Waiting for Emma to return home was complete torture. Finbarr kept waiting for her to storm into his fields as he worked and slap him senseless. He kept an ear to the ground, waiting to hear about her return to Hope Springs, but his anxiety grew each moment she was gone. Not only was he worried for her safety, but he was worried about what her reaction might be to his letter.

He sighed, pushing thoughts of Emma away. The truth was he was more than frustrated with himself. If he had just told her the truth in the first place, she wouldn't have left Hope Springs on bad terms with him.

Tavish's oldest, Matthew, laughed joyously as he led him around on his horse. He had recently purchased a quality saddle, and now all the children in Hope Springs were lining up for a turn to ride it. Finbarr didn't know where Tavish found the time to entertain all these children when it was berry season, but he somehow managed it.

"Uncle Finbarr!" Matthew cried from a distance. "I'm riding the horse!"

"You're doing great!" Finbarr shouted, a smile on his face. He had no idea if it was the actual truth, but from how excited his nephew sounded, it seemed to be the case.

Footsteps approached him, and the person they belonged to didn't need to speak for Finbarr to know they belonged to Cecily. Though he was certain it was the cane scraping against the ground that gave her away.

"Briana and Matthew are having the time of their lives, aren't they?" Cecily said with amusement shining through her voice. "I don't know who's enjoying this more: the children or Tavish. He just loves being a father."

Although Cecily had confided in Finbarr about her struggles to get pregnant again after giving birth to Matthew, she hadn't told very many people other than him. He guarded the bit of information with his life.

"What is it like?" he asked, listening to the children laugh and squeal. "To be a mother to children you can't see?"

She sighed, a sound so sad it made his own heart ache. "It's awful, Finbarr. I won't lie to you. When Matthew was just a baby, it was easy because he was always where I put him last. But when he started to crawl and walk... Sometimes he would fall and Tavish would be out in the fields. He would cry, and the best I could do was pick him up and soothe him. If he was bleeding, I wouldn't know. If he hit his head, I wouldn't know. There is so much of their world I'm missing, and for the children's sake, I pretend it doesn't hurt."

Not for the first time, he ached for the things he would never be able to see. He wanted a family of his own one day, but he didn't know yet if that was a reality for him. Single women were few in Hope Springs, especially those he wasn't related to. And finding a wife who would be alright with his...condition...narrowed his choices even more. Even then, there was only one woman he wanted, and he had little hope she would forgive him for hurting her. He would try his hardest to make up sweet to her, and he wouldn't stop trying even if she rebuffed him. If that didn't work... He would have to make due living as a bachelor his entire life.

The thought didn't sit well with him.

"But Matthew has grown up wonderfully," he said, trying to lighten her mood. "You have done an incredible job, Cecily. The lad adores you."

"Thank you," she said, reaching out to squeeze his hand.

"Finbarr!" Ian's voice called out, and a moment later, a strong hand slapped him on the back. "I think it's your turn to ride in the saddle."

"Ha-ha. Very funny, Ian," Finbarr replied sarcastically with a roll of his eyes. "I think you need to work on your joke telling. You're getting a bit rusty."

Ian had never been one to joke often, which made his palms sweat with worry. The last thing he wanted to do was climb up in the saddle, several feet off the ground with no way to tell which direction the horse was headed. He preferred the safety of his dog, his cane, and his two steady feet planted firmly on the ground.

Still, Ian prodded him forward with a hand to his shoulder. "I'm serious. Everyone needs to know how to ride a horse. Even you."

"Even me?" he squeaked, digging his heels into the ground despite his brother dragging him toward the large animal. The horse nickered and pawed at the ground, as if he was as anxious as Finbarr. "What if he bucks me off? What if I fall? What if—"

"What if you do great?" Ian said, giving his shoulders a reassuring squeeze. "You've conquered far more than a tame horse. You can do this as well."

Ian grabbed his hand and placed it on the pommel of the empty saddle, but he found that his limbs had already frozen. This animal would kill him. There was no way he was going to ride.

"Nuh uh," Finbarr shook his head, attempting to back away, but he backed straight into Ian who once again placed his hand on the pommel. "I can't ride this horse. I won't do it."

