I would wake up in the middle of the night just to send you a meaningless text and and call you just to listen to your steady heartbeats, slowly nourish my will to live and smile to carry on with life. Often i would listen to your mellifluous voice, talking about how tough life is or just simply describing your new girlfriend and i silently wonder: What are we?

It is not right to feel this lonely when i only wish for your happiness and joy, just to drown in my own tears at night, eyes turn glassy and things become distorted. We hold hands, we hug, we share secret kisses after school, yet i cannot put a finger on my distress. The sudden sadness  when you caress your new girlfriend's hair, the churning of my stomach when you kiss her in the classroom or the bitter awareness that i will never be enough for you, will rot me to the core of hatred and distraught.

You are a peculiar person. You always say that you have everything yet when the lights are out and our bodies are pressed against each other, you whisper that you only have me. When stars explode in your eyes and your layers are slowly being torn off, you come to me in mourning and sadness, just to go hand in hand with a new person the following day. But i do not mind it, because my false hope is a pretty lie.

I hope that one day, i will finally be enough.

Lies are made for a purpose, to cover up the painful truth that a coward like me can never face. Your rectangular smile, your caring words, your cheerful giggles, they are all parts of a cosmic universe that is too far and too good for me, so i lock myself up in seclusion and dream of fantasies that can never come true.

One day, it will be over. Maybe tomorrow or maybe just a split second from now, my phone will ring and your stern, hard voice would tell me to forget it all and get over you because you finally found the one. But you should, must not know that to me, you are the one.

If all of it is just a joke or a mistake of our wild youths to you, let it be.

But even when i am completely abandoned in oblivion, my dear, i still hope we were truly in love.