*

"Chanyeol sunbae... It's you, right?"

The man turns around and their eyes meet, and Baekhyun's tears automatically roll down his cheeks, seeing the name Chanyeol on the cup of coffee the man is now holding in his hand.

"Y-you're here," Baekhyun mutters in a broken voice as he cries in front of him, "Finally... I saw you again... Y-you came back..."

Baekhyun stares at Chanyeol's face, noting how grubby it is with grease and dirt specked on his cheeks. His hair is totally disheveled and thick, and there's a small cut on the side of his lips like he's been into a fight. Everything about him seems lost and abandoned, he looks different, he looks so pitiful.

"W-w-w-what happened to you..." Baekhyun's heart painfully clenches at the sight of Chanyeol now clad in soiled clothes. He doesn't even have shoes, wearing only a pair of slippers in this cold weather, "W-why... Why do you look like this..."

His knees finally give in as he feels weak, making him kneel on the ground while he sobs his lungs out. He can't bear witness Chanyeol in this horrendous state. It just feels like a dream, but it isn't.

Seeing a guy crying on his knees in front of him right now, the man looks around him cluelessly, seeing people not giving a single damn about them. Hesitantly, he steps closer to the sobbing male and sheds him the umbrella.

Baekhyun feels the rain suddenly stop on his spot although he can still hear it loud and clear, so he cranes his neck up with his tear-filled eyes. He sees Chanyeol now holding the umbrella for him.

"You'll get sick like that..."

With trembling fingers, the man shows him the cup of coffee he is holding.

"Is this yours? I'm sorry if I took it, I was just thirsty..."

Baekhyun feels like crumbling down when Chanyeol smiles at him--- a guiltless smile that is too good to be true, an ignorant smile that tears his heart into millions of pieces, an innocent smile like it has been only the first time.

"Baekhyun!"

He turns to the voice suddenly calling his name under the rain. He sees the cab he rode earlier stopping beside the street and Jongin hastily getting off the vehicle with an umbrella.

"What happened!?" Jongin says in panic, helping a soaked Baekhyun get up by holding his arms. He suddenly looks to where Baekhyun is staring at--- to the unfamiliar man standing a meter away from them.

Scarred for life as he hears the loud cars honking around him, the man turns his back away to run and escape.

"NO!!! CHANYEOL SUNBAE! DON'T GO!!!" Baekhyun screams aloud while he cries, attempting to follow him. Jongin stops him and holds his body in place. "DON'T LEAVE ME!!! PLEASE!!! COME BACK!!!"

"Baekhyun! What's happening to you!?" Jongin says as he pulls Baekhyun back yet Baekhyun won't look at him, his eyes are unfocused as he trembles while pointing at a distance.

"I... I... saw him... Chanyeol sunbae... He-he's here... I... saw him..."

"What are you talking about!?"

Baekhyun is breathing hard as he cries furiously. He suddenly loses his consciousness in Jongin's arms who immediately catches him before he falls on the ground. Muttering a curse under his breath, Jongin touches Baekhyun's forehead, and he immediately jerks his hand when he feels it burning hot. He carries the passed out male and immediately calls for help.

*

"I'm sorry, it was my fault," Jongin mutters with his head bowed low in guilt, "If only I had looked after Baekhyun carefully, this wouldn't happen..."

Kyungsoo stands up in front of him and hugs him tight while he stays seated. Luhan holds his hand, telling him it's okay.

"Baekhyun's gonna be fine, Jongin. The doctor said it's nothing serious. He passed out because of his fever," Sehun, who just arrived from the nurse's station, says. He sits on the waiting area beside the male and hands him a can of coffee. "Here. Warm yourself up."

Jongin sighs and takes it quietly, "Thanks."

"How's Baekhyun?" Kyungsoo asks.

"He's still sleeping. Thankfully, his fever went down a bit," Sehun answers, massaging his forehead, "I was so worried... I thought something really bad happened to him when Jongin called."

"Why was he running under the rain anyway?" Luhan asks, "He was completely drenched when he was taken to the hospital."

"I found him crying on the street," Jongin says, "He was calling Chanyeol... He said he saw Chanyeol."

Sehun, Kyungsoo and Luhan exchange looks, staring at each other.

