Chapter 10

I could see P'Arthit standing in front of his car so I jogged over. He glanced at me. "How are you here?"

"Well just like you, I wanted to come and visit Puna because I was worried."

His face turned annoyed, "why would you be worried, what does it have to do with you."

"Puna is my friend?" I shook my head, "I know she is your girlfriend P'Arthit and it's okay that I like her as a person and I am concerned for her even if—"

"Okay," he cut me off as if he couldn't stand to hear anymore. "Fine, I'm here now so you can go."

"What are you planning to do?" he didn't respond. "Are you planning to wait outside all night?"

"I need to know that she is alright," he said. He looked so honestly worried that my heart jerked in agitation. Is he in love with her? He told me that they only started dating a few months ago. Was that enough time to fall in love with someone? Eight years hadn't been enough to stop loving P'Arthit, no matter how hard I tried, I was just too deeply in and I couldn't get out and it hadn't taken all that long for me to fall in love with him in the first place.

I didn't ask him this and decided to follow along with him. "Okay, I do too. If you want to wait then I'll wait with you."

"Kongpob," he groaned and looked sideways at me.

"I am not going to speak if that will make it better but I am not leaving." He shifted his feet and looked at his car. I was worried he would leave after all but then he leaned on it and we stayed there silently.

He didn't say one word for many minutes. I didn't have the luxury to not talk to him. In three days I would be leaving. I know I have been looking forward to it but each time I remembered how soon it would be my stomach drops. "P'Arthit, "I said, "you didn't go home before coming here. Aren't you hungry?"

"A little," he responded immediately. I smiled.

"Should I get you something to eat?"

"No," he said.

"P'Arthit, I know how you feel about me, I know that you can't stand me because I do things that make you mad, but I am leaving soon. You won't have to see me anymore so at least, don't shut me out until then."

He exhaled, "I am not trying to shut you out, or whatever you are thinking. This is just easier for me than..." he stopped, "I can't be like you and just do whatever I want without worrying about the repercussions."

"Why? It's easy," I smiled and took his hand in mine jokingly. "I guess it makes me a bad person." The smile slowly faded from my face.

He was looking at our hands then he shook his head,
"no, you are not. I'm sorry that I pushed you away all this time." I don't know what shocked me more, that he said that or the fact that he was letting me touch him and not pull away. We didn't talk about it and I pretended not to remember but I do remember what happened two nights ago in my car. P'Arthit had rejected me as he should. I never should have kissed him.

"If you are feeling this way does that mean we can see each other without any ill feelings from now on."

He glanced at me and didn't answer back but I took it as an okay. I don't know why P'Arthit was being agreeable, especially how we left things last night. Maybe it was the fact that he wouldn't have to deal with me much longer soon. I let the thought go before it hurt me. I won't be that foolish person from last night who couldn't take a hint already. I will stay with P'Arthit for a little bit and then leave.

"P'Arthit," I released his hand, "there is a place across the street, do you want to go and eat there while we wait for Puna."

He looked at Puna's apartment building, shrugged and we both crossed the street to eat. The vendor had a little umbrella, bench and table for people to seat. They only sold snacks so P'Arthit and I ordered some and began to eat.

"So how long have you known Puna, is she the type that usually skips work?" I started the conversation.

"No, she isn't. She is very serious about her work." We fell into silence for a bit. "What about you, how do you know where Puna lives. You've only been around for a week and some days."

I grinned, "My charms can get me anywhere."

"Yeah, charms. You know you can be very pushy Kongpob."

"Hey, I didn't force Puna to give me her address, I was in this neighborhood one day when I saw her. She showed me where she lives."

P'Arthit groaned and shook his head, "that's reason for you to come and check on her when she missed one day of work?"

"I wasn't coming to check on her in the first place, I was around and I thought I would."

The truth was, Puna felt like my only connection to P'Arthit. Since I was scared to go directly to him I used this method. The cowardly method. "P'Arthit, I really don't know what you are implying."

"I'm not implying anything. I just remembered that you were a little too good at making friends with girls and at getting them to fall for you," his eyes told me he was being playful.

"That's not fair P'Arthit, I never tried to get anyone to fall for me. You know that."

"I don't know." he turned and avoided me even as I pleaded with him to take it back. P'Arthit was being so unfair.

