"First, you think the worst is a broken heart. What's gonna kill you is the second part. And third is world splits down the middle. And fourth, you're gonna think that you fixed yourself. Fifth, you see them out with someone else. And the sixth is when you admit that you may have fucked up a little."

- Six Degrees of Separation, The Script

6. Collateral Damage

"What's up, Taehyung?" Park Seo Joon is on the other line catching up with Taehyung after a year of not seeing each other since he moved to the US to continue his studies. Taehyung sat on the couch. He can't continue the call on his room because Seokjin is sleeping there. It's two a.m. and he can't sleep. he misses Yoongi, so he called Seo Joon to keep his mind off of him.

"Nothing new." He grinned. "Oh, and by the way, I am with Jin-hyung already, and he really believes that I love him!"

He had the audacity to laugh, Seo Joon thought.

"Tae ..." he groaned. Seo Joon is clearly displeased with his friend's behavior. He tried many times to warn him and stop his wicked plans, but it fell on deaf ears. Taehyung just refuses to see his point. "You yourself knows how painful it is for your feelings to be played with. Why are you doing this to him?"

"I told you why."

Seo Joon sighed. "You call him hyung, but you disrespect the shit out of him. What happened to my sweet darling Taehyung?"

"Yoongi happened."

"But that doesn't give you the right to be another "Yoongi" in someone else's life!" he spoke angrily. "You know what, fuck you! Fuck this friendship! I will tell Seokjin everything so your plan will be ruined, and I can save him from you, asshole!"

Taehyung gave a smug smile at him. "Do it."

Seo Joon stopped his tracks, "What?"

"I said do it, Seo Joon-HYUNG. He won't believe you. He is head over heels for me."

Seo Joon squinted his eyes. "You bet I would do it!"

Taehyung ended the call and went back to Seokjin's room. He found his sleeping figure and mumbled, "Collateral Damage. I'm sorry, I just had to do this."

He walked closer to the bed after shutting the door. He was about to lay down when he noticed a wet patch in the pillow Seokjin is lying on. Maybe drool, he thought.

==

"Uhm, I'm not in the mood for eating right now, Tae, sorry." He pushed the tray to the bed.

Taehyung quickly lifted it off the bed and with a questioning look, he asked Seokjin, "Do you happen to crave anything for breakfast? I will cook it for you, you just have to ask."

The friendly smile on his face took Seokjin aback. He quietly investigates insincerity in Taehyung's actions. He admits, he is hopeful that what the younger said is true, but he can't help it. This is so unlike Taehyung, both eighteen-year-old Taehyung and twenty-eight-year-old Taehyung won't do it for him, not unless ...

"I don't like anything Taehyung." he mustered a forced smile. "Tell me, why are you doing this? Anything bothering you? You miss Yoongi, don't you?"

Taehyung's brows arched by the mention of the name. he was about to ask why when another wave of flashbacks came rushing in.

==

"What's the occasion, darling?"

Seokjin excitedly giggled while looking at his hands that is intertwined with Taehyung as he was being dragged outside to the car. It has been snowing on Seoul and Taehyung asked him to dress up because they are going out. he really felt so giddy at that. Taehyung rarely asks him out, so he won't miss this for the world.

"Nothing, love." He replied as they enter inside the fancy restaurant. "Just want to do it."

A gasp escaped out of his lips when Taehyung even pulled a chair for him. his heart swelled with affection. He quickly moved and kissed Taehyung on the cheeks. For the first time, he was not called out for being too clingy. He almost squealed and blushed.

Taehyung just kept his eyes on Seokjin as he looked at the menu thinking hard what to order. He knew that the other is probably seeing what food to eat that will not make him fat. Taehyung remembered telling Seokjin one time that he eats too much and since that day, he started looking at what he eats. And it's highly effective. Taehyung can already see the effects, Seokjin indeed get tinier.

But tonight, he wants Seokjin to entertain him, so he spoke, "You can order anything today, maybe a steak. Order a lot. Consider this your cheat day."

The elder's eyes sparkled and quickly told the waiter to give him a piece of steak and mashed potatoes. He thanked Taehyung over and over and told him that he is already salivating just by the thought of eating meat again. he just chuckled; he has no time to talk. He is just here to entertain himself, and make himself feel good, and who is the best candidate for that? Yes, Seokjin.

He just saw an IG post with Yoongi's face on it. He is so happy with Namjoon and from what he heard the two is already opting for adoption. He threw his phone to the nearest wall when he saw that. He can't accept that Yoongi is happy without him. but that's not the worst, he also found out from Jimin – accidentally, for the record – that Seokjin begged Yoongi to give Tae a chance. It angered him more than he already is, and he is more determined to hurt the guy in front of him who is now already eating happily.

His plan goes like this: Make Seokjin fall, talk about Yoongi ALL THE FUCKING TIME, make sure he feels he is unwanted until he gives up and feels the pain of rejection coursing in every vein of his body.

He smiled wickedly.

"I miss Yoongi," he faked mumbled. He saw the older stopped himself halfway before swallowing the meat on his mouth.

"Excuse me, what?"

He feigned innocence.

"Huh?"

"I think I heard you say something," he said again and smiled. "You missed Yoongi, you say? I miss him too. And I know you do too."

The older reached for his hand, but before he can even touch him, he pulled his hand away. Seokjin awkwardly smiled mumbling a sorry. "But ... We are here together; we can be happy too! Do whatever you want with me, as long as you'd be happy."

He internally smirked, Seokjin is digging his own grave.

