[ cнapтer тwenтy-тwo ➛ ѕтarт ]

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"You're fucking slower than the average woman giving birth!" 

Jeno narrowed his eyes at the caramel-haired boy when he arrived at the door to their dorm room, panting. "Bitch, I'm faster than you could even dream in bed--"

"Can y'all stop doing that thing where you flirt but disguise it as hatred? Fucking pay attention to what matters!" Jisung interrupted impatiently, tapping his foot aggressively on the carpeted floor. He was seated on Jaemin's chair or rather perched precariously on it, anxious out of his mind.

"Jaemin's small dick energy?"

"At least I fucking have a dick!"

"Oh so you admit that it's small--"

"Renjun and Chenle's relationship is faker than both your dicks!" the youngest blonde finally burst out. The other two who were glaring at each other moved their heads in unison to stare at Jisung.

"Fucking called it, see Jaemin? This is what happens when your IQ is above 21!"

Jaemin scoffed from where he was laying on his bed. "You literally think the Earth is flat."

"It is!" Jeno exclaimed defensively. "If it was round, the bottoms of shoes would be curved, but they're not now are they, they're straighter than soccer mom Susan's husband, therefore, the Earth. Is. Fucking. Flat. More flat than girls at our school."

The caramel-haired just blinked, face blank of emotion. "Guess I can't argue with that--"

"I'm third-wheeling more than Hui with Hyudawn," Jisung muttered, rolling his eyes and crossing his arms over his chest.

"Sorry," Jaemin muttered, then sat up properly as Jeno closed and leaned against the door. The younger asked in uncertainty, "Why are they sketch, though? What'd you hear?"

"They were arguing behind a vending machine," Jisung began describing, "and-- honestly I forget everything they said 'cause y'all distracted me with your weird ass flirting just now, but I'm pretty sure Chenle said something about not wanting to date anymore and how it was stupid. And Renjun was like, 'It was your fucking idea,' but I don't know, I sneezed and I think they heard me so I fucking blasted out of there faster than Twice makes comebacks and came here."

Nodding, Jeno and Jaemin gave thought to Jisung's story.

The youngest bit his lip, and began talking again, "I just-- I died when he said he was dating Renjun, I mean I love Renjun and all, but Chenle fucking snatched my heart and my wig, he's so cute, like his face is such a work of art and Da Vinci could never, and when we got matching hair colors I wasn't even sad that he looked so much better than me because he's a literal angel, and like his laugh is louder than Lucas and makes my eardrums bleed but my heart just goes bboom bboom when I hear it especially when I'm the one who made him happy, and when he looks at me I wanna cry because I don't deserve the attention of such a god, and his voice when he sings-- have y'all heard him sing yeah didn't think so 'cause you're peasants and could never get the honor of hearing such a legend-- and like my heart just goes baam when I hear his heavenly voice, Donghyuck's vocals who?? He's just so perfect and..."

Jisung continued ranting about Chenle, clearly whipped as fuck for the Chinese dolphin. All Jeno and Jaemin could do were listen and murmur their thoughts and reactions out loud.

"I wish I could feel love like that," Jeno said quietly while the youngest kept on talking.

Jaemin nodded, "When will my true love ever?" 

"I want someone to be as whipped for me as Jisung for Chenle." 

"And as whipped as Chenle for Obama."

"To be honest, everyone's whipped for Obama, especially Joe Biden."

"All I wanted for Christmas was for them to announce that they're fu--"

Suddenly, the door flew open and Jeno fell face first onto the floor, groaning. Donghyuck stepped on the raven-haired and didn't waste time apologizing when he screamed, "Someone, fuck my ear holes!" The rest of the room went silent, pausing their rants to look judgementally over at Donghyuck.

Voice muffled from the carpet, Jeno grunted, "I will throw your fat ass off a building, get your ugly foot off me."

"What happened?" Jaemin sighed, as the oldest began to scream from the sole of Donghyuck's shoe digging into his back.

The brunette moved to sit on Jeno's bed, finally giving the raven-haired mercy. "Mark," was all he said which got Jisung jumping out of the chair and out of the room, careful not to trod on Jeno on his way out.

"I'm outta here, deal with your daddy-- boyfriend issues alone motherfucker!"

"Child, you just wish you could get dick like me!" Donghyuck snarled. He then went on to explain how Mark had gotten accepted into an infamous agency in the music industry, ensuring the most ideal future the older, making all his dreams come true. The only problem was that he'd be with the agency all the time, recording and practicing and traveling, unable to spend time with his boyfriend.

