It's a heavy feeling in his chest—no. Not his chest. His ribs. The feeling of a snake coiling around around his middle and tightening until the bones break and puncture his lungs and that's what he'll blame this panic attack on.

The fear of snakes possibly crushing him.

It's a good lie, a great one. Jimin's gotten so good at lying these days.

"Jimin, why're you still doing this?" Jungkook asks, reaches out to touch Jimin in a comforting way and Jimin flinches so hard his skin almost peels right off.

He would answer Jungkook's question, but he doesn't have an answer for that.

Not a truthful one, anyways.

He's afraid if he opens his mouth he'll spill and spill and won't stop and truth with come out.

He's scared.

Simple as that.

Scared that the words he's scared to admit to even himself will be said out loud and it'll be the truth because as long as he doesn't say them it's not really happening.

Instead, he smiles but the smile doesn't reach his eyes and says, "ribbet, ribbet."

Jungkook doesn't know what that means.

*

Green is not Park Jimin's color. He came to realize that six months ago when it really started decorating his skin. When the green was more than green and suddenly it was purple and blue. Suddenly he wants the green more often.

Because green means it's healing. It means that it's not starting the process over again. It means that he's been a good boy. And good boys don't need to be taught lessons.

He hides the purples and blues under his jacket and walks into his classroom. There are whispers, muttering under their swallowed cum salt breath and Jimin will smirk and look down at his feet and let them continue talking.

It's all rumors.

All lies.

Because how can they know the truth when no one has ever said it out loud?

The truth is Jimin is too good to be a bad person and too bad to be a good person, so anything said about him is only half right if even that. So Jimin ignores it, takes a seat in the back of the classroom and pulls his sleeves down past his hands and fingers and hides them in sweaterpaws.

Usually, he's good. Usually school is fine and nothing can go wrong but when they have to partner up for something, Jimin freezes up and shakes when he's given a partner with the name Kim Namjoon who has the kindest eyes Jimin has ever seen.

On instinct, Jimin wants to rip them out.

Instead, he lets Namjoon sit next to him and pull out a pen to write with.

"Hi," Namjoon says easily. "Uh—I know this is awkward, but, uh, we have to kind of do this."

"I know," Jimin replies and sits up, refuses to look Namjoon in the eyes. "What're we supposed to do?"

"Talk about ourselves, I'm supposed to write some poetry thing about you. Let's start off easy, what's your favorite color?"

"Next question," Jimin dismisses quickly.

"Oh. Uhm. How about your favorite, uh—animal?"

Jimin makes a face at that one. "Frogs are relatable, I guess."

Namjoon grins. "I like crabs."

Jimin turns to finally look at Namjoon and sees him smiling, sees the dimples digging into his cheeks, and the knobs of his spine slowly start to unstiffen. "Crabs are ugly."

"Nah, they're really cute. You just gotta realize there's beauty in everything, ya know? But what about you? Why do you like frogs?"

"Because...just cause they're relatable, I guess."

Namjoon smiles a bit more and nods. "I'm gonna call you Frog Boy from now on."

Jimin scowls. "Please don't."

"Too late."

*

Namjoon waves goodbye and calls him frog boy and Jimin thinks about it all the way to the house he goes to every afternoon.

He arrives exactly when he needs to because being late isn't an option. Sometimes he'll get there earlier and stand outside Room 12 and wait and wait and debate if he should go in. But he always goes in.

He holds his breath and opens the door and is greeted by a large smile and Jimin hates it more than anything.

Park Jimin is a bad person.

*

Namjoon sits next to him the next day and slides him a little thing of sticky notes in the shape of adorable cartoon frogs. Jimin almost throws it away on his way out.

Almost.

Instead, he packs it up with his other stuff and tries to walk faster so that Namjoon can't keep up.

But Namjoon still tells him goodbye and calls him frog boy again.

Jimin hates it more.

*

When classes get cancelled a week later, Jimin sits outside of the cafeteria and stares out into nothing. He's got three hours to kill.

He could leave early, get to Room 12 hours early but..but that's not what he's going to do. It's what he should do but he won't because he'd rather not go at all.

His ribs are green again and he's been a good boy but he's not a good person. He's a sort of bad person and he'd rather stare at grass growing than be there three hours early.

But that's when his problems begin.

Because Kim Namjoon's class also gets cancelled and he sits down right in front of Jimin and smiles so easily at him. "Figured you'd want some company."

No.

"Uhm," Jimin starts making up an excuse in his head but gives it up and nods once. He likes Namjoon's eyes. "That would be nice."

"I—uh—wasn't sure if you liked coffee so I bought you a smoothie," Namjoon murmurs and slides it across the table to Jimin.

It's bright pink and sweet on Jimin's tongue and he soothes the ache in his jaw. "Th-thank you."

"It's cool."

"How much do I owe you?"

"No, no, it's fine," Namjoon says easily and grins. "It's fine."

Jimin usually doesn't accept things but Namjoon smiles so sweetly at him and thosegoddamneyes , he doesn't fight him on it.

Instead, they sit there in comfortable silence and they both study until Jimin has to go.

*

Namjoon takes exactly four steps away from Jimin after he's dropped him off at the bus stop when Jungkook grabs his shoulder roughly. "What're you doing?"

"Excuse me?"

"With Park Jimin? What're you doing?"

"I—" Namjoon hesitates and then steps back. "What's it to you?"

Jungkook stares at him and makes a face. "Me and Jimin used to be friends."

"And what? You're some creepy stalker now?"

"No," Jungkook huffs, lets go of Namjoon and steps back. "Just—are you guys friends?"

"I'm trying to be."

"And he's letting you?"

Namjoon nods and Jungkook sighs. "Ok," he whispers. "Just—is he doing ok?"

"Look, Dude, I don't really know you like that and I don't think Jimin would appreciate me saying anything."

Namjoon doesn't even know anything but Jimin is quiet and shy and the last thing he wants is to put any of Jimin's business out there.

