Author's Note: Hello guys. I am here with a new story. I finally succeeded in writing a story and it is a short one. If I am lucky it shouldn't be more than five chapters, isn't that great? I feel like I can write more if the story is short. As for the end of how to find your soulmate, it is coming. Please wait if you are still following that story. In the meantime I also have another story coming later this week, please check it out when you have time. I hope you enjoy this story half as much as I enjoyed writing it.

Chapter one

Looking at my life now it's hard to think that I had something like a love that would never end. These days when I see or hear young people talk about their love lives, crying over the hurt, the breakup, and the broken trust, I always fight the urge to smile. They all acted the same way and believed the same thing: that this love was everything.

I too had someone like that, someone I thought I couldn't live without, someone who occupied my thoughts, who I longed for like there was nothing else in the world. I thought losing them would be my end, yet here I am, alive and well, thriving in fact without this person. If I could, I would tell these young lovers who are experiencing the pain of fierce love for the first time not to be so quick to give up or allow the pain blind them, because though it does hurt, the pain doesn't last forever. Eventually, you would forget, so much so that you won't even remember what they look like anymore or why you thought your life would end if you lost them. You would be too busy getting your shit together, building your career, and meeting the expectations of everyone including yourself, to live in your past.

If you are lucky you might end up like me, married, with two kids, and a growing company of your own. You would have poured all those emotions and energy you wasted loving this person into shaping your life how you want it to be. So maybe you aren't in love with your life the way you thought you would be with this person, maybe it is not full of the joys and dreams you once cherished, and once in a while, you might give in to your imagination and picture how life would have been otherwise. But then when you look at all you have right now, the journey it took to get it, you would come to the realization that you made the right choice, that you are fortunate to have lost that person.

Not so fortunately you may run into this person at a company event and they may happen to be someone you need to sign with for your next big project, but when you think about it, it's been fifteen years and you are over it now. It shouldn't be a big deal to talk to this person about business, it would be like meeting them for the first time. That is if they even want to meet you. Why wouldn't they, maybe they won't even recognize you and you can pass off as strangers. Hopefully, when you bring up your business proposal they wouldn't laugh in your face or curse at you.

Watching P'Arthit talk and smile made me wonder if I even knew him. Unlike my earlier statement, I haven't managed to completely forget what P'Arthit looked like, even though he looked very different in a wine-colored suit, looking less like a thug and more like a businessman. P'Arthit didn't look how I imagined him he would look after all these years. It had me thinking back to the past when were still in the university working our way through the unwanted attraction, the lust that blindsided us, and then the love that came after. At least that is how it was for me, for P'Arthit it would be hard to say if he even had a heart. Loving him had been hard and it had only left bruises in its wake.

However, that difficult-to-love person wasn't here tonight. Instead, there was a jovial man who seemed to know everyone and was blending in with the crowd of wealthy men and women, probably working out more connections for his huge company.

Of course, I was aware that he is now the CEO of ocean electric. It's hard to picture how that happened but if I wanted to start my project sometime in the future I am going to have to brave it and talk with him. My insides swarmed treacherously with anxiety and I down another glass of wine.

This won't do, I shook my head. Why am I so anxious? P'Arthit has not seen me yet or if he had he was ignoring me which I couldn't blame him for. I mean, who wanted to meet their male ex in a gathering for wealthy people, connected men and women in the industry who could easily make or break your business? But this was a good opportunity to make the introduction, I couldn't deny it. Everyone came to these events just to make connections that would help their businesses which was what I had to do. It shouldn't matter that it was P'Arthit. If it were someone else, I was sure I wouldn't be struggling as much. Making an appointment later would probably be more nerve-wracking, wouldn't it? I clenched my fist against the cold countertop; my self-talk wasn't stopping the ants crawling in my stomach. Damn.

"Alright, Kongpob, after this last glass of wine you are doing this." it was a blessing that Mary, my wife, didn't come with me to this party otherwise I didn't know what I would have told her to explain away my anxiety, but maybe it would have been easier with her around. She was my future and the stability in my life, maybe I could have found strength in her presence to face my past.

I threw the next glass of wine down and turned to watch my quarry again. I locate the people I had last seen him talking to, an older man wrapped around a woman young enough to be his daughter, but P'Arthit wasn't there talking and smiling good-naturedly. He wasn't in the room at all. Don't tell me he left?!

A quick scan around the room again turned up empty so I hurried out the door chasing after him. It wouldn't do to let this opportunity go like that, plus who leaves before the party has even reached its apex? Some top dogs in the industry are not even here yet and he was leaving? Or was he trying to avoid me?

I reached the entrance and didn't know which way to go. I could see the guest coming in and those leaving but no P'Arthit. He couldn't still be inside. I turned and walked right into the person behind me. Even though I took a step back to avoid them, it brought me almost falling backward. I was caught and held from smashing my skull on the stairs by an arm around my back.

