Author's note: the story is mostly told from Kongpob's perspective. a chapter a week is the dream but two chapters every now and then may be the reality. I hope I can keep going.

Chapter 1

I have what you would call a pretty normal life. I work at a decent company at regular hours from 9 to 5. I am a software engineer and I make a pretty decent sum. My apartment isn't in a fancy neighborhood though I can afford it. I just dislike pompous rich people who are always up in people's business about what they do, what school they've been to, and who they are dating.

My condo is a moderate bachelor's pad and it had everything I needed. As for my sexuality, after finding out I was in love with P'Arthit, I assumed I was gay but it didn't turn out to be quite accurate. I have tried dating both males and females over the years and have come to accept that I didn't want to date people. It wasn't for me. I made peace with that conclusion and I have been celibate and free of the dating stress for three years now.

Today I am attending a company's charity event and was dressed smartly in professional attire of a suit and tie. Since I was no one special at the company I worked in, I didn't have to be introduced to anyone and that's how I liked it, standing in the corner of the party, sipping drinks and having as minimum conversation as possible.

I notice her immediately. She is like a gem in a fountain of suits and glamour, red and glowing. Her beauty was timeless and hadn't changed in ten years. Roxy had tried to keep our friendship over the years. She sent messages, called, and did everything she could to keep us from drifting apart, but it felt so awkward especially after I learned she and P'Arthit got married not long after college.

I didn't want to connect with them anymore. They were my past and though I realized that my feelings for P'Arthit were long gone, I just didn't fit in with them anymore.

When I see her walking out the door, I finished my drink and go the other way. The night is cold and brimming with energy. The rich laugh and make light conversations even on the veranda of the building. I shove one fist into my jacket pocket and make to escape before Roxy would see me.

"Kongpob!"

She didn't have to shout. I hold back a groan as I turn to watch her hurry down the short flight of stairs, her blue dress glittering with bright gems. The people standing around look at us with interest and I try to pretend it didn't bother me. Go your way, nothing to see here, I thought.

She keeps running even though I was just standing there waiting, any intention of avoiding this reunion was already out the window. I have to do it and get it over with. As she nears me I open my mouth to say hello when

"omff." She hugs me at the same speed as she was running. I forgot she was a hugger, hellos and how are yous weren't her style even if the person was practically a stranger. I guess that hasn't changed since high school.

"Ah! I have missed you so much." She squeezes me, her cheeks cold where they pressed against mine.

I endure the hug, my discomfort rising to bearable heights. She releases me shortly and I let out a sigh of relief. "Roxanne, if you could please not hug me so suddenly that would be great."

It is a statement I can almost picture myself saying over and over when we were still friends in high school.

"You haven't changed at all." Her laughter is contagious and I find myself smiling.

"Neither have you. What brings you here? " I start a topic of conversation.

"My company is X Industries, we are here to make connections."

That was the usual. "Ah then in that case shouldn't you be in there, making connections and everything."

"Already done. The biggest connection too." My plan to cut the conversation short was foiled.

I nod and smile anyway. "That's good then."

"Do you have time tonight?"

My smile disappears almost immediately. "Why? I don't want to go drinking or eating or picnicking." I said, trying to recall all the excuses she has used to set us up in the past.

"No silly, just a walk. We can drink later and I don't know if you can tell but I am already tipsy."

"Oh, that explains the hair," I tease.

"What's wrong with my hair," she leans past me to look at her reflection in the window of a car parked close by." Did it get ruined while I was running? it took me nearly an hour to get it that perfect though."

"It's perfect," I laugh, a little surprised at how easily she fell for it.

"Oh, Kongpob," she smacks me playfully on my chest. "I can't believe you. I am still falling for your tricks after all this time."

"I don't have a lot of tricks," I tell her, "so it's good you still fall for them."

"So that's a yes right? We can go for the walk?"

Against my better judgment, I slowly nod.

She nearly squeals but barely contains herself. "Thanks so much, let me go find Arthit."

"Eh?" before I can speak she is running off looking for her husband. Damn it. Why did I assume she was here alone and had been talking about walking with just the two of us? Roxy has been trying to fix our friendship since day one and I should have seen it coming.

