Part 5. 2016

"You want to return to this moment to experience sad things together, I will make it happen for you. At the right time, you will appear.."

That powerful voice echoed throughout the dark and unreal space. Yoko remained in her kneeling position, in just a blink of an eye, as if rushing straight through a dark tunnel, she opened her eyes and found herself sitting on the living room floor of a small apartment. On the coffee table in the living room was a portrait of Faye, looking at the image of Faye at the age of 22, Yoko knew that she had returned to the exact apartment that Faye had rented when she worked back and forth between Hong Kong and Bangkok.

The apartment was empty, so maybe Faye hadn't returned yet. Yoko remained sitting on the living room carpet, feeling disappointed, stunned, and heartbroken about what had just happened. She still couldn't fully process everything. Remembering what Faye said before she disappeared, remembering the memories of 2024 that had been returned to their proper place, all those thoughts were like a jumble in her head. And especially the feeling of love she had for Faye, both the lingering feeling of the past eight years, and the deep feelings between the two of them in 2024, it was the main reason that was making her feel like she was going crazy.

Her heart hurts, Yoko didn't expect her heart to hurt so much, but it still lives and exists. It's like being trampled and torn apart, then realizing that her heart is still there so it's torn apart a second time.

My dear Faye

Yoko sat curled up and cried silently.

This game, can we stop playing? Can you bring everything back to 2024?

Thinking about meeting Faye in 2016, Yoko didn't know how to arrange everything properly. Memories returned, she knew what kind of girl Faye was at 22 years old, what heartbreaking things she would encounter. Before she disappeared, Faye told her not to change the past, but how could she abandon Faye?

While she was lost in thought, someone entered the password from outside the main door of the apartment. Yoko was so startled that she didn't have time to react before the door opened.

Faye Peraya, 22 years old, opened the door with tired eyes and walked in. At that time, the stage name Faye Peraya had not appeared yet, but was Supaporn Malisorn or Mali Khanthong, the name Lily when working in Hong Kong.

Yoko Apasra sat in the living room, just a few meters away from Faye. But as if some invisible force had taken action, Faye walked back to the living room and lay down on the sofa, not even bothering to turn on the lights, Faye closed her eyes and sighed.

Faye couldn't see Yoko even though she was sitting right next to her, which left Yoko stunned.

...At the right time, you will appear...

The other's words still echo somewhere.

Yoko leaned over to look at Faye's still-unswitched phone screen, which showed the date as January 5, 2016. It was early in the year, while Faye's coronation was at the end of June.

Why was I brought back to this time? Why can't Faye see me? I'm really a ghost of the future right now, nothing more, nothing less.

Panicked and confused, Yoko didn't know how to interpret the situation. Her brain almost stopped working because of the amount of information she had to think about. Sadly, Yoko turned her gaze to the person in front of her.

Faye Peraya Malisorn, 22 years old, was much thinner and younger, but lacked the charm of a mature woman. Her body was slim but full, her beauty had never changed, even at this young age, Faye's beauty was even more intense and sharp, clearly showing her Central Asian features. Faye was lying face down on the sofa in an uncomfortable position, not sleeping but her eyelids were tightly knitted in worry.

Lying in this position will hurt your shoulders.

Yoko thought to herself. She felt a deep sadness in her heart. She finally understood how Faye felt when she was 30 years old, coming back to see her and only wanting to hold her in her arms. At this moment, Yoko really wished she could hold Faye, tell Faye that she was here, she was already here.

Yoko tried once, reaching out to touch Faye's face, brushing away a few stray strands of hair. As expected, she couldn't touch it, her fingers felt like they were touching Faye, but it was like an illusion, none of the hair had moved. The feeling of touching the still water, clearly touching it, but the water didn't shake at all.

Yoko sighed, her heart aching so much she had trouble breathing. Her lover was lying right in front of her, but she couldn't touch her.

In 2022, Faye experienced all the ups and downs of a lifetime, both heartbreaking and achieving the greatest success of her career. If she couldn't communicate with Faye, then Yoko could only stay by her side, being nothing more than a soul.

Faye lay face down on the sofa, while Yoko sat curled up under the sofa, her chin resting on one hand, the other hand slowly holding Faye's hand. The lights were off, but the bright moonlight from outside was enough for her to look at Faye. Since she couldn't do anything, Yoko could only peacefully look at Faye from this angle. Her hand tightened, she felt like she was holding Faye's hand, but Faye felt nothing.

