REVIEWER : DrakeRTodd

The Ager - kimberly_rash

 Blurb - 3.5/5 

Language, Grammar, & Flow - 8.5/15 

Plot & Characterizations - 16/20 

Original & Creative - 9/10 

Total - 37/50 

Review: Your blurb does good at promising a creepy, almost menacing vibe, which is essential for a horror story, but it would help to combine some sentences together so that it doesn't feel so choppy. 

 One thing that I did want to address was your author's note at the beginning of the Prologue; it is extremely distracting and should be put into it's own separate "Author's Note" chapter so that it doesn't feel like it's interluding upon the story. That being said, I would advise you against are the long author's notes at the end of your chapters. It can ruin your flow between chapters, and can potentially put people in a "okay, I'm done reading" mindset. Shortening this to maybe only a couple of lines would help with that. 

 There are some moments of dialogue that feel very heavy handed with their delivery, things like immediately calling the old woman "The Ager" with no build up or Michael talking about his anxiety and depression in, what felt like, a very matter-of-fact way when it was supposed to be an emotional moment. This feels much the same for moments outside of dialogue that mention how Michael feels about Chico; feeling heavy handed and almost shoehorned in with how sporadically it's brought up. 

 While your language seems to be just fine and your grammar only seemed to have a few mistakes here and there (to the point I read for this review), your flow does seem to be the biggest problem, with parts feeling clunky or choppy in their delivery. These problems, however, can be fixed with quick rewrites of, even, just the individual sentences or paragraphs.

Although this story has amazing potential and I love how the story of the old woman haunting her home is handled when it is present, so many high school stereotypes in the beginning do unfortunately serve to take away from the creepy atmosphere that should be building. However, I will say that once it gets going with the creepy, it gets going and I love it because that creepy, spine-tingling atmosphere and imagery is why we come to watch or read horror. 

 Please feel free to send me a private message with any questions or concerns.