Pathetic is the way you eat
slow and unattractive and weird
—I mean, who uses a knife and fork to cut up fried chicken?—
and sometimes the food in your mouth makes me choke.

Pathetic is the way you walk
slumped and fast but it's not like
it's elegant or anything I mean
you don't even have anywhere to be
you just want to escape.

Pathetic is the way you cut off your friends
no talk, no text, no reply
you really don't deserve them
and that's why you're here at ten
complaining to your mom about schoolwork I mean
you almost threw your phone when you were done.

Pathetic is the way you don't shower for days on end
and it's not even because you don't have time
you just won't do it even as your skin gets sticky and
your clothes smelly and your hair
sticks to your scalp like an oily dead raven I mean
you try to tie it up to hide but it doesn't really work and you know that.

Pathetic is the way you live
you don't know anything about yourself
or how you're feeling or what your thoughts mean
and sometimes you want to claw at your throat
and scrape away flesh and bone like clay
like mud
but you can't.

Pathetic is the way you're here
writing this
on the bed you don't deserve in the clothes
you don't deserve in the body you don't even want
because you're not gonna get anywhere in life
but you can't stop spending on yourself
as you keep eating keep buying keep
trying
it's disgusting and
you wish you could die but that'd be selfish.

☾

i'm so sorry this is so bad this isn't even good i thought it would be but it isn't, anyway i'm just in a weird mood tonight bye.