I smiled and took a sip of my drink. As I glanced out toward Puna's apartment, I saw her just coming in. it was a little dark but I could still see her hair and shoulders as she ducked towards her apartment building. I meant to alert P'Arthit who was looking towards the counter, but Puna was being pulled by a man taller than her. My voice died in my throat as I noticed that they were being a little too close for any other kind of relationship. His arms were around her, drawing her close while she tried to draw away but still remained close. As if to clear all my doubts, the man kissed her and then he departed. Puna stood to wave goodbye and then she too went her way.

"What's wrong with your face?" P'Arthit asked. He must have noticed my silence and turned to observe me. "Kongpob, what's wrong. What are you looking at?"

I looked at him then at where Puna was just leaving. P'Arthit followed my gaze but didn't see anything as Puna was already in her apartment building. "What are you staring at?"

"P'Arthit, can you try Puna one more time. Something tells me she would pick this time." His brows furrowed but he complied. I could see immediately when Puna picked. P'Arthit's eyes flickered to me then towards her house. He got up immediately.

"When did you go up? I am outside your apartment building and I didn't see you go up."

At the side, I could hear snippets of the conversation. I played with the napkin on my table and tried not to look distressed. I wasn't sure how to process this situation. What was I supposed to say to P'Arthit? Considering that P'Arthit just admitted to being around at when she kissed that guy I bet she was wondering if he saw something. Even if she realized that he didn't, was I supposed to say anything? P'Arthit already thinks I am pathetic for the way I acted the last night, if I tell him what I saw, he would just think that I am even more pathetic and that I am trying to sabotage his relationship. He wouldn't believe me. I don't believe me; I don't believe that my motives would be pure if I told him the truth. I never acknowledged it but P'Arthit's relationship with Puna frightens me. I want to be far away before anything serious happens between them. I want to be able to forget. Sabotaging them wouldn't help me get away from P'Arthit. Already I am starting to forget why I was fighting so hard to stay away; I was losing to a need so strong I couldn't even fight back. If P'Arthit was available again in front of my eyes, I would give in completely.

"Kongpob?" I blinked at the third call of my name. P'Arthit was leaning on the table and looking at me. "Do you still want to stay here, I need to go up and talk to Puna."

I blinked again and shook my head. "No, I should probably go."

"You sure?" it sounded a little like he didn't want me to which honestly made my heart soft all over. I nodded and walked out from between the table and bench. "Okay. I won't take long though if you want a ride."

I hesitated. It was a little too sweet that he didn't want me to go this much and therefore hard to resist. I still only had two days left. "Okay, I'll wait."

He smiled and walked off towards Puna's apartment building. I watched his back until it went behind the door then I followed, crossed the road and stood by his car. It was 7:15 at the time.

Arthit

Telling Kongpob to wait for me, what am I thinking? He was right though; he only has two days so what was the point of pushing him away. Soon I won't see him ever again. I make it seem easy to Kongpob when I told him to go away when I acted like this was fine for me but it wasn't. I am not fine with any of this, but what can I do about it. Kongpob wanted what he wanted and in that position, I was second.

Puna's apartment was on the third floor. As I reached the door she opened. Her face looked a little blown like she has been in the wind all day, and a little flushed. "Arthit" she said breathlessly, "Um, sorry I saw all your missed calls."

I only wanted to see that she was okay and she was. "Yeah, sorry for calling so many times, I was worried when you didn't pick your phone and when you didn't show up at all for work."

"I left a message with P'Tira." She said and shook her head, "I couldn't get you last night and I was in a hurry so I left a message with her."

"Oh, she must have forgotten then," I said. P'Tira, the secretary to the director next to my office hadn't said a word to me, I guess I should have asked her, she and Puna where close.

"So what happened, why didn't you come to work."

"Uh," she glanced around and then walked backwards into her house. "Do you want to come in, I need to change."

I nodded easily and entered. She shut the door behind me quietly but didn't move away immediately. I got the feeling that she was nervous. This wasn't my first time in her house but I must admit that there really hasn't been many.

"I'll just," she looked flustered, her cheeks slightly red, "just wait for a minute." I didn't give her a responds before she took off to her bedroom.

In terms of style, Puna's apartment looked pretty simple, a living room with a kitchen demarcation, a window balcony. She also likes the simple taste too, the furniture was mostly wicker.

After taking a look around I was starting to tap my car keys on my thigh as I thought of Kongpob still waiting downstairs for me. I had told him I wouldn't be long so I should hurry and get down there soon.

"Arthit, why aren't you seating?" she returned dressed in a very silk nightgown and I could tell she was wearing no bra. I avoided her, my eyes going a little wide.

"I uh, I was going to go down after..."

"Don't be in a rush, seat down. We haven't had this kind of opportunity before," she said. I felt her hands pushing my chest so I reluctantly sat down.