"Will it be okay if I tell you I really miss him? like so much, I still dream of his hugs and kisses, love. I wish he is here instead." Seokjin bit his lips.

Victory is when he can inflict pain to Seokjin. It's a little dose of what he felt. What he is doing is nothing compared to the sleepless nights he has endured crying because he can't understand why Yoongi won't choose him. he did everything for the man, but he just left him for his first love. His good for nothing first love.

"I-I told you ... y-you can tell me everything darling. That's what I'm here for, right?"

"Yeah."

He sighed, game on.

"I miss him loving me, love. You know, he is the one that got away. He is IT for me. I can't find anyone else for me. I'd rather die than replace him." He almost want to do a victory dance when his sparkly eyes turned dead and is on the brink of tears as he continued speaking "I sometimes imagine he was you, hyung."

And that did it.

"I'm going to the rest room, let's go home after. I'll drive. Let's talk about this at home."

Taehyung just nodded his head and smiled at himself. He is so good at this. And it oddly feels so satisfying.

Seokjin returned after ten minutes with red nose and puffy eyes. "Come,"

He even faked a smile and walked outside ahead of Taehyung.

He is right, Seokjin did entertained him that night. It's only a bonus that he gets to fuck the older ruthlessly.

==

Series of those types of memories kept playing in his head. In the course of six years, they have been together, not once did he did that. It's a lot. He put down the tray in his hand on the nearest table and walked towards Seokjin with a bank expression.

"Taehyung, what's happening?"

He didn't respond, but he climbed the bed and hugged him. "Am I right? Are you missing Yoongi? What did you saw this time?"

His heart clenched when Seokjin hugged him back and patted his hair like a kid.

"It's okay, I'm here. Do what you want, just smile again, darling."

The implication is a mystery to Taehyung, but he just hugged him tighter.

"Everything will be okay, hyung is here."

Taehyung is sure that Seokjin can feel his heart beating loudly on his ribcage, but he doesn't care. "I'm sorry, hyung."

Seokjin stopped humming. "Why? You did nothing wrong, Taehyung."

"I do!" he yelled. He moved away from the hug and faced Seokjin. "I wronged you, a lot of times, please let me make it up to you. Let's start all over again. I will be a better fiancé to you. This time, no lies, no pretenses, I promise!"

Seokjin shook his head while chuckling.

"You don't love me, Tae. Don't do this. You will regret it."

"Then, if you think so, won't this be the perfect chance to walk away, Jin-hyung? I don't remember a lot and it will be easier for you to leave me. Why are you still staying?"

Seokjin turned serious. He was stunned at first seeing that kind of expression to the usually kind face. He looks so intimidating.

"I won't leave not unless you tell me so. I won't leave not unless YOU are leaving first or throw me out of your life. And I am sure, once you retain your memories back, you will definitely do that. I'm just waiting for that day to happen Taehyung and I will be out of your hair."

"Don't you want us to be okay?" he asked.

Seokjin scoffed, obviously trying so hard not to let the dam fall.

"Are you hearing yourself? You know how much I love you, I dream of that every second of the day, but I also know that we are not on the same page. So why would I try and fix it when you don't fully know who you are yet? I don't want to make good memories with you. It will be harder to let go."

He held Seokjin's hands.

"I will change, promise! Just give me a chance!"

Seokjin looked at his eyes with a pointed look. "One question. Do you love me?"

He let his mouth hung open. Seokjin's eyes looked defeated.

"Why are you doing this exactly?"

"I ... I feel so horrible. I keep remembering what I did to you and it's just unacceptable, hyung. I am so sorry."

Seokjin kissed his forehead.

"I am okay with just this. You don't have to love me, you know?"

"But I want to! You seem to be a good person, you are perfect!" he exclaimed. A tear fell from Seokjin's eyes.

"JUST TELL ME WHY!? FUCK JUST TELL ME WHY WHAT ARE YOU PLANNING! IS HURTING ME NOT ENOUGH! WHAT MORE!" Taehyung widened his eyes at the sudden outburst. "I AGREED ON ARRYING YOU WITH THE KNOWLEDGE OF WHAT YOU ARE GOING TO DO! I KNOW YOU WILL DITCH ME, I KNOW IT ALL! I FUCKING KNOW IT ALL, SO JUST TELL ME NOW, WHAT MORE DO YOU WANT! AREN'T YOU TIRED OF PLAYING WITH MY FEELINGS!"

"H-hyung, w-what?"

With gritted teeth, Seokjin fisted Taehyung's shirt, "I know everything, Taehyung. Everything! You don't know how much I wanted to punch you so much, until you bleed, just because of that."

Anger. That's all he can see, but when he let his eye wander to the deepest part in Seokjin's soul, he still saw it. Love.

Something inside of him stirred. But before he can name it, he jolted, "What do you mean everything?"

"Six years ago, Park Seo Joon." He whispered, face close. "But, I don't need Seo Joon, I heard it all."

Then, he felt something wet dropped on his cheeks. Seokjin is crying. Again.

"I heard it and I'm stupidly in love to let you go." He loosened his grip.

Taehyung gathered Seokjin's hands. They were trembling.

"I'm so sorry, Jin-hyung, so, so sorry. Please forgive me." Then he did what he thinks was the best thing to do.

He kissed Seokjin.

"Fuck you."

He was rewarded with slap after slap.

"Go to hell!"

Then a punch went straight to his jaw.

"I'm doomed ..." he whispered. "Why do I still love you even after everything?"

He just watched while Seokjin kept mumbling things to himself. It will be a while before Seokjin can forgive him.