I love it when I'm not alone

I love it when my heart doesn't ache

I love it when the scars have healed

I love it when new scars appear

I love it when my mind is blank

I love it when no thoughts are lingering

I love it when I don't want to die

Do I love it when I desire to disappear 

Do I love it when my mind is filled

Do I love it when sorrow fills my mind

Do I love it when only joy remains

Do I love it when holding a razor

Do I love it when the pain goes through my arm

Do I love it when that bright red colour drips down

Do I love it when that wound is no longer there

Do I love it when my heart goes silent

Do I love it when the only thing I feel is that ache

Do I love it when my heart is pounding out of my chest

Do I love it when that warmth courses through my veins

Should I hate it when my wrist deeply needs cutting

Should I hate it when I can't even cry anymore

Should I hate it when numbness is the only thing I feel

Should I hate it when I can't live a second without attention

Should I hate it when I talk to you

Should I hate it when you only repeat the things I say

Should I hate it when the reflection on the mirror doesn't give me an answer

Should I hate it when I can't hear anything at all

Should I hate it when I can't see anything at all

Should I hate it when I can't feel anything at all

Should I hate it when I can't do anything at all

What do I even want

What am I supposed to do

What am I supposed to feel

What am I even feeling

What am I even doing