"You'd better because Emma is here," Ian said, and all of the blood drained from Finbarr's face, his limbs freezing over to the point of no return. He was petrified. Emma was here? When had she returned?

Ian burst into laughter and slapped him on the shoulder. "I was joking. How was that for being rusty? But even if Emma was here, wouldn't you want to impress her?"

Finbarr snarled and pushed his brother away in annoyance. For a moment, he nearly had a heart attack. "I hate you, Ian. How did you even find out anyway?"

"Biddy saw the kiss at the ceílí and she told me. Does Emma know you're smitten? Because the entire family knows at this point."

"Ugh," he muttered under his breath as he determinedly took the pommel of the saddle in both his hands. The horse flicked him with its tail, creating a high-pitched whipping noise as if he was just as unhappy about the arrangement as Finbarr was. "I hate you, Ian. I truly hate you."

"Good," Ian chuckled. "Now put that hate into riding the horse. Don't worry about falling. Both Tavish and I are here to catch you if necessary."

"Or we could just let him fall," Tavish suggested, and Finbarr could imagine his joke accompanied by a shrug of his shoulders. "It might knock some sense back into him."

"I've more sense than the lot of you combined, thank you," Finbarr said, feeling along the saddle for the stirrup. It was higher than he thought it would be. Horses made him nervous, and he hadn't been around Tavish's horse enough to know just how abnormally tall it was. The pounding hooves had made him believe it was large, but now he really didn't want to climb onto this horse. The fall was much further than he had originally anticipated.

Still, he held tight onto the pommel with both hands and somehow managed to step into the stirrup. The horse moved slightly, and for a moment, he clung on for dear life with one foot in the stirrup and one on the ground. His heart raced and he could feel his forehead begin to break out in a sweat. This was not his idea of a pleasant experience.

"There you go," Ian's voice said beside him, and he felt his brother's hand tap the foot that was stuck in the stirrup. "Now put all your weight on this foot and swing yourself over."

Finbarr shook his head, glad that Emma wasn't here to witness this humiliating event. "I'd rather get down. But my foot is quite stuck."

Tavish laughed, and his cheeks heated with embarrassment. "So you've mastered the whittling knife but you can't even swing yourself over a horse?"

With nostrils flaring, he put all his weight onto the foot in the stirrup and swung his other leg over the saddle, but he misjudged the distance and would have fallen right off the other side of the horse if Tavish hadn't caught him and righted him on the terrifying beast. He tucked his other foot in the second stirrup, his knuckles likely turning white from how tight he held onto the pommel.

The horse took a couple steps forward, and his heart nearly jumped from his chest in fright. He would rather take his chances with Ryan Callahan's baler than be at the mercy of this beast.

"Alright, I'm up. Now help me get down."

"Hold on tight," Tavish said with a grin in his voice, ignoring Finbarr's plea.

Sometimes he hated his older brothers.

He cried out in fright as the animal started forward, rocking him back and forth, side to side. It was all he could do just to hang on with a death grip and keep himself from falling off.

"Just do what you usually do," Ian said, his tone much kinder than Tavish's teasing one. "Feel which way the horse is going to move and adjust your body accordingly."

Finbarr shook his head again, his eyes wide as he continued to cling on. The last time he had ever ridden a horse was over ten years ago. And even then, he had ridden bareback, as no one had the money to afford a saddle back then. No one except Joseph, of course.

Thoughts of Joseph reminded him of Emma, which helped his determination come into play. He listened for the horse's movements, feeling each step with his legs. And soon enough, his body relaxed. He didn't let go of the pommel with either hand, but this was a start.

"Look at you!" someone cried not too far off, and he recognized the voice as belonging to his ma. "You're riding!"

"Ma!" he groaned, heat flaring in his cheeks. "I'm not ten years old."

Tavish laughed, as did several other people, and that's when he realized his brother had led him to their ma's house for dinner. It was quite a full house now that the O'Connor family was so large, so they often took their meal outside once a week when they ate as a family.

Someone touched his arm, which he assumed was Ian, and he gratefully allowed Ian to help him down from the horse. The moment his feet touched solid ground, he sighed in relief. He never wanted to get back on a horse for as long as he lived. He had survived this ordeal, but he might not survive the next.