Can I just leave? There is no way meeting P'Arthit was a good idea. But why not? I couldn't think of a reason not to. I have moved on and now when I remembered how I reacted, I feel a little ashamed. I ran away and refused to face my feelings. They weren't even strong feelings to begin with, and I threw my friendship away just like that. Maybe it wouldn't hurt to get together even if we couldn't go back to how things used to be.

I have never been so wrong.

P'Arthit shows up not two minutes later up looking like no time has passed or rather time had refined him and shaped him into something out of novels and movies. I am surprised he didn't go into modeling or acting with looks like that. He and Roxy had settled for being business people and had obviously made a lot of money given the expensive clothes and their aura of wealth.

We barely say a word to each other when Roxy ushers us to start walking. It was obvious time had been kind to all of us but the minute P'Arthit joins us the tension that fell on us was like a rock from space, smashing any kind of reconnection in two. It is without doubt, from his constant scowling and refusal to use his words, that he still holds a grudge against me.

I try not to let it bother me and counted the minutes till this awkward moment will pass and I can go home, pour myself a glass of wine and pretend that I wasn't more than a little disappointed with his attitude. Roxy keeps up the conversation and I answer along while P'Arthit acts like he was a piece of furniture going along with us for the ride. No, he wasn't a piece of furniture because I wouldn't be so aware of a piece of furniture.

"So Kongpob, are you married?" the question jolts my mind back to Roxy.

"..." I don't want to talk about my personal life. If I can I would make this conversation all about the two of them without saying anything about myself, but Roxy was too keen for that to fly. "No, I haven't. Probably won't."

"Why not," he finally speaks. It took me more than a second to recognize his voice since I didn't think he would speak the whole time. I am even a little elated to hear him despite the question.

"Afraid of commitment?" he adds while lifting a brow

"No," I answer and didn't go into any details. I don't need to defend myself against whatever opinion he seems to hold about me.

"Then no one wanted you, since you can't be trusted?"

"Arthit." Roxy's admonishing tone may have been air for all the effect it has on him.

"I am just curious about why he doesn't want to, given the way he is."

"The way I am?" I couldn't let that one go, even though I am trying my best to keep the conversation civil.

"Yes, you know, untrustworthy, petty, and deceitful."

"Is that what you think?"

"That's just facts. I am spitting out the facts of Kongpob."

"You don't know anything about me."

"Don't I? You haven't changed a bit. You still act like you are better than everyone else."

I almost couldn't speak at the nerve of him to say that to me."I have never acted..."

"Isn't that why you decided you don't want to be friends anymore? Because you were too good for us?" he wouldn't let me get a word in.

"Arthit that's enough out of you or I swear to god I will get a stapler and staple your mouth shut."

That was it. He didn't say anymore and the silence was like scissors, cutting into me. How long am I going to let him keep misunderstanding me? Even so, is there any point in correcting the misunderstanding now?

"I am so sorry," Roxy said. "Whenever we are alone it's Kongpob this and Kongpob that but once we meet he becomes so petty."

"Hey! That hurts you know."

Roxy laughed. "I don't understand you two at all. I just don't know what else to do for the both of you. Can't you just talk it out whatever it is? It's clear you are both still angry."

"I am not," I said, interrupting her. "I am over it."

"Then-"

I hate to disappoint her but I cut her off. "I just don't think there is any point talking about it. We've obviously outgrown each other. We don't fit with one another anymore."

"The one thinking that is just you, right." P'Arthit was angry again, snarling at me. "I don't disagree with you because I can't even picture myself ever opening up to you again, seeing how you punished me for it the last time. I think you are right and we shouldn't be friends ever again but the thought that you are too good to be our friend, that's just you. That's how arrogant and almighty you think of yourself."

I clench my fist in my pocket and look away. Has he always been this irritating? I shouldn't say anything, shouldn't rise to his provocation but I turn around unable to help myself. "I don't think of myself that way at all. I am not better than anyone. I just... I didn't know what else to do. I made a decision for myself, to protect myself and I am sorry if it pissed you off."

"What the hell do you mean?"

I said the words without thinking of the consequence. The people I am talking to do not know the reason our friendship ended ten years ago, and even if I think that they both had a hand in it, even if I blamed them for it, in the end, they don't know what happened and that means I would have to explain myself.

"Kongpob, can you explain what you are saying?"