Naturally, this made the poor boy miserable. He wasn't one for crying, but he talked about how he almost drowned in his tears when Mark had told him the news. The older brunette then had to leave to meet up with a manager of the agency, leaving Donghyuck to wallow in his sadness. "I love him so fucking much, I'd do anything for him, I'd go through anything for him, and I just wanna fucking fuck him but I fucking don't because I'll just be fucking crying the whole time 'cause he's leaving and--"

"Make like Shia Labeouf and just do it," Jeno commanded sternly, wisely knowing that Donghyuck should spend and cherish every last second of his time with his boyfriend that they had left.

"Adidas is better."

"Ha! Jeno, what'd I tell you?! You're more stupid than my two-year-old self who tried fixing my cracked DS with a band-aid."

"And you say I'm dumb for thinking the earth is flat."

"You are."

"Ew, y'all are gayer than me and Mark."

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When Donghyuck felt he recovered enough and left the dorm room to attempt to carry on with his life, Jaemin flopped back on his bed.

"You know when you have hope for humanity but then shit happens and that one couple everyone expects to stay together and have 420 babies and get married at age 18.79 forever fucks up and breaks up," he let out with a single breath.

Jeno — who was already laying on his bed after kicking Donghyuck off of it as payback for the younger stepping on him — turned over to look at the caramel-haired. "So now you're out here copying Chenle's texts? And they're not going to break up."

"I know, they're going long distance which is the exact same thing," Jaemin sighed. "You'd think Markhyuck would be that perfect couple that could make it through anything, but Hyuck might not be able to handle this. He loves Mark way more than his bed and mama."

"He's queen of Hell, he'll definitely find a way to survive," Jeno murmured, observing the few strands of hair that fell over Jaemin's smooth forehead.

"Donghyuck's the Sun, but Mark is his Sun, and Hyuck can't shine without his boyfriend."

"Tumblr who, we stan Jaemin in this house."

Ignoring the older's side comments, Jaemin continued talking as he stared up at the ceiling, deep in his thoughts. "And I saw some girl on the internet who said she broke off her long distance relationship because she realized loving Jesus and God was all she needed to be happy."

"Again, Donghyuck's the queen of Hell, he would never decide he loves Jesus and God more than his noodle boyfriend."

"And you can't even fuck in long distance, like how the hell do you expect to nut in their asshole when there's miles of air and water and people and other nut between you."

Jeno laughed, eyes turned to beautiful crescents, still staring intently at the younger's features. "That's why there's video calling, dipshit."

"Watching your boo jack off isn't enough, you need the real thing, and you can't send 3D legitimate fresh nut through the internet yet."

"Then nut in a jar and mail it to them."

"Wouldn't it rot though?" Jaemin contemplated, finally moving his head to look directly into Jeno's eyes that still showed a hint of a cute smile. "And this isn't the fucking Stone Age, some nerd is smart enough to create an app where you can fuck your partner even though a shit ton of miles of air and water and people and other nut is between you."

"Well that nerd is sleeping on that genius idea or I could be fucking Kylie Jenner right now and squirting tea and drama all over the Kardashian clan."

"Calm your small dick, Kendall's better."

"Fuck you, and Khloe's the real queen."

"Kim lost her earring in the ocean and released a sex tape," Jaemin states confidently. "God is a woman and God is her, not Ariana."

"Kourtney put Kim in her place and told her that there're people that are dying."

"Caitlyn Jenner—"

"Shit, you're right, Caitlyn saved the world, I want her to adopt me."

"Bitch, go to the back of the line, she's my mom."

"I hate you," Jeno huffed and shifted his gaze to the floor, leaving Jaemin to stare at his black hair and jawline.

"You love me."

"That's gay."

"We are gay."

"But not for each other."

"Bitch, obviously!"

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May had come around, which was nice because the end of the school year was nearing by fast, but also burdensome because exams were at the end of the new month. Students were yet again stressed as they tried desperately to focus their attention on academics to pass exams.

Few students who were lucky enough to also have been scouted by agencies or accepted from auditions for companies like Mark were elated, but otherwise, the school was a mess.

Jaemin and Jeno had been spending more and more time with each other willingly, studying or just conversing about the most random topics.

They also oversaw how Jisung and Donghyuck were doing, trying to comfort the latter and his boyfriend as best they could.

The two were disappointed in Jisung who still hadn't spoken to Chenle. A nervous wreck of feelings and anxiety, the blonde was afraid and didn't know what to say. He was so whipped and cared deeply for the Chinese boy despite acting so cold and blunt to the older.

The caramel and raven-haired roommates could only wish someone would love them that much.

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[ cнapтer тwenтy-тwo ➛ end ]

[a/n]: goin back to my old schedule of updating every few days or so

i hope you enjoyed the chap!<3

fuckin 1.8K words how did i get the energy to write that extra 300 goddamn