"Don't sleep here, your shoulder will hurt. Be good, go to your room and sleep..." Yoko whispered even though she knew Faye wouldn't hear.

Suddenly Faye's phone vibrated with an incoming call. Faye raised her head, opened her eyes to see the caller's name, her eyes drooped and she sighed silently. Faye changed her position to lie on her back, picked up the phone.

"I hear." Voice tired

Yoko realized that the caller was Faye's ex-girlfriend of five years. Or rather, her current girlfriend. Yoko took a step back, hugging her knees with both hands, her eyes looking away.

Faye turned on the speaker, left the phone on the chair, and put her hand on her forehead to block her eyes.

"Where are you?" she said in a very soft voice.

"At home"

"Home is in Hong Kong or Bangkok?" The voice was concerned with a hint of caution for some reason.

Faye still covered her eyes, so it was unknown what she was thinking.

"In Bangkok."

"Why didn't you tell me when you came back?"

"..." Faye silently sighed.

The other end of the line sighed: "What's wrong with you lately? You weren't so distant before. You would have told me where you were going..."

"..." Here we go again.

"Mali, can you hear me?" Phan raised his voice slightly.

Faye sat up, leaning back on the sofa, her eyes blank and indifferent as she looked at the wall in front of her, the phone placed right next to her.

"I'm tired."

"You just got back to Bangkok. Are you tired from going to a show? Who are you going with?"

Right across from Faye, Yoko was sitting there, silently watching from start to finish.

"Can you stop asking?" Faye's eyes darkened, frustrated.

The other end of the line sighed again. Since when did her words of concern turn into arguments and constraints in her eyes? "I'm just concerned about you."

Despite all the bad news, all the gossip behind her back that Faye was gradually changing, that Faye had someone else, she still chose to trust and care for Faye.

Faye suddenly felt like she couldn't breathe. Work, family, lover, nothing was easy. Gossip was always pouring down on her, did anyone choose to trust her? Did anyone understand that she really just wanted to be alone, wanted to sit there quietly, no need to talk, no need to care, just to be by her side.

Receiving other people's affection can sometimes be suffocating.

"How many times have I told you, can you not confine me?"

"Mali, I do not control you!" Phan said impatiently.

"Yes, You do."

"..." Phan sighed, the long distance relationship had really tested the two of them. Faye was in Hong Kong and living Faye's life while Phan was in Bangkok. Since when did the two of them only have arguments like this, both of them were being worn down by life and pushed to their limits: "I don't have any. If you want to tell me where you're going, then tell me, otherwise, just do as you please. How could I not care?"

Faye was tired, tired to death, her feelings were worn down by too many arguments, by too many times of not understanding each other. Faye knew clearly that she cared, but so what, she was already tired to death and still being confined like this, tired, really too tired.

Can you stop talking? Stop talking...

"I don't feel concerned, I just feel tired." Faye leaned her head back against the chair, eyes closed.

"Mali, what do you want? Just say it..." Phan felt it, always felt it, but in the previous arguments she didn't dare to say it, this time, both of them, especially Faye, had reached their limit: "... It's me Mali, you don't need to hide it from me."

During the previous heated arguments, Faye thought her heart could no longer feel pain, but when it came to this, her heart still ached.

Five years, five years of youth for both of them.

Yoko covered her mouth with both hands, she realized this event. Looking at Faye like that, Yoko's eyes turned red.

"Let's break up, Phan. Except for being tired..." Faye still covered her eyes, saying what she wanted to say: "... except for being tired, there's no other feeling."

No other feeling?

On the other end of the phone, Phan was so heartbroken that she smiled. Faye had really changed, Faye no longer loved her the way they used to love each other. She always knew, always knew, Faye had changed.

"You don't love me anymore?" Phan tried to stop her sobs and asked again. This was really the last time, there would be no more torment and arguing.

Faye slowly sat up straight, looking at the blank wall in front of her, her face already filled with tears.

"I...I don't feel happy."

"Mali, love is not just about happiness.."

There was a long silence, then the phone was cut off, Phan hung up.

"... But not like this." Faye whispered .

Faye curled up, her arms hugging her legs, tears falling silently, mixed with suppressed sobs.

Why are you crying? It's you want to break up, you always want to break up! Do you have the right to cry? You want to be lonely, want to be alone.