Maybe I should clear up the misunderstanding. That would make them stay away from me and I won't have to reopen those cans of worms over and over again. I won't have to see them and try to make conversation, maybe I should tear down the final bridge between us forever.

"P'Arthit you have a bad habit of acting like you know people," I said. "Ten years later you haven't changed it, can you fix it already?"

I turn around to start walking back the way I came. I can't say it after all. Roxy is there staring at me. I can't tell her that while she and P'Arthit had thought that I loved her, I had been in love with him. I had hated myself for it and hated P'Arthit for not seeing it and for indirectly denying those feelings, that I tore our friendship apart. I can't say it after all these years.

P'Arthit came after me like a blizzard, angry and unwilling to let me have the last word. I sigh, already knowing this was how it would go. He steps around me just as I reach my car and stand, glaring. "You know Roxy is the only one who thinks there is more to why you broke our friendship. I get it, okay. It wouldn't have worked out either way given that Roxy and I chose each other but that's not enough reason for you to walk away like that. It was just unfair. "

"You are right. It was unfair. I didn't know how else to deal with my feelings. I could have tried to move on without ending our friendship but I couldn't. I am sorry if that offended you." It is time we cleared the bad blood between us, even if the misunderstanding will always remain. If I apologized and pacified him may be his hatred of me would go away and Roxy would stop trying to fix our friendship.

"Offended me?" Instead of being pacified by my apology, P'Arthit looks like I have just worked up his blood to boiling. The way he pulls in his breath like he was preparing to explode startled me to meet his eyes. Why? I am flabbergasted by his anger.

"You didn't offend me," he says. "You were my best friend, the person I thought I could trust with anything. I told you how I felt about Roxy, hoping that you would support me, and be happy for me. It took everything in me to face you with my feelings because I couldn't hide it from you any longer but you turned around and ended our friendship. You claimed that you didn't love Roxy. To the bitter end, you said you didn't have feelings for her but you abandoned our friendship all the same. You made me feel like I made a mistake loving Roxy like I made a mistake telling you about it. I love Roxy more than anything and you made that feel wrong for a long time. You didn't offend me, you ruined me. "

I stare at him completely swept up by the intensity of his words. He sounds so hurt and so angry. I didn't understand. I need to understand why P'Arthit hasn't let go of the pain our broken friendship had caused him.

I glance up and see Roxy looking at us with a somber expression, seeming to agree with P'Arthit. "Kongpob," she says softly and moves closer. "P'Arthit needs closure. "

She glances at P'Arthit who is looking away from me yet not leaving having said his piece. He was just breathing faster, his face flushed with anger and... pain?

"For so long he has been feeling guilty about telling you how he felt, about confessing to me. He thinks that's why our friendship ended, that something he said was why you ended our friendship. I don't know the details and I have always thought you stayed away from us because you didn't want to be the third-wheel. I tried so hard to show you that wouldn't be the case but Kongpob, you were so adamant about keeping us apart. Now I feel there is something else, something you aren't telling us. Can you explain to us why things didn't work out?"

I reach for the door to my car, yearning to escape this night, wishing I had never met them again. Why was this so hard anyway? I close my hand into a fist and pull it back. If I have moved on from him, what would it hurt to just tell them? I made him feel that loving Roxy was wrong. P'Arthit probably thinks that he had sacrificed our friendship for Roxy. He didn't even do anything wrong, not really.

"I never liked Roxy," I said, my voice low and heavy. Reluctantly I open my mouth and start talking. "That was your own misunderstanding. You confessed to me about liking her then made me out to be your rival, what you were expecting."

"I thought for sure that you did."

He is still arguing. I glare at him and say firmly, "I didn't."

"Then why were you so upset? You even tried to fight with me."

"Because you kept insisting I liked her!" I raise my voice for the first time out of frustration. He is so frustratingly persistent. He wouldn't take no for an answer and always liked thrusting his opinions at people. He needed a punch and I remember giving him one just after he told Roxy I liked her too. "You kept saying that no matter how many times I told you it wasn't the case and it made me feel..."

"Feel what?" Roxy was looking at us, a small expectant light in her eyes.

"Rejected." The words burst out of me like an explosion and I can finally give a name to the feeling I held bottled and tucked away in a chest in my heart. I admit it with no fear of being punished for it.