The alcohol in my blood made my head spin and my heart jump. It had nothing to do with the face I hadn't seen this close in fifteen years. P'Arthit looked good up close, was the only thought I could think. It was a straightforward fact not that it did anything for me. I was just noting that his looks got better, more stylish, and more graceful. His hair was swept back and slick, his face looked smooth even in the shadowy light, and his shoulders seemed to have gotten wider.

I realized I am still gripping his arm and he is still holding me. My face started to burn with embarrassment. I wiggled to get free and he let me go in no hurry. It seemed we both were distracted by the changes we saw and didn't say a word. I wondered what changes P'Arthit saw. As far as I know, I haven't bothered too much about my physical appearance, never been to the gym and my hairstyling was still a joke. At the moment it was parted to the left but tomorrow it might be to the right, that's about as much attention I give it. Not when I have a baby who liked to fist my hair any chance he gets.

I cleared my throat and made to speak but P'Arthit was already turning away. He must not want to talk to me. I mean it's not like I don't understand but walking away right now is a little rude, isn't it?

"Thanks, "I said in a smaller voice than I intended. "Thanks for catching me. I would have broken my neck."

"You were always clumsy," he said, a smirk in his voice.

"You came out of nowhere," I retorted, a little miffed.

"It's not my fault you aren't conscious of your environment."

I opened my mouth to say something ungraceful but caught myself just in time. It's as if I reverted in age for a moment. "You are right, I was too busy looking for you."

We stared at each other in silence and I heard the words I uttered again. Somehow it embarrassed me into explaining myself. "I mean you left the party so suddenly!"

"Were you watching me?" oh shit, his eyes just narrowed and that usually meant he was on the way to being pissed.

"No! I mean only because I wanted to talk with you."

We blinked at each other. P'Arthit was the first to look away. "Why, I thought you were avoiding me."

Of course, I was! If I didn't have to I really would prefer not to speak with him at all. I couldn't say this out loud however so instead I said, "Why would I avoid you, P'Arthit." with a small laugh. I wanted to affect a joking, friendly manner instead I just sounded nervous. I need to get myself together already.

He suddenly smirked. "You are so easy to read, Kongpob."

"I'm not." I didn't really understand what he said so I added, "What do you mean." God, why am I letting him get under my skin? I should stop reacting and start understanding before I open my mouth. It felt like I was being pulled along the conversation rather than controlling it, and that needed to stop.

"Well, it doesn't matter. "He shrugged, tucking one arm into his pocket the way he liked to do. I noted that I still had his mannerisms stored in my brain and moved on. It didn't mean anything. When you spent so long around someone you end up knowing a lot about them, and my memory is pretty good so that's why I still remember that.

"Were you watching me as well?" I only said that to tease him but he nodded.

"It's hard not to when I haven't seen you for fifteen years. It was like you fell off the surface of the earth."

I stared, amazed. "You... searched for me?"

Something dark flicked past P'Arthit's gaze, so fast I could convince myself I didn't see it, but I was meeting his eyes as if my life depended on it.

"You said you wanted to speak with me?" he didn't want to answer.

I remained silent as I considered whether I should push for one. Did I want to know whether P'Arthit had looked for me after I left? It shouldn't be important but a fairly large part of me was curious whether I had been important enough to P'Arthit for him to look for me. Did my leaving mean anything to him? Those were questions I would have liked an answer to fifteen years ago, heck even five years ago but now... there was no point. Nothing can be gained from it, Kongpob. I shut down the curiosity still holding me and nodded, "Yes, um... can we go somewhere else?"

He nodded and took us to the bar part of the hotel the company hosting the party was using. I can't remember the last time I went into one of this. One of P'Arthit's gang members P'Bright used to work at a bar and I was almost always there either looking for P'Arthit or hanging on his arm like a clingy idiot. Ever since then I haven't been in a bar, might be because of it would trigger memories I didn't want to remember or I just don't like drinking that much. I would say the later. As for any past memories, I didn't really care whether I remembered them or not.

"Do you want to drink?" P'Arthit interrupted my trip down forgotten memories, memories that should stay forgotten.

"I don't mind," I answered on reflex. Always going with the flow is the best way to begin negotiations.

P'Arthit ordered drinks for us and returned with them. The beer glass was cool in my hand and strangely, the bubbles looked attractive. P'Arthit drank his halfway and I tried to copy him but it was too much I started coughing.

He laughed at me. "Slow down. Look at you, how long has it been since you had a beer."

"I don't know, a long time?" I sighed and looked at my glass. "I usually just have wine."

P'Arthit whistled, "Polish, you've become like one of those pompous jerks we used to make fun of."

"What?" I am so flabbergasted by his straightforwardness I almost couldn't form a speech. "Are you calling me a jerk?"

"No, you are still naïve though."

"I'm not. I am a grown man and I own..." I belch so loudly I couldn't believe it. P'Arthit broke into a burst of genuine laughter, eyes squinting up. I couldn't help smiling, remembering how I liked the sound of his laughter. Towards the end, I saw less and less of it but it really was one of the best parts of my memories.

"Why are you smiling, what are you thinking about," he asked.