Jungkook nods and smiles at that. "You're a good guy, Namjoon," he whispers and then his smile drops. "Be careful."

Careful?

What?

Namjoon moves to ask but Jungkook walks away.

Careful of his frog boy? Never. He couldn't hurt a fly.

*

Classes get cancelled again a week later and this time Jimin finds Namjoon. "Uhm...do you—do you wanna grab a smoothie?" He asks shyly.

"Yeah," Namjoon agrees to it immediately.

They spend the next three hours in silence again but Jimin offers him three shy smiles and that's more than worth it for Namjoon.

*

The next time they hang out alone, it's when Namjoon waits at the front door right outside of their classroom and asks for Jimin to skip with him. Jimin agreed easily and follows after him without much thought.

Jimin expects a smoothie but instead he follows Namjoon to a park near their school, into the woods, and towards a pond. He gets a bit scared when he sees how alone they are and then smiles when Namjoon takes off his shoes and prompts Jimin to copy him.

"We're gonna catch some frogs," he says simply.

Jimin follows him into the pond after leaving behind his shoes in the grass and tries to catch a frog with Namjoon.

It's harder than it looks and Jimin ends up with a face full of splashed water more often than not but he can't help but laugh. A real laugh. Something that makes him sort of ache. He grins so wide and scrunches up his nose in distaste when he sees Namjoon holding a tiny frog in his hands caressing it gently with one finger.

"In your defense, I do this for fun all the time," Namjoon says and takes it over to Jimin, petting the back of the frog to keep it calm and holding it out for Jimin. "He's cute, isn't he?"

Jimin stares and shrugs. "I've never seen a frog in real life before."

"But they're your favorite?"

"No, I said I relate to them the most."

"Why?"

Jimin shrugs and pets the frog with one finger before he makes a face and pulls his hand back then stares at Namjoon. Soft Namjoon. Nice Namjoon. Dimpled Namjoon.

"Do you want to kiss me?" Jimin asks quietly and watches as Namjoon blushes and refuses to look him in the eye. "You can kiss me if you want to."

Namjoon gently sets the frog down and wipes his hands on his pants before he's grabbing Jimin's face gently in his hands (cradles him like he's something fragile) and kisses him like they have all the time in the world. It's sweet, soft, and even when Namjoon's tongue slips into his mouth, Namjoon keeps it slow and easy. He cherishes the taste of Namjoon until he knows it's time to go.

They hold hands when Namjoon walks him to the bus stop and waits until the bus pulls away with Jimin in it before he leaves. He touches his fingers to his mouth and smiles at the tingling feeling he still gets.

Park Jimin is amazing.

His little frog boy.

Ribbet, ribbet.

*

Then Jimin doesn't come to school for the next four days. And then the weekend comes and he's gone for another two days and comes back Wednesday.

Namjoon waves at him but Jimin doesn't notice him. His eyes are glassy and lost and he's not all there at all. He flinches when Namjoon sits next to him and when he comes back into himself, he won't talk to Namjoon.

So after class Namjoon follows him, calls his name out until Jimin turns around outside and tells him to stop.

"What's going on?" Namjoon asks, walks closer to Jimin and then steps back when the boy flinches violently. "Jimin?"

"I shouldn't have kissed you," he whispers, swallows thickly and looks up at Namjoon with red rimmed eyes. "I shouldn't have kissed you. Please don't be mad."

Namjoon's chest crushes into itself but he shakes his head. "That's ok," he murmurs. "I'm not mad. We can stay friends, Jimin. It's ok. I won't kiss you again."

Jimin makes a sad noise and then steps up to Namjoon, grabs his face, pulls him down and kisses him again. It's quick, it's urgent, it feels like the world is ending and then Jimin is pulling away and he's gone.

Completely gone.

And Namjoon has no idea what the fuck just happened.

*

"Is this what you meant by you used to be friends?" Namjoon asks Jungkook an hour later, cornering him in the bookstore.

"What do you mean?" He replies, puts the book down and turns to stare up at Namjoon.

Namjoon sighs, runs a hand through his hair. "Did he kiss you and freak out too?"

Jungkook makes a face. "I—no. No. I—no. I've known Jimin since we were like ten," he says and then signs. "He kissed you?"

"Yeah."

"Fuck," Jungkook murmurs. "Fuck. Things are about to get—Namjoon, what I'm going to tell you is in strict confidence and you must never tell Jimin you know."

"Ok."

"Jimin...is..."

*

"Such a good boy," Jon says softly and curls his hand around the back of Jimin's neck and pulls him in for a kiss. His lips aren't soft, they're chapped, they're flaking and cracking.

There's a steady beat of the heart monitor in the background and Jimin wishes it would just shut up. He's a terrible person. He's accepted it by now.

"Did you stop seeing that boy?" Jon asks, pulls back and stares into Jimin's eyes. "Did you end the friendship?"

Jimin nods once.

"Good boy, such a good boy."

Jimin looks down and sits on the edge of the bed and stares at all of the wires Jon is hooked up too. All of them keeping him alive and well and Jimin wants to rip each one out of him until the stupid heart monitor goes still.

"You love me, right?" Jon asks.

He's frail. He's weak. He's dying. Jimin smiles tightly and nods. "Yeah," he whispers.

"You'll love me even after I die, right? You promised me you'd love me afterwards too. You said no one else would ever love you like I loved you. Only me. It's just me. Keep your promise, Jimin. Keep it or I'll haunt you."

Jimin doesn't believe in ghosts but he believes in Jon.

"I promise," Jimin whispers as his eyes water.

Jon will never let him go.

Not even when he fucking dies.

*

"...in a relationship with some guy named Jon," Jungkook starts. "They started dating when we were like fifteen or whatever and the guy was shitty. But then when we graduated high school he got diagnosed with cancer and Jimin started doing everything for him. He loved him, just wanted him better. And that's when it started."

