It started on a random night.

“Kiiin! Join the military with me!”

The room fell dead silent. Everything comes to a halt.

Kiin, had just finished gathering his gears and is putting them into his backpack, absolutely froze.

“…The fuck you saying, hyung¹?”

Lehends grinned, his eyes turned into a crescent moon shape.

“Let’s enlist together. You and me, side by side. Romantic, right?”

Kiin stared at the older guy, like he's observing a dumb monkey, and well, to him, Lehends IS a monkey anyway.

Blinked once. Twice.

Then quietly looked away, like he doesn't want to acknowledge the older dude is someone he knows.  Because, to Kiin, the words that just left Lehends' mouth is something so diabolical that Kiin never thought he would be hearing during this lifetime. So, Kiin just packs up and goes straight back to the dorm, like he was running for his life.

However, a week later, in the kitchen during breakfast.

“Kiin, marry me.”

Lehends said it with a yawn, like it was part of his morning routine: wakes up, brushes his teeth, steals the toast Kiin has prepared for himself then proposes to the toast making boy.

The second time, Kiin was still being caught off guard.

Just barely. Just a twitch in his fingers as he held the butter knife to make himself a new toast.

He didn’t reply. Just took a sip of the cold brew and stared out the window. The silence didn't last long, as Lehends burst into laughter and poked his side.

“You’re ignoring me again, Kiin-ah. You are so cute.”

As he pat the younger boy’s head

“ARGHHH, YOU RUB YOUR DIRTY BREAD CRUMBS FINGERS ON MY HEAD, YOU MONKEY.”

“Oops, you found out my intention Kiin, kkk.”

And Lehends ran away, leaving a fuming Kiin in the kitchen, blushing, and brushing the crumbs off from the top of his head.

But, it kept happening.

“Let’s raise a cat together, Kiin.”

“Let’s buy a two-bedroom apartment, just the two of us.”

“Kiin, do you want to grow old with me?”

Each time, Kiin said nothing.
Each time, his heart ached a little more.

He didn’t know if Lehends meant it.
Or if it was just another elaborate joke by Lehends. Another one of his cruel games.

And Kiin didn’t know which one hurts worse, the possibility that Lehends was serious, or that he never was. So, in order not to ruin what they have, Kiin said nothing.

And then, one day.

“Kiin, I love you.”

The L-word was said too lightly, too cheerfully, over the sound of a new patch being downloaded.

Kiin didn’t even look up from his monitor. He just let out a soft breath and muttered.

“…You’re being too loud, hyung.”

Lehends paused. Not because of Kiin’s words, but because it wasn’t just silence anymore.

Kiin had finally answered.

Not a yes. Not a no.

Just, something.

So Lehends smiled.

“Aigoo, our Kiin is so cute, seems like the cat has returned our Kiin's tongue so he actually replied to me today.”

Kiin scoffed.

But he didn’t say no.

Lehends scooted over to Kiin's back, and Kiin knows what Lehends is about to do.

As Lehends’ hand falls upon his fluffy hair and ruffles it tangled, Kiin's mouth turns into a heart shaped smile. It hurts, dodging the confession like this, but, it's better than giving Lehends a clear answer and ruining everything they have, breaking their hearts in the process.

→→⁠♡

About his feelings toward Lehends, Kiin often compared it to juggling knives. Thrilling, interesting, blood rushing, breathtaking. But a single mistake, a trip of the hand, a slip of the tongue, a reaction too honest, could cut deep. Not just to him, but it risks injuring Lehends too.

It wasn’t a game where only one person got hurt.

And the worst part was, Lehends was just standing there, smiling at Kiin, witnessing the oncoming disaster that's about to unfold. Kiin couldn’t tell if that was bravery or carelessness. Maybe both.

But when Kiin looked at the older man who never missed a day without calling him cute, who always get out of bed late but somehow always manage to have time to steal his toast, pat his hair, messing it up while the older dude has a literal bird nest rest on top of his head, Kiin felt guilty. Like he was enjoying too much of someone’s heart without giving any of his back. Like he was taking Lehends' affection and hoarding it quietly, pretending it didn’t mean anything when it meant everything.

It wasn’t fair. Not to Lehends. Not to himself either. But it felt safer than trying to change what they had. And safe does it felt, since Kiin can never really understand how Lehends’ brain works

That night, Kiin stayed up late, grinding away his thoughts on rank. The others had gone to sleep. It was past 2AM when he heard the soft sound of slippers brushing the hallway floor.

