i remember the night you and i talked about how we definitely do not like each other at all, knowing fully well that we do. we spent an hour going back and forth about it and i loved how silly and cute that was. i think it was the night i realized i really, really like you. if you asked me when i realized i love you, i wouldn't know what to say. i don't remember that part. but i can tell you why i love you.

i love how funny you are. it's the thing i first liked about you. you constantly sent memes to me when we were just friends and i really liked that. you'd respond real quick and spontaneously decide to see me whenever you wanted to and it was often. you were clingy and sometimes still are.

i love the way you just call me out when you feel bad about something i did or continue to do. you're not afraid to say no to me. you don't let yourself be pushed around. you're independent and smart. but you're also extremely resilient to be able to deal with my bullshit. you're patient and loving. you're giving. and i'm sorry that sometimes all i do is take. but i promise i'm working on it...on respecting your wishes and making you much happier than i already do. i don't know all the answer in this world or how to be a perfect girlfriend. but i can be the best version of me. and i believe in that. i love you a lot.

i love holding your hand.
i love touching your skin and everything.
i love kissing you.
i love playing with your hair.
i love staring at you as you play videogames.
i love hearing you laugh even if it's other people making you laugh.
but i love it even more when i make you laugh.
i love watching you sleep peacefully and how you breathe in and out slowly in your sleep.
i love how you talk in your sleep.
at first, i was scared.
now, i just find it fucking funny.
i love how you work on yourself and put in effort.
i love how you're driven by the future and care about your life.

honestly, the smallest moments with you matter the most to me. the times when you and i would just laugh about something and joke around makes me the happiest.
talking to you immediately cheers me up.

i love how you help me strive to be better.
i used to get pissed at it but now i just understand that you care and even when we aren't together, i still don't self-sabotage or regress into my natural state of literally fucking everything up because as much as it's gay to fucking admit it, you've changed me and still change me continously to this day.
dating you makes me face my flaws and improve as a person.
i'm still not perfect and i will never be, but with you, i think i could be the happiest and healthiest version of me.

no one has actually made me commit to the point that i stop my unhealthy coping mechanisms.
i don't want anyone else anymore.
i don't think you're replaceable.
i want you to be my best friend.
the one i always want to tell the good news and bad news first is you.
the only one i want to impress is you.
i can't even drink even when i'm really sad and miss you because of how i don't ever wanna disappoint you even if you won't really find out about it.

i loved the time we walked outside in the cold around your neighborhood and talked about ourselves.
i enjoy hearing you talk about what you like because you barely do it.
i want to get to know you more and be there for you as your ally, someone you feel safe and comfortable with instead of someone you would run away from or distance yourself from.

i love the way you make me feel like no one can.
i love the way you look at me in belief that i'll be happy.
i love you.

i truly do.