"What started?" Namjoon asks but he really doesn't want to know.

He really doesn't want to know.

*

"You won't be a disgusting whore, will you?" Jon asks him, holds his hand too tightly. "You won't find someone else, right? You'd never do that to me, Jiminie, not to me. Because I love you, everyone else doesn't. They're lying. They just want to hurt you, they want you for your body because you look like a slut but you're not a slut, right? You're mine. Only I want the best for you, baby. Who will love you like I love you?"

"No one," Jimin replies numbly. "I have—I have to talk to Namjoon."

"The one that kissed you?"

Jimin blinks once and then nods. "We have a school project—

He doesn't get to finish the sentence, the slap across the face is enough to tell him that the conversation is over.

Then he grabs his face, forces it to turn so Jimin has to look at him.

"Say it. Promise me. On my future dead body, baby. Promise me you'll never speak to him. Promise me," he says angrily and squeezes Jimin's face until his teeth are digging into his cheeks. "Baby I'm dying. You're not gonna give me this?"

"I promise," Jimin cries.

"Don't cry, it's ok," Jon coos, rubs his face and Jimin feels sick as he does. "It's ok, baby. I still love. I love you so much."

If this is love then Park Jimin doesn't want it

*

"It starts off small, Joon," Jungkook whispers. "It starts off with petty fights, with little things. Jon didn't like Jimin wearing lipgloss or eyeshadow, it caused too much attention. He didn't like Jimin wearing tight clothing. He didn't like Jimin going out with boys, he didn't like jimin having friends and it was all because he said that Jimin was gonna leave him because of the cancer."

"Fuck," Namjoon whispers.

"Then..then the treatments stopped working. Then he wasn't in the hospital. Jon isn't in a hospital, Joon. He's at a fucking hospice. He's dying and he's...he's killing Jimin. He's..he's draining him of everything. That's not—that person you see isn't Jimin. That's whatever's left of what Jon did to his brain. He won't talk to me anymore. He won't—I don't know what's going on. I just wanna know if he's ok."

"I don't know," Namjoon whispers.

"But he kissed you?"

"Yeah?"

"I wonder why."

"Me too," Namjoon admits and gives Jungkook his number and goes back home.

His mind is thoroughly stuck on frogs.

*

Jimin's face is purple when Namjoon sees him again. Purple with a cut bottom lip and his whole body is still trembling. It all looks so fresh and Namjoon wants nothing more than to take Jimin away and hide him until he remembers what it's like to breathe without his ribs breaking in half.

He takes a seat next to Jimin, is careful to keep the distance, and then grabs at one of the sticky notes (the frog shaped ones) on Jimin's desk and simply writes: I have notes from the other day. I made you copies. Can I give them to you?

Jimin makes a soft sound but nods anyways and Namjoon hands them over in a little binder which Jimin takes and puts in his bag. And then he shyly reaches over and barely touches Namjoon's hand before Namjoon is taking it and holding Jimin's much smaller hand in his.

Jimin doesn't fight it, just squeezes hard until class is over.

Namjoon walks him to the bus stop and waits.

"You don't have to go," Namjoon whispers. "We can go catch frogs again," he offers.

Jimin kisses him on the mouth again before he gets on the bus and leaves.

Namjoon stares at it until it disappears and then he walks home.

*

"Did you talk to that boy today, baby?" Jon asks, runs his fingers through Jimin's hair as they cuddle on the bed.

Jimin smiles softly. "No," he lies.

But he can still taste Namjoon on his bottom lip. He chases after the taste with his tongue.

*

They have to work together for the same project but they can leave the classroom. Namjoon offers his place or somewhere public if he's not comfortable. Jimin picks Namjoon's place and they end up sitting on the floor together with their papers thrown around.

"You talked to Jungkook," Jimin says easily, not accusing, but he knows. "He's nosy."

"He's worried."

"For no reason," Jimin says sharply and looks up. "It's temporary."

"He's hurting you," Namjoon whispers and stares in disbelief. "That's not ok."

"He's dying," Jimin replies easily. "He's dying and when he dies I'll be free from him."

"You don't have to keep going, Jimin. You don't have to keep doing this."

Jimin doesn't say anything. Neither does Namjoon. Instead, he makes his way across the floor and cups Jimin's face in his hand and rubs his thumb over the unbruised skin. "You can stay," Namjoon offers quietly.

Jimin looks over his face but doesn't say anything else, just leans in and presses their lips together again.

There's no rush. There's no interruptions. It's just Jimin feeling normal, feeling something and Namjoon's soft

Lips against his. Namjoon's soft hands. Namjoon's kind eyes.

Jimin shoves at him, pushes him until he's resting his back against the bed and Jimin is in his lap, straddling this thighs and kissing him like a man starved. Namjoon's hands move over him gently, barely touch him (hands that don't hurt) and Jimin moans brokenly, Body jerking violently under the barely there touch. He almost wants to cry.

"Joon," he whispers and Namjoon can't stand the way Jimin says his name so desperately like he wouldn't give him everything he asked for. "Joon, please."

"What?" Namjoon murmurs, his mouth trailing down from

jimin's plump lips to his neck and sucking lightly on this skin just to feel Jimin push his hips down roughly into his own.

They rock against each other, the friction is so fucking nice like this, it's not enough for Namjoon. But the way Jimin gasps it seems like it's more than enough.

"Touch me," he begs.

Namjoon doesn't have to be told twice, his moves his hands to be under Jimin's shirt and kisses him squad on the mouth again.

"Don't stop," Jimin pleads.

How can Namjoon say no to that?

They tumble into the bed, Jimin gets tangled in his jeans as he tries to slide them off and he laughs. He laughs and it hurts his ribs but he does it anyways because he's giddy because Namjoon wants him.