Yoko stood up and walked towards Faye, seeing Faye like that, her heart couldn't beat normally. Even though she knew she was just an invisible soul, Yoko couldn't help but hug Faye. She stood up and hugged Faye, her two hands patting her back. Both of them cried silently.

Faye at this moment, so heartbroken, so hurt

Yoko never expected that she would be brought back at the exact moment her lover was heartbroken. It felt so ironic. Seeing Faye like that, she couldn't bear it.

The rest of the evening was even more torturous, as Faye didn't eat or drink anything, just curled up on the sofa and cried. After ending a five-year relationship, no one can help but torture themselves. Yoko began her life as a ghost, and she could only stand by and watch silently.

Yoko tried to touch objects or communicate with Faye, but couldn't. She could only delude herself into thinking she was useful, sitting right next to Faye and trying to hug and comfort her.

Don't cry, I'm here

I am still here

...

The following days were not easy for Faye and Yoko. Faye still had to perform every day because of events. Yoko discovered that she could not stand too far away from Faye, there was an invisible force forcing her to be close to Faye. So she had to see clearly how much Faye was trying to hide her feelings.

Breaking up with a lover of five years, you can tell how difficult it is. Faye threw herself into a busy routine of work to wear herself out, but at night she was still immersed in alcohol and tears. Yoko watched with a broken heart. As much as Faye cried, Yoko sat silently beside her and cried just as much, so much that it felt like her heart was aching and could no longer function normally.

On the 5th night after breaking up with Phan, Faye returned to her apartment after a long day of running events. When Faye and Yoko opened the door, they saw the lights were on again. The apartment, which was cold, was now filled with a warm family atmosphere and the delicious smell of food.

"You're back? Wash your hands and eat dinner, I've cooked everything." Didn't know how long Phan had been here, standing in the kitchen preparing food.

Yoko looked at Faye and saw her sighing, her eyes misty. Faye went into the bathroom to wash her hands and came out to sit at the dining table. Phan placed the last plate of food on the table and sat right across from her.

"Have dinner, baby. It's all your favorite food." Phan's eyes were puffy and she looked haggard, but she was trying to act happy and talk to Faye.

Faye wanted to say something, but it was stuck in her throat, to distract herself. Faye took the bowl and started eating.

The two of them ate quietly like that. Yoko sat right next to Faye, her eyes never leaving Faye.

Faye...is very confused.

Yoko sighed, feeling very uncomfortable inside, both uncomfortable because Faye was heartbroken, and uncomfortable because she saw the girl she loved eating with her ex-lover, maybe even getting back together. It was truly an experience no one wanted to go through.

"About what you said, can we calmly reconsider?" Seeing Faye put down her chopsticks, Phan immediately spoke up: "I know we've argued about this many times, but we've always been able to sort things out. This time will be the same, it just takes time.."

Faye bowed her head, when she raised her head, her eyes were red.

"Phan..." Faye's throat was bitter: "...I am not the 17-year-old girl who promised to give you a peaceful life anymore. I am not like that anymore."

Phan looked deeply into Faye's eyes, where there was only fatigue, boredom, no longer the smile and happiness of the 17 year old girl that year, saying that she would be with her.

"You really have changed." Phan said with difficulty.

"And that is making me so tired, I am not the same anymore Phan. So can you leave me alone, and face the fact that I am not me anymore?" Faye did not sob, did not cry out loud, but her eyes were misty.

She has changed, her thoughts are different, her eyes are different, but her soul is still the same. And that is suffocating Faye. It is as if one day you wake up, you have to accept that the innocent and cheerful 17-year-old girl, really does not exist anymore. You have to accept that your original heart has been worn away by this life to the point of being unrecognizable.

"Aren't you that happy?"

"Yeah.." A thousand words she wanted to say turned into a sigh. Faye looked at Phan, attentively.

And Phan realized that Faye's love for her was really gone.

Phan stood up, approached Faye and hugged her head to his chest: "You are so cruel... How can I forget you?"

"..."

"Live well, Mali." Phan stroked Faye's hair one last time, then silently left the apartment.

Faye looked at the dining table, at the empty apartment. Without crying or making a fuss, Faye stood up and cleaned the table. She threw away all the leftover food, wiped the table, and started washing the dishes.