"Just the past."

"Yeah? Which part? The part where you were more fun or the part where you were a scaredy cat."

I glared at him. "Stop making stuff up. And I am still more fun. I mean I have fun."

"Sure." He doesn't follow up with anything else until after another chug of his beer then continued, "When was it then."

"When was what?"

"The last time you had fun."

I opened my mouth but only air came out. "I don't remember but I have fun all the time."

He laughed again and my stomach curled with pleasure at being the cause. "How can you not remember? You don't have any fun do you."

"I do, I am telling you. I just can't recall." I was being perfectly reasonable. "I mean if I asked you the same thing you also-"

"Last night at this hotel."

"Huh?" we stared at each other, me agape, P'Arthit smiling over the rim of his glass. He raised one eyebrow at me. What did he mean at this hotel and last night? "Wait what...what kind of fun are you talking about."

"What kind do you think?" He had this look like he was deathly serious but I recognize it.

"I'll have you know that I am married," I said brandishing my very visible wedding ring like a badge. He glanced at it and shrugged.

"So? That means you don't have fun? Is that what marriage is? No wonder I am not married."

"You are not?" I am like a fish out of water, intrigued by every word and every action of P'Arthit. It should bother me; send warning bells but none of the safety measures were working. I was hooked.

P'Arthit hid a smile as he emptied his glass." Yes, I don't have a flashy wedding ring as you can see."

Was it because he was gay and hadn't found someone to be with yet? Yes as a gay person, P'Arthit probably can't marry a man either way. But was P'Arthit completely gay? I don't even consider myself bisexual because P'Arthit is the only man I have ever been attracted to and I love and feel sexual attraction for my wife, P'Arthit on the other hand may be different.

"I understand, "I said.

"What do you understand? And are you sipping that beer?" another glass came down in front of me even though I was still holding half a glass full.

P'Arthit shook his head, "You've lost all of it, all the fun I raised in you."

I scoffed, "Fun? All I remember is pain." Wow, I actually said that. I can't meet P'Arthit's eyes, my skin crawling with goosebumps.

"I guess you are right."

Huh? Did he just admit it? I stared at him and he smirked. "I understand why you left," he said, "I would have left too if I could."

I swept my fingers through my hair feeling awkward. "Why-why did things turn out like that? I mean it wasn't great initially but it got so much worse."

"Don't dwell on it," he said and then held my eyes with a seriousness that cut. "Unless you are ready to fall back down that hole."

I couldn't hold that gaze. "You are right. It's all in the past."

"Yes, but in the past you used to look happier, despite all the pain."

"Ha...happier?" I was almost too short for words at his audacity. "You say that like I am unhappy right now."

"Well, you don't have any fun."

"I do!"

He laughed, "Don't take it personally. Most married men I know don't have fun anymore. But if you ever want to have fun again you can call me."

He took out his card and slid it towards me. I picked it up and remembered what I wanted to say. How did I get so far off track?

"Actually about why I wanted to speak with you-"

"P'Arthit!" a woman's voice yelled. We both turned and I couldn't believe I didn't recognize the woman I saw hanging on P'Arthit's every word. Ruth! Seeing her face pushed a flood of memories over me and I felt slapped, hard.

She was the reason. It all ended because of her. She was the one P'Arthit said I didn't have to worry about, that she didn't mean anything. Fifteen years later she still hangs on his arm. What a bastard. And here I was thinking that-I don't know what the hell I was thinking but I am not about to let myself get dragged in any further.

"You are here drinking, don't you have a business deal to close? Are you kidding me right now?" Her heels clacked furiously on the marble floor as she approached. I didn't look up at her only glaring at the table before me. I didn't want her to recognize me and I certainly didn't know what I would say to her if she did.

"Whoops looks like it's time up. " P'Arthit started to rise, but I grabbed his hand and when I raised my head to meet his eyes I knew I was looking a bit scary but I didn't care.

"What was all that about?" I asked. "Are you still playing games? I almost fell for it again. I must look really dumb."

"What are you talking about?" I threw his card at him and stood up. "Sorry, but I wouldn't need that." Anger made my voice shake and I walked away with my dignity intact.

I wasn't at the door when he caught me, grabbed me by the arm, and swung me around to face him. His face was cold but his eyes, his eyes were different and they caught whatever I would have said in my lungs.

"With what misunderstanding are you using to walk away again? Is it going to take another fifteen years?"

I felt pain in those words and in the arm he held. P'Arthit was pissed but I thought that was my position. Without another word, he let go of my arm and walked away. I didn't have anything to say to him, so I didn't stop him. It confused me so much, those last words. What did he mean by misunderstanding and why did he make it seem like I wronged him when it is actually the other way around? What is up with him? I never should have met him. I never should have met P'Arthit again.

"Don't get sucked in, "I told myself as I walked back to the party. It's been over fifteen years, it's time to let it go. I guess everyone has something they can't truly get over and for me, that was P'Arthit and Ruth. I glared at them the entire time at the party and never could make myself approach him again.