Namjoon smiles down at him and leans in, kisses his mouth and smiles into the kiss. "You're so beautiful, Jimin," he murmurs. "And I don't mean just on the outside. I mean you're so beautiful that it hurts to look into your eyes because all I see is the goodness in you."

It's a lie. Jimin is a bad, bad bad person. But he wants to believe it. Wants to believe it so bad that he grabs Namjoon and yanks him down. Wants more. Wants it all.

But doesn't expect what he does get.

Namjoon undresses him, worships every single piece of his body and then spends ages in between Jimin's legs. He spends forever eating him out, never rushes, only soothes Jimin's desperate cries with a hand on his lower tummy.

Jimin's never had anyone eat him out before. He doesn't want to think of why or who because he's only ever had sex with one person and now it'll be two and he's glad it's Namjoon. He wishes it was Namjoon always.

"Stop, Stop, Stop," Jimin pleads and reaches down to pull Namjoon's head up.

"Stopping," Namjoon replies, looking so fucking debauched and Jimin hasn't even touched him. "You ok?"

Jimin nods and bites his lip. "I want you...do you—do you want me?" He asks quietly.

Namjoon smiles, lays his head against the inside of Jimin's thigh and runs his hands up and down the other. "More than anything. I want you to feel good."

"Then fuck me," Jimin whispers. "Please."

Namjoon can't say no to that.

How can he?

He stretches him with his fingers and too much lube. He takes forever than Jimin is shaking and tears are leaking but he keeps telling Namjoon to keep going. Keep going. Don't stop.

Then he's rushing Namjoon, begging him again. He whimpers brokenly and Namjoon is weak when it comes to Park Jimin. His little frog boy.

He's not thinking, he's stupid, and he doesn't grab a condom but Jimin doesn't care—he swears he's clean and Namjoon is too desperate to give a shit anyways. He fucks into him with just lube.

Jimin is the only person he's ever fucked without a condom and it feels, god, it feels so different. It's so warm and wet and tight. Jimin is so tight and he clenches around Namjoon so hard that Namjoon whimpers And has to hide his face in Jimin's neck.

"Oh my god, Jimin," he whispers, bites at his shoulder as he rocks his hips roughly. "Oh god, baby. You feel so good. Oh my god. Oh fuck."

"Keep going," Jimin replies, licks at the shell of Namjoon's ear and smiles when the boy shudders hard. "Can I ride you?"

Namjoon flips them over instantly, smiles when Jimin laughs in surprise and then watches as the boy settles himself down on Namjoon's dick. His eyes roll back into his head when he bottoms out and he just moves his hips in tiny circles.

"Is this good?" Namjoon murmurs, moves to grab the globs of ass and squeeze. "Feel good?"

Jimin nods silently and furrows his eyebrows in concentration. "So good," he whispers eventually and starts to properly rock. "So good."

Jimin sets the pace and Namjoon lets him, watches him Move, moves his hands over the other boy's body and watches him shiver when he barely grazes his nipples. "Like that, baby?"

He responds with a silent nod and bites his lip to stifle the sound.

Namjoon doesn't like that.

He sits up, hears Jimin gasp as the jostling has Namjoon's dick driving up deeper. Namjoon closes his mouth aren't Jimin's nipple and moans when Jimin's hands tighten in his hair and pull him closer.

"Joon," he moans. "Joon. Please?"

Namjoon flips them over again and fucks Jimin into the mattress until the boy is coming untouched between them.

"Cum inside me," Jimin begs.

And Namjoon has never came faster or harder before in his life.

*

The clean up isn't so bad. Namjoon grabs a towel and wipes the cum off of Jimin's stomach and then settles himself between the boy's legs and eats out his own cum from inside of him.

Jimin cums again without meaning to and Namjoon cleans him up again and settles them so they can nap, feeling completely exhausted.

When Namjoon wakes up, Jimin is waiting for him so they can walk to the bus stop together. They hold hands and Namjoon is so numb as he watches Jimin get on it. He's numb until the doors close.

Then the numbness comes crashing down from him and the bus pulls off and he's chasing after it. Begging Jimin to come back.

Don't go.

Don't go.

Please don't go.

Ribbet, ribbet.

*

"We had sex," Namjoon panics into the phone to Jungkook. "We had sex. I had sex with Park Jimin."

"Slow down, what?"

"We -we—we had sex. Oh my god. We had sex in my dorm and he still—why did I let him go? I shouldn't have—I'm gonna be fucking sick," Namjoon panics.

"Oh fuck. Are you ok? Was it consensual? A--

"Jungkook, I let him go back to him. I let him—he was so—how can that piece of shit hurt him? He's so sweet. He's so beautiful. I can't—how did I let him go back to that?" Namjoon cries. "I--he wanted it. I wanted it and he--he begged and he just--I let him leave. Why did I do that? Why'd I let him go back?"

"Because it's not up to you," Jungkook tells him quietly. "It's not up to you if Jimin goes back or not. It's up to Jimin."

Namjoon has never wanted cancer to ruin someone faster.

*

When it's nearly midnight, there's a knock on his door and he opens it to find Jimin on the other side of it.

"Did-are—"

Namjoon doesn't have a chance to say anything else because Jimin's lips are on his and Namjoon is desperate to show him what it's like to be touched without being hurt.

"Please."

"Anything for you."

*

"Don't go."

"I have to."

*

It becomes a thing. Jimin thought it would be once, just one time to remember what it felt like to feel normal. But then Namjoon holds his hand during class, they get smoothies, breakfasts together. Namjoon learns his coffee order, Namjoon makes love to him.

It's a routine.

They don't always have sex.

But Jimin still spends the night with Namjoon even if it's just innocent cuddling.

Usually those days are when the bruises hurt the most, or when his confidence has been shattered and he feels disgusting and gross and hates every inch of his body.

But some days even when he hates his body, Namjoon will kiss every piece of skin to prove to him he only sees the beauty in Park Jimin and Park Jimin will cry and kiss him quiet.

