M I N A

A few days ago, Jimin asked me out on a date. I had no idea he thought of me in that way, it took me by surprise. I didn't feel right for me to go out with him when I have feelings for someone else.

So I respectfully declined. I didn't mean to hurt him in anyway, but I could tell he was disappointed. I have a feeling things are going to be awkward between us now.

I think Jimin might have said something to Taehyung because he's been acting strange around me. I hope he doesn't feel uncomfortable. I already made one friend feel uncomfortable, I don't need another one feeling the same.

Maybe I should just tell Taehyung how I feel. If he already knows, then what? I'm just acting like nothing's wrong. It's hard to act like I don't like him. I hope he doesn't feel weird around me if he already knows.

I want to tell my girl friends about this, but I'm afraid they'll blow things out of proportion. I need their advice, but I don't want them to be pushy about it. They get excited and it's too much for me sometimes.

But who else am I supposed to go to with my problems?

I talked to Momo and Sana before we went to bed one night. We all share one room so we usually talk casually like this about different things.

"Can I tell you guys something?" I ask.

"Yeah, of course." Momo says.

"Okay, but don't make a big a deal out of it."

"Why would we do that?" Sana asks.

"Because it involves a guy."

They both gasp.

"Well, actually...two guys."

Another gasp.

"Mina-ya!" Sana exclaims.

"Okay, now you have to tell us." Momo says.

I explain my situation to them and told them about my thoughts and my feelings about the whole thing. For the first time, neither of them had anything to say.

"That's a pretty...complicated situation." Sana taps her finger on her chin.

I sigh, "I don't know what to do."

"Well...you did the right thing by saying no to the date." Momo says, "It's good you didn't lead him on when you knew you had feelings for someone else."

"I'd say ask out Taehyung or tell him how you feel when the time is right." Sana suggests.

"How do I know when the time is right?"

"You'll feel it. You'll just know in that moment."

All this talk about boys had me wondering.

If we talk about them like this when they're not around, do they talk about us like this too? Do boys talk about girls with their friends?

Ugh...I need him to get out of my head. I can't stop thinking about him and it's distracting me so much. He keeps me awake at night. I think about that might happen if I tell him and what might happen if I don't.

He's so good-looking and outgoing. There are probably so many other girls that like him like I do. He's probably been confessed to a hundred times, but he told me he's never had a girlfriend so he must have rejected them all.

It doesn't help that Taehyung is such a hard person to read. Most of the time I can't tell if he's mad or if it's just his normal resting face. I get intimidated around him.

But that's such an attractive characteristic for a boyfriend to have...

Stop.

What am I doing? Here I go again thinking about nonsense.

I really want to tell him how a I feel, but at the same time, I don't. I'm just scared of getting my heart broken.

Why did I have to fall for him..?

Why him?

He's too good for me. I don't deserve him.

I should just forget about it. He won't want to go out with me anyways.

But the way he acts tells me otherwise sometimes. It's hard for me to understand. We stopped hanging out with them so much so Taehyung and I only ever really talk during class and after school when he walks with me to the bus stop.

"Is there anything you really want to try in Korea that you haven't tried yet?" He asked me one day.

"Hm..." I had to think about it, "All the places are kind of far from here, but I want to try the rail bikes here sometime. Maybe during the colder seasons."

He nods, "I've never tried that either. It sounds fun though."

Before we get to the bus stop, he asks me something.

"Hey...uh, we're having a party this weekend for Yoongi's birthday. Would you maybe...want to come?"

"A party?" I ask, "Who else is going to be there, just you guys or..?"

"Ah, well, Yoongi said we could each invite one or two people so it's going to be us seven and a few more people. It's just a casual party at Yoongi's place. Nothing crazy." He explains.

"When is it?" I ask, "I could probably make it if I'm not busy."

"This Sunday. We're celebrating his birthday early since it's on a school day."

"I don't think I'm doing anything that day. Could you text me the details?"

"Yeah. I can do that." He nods.

"Okay. I'll get back to you about it when I can."

"Sounds good. I'll see you around then." He says, then begins to walk off, but he stops after a few steps.

He laughs nervously, "I uh...I don't have your number."

"Oh! Right. Here." I pull a pen out of my bag and write my number on his arm.

"Thanks."

"Mhm." I nod.

"I'll see you later, Mina."

"Bye, Taehyung. Tell me your name when you text me so I know it's you."

"Alright. See you maybe Sunday." He waves before walking off.

I was all calm talking to him, but I realized what I did and started panicking as soon as he walked away.

I rarely ever go to parties other than family parties. Is this a big deal? Should it be a big deal?

It's just a birthday party. Tae said it shouldn't be anything crazy. I trust his word.

But why did he invite me?