"Actually there is someone waiting downstairs for me," I said. She didn't seem to be listening at all as she sat on the hand of the chair and looked at me. "What um is wrong?"

"Nothing, I am just admiring you, Arthit. You know, you are the best looking man I have ever dated. When you accepted to go out with me I thought I hit the jackpot."

I laughed awkwardly, "Really, I am not that good looking."

"You are, you are just..." she breathes, "so emotionally unavailable. I just wish you would give me a little chance to get to know you better."

By getting to know, something tells me it didn't mean my likes and dislikes. "Puna, you, the way you are dressed it's a little distracting."

"It is?" she sounded delighted instead of shy. I wasn't used to seeing Puna like this, it made me worry. Just as I would ask her if she was alright she leaned down and kissed me. I could smell the makeup on her, and her perfume. She pulled away after a moment, looked at me then cupped my face. I knew she was going to kiss me again. I didn't move and allowed her to kiss me, even returning the kiss.

Puna is my girlfriend, if I couldn't kiss her then who could I kiss. I put my hand on her arm and slowly pulled her away, she was seating on my lap now. "Puna, I don't think..."

"Don't think. Don't think Arthit. This feels good doesn't it, it feels good so let's keep doing It." she took my hand and placed it on her breast. It wasn't my first time touching a woman's breast but I flinched like I touched fire. I knew that was the worse reaction as Puna froze.

We sat in silence, our breathing and the honks of cars outside the only noise. "You don't like me, do you, Arthit?"

"What?" my response was really weak. I already knew I did not love Puna, I already knew that compared to Kongpob what I felt for her wouldn't even fill a teaspoon, but she was good to me, she was kind and she didn't push me. She didn't ask for too much like all the others which was why our relationship lasted this long, that and the fact that she worked for me.

"It's been three months, Arthit. Why won't you touch me?" she had her head lowered and her hair falling over her face. "Do you not find me attractive? Am I disgusting to you?"

"No," I said sincerely.

"Then kiss me, make love to me. I want to feel that you and I are one, I want to feel you," she hastily started pulling at my buttons and I grabbed her hands to stop her bus she fought me, much to my shock and dismay. "Let's cross the line, you don't have to worry about my modesty or whatever it is you are worrying about."

"That's not it," I said strongly as I kept her from opening anymore buttons. I was still wearing my work clothes and there was a white vest still within my shirt so even though there weren't many buttons still in their loop, my body wasn't open.

"Then, is it him?"

My heart skipped, "the person you can't forget. That person?"

I didn't reply. For a moment I thought Puna was talking about Kongpob. Before we started dating, I came out honestly to Puna that I had a boyfriend in the past, that I have dated men as well as women. I didn't want her to be shocked or hurt if we got serious so I just told her. I never went into any details but she must have concluded on her own that I was still attached to my former boyfriend. To Kongpob. My heart ached just thinking about him. I wasn't over him, I never will be.

I didn't answer her. Puna rose from me and I let her go. She stood with her hair still hiding her face then she pulled them away. I was glad to see her dry eyes. "I'm sorry," she said. "I cheated on you today. I saw you becoming more and more distant and though I told myself it was okay and not to worry about it, I still couldn't do it. It got to me so much that I had to skip work and when I was at the bar I met a man and he slept with me. I realized P'Arthit there is nothing wrong with me, it's just you that has to decide whether you want to be with me or still cling to a memory. But for now I think... I think that..." her voice cut off and I stood.

"I know, I'm sorry." Lending her my shoulder to cry on right now seems pretty stupid. "I have a lot to figure out, I'm sorry that you suffered so much."

"Yeah, so that's why I am cutting it short before it gets even harder. I know you want to keep trying Arthit, but I keep falling for you and the thought of what awaits me just makes me feel so bad. I have to disconnect myself from this."

I wished I didn't agree with her so completely. Puna and I had no chemistry. Well, I wasn't attracted to her and it was safe to hide behind her but that needed to stop. I was obviously hurting her simply by standing there. I should have been jealous, hurt that she cheated on me but the whole time since I saw Kongpob haven't I been cheating on her with him. I may not have slept with him but I have thought if it, every day since and I couldn't stop thinking about it. The thought of kissing him keeps me tormented all night. I have to let her go.

"I'm sorry, Puna." I said. She nodded, rubbed her hand on her face and walked to the door.

"I hope you don't mind me not coming to work for a day or two."

"Yeah, it's fine." Before I finished my words she shut the door.