It wasn't supposed to mean anything. It was just sex. Sex with someone kind but Jimin finds himself in better moods even when he's with Jon because he knows that when visiting hours are over, he'll see Namjoon.

And one day...one day...

"Jimin?" Jon interrupts his thoughts.

"Yeah?"

"Have you been a good boy?"

Jimin stares at the wall as he replies with a simple, "yes."

"That's not true," Jon accuses and Jimin turns to face him. "If you are a good boy he wouldn't be doing this to me. God is punishing you by killing me, Jimin. Because I'm what you love most. This is your fault. I'm dying and it's all your fault. Fix this," Jon whispers. Jon cries. "Fix this, I don't want to die. Save me."

*

Jimin swirls his fingers down Namjoon's torso and smiles when the boy laughs. "That tickles," Namjoon whispers and pulls Jimin closer into him.

"Good," Jimin replies and smiles, hides his face in Namjoon's neck and breathes him in. "You make this bearable."

"You don't have to bear it. You don't have to go back,"

Namjoon whispers. "You can stay with me, my little frog boy."

"Not yet," Jimin replies honestly. "But soon, I think. I hope."

*

"I don't want to die, baby," Jon cries to him.

He's weaker, thinner, with no hair on his body. Jimin isn't

Purple anymore. He's barely even green.

"It's ok," Jimin whispers, wipes away at the tears in Jon's eyes. "It's ok to be scared."

"I'm not fucking scared, I just don't want to die," Jon snaps, slaps Jimin's hand away weakly. "I don't want to die. I'm so young. I didn't get to marry you. Remember, Jimin? We promised we'd get married. Will you marry me, baby? Before I die?"

"Yes."

*

The ring on Jimin's finger is heavy and feels more like a prison sentence than anything else. He hates it. Hates the ring. Hates what it means. Would rather cut off his finger than continue to wear it.

"You can't marry him, Jimin," Namjoon whispers.

"I have to."

"No, no you don't. Jimin this is—this is insane, you know that? This is insane. Don't listen to him. Stop it," Namjoon doesn't shout. Won't ever shout at Jimin. But he wants to right now, will do anything to stop this from happening.

"I'll marry him and he gets to come home and die in peace and then I'll be free."

"This will kill you," Namjoon says firmly, grabbing at the tops of shoulders and staring into his eyes. "Jimin, I—I love you." Then he grabs Jimin's face, stares into his eyes, fucking pleads for Jimin to listen to reason for one second. "Don't go back. I love you."

Oh.

Jimin blinks at him and then looks down at his feet. "I'm sorry."

Namjoon begs him not to go.

Jimin goes anyways.

*

Jimin and Jon get married in the hospice around lunchtime. It's quiet with only the nurses as witnesses. Then Jimin signs the papers and Jon goes home.

Their home.

And Jimin isn't allowed to do anything then.

The frailer Jon gets the louder he screams, the more blood he coughs up the more he threatens Jimin, the more he dies the more he clings on to the little bit of light Jimin has left and tries to stub it out too.

He's expiring and Jimin lays next to him as his only witness.

But, finally, there are no more bruises. Jon's arms are too weak to lift. But his mouth and tongue are as sharp as ever and Jimin misses the bruises more than ever now.

Misses Namjoon.

Loves Namjoon, probably.

But he's married now and married people don't (possibly) love other people.

He promised.

He promised he wouldn't.

*

Jon's head hurts more often than not and Jimin's voice sounds too wrong. He's not allowed to speak near Jon.

So Jimin doesn't speak.

Jimin forgets how to use his voice.

Jon speaks for him.

*

Namjoon sits next to Jimin in class after weeks of not even Looking his way. He sits and doesn't say a word and eventually just reaches over and offers out his hand.

Jimin is too scared to take it.

*

"Stop this!" Jon screams, begs, bares his bloody teeth at Jimin and then turns to throw up in the bucket next to them. "Please stop this. Baby, stop this. I don't wanna hurt anymore. Baby, please."

Jimin runs his hands up and down Jon's back and watches silently.

"Promise me you won't forget me, promise me—promise—

Jimin nods and closes his eyes as he hears Jon continue to throw up his insides into The bucket and pretends he took Namjoon's Hand earlier and held it in his own.

He misses Namjoon.

*

When Namjoon sees Jimin at the store, he tries not

To show his shock too much. Jimin looks...barely alive. Namjoon isn't sure who the one dying is anymore.

It scares him.

He moves up towards the boy and stands next to him, doesn't reach out to touch him. "I still love you," he whispers and Jimin vibrates so hard Namjoon's worried he'll vibrate out of his skin.

"I-I-I-I mis-miss you," Jimin stutters out so quietly, voice so rusty and croaky from inuse.

"I figured out why you relate to frogs."

Jimin stares at Namjoon and waits. He doesn't care if it's wrong , he doesn't care what Namjoon wants to say as long as he keeps talking. Jimin just needs a few more minutes with him and he'll be ok. It'll be ok.

"The boiling frog experiment. I figured it out. I figured out why you relate to frogs and you won't leave him. Because if you drop a frog in boiling water it'll jump out, but if you put it in normal water and slowly turn up the heat, it won't know it's burning alive. It gets used to It."

Jimin's eyes water and then leak and he stares up at Namjoon like he's the entire universe. "Am I still your frog boy?" He asks quietly.

Namjoon shakes his head. "No," replies and his own eyes start to water. "I'm never calling you frog boy again. I'm sorry I ever did. I—you're not my frog boy. You're just a beautiful boy that I'm so in love with."

"Wait for me," Jimin pleads.

"I'll wait forever, Park Jimin."

Jimin kisses him like it's his last day on Earth and then runs out of the store as quick as possible.

*

Ribbet, ribbet.

*

Jon stops speaking so loud, stops ranting for hours on end, stops screaming. There's an oxygen mask over his nose and mouth that help him breathe and Jimin watches him struggle to keep breathing even with the machine on.

