Chapter 3

I stared wide-eyed at P'Arthit, my mind screaming. No, no, no. deny it. don't just stand there! I urged myself with everything I could to make my mouth open and I uttered, "What are you saying?"

It was a weak reply. P'Arthit knew that.

A smile played coyly on his lips then he moved even closer and gripped my chin. He pulled me closer and whispered. "You don't get it? Should I show you? "

"No! Don't!" I snapped out of my haze and shuffled blindly away only to land on my butt on the couch. P'Arthit laughed and skipped over before settling himself on my thighs.

"This position is perfect, remember this?"

I didn't want to but my mind wasn't able to block the memories of P'Arthit on top of me. On the bed, on the chair, on the kitchen counter, and even outside. When he got on top of me like this, I always lose control. Even now when I know better, know he was only provoking me and that nothing good would come out of this, my fingers twitched and I battled the urge to grip his ass and grind him into my crotch.

I groaned as the memory of the sensation from doing that flooded me. it is too much! I can't let this go any further.

While my reason was being tested I grabbed onto a rational thought. P'Arthit has a boyfriend. A lover. So he shouldn't be doing something like this to me.

"What about him?" I asked, hating how fast I was breathing. Why couldn't I keep my cool against him? With his lips so within reach I just can't take my eyes away and he wasn't moving either.

"Him who?"

I could feel P'Arthit's thighs pressing into me and lost focus for a moment. "The guy, that one that you came with. Isn't he your boyfriend?"

"Pete? I told you, he is the boss's son" he stopped. "Aren't you going to hold me?"

"No! "What a question. Did he really not see what he was doing to me? "W-why would you want that? For god's sake, we ended years ago."

"You mean you ran away years ago. How was it, living without me."

"Please P'Arthit," I am near tears with hunger, a need for him that I knew no way of fighting. Even the thought of Mary and the beautiful children we had together was barely holding against the force of my desire for him.

"Then admit it, I still turn you on."

"Yes Damn it. God yes." Shame washed over me at my admission but I won't take it back. I haven't felt like this in so long that I forgot it was possible to want so much. So much that all thought flees your mind and you are on the verge of throwing your life away. Only P'Arthit can provoke such things in me.

This is P'Arthit. This is the drug I ran away from fifteen years ago and it turns out I am still addicted to it.

P'Arthit got off me at last. I watched him walk up the stairs and out of sight. I am screwed. I cup my head in my hands, ashamed, thrilled, and devasted that I was thrilled. Why did I come here with him? I should have told Mary to postpone. I shouldn't have followed him home.

Fuck. I can't believe I still feel this way about him. What was it about P'Arthit that makes it so hard to resist? I have to leave before he comes back down. I have to get out of here before he tempts me again with what I cannot have. I don't trust myself enough to resist a second time.

I stay rooted in place. I couldn't leave even as my mind replayed the memory from fifteen years ago. I... had really loved him, with everything. I was so in love with P'Arthit and I really thought I couldn't live without him. P'Arthit wasn't a good person. he was a bully who liked harassing his juniors, hazing them, and being cruel. I don't know why I tested him, pushed past his arrogance, and harassed him back. Before I realized it, he was all I could think about.

I pursued P'Arthit first. A girl and I were actually after him at the time and in the end P'Arthit chose me, or I thought he did. Things were great initially if I looked past the bullying, the neglect, and the lack of commitment. Sex was always great but when we weren't having sex, P'Arthit was mean and treated me like a toy. He didn't value my opinion and lorded over me. It didn't matter that I topped him every night, out of the bed, P'Arthit was my king, and I didn't really mind. As long as I was his king too.

I wasn't.

He neglected our relationship and didn't even treat it like it was a relationship. I understood he didn't want to come out yet and that's why I was just his funny junior brother to the world but why did he always treat me like a parasite? Sometimes P'Arthit would want me, completely and would be so sweet, vulnerable, and needy. I am weak to him when he is like that, I won't deny him anything. Even if I was angry at him for something he did, when he wanted me, no matter where I am and what I am doing I would go to him. Always. My friends called me his lap dog and even though I didn't think that way at the time maybe I was. It was that pathetic how much I would do for P'Arthit.

But P'Arthit finally crossed the line. He attended her birthday.