He didn’t need to check. It was always him.

Lehends let himself into the room like a ghost with no real destination. He didn’t say anything at first. Just dropped down onto the couch behind Kiin with a small sigh, one that seemed heavier than usual. It's one of those nights again, they have been through this before.

Kiin glanced back briefly.

“Again?”

Lehends didn’t answer. He leaned back, legs stretched out, hands clasped over his stomach, staring up at the ceiling like there was something written on it.

“I was a pretty shit player in 2021.”

Lehends said quietly.

Kiin kept playing his game but he still turned his chair slightly. He didn’t speak, but his attention is no longer on the game.

“I always thought I had something to prove, y'know? And when I lost, I just…laughed. Like it didn’t bother me. Even though, in my head, it's everything.”

Lehends scoffs.

“Guess I got good at playing the fool.”

Kiin listened to him carefully. The usual playfulness in Lehends' voice has dimmed, stripped off everything and only his heart bare.

“People don’t believe me when I say serious things.”

Lehends stares at the ceiling. The Nexus blows up, and Kiin’s screen turns red.

“But in the end, I know it is my fault. Mess around too much and you’ll find out, I guess.”

Kiin leaned back in his chair, letting go of his mouse. -18LP, oh well.

“Were you serious?”

Kiin asked after a moment.

Lehends blinked.

“About what?”

“The marriage thingy.”

Lehends turned his head toward him, not laughing but there's a soft smile in his eyes.

“Do you want me to be?”

Kiin looked away. That question felt like a trap, no matter how he answered. He scoffed instead.

“You’re being too loud again, hyung.”

It was his usual line. A soft shield he could hide behind.

Lehends didn’t push. He chuckled like he always did, but it was gentler this time. Lehends got up and walked over, turning Kiin's chair a little to stand behind it. Kiin braced for it. He always knew what was coming but it still caught him off guard when a hand landed lightly on his head.

This time, Lehends didn’t mess up his hair. He just slowly caresses the soft hair under his palm, fingers curving slightly, tracing the outline of Kiin's head.

“I’m not joking tonight.”

Lehends said softly.

“So listen to me carefully, Kiin ah.”

Kiin didn’t turn around. He didn’t move. But he didn’t lean away either.

“I joke around a lot. You know that. Everyone does. I’ve probably confessed to you more times than I’ve KS in rank.”

Kiin’s lips twitched, and he does feel like his eyes are going to twitch too.

“But!”

Lehends breathed out a laugh, soft and self-deprecating.

“I think somewhere down the line, I started doing it because I didn’t know how else to say it seriously without freaking myself out.”

His hand was still in Kiin’s hair, but now it moved gently, rhythmically, as if trying to soothe them both.

“I like you.”

Lehends said.

“Not just because you’re a cracked top laner or because you make the best jajangmyeon² or because you let me steal your toast every morning. I like the way you tilt your head when you’re listening, and the way you act cold but secretly smile at every compliment I throw at you. Like what, you think that I, out of all people, would never snipe your stream? After I messed around with you and I clearly stated that your REACTION was ESPECIALLY interesting?”

Now Kiin’s ears feel like they're on fire, the tinted colour spread across his face. Kiin can feel the blood rushing to his face, he can't stop either the heat that is engulfing him whole or the mind-numbing confession that spills out of Lehends’ mouth.

Kiin's mouth turns into a downward smile, hands clenched tight, he stares at the hand that rests upon his head through the monitor.

“But my stream is not the only thing you snipe tho, hyung.”

“I mean yeah, I snipe everyone's stream, Kiin-ah, it's fun, especially when I’m not in the match and want to burn some time.”

Kiin took Lehends’ down from his head, held it in his hands and said softly.

“You also sniped my heart, hyung.”

Lehends froze, he can't believe what he just heard.

“Dafug you saying, Kiin, ew, that's too soapy, where does that cringy pick up line even comes from, who teaches you that? Mom was right, that damn phone was the problem all along, told you not to play with your phone that much!”

“Okay mom.”

Kiin turns around, leans forward to rest his head on Lehends’ stomach, rubbing his hair on the soft belly.

“So, what is your response, Kiin-ah? Will you give me the chance? To annoy you forever?”

“You are too loud, hyung.”

