(Requested)

manga spoilers 

"waste," oh wonder

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Waste, what a waste, what a waste to be so alone.

His cries were like daggers that stabbed my heart with piercing shots -- fatal shots to my emotions, but never enough to fully kill me. I sat behind the door, back firmly pressed against the surface, hands firmly clamped over my mouth to muffle the endless sobbing that was triggered by his sadness.

I hated that he insisted on doing this alone, that he insisted on suffering alone, when all I ever wanted to do was help him. Here I was, reaching out my hand, desperate to assist him in any way imaginable, but he only slapped it away and turned his back. I knew he had family complications, and I didn't want to mix it up even more, but sometimes I just thought that maybe I could help him resolve them.

Alas, I didn't know the whole story. It was probably much more serious than I thought it out to be.

But I couldn't take it anymore. I despised more than anything to watch him wallow in misery, to slowly destroy himself in this process. I wanted Genya to be happy -- I wanted him to get a taste of the sweet, sweet honey that was happiness. Advancing towards the only barrier that stood between Shinazugawa and me, I was determined to clear it.

"Genya." I slid open the door slowly, the wood coming to a stop on its frame with a small tap. The ravenette ceased his sobbing and looked at me, eyebrows raised at my sudden intrusion. I lifted my head and sighed, tired eyes gazing at my lover. A small smile flitted across my features as I did my best to try and be strong.

We stared at each other until I stepped forwards, kneeling down in front of him. My trembling hands managed to find their way up to his cheeks, brushing away his tears. I kissed his eyelids, the salty water on his eyelashes staining my lips with the taste of sorrow. 

Gently, softly, I embraced him without any words.

He smelled like a smoky dreams, slight hints of the forest in his yukata. I wanted to scream at him, tell him that he wasn't alone. But I knew it wouldn't work. He'd been hurt by words so many times he refused to listen to them. Genya, the feisty, the ill-tempered demon slayer didn't have a will to hear me out -- and that was okay.

Because I would be here for him. Loving him, forever and always. No matter how many times he messed up, or shouted at me, I knew that he didn't mean it -- he was a remorseful soul that never hesitated to help. His attitude was a byproduct of his past and the horrible ways his brother had neglected him. I knew that he could be kind, and the walls he'd built to protect himself were hard to fully knock down -- even I hadn't uncovered all of him.

I eventually felt Genya's hands clasp my back, his head burying into the crook of my neck as he bawled, body lurching with every powerful cry. I bit my lip at an attempt to hold in my own tears, telling myself that I was supposed to stay strong for him. This was his moment, I couldn't let my own emotions ruin it. 

Feeling his firm fingertips dig into my back, it was like I was reliving the horrible experiences he'd gone through bit by bit, second by second. It was like seeing the world through his eyes, with his thoughts. Gasping as memories shot through me, tears leaked out uncontrollably through my eyes, though I never really cried. 

His mother. Sanemi, and the way he blamed him. The realization when he found out he'd never be able to use Breathing techniques. Feeling useless when his older brother went on to become a hashira.

"Oh," I breathed my hand covering my mouth as I squeezed my eyes shut, "Oh, Genya." With a new hurting in my heart, I took him by the shoulders and lifted his chin so I could properly see him. The ravenette was a mess, with red eyes and teary complexion. When my palm cupped his cheek, Shinazugawa nuzzled further into my hand, craving human contact.

It felt like my soul shattered into a million little pieces at that moment.

Running my thumb along the scar across his nose and cheek, I leaned in and pressed a kiss to his lips. He sniffed a bit then pushed back, watery eyes fluttering shut. His fingers wrapped around my wrists and pulled me closer, my shoulders bunching up and legs folding neatly. 

Our foreheads rested against each other as Genya slowly recovered, eyelids eventually lifting to see me. My eyes brightened when I finally saw his beautiful dark purple irises, rejoicing at the fact that he'd calmed down. A giggle of delight floated out of my mouth as I pecked his nose, grateful that I was finally able to get through to him. 

Genya's face flushed, a pinkish tone overtaking his fair, peachy complexion. I raised my head, slowly breaking away from the contact and held his face in my hands. My whole world was in my palms. I observed how he seemed to light up when touching me, and it made it seem like all our problems just melted away. Holding his head so proudly in my grasp was surreal -- I could see every perfect feature of his even closer.

"You'll never be alone. As long as there are people around you, you will never be alone," I whispered, the tips of my fingers fluttering against his jaw like angel kisses. There was a glisten in my lover's eyes as he cried once more, bottom lip trembling and grip on my wrist tighter than before. Attempting to smile, all he could manage was a wobbly close-lipped curve before it fell flat again. 

"It's okay, baby," I murmured, feeling my eyes burn with oncoming tears, "It's going to be okay." He kissed my palm and left his lips lingering there, comforted by my gentle touch. Rubbing his cheek with my other hand, I brushed away the tears and pushed my lips on his forehead, peppering his face with slow pecks.

"I love you, I love you," I mumbled in between kisses, "I love you, Genya Shinazugawa. I love you." He hummed and sighed shakily, nodding his head to the rhythm of my praise. Like honey, the words flowed out, sticky contentment clinging onto my lips, stamping all over the raventte's face.

After a couple more kisses and words of endearment, he cracked a smile and laughed silently. 

Waste, what a waste, what a waste to be so alone.