"Wash up for supper, Finbarr," Ma said, wrapping her arms around his waist. She seemed shorter than he remembered. But then again, he had just been on a ten foot tall horse. Or so it seemed.

"Yes, Ma," he replied. He reached for her face to help guide him as he kissed her cheek.

"Will Emma be joining us?"

For what felt like the thousandth time that day, he blushed deeply, and he pulled his hat further down over his face to try and hide it. He was mortified that everyone knew of his affection for Emma. Everyone but Emma, that was. If she found out his feelings from someone other than himself, he would die of embarrassment.

"She's out of town," he said, pushing past his ma to wash up for dinner. He didn't know if he could handle one more jab at his seemingly obvious fancy for a woman that just might be out of his reach.

Da had started a cautiously contained bonfire, and each family member sat on logs surrounding the fire, eating supper together. Ma had even baked biscuits, which was a treat far too tempting to save for after dinner. Finbarr heard Matthew crunching on biscuits even after Cecily specifically told him not to until after supper, and if he could hear it, he didn't doubt Cecily could as well. For being as stern with Finbarr as she had been when she had first arrived in Hope Springs, her little Matthew had her wrapped around his little finger.

"Good evening, Finbarr," his sister-in-law, Biddy, said as she sat next to him, an arm around his waist. She leaned her head on his shoulder, and he smiled. Although he had been about five years old when he had first met Biddy, he had taken to her immediately. Even now, he still adored her and her feisty spirit.

"A pleasure to sit with you, as always," he replied, handing her one of the biscuits he had taken from the table earlier, and she accepted it with a chuckle. "How are you?"

She sighed dramatically. "I'm feeling a bit blue, I 'spose. My youngest said to me this morning that I look like I haven't combed m'hair in weeks. You think I look beautiful, don't you, Finbarr?"

Finbarr laughed and gave Biddy a one-armed hug. "You look extremely beautiful, Biddy."

They both laughed, knowing he couldn't see a thing. It felt good to finally be able to laugh about his condition. Being blind was a part of who he was now, even if it was a heartbreaking and difficult part. But it had shaped him into the man he had become.

"Play a song for us, will you, Finbarr?" his sister, Ciara, asked.

"Grady doesn't like it when I play."

"Your dog can put up with it for a few minutes," she laughed. "Please?"

All voices silenced around the fire expectantly, and he chuckled as he pulled out his penny whistle. He knew they would ask. Last week, they had asked Ryan to play the pipes. The week prior, Ian and Tavish had led them in a song. Music kept their spirits up, especially during the hard days of harvest, which would be upon most of them soon.

Taking a deep breath, he played the first note of Foggy Dew and easily slipped into the rest of the notes. The song was a slow one, full of mourning. Of soldiers falling on the battlefield, but they were celebrated for fighting bravely. This song made everyone think of Grady, his older brother, and there was never a dry eye when he finished. But it was their duty of love to remember Grady, and to remember him often.

It was Maura who started to cry first, and when he heard another sniff, he assumed it was Ma, promptly followed by Aiden. Aiden had never met his father, who had died on the battlefield, and Finbarr knew Maura still mourned for Grady, even though she was happily remarried to Ryan.

There was so much love in this family that it was difficult for Finbarr to keep it together as he played, and when he finished the last note, he heard sniffles surrounding the entire fire.

"May Grady rest in peace," Ma whispered. "Oh, how I miss him."

A murmur of assent circled around the fire before Da suggested that Finbarr play something happier. He immediately struck up a quick and lively tune of Cooley's Reel, his fingers flying across the tin whistle as he played. When he had first become blind, playing without seeing where his fingers were going had been nearly impossible. But Cecily had been kind and patient as she helped him understand how to better use his sense of touch as his new eyes. It had been more than just frustrating at first, but he had slowly grown accustomed to doing everything without his eyes. It had become second nature to him.

He smiled briefly as he heard a couple of his family members get up and start dancing, though he couldn't say who had started the dancing. Soon enough, the area around him was a flurry of footsteps and swishing skirts and laughter. He loved Hope Springs with all his heart. Surrounded by his loved ones, this was home.