Author's Note: hey there, wayward author here. i am so sorry for the lateness of the chapters but I am afraid nothing is going to change. i just don't feel the creative juices flowing with this story, or any other one in particular. anyway don't give up yet, I still have a lot more to offer so don't worry. insert smile here. 

anyway this marks the end of the first quarter of the story, the next one starts in the next chapter which, fortunately, immediately follows this one. you don't have to wait weeks for it, aren't I good? insert awkward smile.

if you have any suggestion for a story you like written, let me know. if I feel like it I will give it a shot. don't expect weekly updates but I will be finishing this, thank you very much. have a nice day : )

Chapter 7

I took the longest route home that day, hoping that the time would help me come to a decision. It didn't. When I saw my father's house looming over me, I couldn't go in. I wasted the time standing outside and then I ended up just going to see my mother.

It was so late by the time I arrived at her house that there was no one around the usually busy neighborhood. I got to my mother's house and knocked a few times. She couldn't have been asleep, at that time as she was always doing one thing too many, but I worried that the drugs might have made her passed out so I entered on my own. She wasn't there.

I took out my phone and started to call her. The phone rang a few times and no one answered. Where could she have gone? It was almost midnight. I kept trying her line as I walked outside to look around for her.

At my fifteenth try she picked. "Mom," I said, "where are you."

"Um, I'm sorry but this is Grace hospital. The owner of this phone is in an important surgery."

I ended the call and started to run towards the hospital, my heart racing. I tried not think about anything and only kept my mind focused on getting to the hospital. I could hear the pound of my feet on empty graveled road, felt the cold loneliness of being the only person in the dark street, and ran out of breath but still kept on moving till the hospital was in sight. I didn't slow down, couldn't slow down.

When I got there it was eerily quiet. I raced to the reception area and the only nurse there was a woman in her early thirties, I had seen her the last time I was here. "I'm here to see my mom, where is she?"

She was startled but quickly understood me. "She is still in surgery. You can wait for her over there."

"I don't understand," I pant out, "how she got to do the surgery."

"I am not too sure about the details but she had an emergency this afternoon. We had to take her in and we tried to get in touch with a relative," she said this while eyeing me. She must have known I was just a kid and calling me wouldn't have done anything.

"Your mother gave in and called your father in the end."

"My father?" then did she strike a deal with him? No, that doesn't sound like my mother. She wouldn't willingly reach out to him for help... unless she had no choice. Unless she thought that she was doing it for me.

In that moment I saw the doctor come out of the room. He and another doctor were talking softly. I ignored the nurse's call and ran to them. "What happened to my mother, is she okay?"

They started but then recognized me. " Arthit? Why are you here so late? Your mother didn't want us to call you because tomorrow is a school day."

"Is she alright?"

The doctor smiled in the face of my worry. "She is just fine. The surgery was successful. She wasn't as far gone as I was afraid. Your mother has a lot of fighting spirit in her."

I couldn't smile back. "But how did she get the surgery. We don't have the money..."

"Oh that has been paid for."

"What? By whom."

"We are not sure but it is likely your father."

I staggered backwards and rest against the wall, the strength failing from my legs. So in the end the decision was taken from me. It is only natural.

"Arthit, are you alright?"

I nodded and feigned a smile. "W-when will my mother wake up?"

"Definitely not until morning, why don't you go home and rest?"

"No, I can't. I want to stay with her until she wakes up."

The doctor sighed. "hm, I can just tell insisting will be useless. Let's allow him to spend the night." He gave the same instruction to the nurse and left me at the corridor.

Honestly there was no reason to have asked who paid for my mother's surgery. The only person that can afford it and is aware of it was my father. He paid this and now I owe him a great debt.

I sat down on the bench in the waiting area while I thought about what my future held. I couldn't even bring myself to be happy that at least my mother was better. I can never tell her what it cost to get her the surgery. She would not forgive herself. I can't let her carry that guilt along with everything else. this is my burden to bear. I would have to come up with some kind of lie. What would I tell her?

My phone started to ring surprising me out of my thoughts. I looked at the number. It was Kongpob. I stared at it for a long time till it disconnected, then I turned my phone off. I don't know why he is calling but the last thing I wanted was to talk to him. I didn't even want to remember his face right now. I shoved the phone into my pocket and locked out Kongpob from my mind.

