If you love me, let me go.

And truth be told, I never was yours.

--This Is Gospel; Panic! At The Disco

Jemcerson Ace

_____________________

MARGO'S POV

All my life, it's been me who was deprived of love and acceptance. It has always been like that. It was me who wanted to be loved by Jake, but got rejected. I longed for my brother to accept me and for my previous pack to treat me like I'm one of their own.

When I ran away and met the Aces, I wanted their approval and acceptance. I wanted Jemcer to love me back when I fell for him. My entire life has been all about trying to make others happy and trying to be accepted for who I am.

All my life, it has been me who craved for love and affection. Now, someone else is actually begging for mine and I don't know what to do. I'm so used to being the one who isn't loved back; that I don't know how to respond to Nate.

I know how it feels to love someone so deeply and hope that the other person feels the same way. I know that Nate is really hurting right now.

Nate is a really great guy.

When I came to New York, I was absolutely devastated—wrecked. I was emotionally broken. I was already destroying my body by my constant drinking; and if it was another guy who found me in that side walk, I don't know if I'd have the chance to see the world with a great companion with me or even be safe and unmolested.

But the whole time I was travelling with Nate, a part of my mind has also been worrying about Jemcer and the state of the Aces. They have hurt me so badly but I still see them as my family.

I was not expecting yesterday's events to turn out that way. I was not expecting Jemcer and I was absolutely not expecting Nate to confess his love to me. His confession really threw me off guard. I really did not see that coming.

Yesterday's events were so overwhelming. It's like my mind still hasn't processed everything. When Nate took me to the concert, I was so happy. My heart felt like it was soaring with happiness. Nate knew how much I love that band, and he was so sweet and thoughtful for taking me there.

When we got to the hotel and Nate asked me to stay with him, my mind went blank. It's like, my brain lost it's ability to function—to process words and think for a response. I just stood there staring at Nate with my mind blank and my heart full—full of emotions that I couldn't put into specific words.

I was—and currently am so torn.

I told Nate that I need time to process everything. It broke my heart to see how I caused him so much pain in my indecision. The fact that I didn't choose him right away must've hurt him so much. I know that I have a right to ask for time to decide, and I'm sure he's also telling himself that. But we couldn't really control how our heart works.

Our minds could tell us to be rational yet we can't really dictate our heart. The heart wants what it wants. The heart will literally make you feel even if you do not want to.

Before Nate went back to his own room yesterday, he grabbed the plane ticket to Greece and placed it on the bedside table. "I hope you'll come with me." He said, before leaving me in my room.

Right now, the sun is starting to rise and I haven't gotten a wink of sleep. I was up all night, staring at the ceiling. I know what my heart wants. My heart has always been and always will be pining for Jemcer. He is the one I truly love.

But my mind knows how it is to be rejected. I know how it feels to be second choice, and Nate is such a great person; he does not deserve to feel inadequate or rejected. He does not deserve to feel what I have felt for so long. Another factor that has also been weighing my mind is that event with Carla.

Jemcer chose to believe Carla over me. He turned his back on me and broke my heart.

In my hotel bathroom, I have been staring at my reflection on the mirror for about ten minutes now.

I am wearing a tight, sleeveless black striped turtle neck shirt, white skinny jeans and a pair of black chucks. My hair is up in a high ponytail. I take a deep breath and nod at my reflection before heading out of the room.

As I take the elevator towards the 6th floor, where Jemcer's room is located, my nerves are starting to get the best of me. My hands feel clammy and my heart feels like it's about to beat out of my ribcage.

As I navigate my way through the hallway, it seems like it's narrowing and the walls on both sides of me are drawing closer together. I look up at one of the doors on one side of the hallway and see that I'm only 3 doors from Jemcer's room.

I put my hand against the wall and take a deep breath. I can do this. I close my eyes and try to summon all the courage I can before I resume walking. Standing in front of Jemcer's door, I raise my hand to knock.

Last night, the receptionist informed me that Jemcer checked into the hotel. And he told the receptionist to tell me that if I wanted to talk to him, I could just go to his room. He'll be waiting for me.

So here I am.

I take another deep breath and knock three times. Those three knocks literally sounded like gongs inside my head, that's how nervous I am. I haven't seen him or talked to him in 4 months. I don't know how I'm going to react, but I will try to be calm and rational.

The door swings open, revealing a hopeful and disheveled looking Jemcerson Ace.

He looks like shit.

He's got bags under his eyes, his hair is a mess, and he looks like he hasn't slept in months. For a moment, we just stand there, looking at each other.

His lips part as he takes in a deep breath when he sees me, then he reaches out to pull me into a hug. In his strong, warm embrace, I feel my resolve melting. The sparks and tingles are going haywire, and my wolf is purring with happiness.

He's hugging me so tightly, and he's repeatedly kissing the top of my head while murmuring "I missed you so much" over and over. His body is literally trembling and I feel wetness on my scalp.

I pull back and my eyes widen when I see the tears glistening in Jemcer's eyes. I can't believe this. He's crying. Jemcerson Ace is crying. I audibly swallow as I try to clear the tears that are starting to form in my own eyes.