Now Jon knows what Jimin felt for seven years.

Now Jon knows what it feels like to not be able to breathe.

*

Jimin doesn't fill the awkward silences up. He sits there and watches silently as Jon can't catch his breath sometimes. He watches as Jon slowly starts forgetting, watches Jon cling to him and Jimin doesn't have the strength to pretend anymore and cling back.

*

"No one came to our wedding," Jon reminds him one sunny day.

"No one wanted to," Jimin says quietly.

"Why?"

Jimin wants to lie to him. Wants to cover it up, give him a good and happy death. But he's tired of lying. He's so tired. "Because you are a pot of boiling water and I am a frog," he says honestly.

"I don't know what that means."

"Ask god when you meet him."

*

Ribbet, ribbet.

*

The oxygen mask stops working for Jon. He starts choking, his eyes widen and he always looks for Jimin when it happens and he cries. And cries. And cries.

And Jimin feels nothing, just holds his hand and watches.

*

"You were the best thing to happen to me," Jon murmurs one night right after one of his breathing fits, holding Jimin's hand tightly.

"And you—" Jimin is supposed to say it back. He's supposed to tell him that he was the best thing to happen to him too, that being married has been wonderful. Seven years of happiness and joy as boyfriends and a good solid—however long it's been married. "You..."

"Jimin?"

Jimin cries. "You changed my life," he cries. But what he doesn't say is the rest of that sentence:

You ruined it.

*

Ribbet, ribbet.

*

"I don't want to die," Jon screams.

It's a bad idea.

It uses up too much air and he coughs.

"I was—I was—I was healthy! I'm scared, Jimin. Don't leave me. Baby, please don't leave me. I love you, I love

You, please don't leave me."

Jimin doesn't leave.

"You disgust me, you just—you're watching me die and you can just stand there and not say anything. You're disgusting. A pathetic excuse for a fucking human. Why did I even marry you? Get the fuck out of my face."

Jimin leaves.

And he goes straight to Namjoon.

His eyes are wide and desperate and he doesn't even know what he's doing there, he just knows he hasn't felt Namjoon's touch in months and he's aching in places that didn't know were possible. He wants Namjoon. He wants him so bad.

When Namjoon opens his door and sees Jimin, the first thing he does is grab him and pull him inside, shoves him against the wall and attacks his mouth. It's all bite, all teeth, everything Jimin wants because it's Namjoon.

"Are you mine?" Namjoon murmurs into his skin and lifts Jimin up, presses him roughly into the wall.

Jimin wraps his legs around Namjoon's waist and claws at his back desperately, seeking friction and comfort that only Namjoon knows how to give him. "I've been yours," Jimin admits. "I'm yours even if I'm the worst human being alive. I'm sorry it's me you love. I'm sorry I'm so selfish. I'm—

"Who says you're terrible?" Namjoon asks and pulls back a bit, cups his tiny face in his hands and looks desperately into his eyes.

"I do," Jimin whispers and looks down in shame. "Because I—because I—I want him to die."

Namjoon shakes his head and looks him in the eyes. "No, you're not a bad person," he Murmurs. "Because I want to kill him myself."

Jimin kisses him again desperately and Namjoon fucks jimin against the wall, neither of them lasting too long anyways.

When Jimin gets home, Jon is asleep and the monitors are beeping steadily. Jimin crawls into bed beside of him and lays there wide awake, waiting for the stupid fucking thing to stop. He just wants it to stop. He wants this to end.

*

"Ji..min," Jon croaks out, barely breathing, eyes not even able to open.

"Yes?"

"Will you...still love me..after, after I d-die?"

"No," Jimin says honestly, sniffles a bit and watches Jon struggle in his final stages. Jimin hasn't ever seen a dead body before, has never gone to a funeral. But he's seen a man rot from inside out and he knows that's worse. "After you die I'm going to get help. I'm going to crawl out of that boiling pot of water and I'll do everything in my power to forget you. I'm a frog. I'm a fucking frog and you are a boiling pot of water that I want drained. You burned me alive. You ruined me. I was just a stupid fucking frog," Jimin cries.

Jon stares at him long and hard before he smirks. "I'll fuckin' haunt you until the day you die, Jiminie. And it'll be me coming to collect your soul at the end, it'll be me waiting for you so we can be together forever. You'll never get rid of me, Jimin. You're mine."

Jimin breaks down and sobs for the final time as Jon runs his fingers through Jimin's hair in satisfaction.

*

Ribbet, ribbet.

*

When the monitors sing for the last time, they hold out Jon's final note until Jimin turns it off and calls the hospital about his dead husband.

He stares at it until it's finally taken away and the bed needs to be cleaned and everything and there's so much information being thrown at him and all he wants is for the body to be gone and his place to be burned down.

And to finally be able to go to Namjoon.

But there are questions, there's legal stuff, there's so much and Jimin is so overwhelmed until he gets a smoothie in his hand and looks up to see Namjoon in his place. "I told them I was your friend and you wanted me here."

Jimin nods slowly and feels the edges of his facade start to crumble. "Thank you."

"Come on, once you finish you're coming home with me," Namjoon says easily and sits down next to him and runs his fingers down Jimin's arms until he's finished and he's finally, finally free.

He's free.

*

Jimin sleeps for a solid day in Namjoon's bed. He sleeps and sleeps and then wakes up and eats whatever greasy food Namjoon left for him before he's noticing the weight on his hand.

The ring.

And then he throws the ring into the lake near his school and scowls at the frogs sitting on the lilypads.

The ring drowns.

Jimin almost follows after it.

*

Jon promised to haunt him and Jon was always good at keeping promises. Jimin wakes up with Jon's face pressed into his and Jimin is too terrified to speak. But he screams when Jon kisses him.

He screams and Namjoon shakes him awake and then holds him until he calms down.

See, that's the thing about frogs in boiling water, once they're out of there, they still need to heal.