“Always have, always will.”

“Your love, I hear it now.”

“Then you must be really deaf, Kiin-ah, because everyone already knew.”

(Can be considered as the ending because I don't know how to end, the rest was just me trying to finish the fic, but here is a better end)

“Don't blame it on me, when you joke around that much.”

Kiin sighs, then wraps his arms around Lehends’ waist, pulling the older man closer.

“Then will you just, hold onto me and never let go? Will you let me fall without a safety net? Will one day I become a “someone that you used to know”? Will you embrace me like the way you hug that damn Keroppi that you stole from me and kept in your room?”

“Yes, no, no and yes. I didn't know our Kiin had such a soft heart and that insecure about my love towards him.”

“As long as you still call me “our Kiin”, I will always be worried about the possibility that you will pass me on like a plushy to another person.”

“Then, “my” Kiin. My Kiin my Kiin my Kiin. You will never run away from me, Kiin-ah. You will never be able to escape. You are stuck with me, for life. You will hear me yap all the time, day and night, when the days are sunny or rainy, when the days are cold or hot, I will yap until your ears are covered in cobwebs and there's nothing in your mind except me. You are done for, Kiin.”

Lehends cups his hands around Kiin’s cheeks, caresses the younger boy's soft face that is tainted by shades of red. Lehends just want to kiss this pretty boy stupid, but then that might be too bold and the shy boy will run away.

Well, it can't be helped. Kiin is just too cute, the boy needs to be treasured.

“I can't call you my husband yet.”

Kiin's voice is just barely under a whisper, spoken from Lehends’ stomach.

“We don't have to change anything, to be honest, at least, in public that is, of course it's if you're still shy about it. You know I don't give a shit about the concept, or anything to begin with. I would proudly brag about you, Kiin, but I doubt people will believe me anyway.”

“Then just let it be, let there be doubts, let them never know the truth.”

“Fine by me, Kiin-ah, my mischievous baby.”

“But I want you to hangout in my room instead of just your monkey plushie.”

“2 days on weekdays and my weekends are all yours?”

“3.”

“Deal.”

“No feely touchy in public.”

“No can't do, old habits die hard, and I already touchy feely with you all the time, it's weirder to stop all of a sudden than to just keep going, innit?”

“Might pop a boner if you don't restrain yourself.”

Now that caught Lehends by surprise. Because normally, Kiin is the “cold headed”, “calm” and “I-don’t-give-a-fuck” guy in others’ view. Lehends really didn't expect this. Just make Kiin cuter, really.

“You little menace. You’ve been holding back this whole time, huh?”

Kiin didn’t respond. Just kept his head on Lehends’ stomach and rubbed his head up and down. The sensation is quite nice, Kiin thought so.

“I’m warning you though. Keep being this bold, I will kiss you stupid.”

“You won’t.”

“I will.”

“You won’t.”

“Okay, maybe not right now. But one day, Kiin. One day I will, if you let me.”

Kiin finally looked up, eyes smiling softly.

“You’re such a weirdo, hyung. You always touch me, confess to me, steal my food, beg me to cook for you, basically tell me to do everything you want but you wait for me to allow you to kiss me?”

“Well, that's where I draw the line, can't you see. I still want to treat you gently, so that you can choose me willingly.”

Kiin rolled his eyes.

“I didn’t choose you.”

“Right, right. I stole your heart away.”

Kiin smacked the older guy’s arm lightly.

“Shut up.”

“Make me.”

“No.”

Lehends poked Kiin’s cheek.

“Coward.”

Kiin closed his eyes and sighed.

“Whatever. Just, stay like this a tad bit longer, okay?”

Lehends went quiet. He wrapped his arms around Kiin's back, holding him gently.

“Forever, if you want.”

And that was that.

Or is it?

“Sike, you thought I would say that? We are going back to the dorm right now, you dumb fuck. 10 more minutes and it's 4 fucking AM, and scrim is at 10. If you don't want me to sleep mid roam, you better pick your ass up and go back to the dorm right now, and I have the consent to crash at your room now.”

And so, Kiin got dragged all the way from the training room back to his room, with all their dirty clothes, cramps on Kiin’s bed.

Out like a light they go, lovers.

_________________
¹hyung: older brother
²jajangmyeon: black bean noodles
_________________

Thank you for reading my HendsKiin fic, Vietnamese version will be upload soon.
MiniHika