But Faye like that, made Yoko who was standing there watching, worried. She felt restless inside, but didn't know what to do.

"Faye, I've washed that plate five times already..."

"Stop it, please"

"Your hands are red Faye, stop it.."

Yoko hugged Faye from behind, crying heartbrokenly. But as if they were in two parallel worlds, Faye couldn't feel the warmth from Yoko's hug from behind. Faye kept, over and over, scrubbing that plate.

"Stop it...Faye, I'm here with you. Faye!"

Crash!!

The plate was broken, and pieces of it fell all over the sink. Faye remained silent, and began to reach into the sink and pick up the broken pieces.

"It's all broken, it's all broken," Faye muttered.

Tears also began to fall.

...

After that day, Faye stopped smiling. Even the polite smiles at work were just a grin, the smile could not come from the eyes. Yoko still followed Faye, over time, seeing what Faye went through, Yoko almost broke down and became numb.

One person is heartbroken, two people are hurt.

A few weeks later, the event in Bangkok ended, Faye returned to Hong Kong to look for opportunities, Yoko also quietly followed. It was now February, the two of them had been together for so long that Yoko almost forgot why she came here. No matter how hard she thought, she still couldn't understand why she was still a spirit and couldn't communicate with Faye.

Is it because of the sad things that happened to Faye that I could only watch but not get involved?

Or sometimes, those events are so important that they have to happen. And my presence can accidentally change everything.

Faye was destined to lose a lot of things in her life. Even Faye had to go through them alone.

To keep costs down, Faye's apartment in Hong Kong is so small that it barely has room for a wardrobe, a double bed, and a tiny bathroom. But it's still a lot less empty than her apartment in Thailand.

At night, Faye would be so exhausted from attending events that she would only have enough energy to shower and fall asleep when she got back to her room. At times like these, Yoko would lie next to Faye and hold her hand. Even though she knew that she wouldn't notice, Yoko still couldn't help but turn around and look at Faye's face.

This person's eyelids were always tightly knitted. Yoko lay on her side and put her arm around Faye's waist.

Yoko was really only allowed to watch the sad things Faye had to go through at the age of 22, absolutely unable to interfere. And if Yoko remembers correctly, that heartbreaking event was about to happen.

A few days later, after finishing an event, Faye received a phone call from her family. Yoko looked at it and knew what was about to happen to the person she loved.

"Yes, Mom." Thinking it was a normal phone call, Faye gently answered her adoptive mother.

"Mali, come home soon. Your grandmother... is sick." Faye's mother sounded worried.

The words on the phone made Faye stiffen. Her grandparents had raised her since she was little because her father often worked far away, and they were old. This time...

"How is grandma's health, mom?" Faye's eyes immediately turned red, trying her best to ask calmly.

On the phone, Faye's adoptive mother sighed:

"Go home, grandma is waiting for you."

....

Faye returned home on a late flight that day, and Yoko silently followed her, heartbroken and worried. When Faye arrived home, it was the next morning, and she immediately ran straight to the hospital. When Faye entered the hospital room, she saw her entire family there, and Faye's grandmother was sitting on the hospital bed, laughing and talking happily.

Seeing that she was still there, Faye let out a sigh of relief, but when she saw the red eyes of her family members, Faye immediately realized that something was wrong.

"Come in with grandma." Faye's adoptive mother's eyes were swollen, she helped her to the bedside.

A fearful thought ran through Faye's body, she tried to control herself but her whole body was still trembling. Faye's grandmother, whom Faye often called Big Mom, sat on the bed with a haggard figure, her body worn out by old age but her eyes were strangely bright, she stretched out her arm that was not pierced by the IV needle to tightly grasp Faye's hand. Faye quickly walked over, grabbed Big Mom's hand and sat right next to her.

"You're back, my child? It's good to be back... It's good to be back." She took Faye's hand and smiled gently.

"How are you feeling, Mama? Are you feeling better?" Faye said tearfully.

She patted Faye's arm to reassure her: "Seeing you makes me feel better..." But her next words stunned everyone there: "... you're back, are you bringing a friend home? Who is this beautiful girl?"

Mrs. Khanthong looked up at Yoko Apasra, causing her to take a step back in shock. She could actually see Yoko. Yoko was standing right next to Faye, thinking that as usual, no one could see her.

Yoko stammered in reply, "Grandma, Mali can't see me." Yoko's eyes turned red because she knew why Faye's grandmother could see her.