They're only out of the water but the healing is the worst part.

The very worst.

*

Jimin asks Namjoon for permission to leave his apartment and Namjoon has to remind him that Jimin is free to do whatever he wants and smiles and kisses the top of his head to show he's not upset.

He has to remind Jimin everyday.

*

When Jimin tells Namjoon that Jungkook tried talking to him, Namjoon serves him takeout on a plate and slides it over and smiles. "Was it a good talk? Should we invite him over for dinner?"

Jimin tells himself it's not a trick. It's not a trick. And agrees to dinner.

*

When Jungkook hugs him in front of Namjoon, he expects to at least get shoved into something. Or to get a look that tells him he's been a bad boy.

Instead, Namjoon hugs Jungkook too and the two

Of them bond over video games while Namjoon lightly holds Jimin's hand and traces patterns on the skin.

He doesn't hold Jimin down that night and remind him who he belongs to. He turns off the lights and asks if it'll bother Jimin if he reads off his phone and then cuddles Jimin.

It's different. But good different.

*

And then there are the bad differents.

Like the lying.

The excuses.

The Jimin practically begging Namjoon to scream at him, get angry, to just tell him what to do, please hurt me. And Namjoon refuses to raise his voice and just tells him he's free. He's free.

But Jimin doesn't want to be free. He doesn't know how.

*

He's not a frog anymore. But he doesn't remember how to be human.

*

"Do you wanna go on a date?" Namjoon asks him gently one night.

Jimin only nods.

"With someone else?" He adds in.

Jimin's eyes widen and he turns and stares silently.

Is this a test? If he says no will he fail? Will he be a bad boy? Will he—

"It's ok if you do," Namjoon says and walks over to him, rubs a hand down Jimin's back soothingly. "It's really ok. I mean—it's ok. I love you but you don't have to love me back. If I was just—it's ok. I have some friends that are single. They'd be nice to you. Or we can wait and—

"Will you wait for me?" Jimin asks softly, flinching because he's just interrupted Namjoon.

Namjoon just smiles softly and nods. "I'll wait forever if I have to."

Jimin nods. "I just want you," he admits quietly. "But not now."

"Ok, ok. Not now. Right now we're roommates. Best friends," Namjoon says easily enough. "But come on. There's that youtuber you like, remember? She just uploaded a new tutorial. We can watch it."

"You don't have to."

"I want to," Namjoon says easily and takes Jimin's hand and leads them to the couch to watch make up tutorials.

*

Jimin gets professional help. He only gets so good on his own until Jimin and Namjoon fight over something stupid and it ends with Jimin begging to not be hit.

Namjoon refuses to even get annoyed at Jimin when Jimin's nightmares return.

Namjoon stops touching him when he starts flinching again.

*

She teaches him a lot about recovery, about how it wasn't his fault.

She teaches him that not everyone can be saved and that burden isn't his.

She teaches him that it's ok to not forgive someone.

Forgiveness is yoursyoursyours.

Jimin spits on Jon's grave and tells him he threw the ring away.

*

"He said--he said no one would love me," Jimin whispers numbly to his therapist.

She nods. "Do you believe that?"

"Maybe," he admits, blinks away at the wetness from his eyes.

"He's wrong you know," she says softly. "Someone does love you, loves you a lot. He's just waiting for you."

Jimin smiles. "Namjoon?"

"No, Jimin. You."

*

The first time Jimin's brave enough to wear makeup again, it's just mascara. For the entire day, Namjoon makes sweet comments about how amazing Jimin's eyes look. He says he looks pretty like that.

So Jimin wears eyeshadow along with the mascara next time and Namjoon grabs at his chest and pretends to faint with how beautiful Jimin looks.

When Jimin wears lipstick, something soft and pink, Namjoon says he wants nothing more than to wear it too. So Jimin kisses him and smiles at the mess he makes on Namjoon's face.

Namjoon doesn't mind at all.

*

"Do you want to go on a date?" Jimin asks Namjoon a little while later.

"I mean..."

"With me."

Namjoon stops and stares at Jimin seriously before his eyes soften and he nods.

"Yeah. Yeah. I'd love a date."

*

Their first official date is to the movies because Jimin hasn't been to the movies in years. They watch some marvel movie that Jimin doesn't understand but loves seeing Namjoon's face twist up in emotions over the characters.

Halfway through a battle, Jimin leans over and whispers, "yellow."

Namjoon doesn't get it and he frowns. "What?"

"My favorite color. It's yellow. Like sunflowers. Sunflowers are also my favorite. And marigolds. I love the color yellow. And pink. But pink is like my fashion color and yellow is the color that speaks to my soul."

Namjoon blinks a few times and then smiles wide. "You look lovely in pink."

Lovely.

Lovely.

Jimin likes that word.

*

Namjoon brings home a little bouquet of sunflowers. Sunflowers and a little yellow sticky note that has something corny written on it and he shyly gives it to Jimin.

Jimin hasn't touched a real sunflower in years and he cries over it in the bathroom and strokes its petals with careful fingers. Then he looks over at the note and laughs watery at the words:

I tried to bring the prettiest sunflower home but the florist told me that you were already at there.

*

Namjoon makes love to him on a sleepy Sunday morning. Jimin is still somewhat dressed, he's wearing Namjoon's sweater and nothing else at all. He's shivering still, even if he's burning up but he sort of likes that.

Namjoon's thrusts aren't fast, but they're hard, they're deep, and Jimin squeaks every time Namjoon fucks into him. "Can I mark you?"

Jimin nods, bares his neck and let's Namjoon suck a dark mark over his pulse point. Namjoon always asks. He lets Jimin say no and doesn't question it or try to change his mind.

Jimin is just about to cum when Namjoon stops and stares down at him and Jimin whines in frustration.

"I'm so close. I'm—

"Do you wanna top me?" Namjoon asks him seriously. "Maybe not right now.... But—But do you?"

