burst out. She couldn't hold them back anymore, she was still angry, still felt sorry for herself for what Faye had done, she couldn't forgive. But seeing Faye like that, she couldn't bear it either. Yoko had always known that she loved Faye very much, more than all the other emotions in her heart.

"Don't cry, give me time to make you forgive me, okay? I beg you. I'm still here, always here.." Faye comforted Yoko:

"I never left you, never abandon you."

"I'm always here.."

-end-

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