At the same time, Faye wiped away the tears on her face and asked, "Who is Big Mom talking to?" Faye looked to the side, there was only empty space and no one else.

Contrary to everyone's astonishment, the grandmother nodded and smiled. Her eyes seemed to have experienced and understood everything. She glanced at Yoko and whispered, "Little girl, go out and wait for Mama." Then she turned back to look at Faye gently.

Yoko heard that and bowed her head, knowing that the moment had come, Yoko went out leaving the family some private space and sat right at the door waiting.

After a long while, Yoko heard Faye's family's wailing, the sound growing louder and more reverberating. Especially Faye's voice, her voice choked up, repeatedly calling for her Big Mom to come back. The doctor and nurse who had been standing far away also rushed in to complete the final confirmation steps.

Yoko sat outside the door, her hands covering her ears and her body bowed. She really didn't want to listen anymore, she couldn't stand it anymore. Faye's crying was like a knife stabbing her heart.

Unlike the last time, when it was just the pain of separation, Faye had never cried so painfully. This time, it was saying goodbye to the person she loved the most in the world. This pain was truly hard to describe in words. Yoko was wrong, she was wrong to think that she could go through all that pain with her. Now, not only was Faye heartbroken to the point of death, she herself was also in so much pain that her heart almost stopped beating.

Suddenly a moment later, someone sat down right next to Yoko and patted her head.

Her face was already covered in tears, Yoko turned to see Faye's grandmother sitting next to her. Only souls can see each other.

"My child cried so much, why are you crying too?"

Yoko sobbed, unable to speak. She never expected that the first person she could talk to in the past month would be Faye's grandmother.

"You are not of this world, are you?"

Yoko nodded sadly. Seeing her like that, Mrs. Khanthong just smiled.

Perhaps, when reaching this final journey, things that are normally not clearly seen or understood will suddenly become clearer and more lucid. Mrs. Khanthong looked at Yoko, looked at the pink-white halo radiating around her, completely different from the other souls in this hospital, she immediately knew that the girl was very special and came here for a different purpose.

"You came here to protect Mali, right?"

"Yes , Grandma," Yoko obediently nodded.

Mrs. Khanthong was not capable of understanding the whole story of her granddaughter with Yoko, nor could she see the past and future like that God. She only knew that Yoko meeting her at this moment was also something that fate had arranged. And the fact that Faye had not seen Yoko was also inevitable and could not be changed. Mrs. Khanthong took Yoko's hand, gently rubbing her palm.

"Sometimes, if Mali loses her temper, give her candy, the sour lemon candy. She didn't like sour food since she was little, but I always joked around and gave her candy like that.." Mrs. Khanthong said softly, her eyes filled with love for Faye. At this point, she had nothing to regret anymore, but she still couldn't help but care about her granddaughter Supaporn Malisorn.

"There will be times when she is hot-tempered and stubborn, just leave her alone. When she cools down, she will come to you on her own. If she gets angry and chases you away, don't go, she is angry but she is very weak, she won't be able to bear it if others leave... I... I really can't stop worrying about her."

"She loves you and will miss her so much," Yoko said, choking up.

Suddenly her hand that was holding Yoko's became hot, Yoko frowned but because she was holding her hand tightly, she still didn't pull her hand away.

"I left the last gift for Mali, when she needs it, can you give it to her?" She smiled gently, then let go of Yoko's hand and stood up.

Yoko looked at her left hand that had just been burned until it was hot, now it was back to normal without a trace, Yoko looked at Faye's grandmother with a dazed look.

"Grandma, I don't understand." Yoko looked at her with big round eyes.

Mrs. Khanthong rubbed her chubby cheeks: "Smart girl, you will know when the time comes. See you two again in the distant future."

With that, she waved goodbye to Yoko, turned around and walked on her next journey. Yoko also stood up to say goodbye and watched.

As she neared the end of the hallway, a grumpy voice echoed throughout the space, but only Mrs. Khanthong heard it.

"You used all the blessings you accumulated in your life just to exchange for your granddaughter's safety. Is it worth it?"

Faye's grandmother smiled.

"You also care about the two children. Are you?"

The answer was silence, Mrs. Khanthong slowly walked on and gradually disappeared around the corner of the hallway.

Yoko Apasra looked at her palm, truly dazed, not knowing where this journey would lead.