The thought of being inside Namjoon, of claiming him, of having Namjoon trust him so much, of giving up that power for him.

Jimin cums from just the thought and Namjoon hides his soft laughing in Jimin's neck and chases after his own pleasure. "I take that as a yes?"

Jimin laughs and nods, kisses his head. "Yeah," he agrees. "Now cum inside me, baby. Wanna feel you."

Namjoon doesn't need to be told twice.

*

The day after Valentine's Day, Jimin wakes Namjoon up with kisses all over his face and he grins when Namjoon groans in protest but doesn't yell at him (why would he?) or shove him (Namjoon doesn't put his hands on him like that). He just whines and pulls Jimin closer. "I'm an old man, Mini. An old man that got fucked so hard last night that I think I broke."

"Such a baby," Jimin teases and then nuzzles under Namjoon's chin. "I realized something."

"That I'm a terrible bottom because I cum too quick?"

Jimin giggles but shakes his head. "No. That...that I love You...too."

Namjoon pulls him impossibly closer and kisses his mouth. "I'm so in love with you, Park Jimin, so in love. You're the best thing that's happened to me."

Jimin doesn't have it in him to lie. So he doesn't. "You're the best thing that's ever happened to me too."

*

When they graduate two years later from college, Namjoon has a job offer lined up and a house in the process of getting bought. It's one story with three bedrooms ("for our future children, Mini. Our little mini devil!") and a huge backyard ("for our future dog, Jimin! It's an investment!").

*

Namjoon gets a good job, something that involves fancy suits and ties that Jimin does up for him in the morning. Their house is exactly how Jimin wants it. He's a little bit picky about the upkeep, makes Namjoon remove his shoes at the door to keep it from scuffing up their floors.

Namjoon has to wake up extra early to catch the train to get to work, he has a routine though. He kisses Jimin seven times before he has to leave and calls Jimin as soon as he gets there to make sure Jimin made it to his own job at the dance studio that's a few blocks down safely.

They have a routine. They like their routine.

And once every two weeks, Jimin sees a therapist. While the beginning therapy sessions were three times a week and it consisted of him crying, now these sessions are for his stress. Sometimes he has nightmares to talk about, sometimes he flinches when Namjoon's voice gets too loud, sometimes he feels like a frog.

But most days he just feels annoyed that Namjoon forgot to empty the dishwasher again.

"And my kids, my dance kids they're so great but really they've just been behaving so badly and I'm stressed about our show," Jimin rants to his therapist. "I think that's why I've been having nightmares again."

"Stress can trigger it. Have you talked to Namjoon?"

Jimin can proudly say, "yes."

"Oh. Oh. Good."

"He told me that whatever I needed he would try and help me with. He stayed up with me the other day glueing rhinestones onto the dance costumes," Jimin chuckles and smiles widely.

Just seeing Namjoon trying to glue tiny rhinestones onto a costume had sent Jimin cackling so the costumes took longer than usual because of that. Namjoon wasn't angry, he's never angry, he was just so fond that he sighed and smiled at Jimin.

It was perfect.

They're not perfect, not by a long shot. In two years they've gone through hell and back twice over and Jimin's not sure how they survived it all.

Two years isn't even a long time.

But it is.

Because two years with Namjoon has felt like a quick nap, while an hour with Jon had felt like a lifetime.

Jimin feels strange about it. Feels Like he's lived two life times and one of which didn't exist with him and Namjoon. He's glad that lifetime is over with and he gets his boyfriend who's bad at remembering to empty the dishwasher and brings him sunflowers every Tuesday.

*

Namjoon Empties the dishwasher as Jimin sits on the Counter and bites into his apple. "You finally doing the dishes is such a turn on. Please top me tonight. But like really top me. Like I'm feeling lazy as shit but I wanna get dicked down. I'm a pillow princess tonight," Jimin rambles on and laughs at the look Namjoon throws at him. "Listen. If you did more than just sit at a desk job and—

"Excuse you!" Namjoon shouts in mock offense, turns around and stalks right up to jimin, brackets him in with his hands on either side of the boy's thighs. "I am the backbone of this family. I—

Jimin promptly shuts him up with a kiss and then giggles into it. "Seriously, you doing the dishes without me asking was so hot. Fuck. Husband goals. Just marry me already," Jimin laughs, wraps his arms around Namjoon's neck to keep the man close.

"Ok," Namjoon replies and reaches down into his pocket and pulls out a black, velvet case. "I was gonna ask first but since you wanna ask me then go off, I guess."

Jimin is quiet. He's numb. He stares at the velvet box before he's taking it and opening it up. He almost expects to see the plain silver band. Almost expects to feel a hit to his face, to smell the bleach and cleaning products of a hospital, to be reduced to nothing but a carcass.

Instead, he sees Namjoon with a wide smile and two enormous dimples that Jimin loves. He sees a pretty ring, something feminine with lots of diamonds and pink diamonds. It's gotti. Expensive. It'll bring a lot of attention and Jimin just cries.

"Don't use Twitter lingo at me when you're proposing," Jimin laughs, watches as Namjoon tugs them away from the counter so he can get down on one knee and ask him properly.

Jimin doesn't even think twice with saying yes. He just cries harder when the ring slips onto his finger and it feels so amazing, a heavy weight, a reminder that Namjoon is his as much as he is Namjoon's.

*

He tells his mom about this wedding this time. And Jungkook. And all of the friends he's made since he's moved away from home. He shows off his ring on Instagram (the one he opened a year ago because he hadn't known what it was thanks to Jon) to his thousands of followers that follow him for his awesome dance covers.

The comments are flooded with congratulations and then he posts a second picture to that one where it's just him And Namjoon crying on their kitchen floor because they're getting married and they're so, so fucking happy.

Jimin is happy because this is love. this.

No more greens, purples, or blue's on his skin. There's no more constant whirring of machines, no more boiling water and, most importantly, there are no more frogs.