The next day my mother woke up. She looked pale and sickly but alive and well. Only then did I feel some kind of happiness. I held her hand and spoke to her as she couldn't speak.

"We will be together from now on," I said. "I have made up my mind that I am going to study engineering after all and that I will get involved with father's business."

I chuckled at her even though she said nothing but I could read her eyes. "Don't worry, I am just going to try and get back all he owes. I don't have any plan on becoming his heir. He won't ever get what he wants from me. "

"You are probably wondering about the money for the surgery, right? I know you, you worry too much. Don't worry, I gathered it from Ai Bright's family. They are not expecting me to pay back too soon so it's fine. "Her eyes shook at me. "I said it's fine. Seriously mom, from now on our lives is going to be better. You don't have to work five part-time jobs anymore and we don't have to go months without seeing each other. You can buy new clothes without feeling guilty. We will be happy."

Her hands gently squeezed mine. I looked at it and almost lost my cool, but I forced it down, and down to meet with all the other miserable feelings inside of me and then I locked them away.

I smiled up at her. "Just get out of bed soon, mom. Everything is going to change. All of it." I told her all these amazing things that was going to happen while smiling and trying to summon a genuine feeling to match that smile. I failed and my mom knew it.

When she was tired I left her to sleep while I stepped outside to get something to drink. I paused half way when I noticed my father standing outside. We stared at each other speechlessly for a moment then we found somewhere quiet to talk, which was outside in the small garden.

My father sat and I stood with my arms behind my back. I kept my eyes focused on the floor and tried not to clench my fingers too much throughout the conversation.

"I heard from the doctor that your mother is recovering without any problems," he started. "That's good to hear. Now that this has happened I hope it would be a lesson to the both of you. Life is too short for your pride. Swallow it and try to live with what you have. You may not like it but you are still my son and therefore you have access to everything I own."

"I don't want any of it." I said this quietly but I knew he heard me.

"I will pay for your living expenses and everything. All you need to do is forget about all that scholarship nonsense and enter a more prestigious school, focus hard on your studies, graduate with good grades and in a few years you can work with me to learn the ropes of the business. I don't see what the problem is."

I looked at him, meeting his eyes for the first time and he didn't look away. He really thought that he was doing something good, he wanted me to be grateful to him. For some reason, that annoyed me more than anything.

"You don't see the problem? You have never once treated me like I am a human being, not once have you ever considered me anything but an extension of yourself. Something you can use any time you want. Growing up in that house with your wife and child was pure torture. Do you have any idea how I was treated, what they did to me."

I exhaled and laughed. "A servant, a stranger, would get better treatment and you turned your eyes away like it was nothing. All I want to do is to never see you again, that is all I need. But now even that you will not allow me to have and you don't see the problem?"

"Nonsense, nothing happened in that house that I wasn't aware of. Maybe Paula's mother wasn't very happy to have you around but can you blame her, you are the son of another woman."

"A woman you raped." His eyes widened at me. "Why did you leave that out? You treat my mother like she has done something to be ashamed of when you are the one who should be ashamed. "

"Shut up, don't talk that way to me."

"Don't talk to me about my mother ever again. Don't even look at her. And don't tell her anything about your involvement in this. I don't want her to hate herself any more than she already does. Since I am going to be listening to you anyway and doing all your bidding, I hope you don't mind if my mother and I live together from now on, since you will be footing the bills and all."

"You have no idea what I am doing for you! Do you know how many people would like to be in your position?"

I looked at him and he didn't even seem startled to know his son knew how he had raped his mother. "is that so? " I said with a bemused laugh. "I wouldn't know, personally I could care less."

He went into a rave about how fortunate I was and how I shouldn't act so smart but I had already shut him off and not one word of his entered my mind. I would need to lie now, I would need to suppress the resentment I felt, and most importantly I would need to let go of any thought I had about love or romance. I was even glad now that things hadn't worked out with Kongpob. There was no way my father would accept his only heir to be in romantic relationship with another boy. I would have had to let Kongpob go sooner or later. This was such a relief.

Next time when Kongpob calls I would answer him and maybe thank him for his decision to get out of my life, it was now a life I no longer own. Too bad I lost my phone and never bothered to get the number back. I would never know if Kongpob called or not. If he completely forgot me or not, but it took me four years to stop thinking about Kongpob.

No, when I saw him again at that cafe I realized that I never actually stopped, I had just gotten so good at lying to myself that I didn't even notice that I was doing it.