At the time I knew people said they were dating but when I demanded answers, he swore to me nothing was going on. That day when he attended her birthday, I went too and I caught them. I was enraged, and after the fact I knew I shouldn't have but I attacked P'Arthit.

I knew he had been sleeping with her all this time, two-timing us, and yet lied about it. We physically fought and because I loved him so much while he didn't give a shit, I didn't hurt him, but P'Arthit picked up a weapon and brutally wounded me, landing me in a hospital bed needing seventeen stitches.

He apologized for it but I knew then I was done, that he was going to be the death of me. I was crazy jealous of anyone who looked or touched him. I knew I would either kill someone over P'Arthit or get killed over him. That's why I had to walk away. Being in love with him was becoming life-threatening. Since I was so weak to him, I had to go far where I would not be found and that was another country.

I should have known he would still have this effect on me. I can't tell Mary that I am still attracted to him. She accepts a lot but not this. I just can't let her carry this weight for me.

"You are still here," P'Arthit said and returned with a new shirt and suit.

"Are you going out? " I asked despite myself.

"Yes, I have plans."

"Then why bring me here."

He lifted and lowered his eyebrows. "didn't you want me to sign some document."

I stared. That's right. The document. They are still in the car. "About that, P'Arthit I don't think I can work with you."

"Oh really."

"I am fiercely attracted to you." I saw the surprise on his face and didn't let it fool me. I am not foolish, I can see how this end. Eventually, I am going to break and give in to the madness that grips me whenever he is around. "So I can't work with you."

"That's not good enough." His words were harsh but I didn't rise to it.

"How can I work with you when I get like this just looking at you?"

"Then that's how it is. That's how it has always been. You don't have any control over it." his words were said simply with casual finality.

"I am married P'Arthit," I stressed the word, grinding my teeth together.

"And I don't care. Your wife comes second to what I want. Fifteen years Kongpob," he walked towards me. "I have gone without you for that long, no more."

"What do you mean?"

He doesn't answer. "What the hell do you mean? It's all your fault, isn't it? Because I am mad, because I go mad every time for you, you-"

"I admit that I wasn't good to you. I was dealing with my mother's abuse at the time and though it is a no-good excuse for how I treated you, I couldn't help it. Perhaps I shouldn't have gotten into a relationship so quickly while I was still dealing with everything, but I couldn't risk losing you to someone else."

"No one else wanted me."

His eyes dimmed. "You still don't get it huh? That girl you fought for, you thought I was sleeping with her, right?"

I stared at him then took a step back, shaking my head. "No, don't say it."

"I wasn't sleeping with her, you dumbass. I thought you were..."he paused, "I thought you fought with me because you were jealous. I thought you liked her and that seeing me with her was what drove you insane."

"What," my chest trembled, "you are kidding me."

"She was your friend and you kept talking about if I was seeing her. You were obsessed. I thought you wanted her so I pretended that I was with her to see your reaction and you attacked me."

"Because I thought you betrayed me. Because I couldn't bear the thought of anyone else with you. You thought I fought you for her?"
That was so fucking absurd. I laughed. "Couldn't you see how insanely in love with you I was?!"

"I couldn't," he responded silently. "I mean why would you with the way I was treating you, hiding our relationship like it was shameful? I thought for sure you were planning to leave me with her."

"No," my chest caved with pain and shock. "Stop talking. How could you come into my life now and say that to me."

"You think I wanted to wait until now to say this? Where the fuck did you go! Once I realized that it wasn't because of her, I realized how badly I messed up and wanted to take it all back but you were fucking gone."

"No P'Arthit, it's too late."

"Says who. You are not walking away from me again, Kongpob and you know it."

I shuddered and started to beg because as he put it, I knew without my anger without my pain from the past, what was I but a fool who was married to someone who wasn't the love of his life? "Please, P'Arthit. Don't do this to me, don't ruin my life."

He cupped my face and said, "I don't plan to, just make me a part of that life, Kongpob. "He was deathly serious. "I won't accept otherwise. I have as much right to you as your wife does."

I couldn't say anything to that. I stood there trembling and completely entranced by this man who would always be the love of my life.

Author's note: I hope you enjoyed reading that because it is the final chapter of this story. I never planned any elaborate plot for this and I kind of just let my imagination run after the end of this chapter, I suggest you guys do the same too. I have a new story coming up soon so look out for that one. It's the usual length too. Thanks for reading and please leave me a vote before you go.