"I'm a dick."

Yes, yes you are.

But if he thinks that I'm going to come back to him just because of that, then he's delusional. Holding my head high, and my shoulders squared, I step inside his room and sit on one of the couches.

"What are you doing here, Jemcer?" I ask him.

"I came here to say I'm sorry." He says, sitting down on the opposite side of me. I can tell how much he wants to reach out to me and I know that it's killing him not to touch me after all the time we've been apart.

"Where's Carla?" I ask, and I feel a bitter taste in my mouth just by saying her name. Jemcer's expression darkens and his jaw ticks when he clenched his teeth.

"I don't know, and I don't care." He says firmly. I just raise an eyebrow at him.

"Are you sure you don't care? Because I remember how you neglected me when she was around. Actions speak louder than words, Jemcer. What you're saying right now doesn't match up with how you acted when you were with her."

Jemcer runs a hand through his already messed up hair and looks at me pleadingly. "I know how I acted and I regret it. I am so sorry, Margo." He says, as he gently holds my hands in his.

"Hurting you is the biggest mistake I've ever done in my entire life. I was just curious—how life would be like with her and I know that I shouldn't have let my curiosity wreck our relationship."

I feel my throat clench as I try so hard to hold back the tears threatening to seep out of my eyes.

"That's the thing, Jem" I whisper. "If you truly loved me wholeheartedly, you wouldn't even be curious. Being with me should've been enough for you. Your curiosity just shows that you weren't satisfied with me."

As I say this, my heart breaks all over again. This realisation is like a knife that is constantly stabbing my heart over and over. Jemcer's eyes fills with tears and his chin looks like it's about to touch his upper chest with how low his head is hung—because of how ashamed he is, I presume.

My heart is beating so wildly in my chest because it yearns for him. I want to go to him, and grab him in a hug and tell him that I still love him; but he's caused me so much pain and I am not ready to go to back to him just yet.

I don't think I'd ever be ready to go back to him. The pain he's caused me has left a huge scar that is going to take years to fade. There's a huge distance between us now; even when we're so close to each other, there's this gap that is just so hard to cross.

"Margo, I am so sorry." He says, crying. My chest feels tight and I look away. Why did I even come here? I shake my head and another sob breaks out of his mouth. The sound grinds my heart into mush. 

Strong, undefeated alpha of the aces, on his knees crying.

"Please, Margo. Come back to the pack. I need you. You don't have to forgive me right now, or ever;" He sobs. "But, please just come back. I promise to dedicate the rest of my life to making up to you."

A single, rebellious tear falls from my eye and I hurriedly wipe it away. I love him so much, and it's killing me to see him beg like this.

"Please, Margo." He pleads.

"I'm so sorry. I was so stupid, I was a fool. I hate myself for hurting you, my love. Believe me, I regret it. I am so sorry for what I've done. I love you, and you're the only woman I am ever going to love. I am so sorry for being distracted. I've learned my lesson, and I won't do it again."

I feel wetness trickling down my cheeks. There's no holding back now. The tears are flowing without my consent. I shake my head and look at his pleading form.

"I'm leaving for Greece, Jem."

He looks like I just slapped him in the face with my words. He takes in a gasp of air and I look away—the pain that registered in his eyes is too much for me to see.

"Our flight is 4 hours from now and we have to be at the airport at least an hour before boarding so I really should be going." I can't explain how I managed to say that. It contradicted so much to what I am feeling. It's the total opposite. My heart wants to stay with him so badly.

"No." He whispers when I stand up to leave. Jemcer's eyes widen with fear and he pulls me into a tight hug from behind. His face is pressed against the crook of my neck, and his front is pressed to my back. His body is shaking with tremors, tears are streaming from his eyes.

And he's begging.

"Please don't go." He sobs against my neck.

"Please, Margo. Don't leave me. Please."

My ribcage feels like it's going to collapse in on itself. It's too much. This is too much. My eyes feel raw from all the crying I've done. I don't know where this strength of mine comes from, but I managed to grasp his arm and pull it away from me.

Another sob breaks out of his mouth and with every step I take towards the door, bits and pieces of my shattered heart is left with him.

"Margo." He sobs once more, once I am out of the door.

"Please." He begs again. But with all the courage I can muster, I slam his door shut. With my chest still heaving, I run towards my room, not bothering to take the elevator. I run down the set of stairs in a supernatural speed.

Once I'm inside my room, I slam my door shut and lean against it. I cover my mouth with both of my hands and weep. I feel my knees give way and I slide down into a sobbing mess on the floor. I clutch my aching chest.

God, it hurts. It hurts so so much.

Time passes by and the pain in my chest is still there—throbbing and demanding to be felt. With a deep breath, I pull myself up off the floor and stare at the clock perched on the wall of the hotel room. I've been sitting there for an hour.

I feel like my legs are made of steel, because they feel so heavy as I drag myself towards the bathroom. I glare at myself in the mirror. My eyes are red and I look pale.

"You're so stupid." I tell my reflection.

I shake my head and splash my face with cold water. Leaning against the sink, I take another deep breath before going out to grab my packed suitcase and my passport.