"What the hell?" P'Arthit's attention is fully on me and his face was colored with confusion which I guess was warranted because even though it makes sense to me I can see how it would be confusing.

"I was in love with someone else." I meet Roxy's eyes again and she gasps, understanding sparkling in her eyes. "And every time he insisted I had feelings for someone else I felt rejected and unwanted. I know I didn't confess those feelings so I shouldn't have felt that way but I did and I hated you for it."

I risk a glance at him and he is listening but his eyes are on something else. I continue despite everything in me wanting to leave it alone and stop talking. "When you and Roxy got together officially, I saw no room for me in your life anymore. That was a bitter pill to swallow than I thought. I couldn't go back to being just friends now that I had these feelings, I couldn't accept the fact that you saw me more as your rival than as your friend, and I just couldn't bear to watch you love someone else while rejecting me."

"I didn't-" Roxy grabs P'Arthit's hand stopping his words.

"I understand," she says, nodding. "It must have been so hard."

"I have moved on now," I say smiling tiredly. "And when I remember the past I always cringe. It was so dramatic."

Roxy laughed too. "Even so, your feelings were valid. I am sorry that we didn't notice."

"I am glad you didn't. I wouldn't know what to do if you'd found out. It would have been-"

"You should have told me." P'Arthit's voice is heavy and he is glaring at something behind me. "Why didn't you just say it? It doesn't make any sense."

"How would that conversation go exactly?"

"We could have figured it out."

"In what way? How would we have figured it out?"

"I don't know since you made the decision for all of us! You made me an enemy in your mind and threw me away because of your own conclusion about everything. That isn't right."

I groan. "P'Arthit what are you saying."

"I have always been straight up with you Kongpob. If you felt that way why didn't you just speak up? And I would have noticed, I would have known if you were like that."

"Oh, you mean gay?"

He hesitates, obviously knowing he has to tread carefully then he flares like he didn't care. "Yes! We were like five and six, bread and butter. How would I not have known that about you? I knew you before Roxy even came into the picture, since we were babies. I would have known that. "

"I get it. You are so conceited. That's why you jumped to the conclusion that I had feelings for Roxy."

"It's because I know you."

"Clearly you don't. You never did."

He doesn't respond for a moment then his shoulders lose their terseness and his head lowers. I prefer it when he was angry instead of resign and disheartened. "I guess you are right. I didn't know you and I probably never will." He turns and walks past me, avoiding Roxy's hands that try to hold on to his. He keeps walking without looking back and I watch him go till I couldn't see him anymore.

"I am sorry," Roxy says, bringing my attention back to her. "He just needs to sort himself out. I bet it would be a lot to swallow if you suddenly learn that your best friend used to be in love with you."

"Roxy," I call her attention. "I appreciate you, for always trying to be the glue that keeps us together but, you have to stop. I don't hate you or anything so don't misunderstand me okay, I just don't think I can do this with you and P'Arthit."

"Yeah, you said it before, there is no room in your life for the two of us. "

"Roxy." If she puts it like that then I really am the kind of person P'Arthit thinks I am.

"Can't we just start again? You said it yourself you've moved on."

"I-I lied." The admission wasn't true but if it kept Roxy from trying to pull me back into that life then I will lie. "It's true that I don't have feelings for P'Arthit anymore but I don't want to risk it."

"Risk what?"

"Falling for P'Arthit again."

Her eyes widen then relaxes. "I see. And even if I say I don't mind, you won't believe me."

"Roxy." She laughed at the whine in my voice.

"It's okay. It's just that I missed you. I don't want to go back to being strangers after tonight. Can't you just be my friend? Please?"

Her pleading was making this embarrassing. It's not as if I am in love with P'Arthit again right this moment. I am just not interested in drama.

"Let me think about it," I say opening my car.

"Then let's exchange contacts okay?"

"Okay." I reluctantly nod and she smiles brightly. It was embarrassing how happy she was and once again I feel like the asshole.

"Yes!" we exchange contacts, talk a bit then she says, "I have to go check on Arthit now so I will see you soon. Call me immediately you get home, okay?"

I nod and watch until she could not be seen. That had been a painfully awkward reunion. I should probably delete Roxy's number. I stare at it and decide to make that decision tomorrow.