I close the door and walk towards the next one, where Nate is staying. Once I'm standing in front of his door, I raise my hand to knock. Do I really want to do this?

I knock on the door and I haven't even knocked twice before it swings open and I'm grabbed in a tight hug.

"I thought you wouldn't come." Nate whispers against my head. I reluctantly wrap my arms around his waist.

"Thank you so much for picking me." He whispers brokenly and I close my eyes tightly as pain radiates in my chest.

"Let's go." I whisper.

He must have noticed my shitty appearance and he fortunately doesn't say anything. He grabs his own luggage and closes his door. In a dazed state, I follow Nate and we check out of the hotel.

I am also in a dazed state during the ride to the airport. As I take a seat on one of the benches in the waiting area, my surroundings starts to spin.

Time passes by and the confusion I'm feeling starts to heighten.

Did I make the right decision?

Nate takes a seat beside me and holds my hand in his. He squeezes my hand gently and brings it up to his lips. He gently presses a kiss to the back of my hand, looking at me tenderly.

Did I make the right decision?

"Good morning passengers. This is the pre-boarding announcement for flight 89B to Greece. We are now inviting those passengers with small children, and any passengers requiring special assistance, to begin boarding at this time. Please have your boarding pass and identification ready. Regular boarding will begin in approximately ten minutes time. Thank you."

Nate grabs his and my luggage and start to stand up. I feel dizzy and my heart has gone haywire with it's constant rapid beating. I think I'm about to pass out from Tachycardia any minute now with how fast my heart is beating.

"Margo?" Nate prompts.

Feeling confusion start to overwhelm me, I stand up from my seat and take a step towards the departure gate.

"MARGO!"

Nate and I stiffen when we hear that shout. My eyes are wide, my heart feels like it's going to soar out of my ribcage and my hands are shaking. Slowly, I turn around, and there he is: hands on his knees, panting and out of breath.

"Please, don't go." Jemcer pleads once more as he starts walking towards me.

"Margo." 

I look back and see the pain in Nate's eyes. "Please." He holds his trembling hand out to me, with his eyes glistening with hopeful tears.

I feel like I'm being ripped into two.

Why? Why do I have to go through this? Why do I have to choose? I don't want to say goodbye—I am scared to say goodbye; but I have to.

"This is the final boarding call for passengers Cassandra Monroe and Nathaniel Lyons booked on flight 89B to Greece. Please proceed to gate 3 immediately. The final checks are being completed and the captain will order for the doors of the aircraft to close in approximately five minutes time. I repeat. This is the final boarding call for Cassandra Monroe and Nathaniel Lyons. Thank you."

Shut up, airline announcer lady; I'm having a dilemma here. I am about to make a choice that could determine the course of my life. My heart, my sanity and my happiness is at stake here.

Jemcer is looking at me hopefully, and Nate is holding his trembling hand out for me to take. Other passengers are starting to look at us, wanting to witness this dramatic scene of two guys fighting for one girl.

Feeling my resolve strengthen, I close my eyes and take a deep breath. I turn my back on Jemcer and look at Nate, who is looking at me hopefully.

I take a step towards him and I can literally feel Jemcer's heart shatter behind me. I take a few more steps until I'm standing directly in front of Nate.

I wrap my arms around him and I start crying again. The sobs fly out of my mouth unrestrained. I cry and cry as I tighten my hold on this great, amazing guy.

"I'm sorry, Nate." I sob.

No words can describe the pain that I feel right now. I hate this. God, I hate this. I pull back and see that shock is etched on Nate's face. He looks at me and then his face contorts with pain. It's unbearable.

"I'm so sorry." I sob again before turning around and running into Jemcer's waiting arms.

"Gate 3 is about to close, and the aircraft doors will close in approximately 2 minutes." The announcement resonates within the airport and I was just in time to see a single tear roll off of Nate's eye before he turns around and runs toward the departure gate.

Using my ability, I tell him how sorry I am once more. "I'm so sorry, Nate." I know that he can hear me and I know that a piece of my heart will always be with him.

"Get out of my head, Margo."

I gasp as a stab of pain pierces through me. I close my eyes and lean against Jemcer as I weep. I weep for the amazing friend that I just lost.

I weep for the great guy that I just hurt.

I weep for the the suffering and pain that I've caused him. He's been so alone all these years, and I just added salt to his already healing wounds.

It's painful to lose a lover, but it's heartbreaking to lose a friend.

A friend who has always been there for me from the moment we've met. A friend who has only ever made me feel happiness and made me feel enough.

I touch my chest, close my eyes and pray for his safety; because that's all I can do now. I hope and pray that he will get past this pain that I've caused and that someday, he'd find someone else—someone who isn't like me.

Someone who will accept him and love him fully. Someone who will make him see how great and amazing he is. Someone who will not hesitate to choose him over anyone else. And I hope that someday, I'd get the chance to see him happy again.

I hope that someday, he'll show up at the Ace pack house with his mate and join the Aces. I hope that someday, he won't be alone anymore; and he'll be with his brothers and sisters. 

He'll finally get to be with the Aces who are his family.

Hopefully, someday.