"Is he telling the truth?" Jongin asks, looking at the three. "Is Chanyeol already here in Seoul?"

Sehun is just about to answer him when a nurse arrives, telling them that Baekhyun has waken up.

As he opens his eyes gently, the first thing that Baekhyun sees is a white ceiling and four pairs of worried eyes looking down at him. He feels his head still reeling when he tries to get up. Sehun quickly assists him to sit upright. He takes a seat on the edge of his hospital bed.

"Are you feeling okay now?"

Baekhyun slowly nods as an answer.

"Do you remember what happened last night?" Jongin asks.

"Y-yes," Baekhyun answers weakly, "I.. I remember everything... I remember... seeing Chanyeol sunbae..." He clutches the sheets with his fists before looking up to Sehun in the eyes. "Sehun... I saw him... I can't be wrong, it was definitely him... He's here in Seoul... He came back... I could die worrying about him... And I'm glad.... I'm so glad he's alive.... I'm so happy seeing him again..."

Sehun squeezes his eyes shut, nodding at him. He places his hand lightly on Baekhyun's back, soothing it gently. Baekhyun lets his head rest on Sehun's shoulder as he feels the tender caress of his warm hand behind him.

"Yes, Chanyeol came back, Baekhyun," Sehun says softly, "If you really saw him, then it was definitely him..."

"Please tell me everything," Baekhyun mutters, "I want to know what happened..."

Jongin slings his arms around Luhan and Kyungsoo, "I think you two need to talk." He turns around and closes the curtain before the three of them leave, giving Sehun and Baekhyun privacy.

Sehun tells Baekhyun everything.

He tells him that he saw Yura in the train, that he and Luhan had followed her which led him to finding a mansion where she and her husband are staying at. He also tells Baekhyun about their days of secretly staking out outside the house in hopes to spot Chanyeol, as well as the news the police broke out to them last night.

"They said that Chanyeol has been missing for days and they couldn't still find him," Sehun says, holding Baekhyun's hand on his palm, "I don't know what exactly happened... But you said you saw him last night."

"Yes... I really saw Chanyeol sunbae..."

"What happened?"

"He... He looked scared and he ran away.... He felt different... He was like a stranger... He seemed so lost... He looked abandoned..." Baekhyun mutters, quickly getting rid of the tears falling again from his eyes, "It really broke my heart seeing him in that pitiful state.... I keep asking myself, Sehun..."

He looks at him questioningly, "Why was he like that? What happened to him back in New York? Why... Why didn't he..." He closes his eyes and breathes. "Why didn't he call my name when we met again?"

"M-maybe he was just surprised when he saw you," Sehun says uncertainly, avoiding Baekhyun's yearning eye contact, "You should talk to Yura and ask her what happened. I'll take you to her house when you get better."

"Thank you for doing everything you could do for me," Baekhyun says, pulling Sehun into a hug as he leans his head against his chest, "Thank you for staying by my side when I need you, Sehun... I don't know what else to do without you..."

Sehun smiles at that. "You can always count on me."

"But I'm just worried... that you're worrying about me too much," Baekhyun looks up to see his face, "That you're failing to see who truly cares for you because of me..."

"What do you mean?" Sehun asks.

"You've been loving me long enough now," Baekhyun says, "You can always stop when you feel like doing so... I'm going to be fine, so it's okay..."

"It's not the right time to push me away. I know you need me the most especially right now," Sehun says, "If you think you're being a burden to me, then that's not true. You're not just an option, Baekhyun. You're my choice, and I chose to stay with you no matter what." He smiles at him. "I need to make sure Chanyeol comes back to you before I deal with my own feelings."

"Have you decided yet?" Baekhyun asks after a minute of silence, and Sehun is slightly surprised that Baekhyun knows something. "Is it the one I have in mind?"

Sehun only laughs, hiding his smile yet he's doing a terrible job.

*

The ride in the car is painfully quiet and nerve-wrecking. Just like what he promised the other day, Sehun takes Baekhyun to Yura's house.

Baekhyun has no idea what will happen ahead of him when he arrives there. He doesn't even know if he'll see Chanyeol again, but he's desperately hoping.

He's earnestly praying to the heavens that everything is going to be all right when he finds out the truth. He's just wishing for Chanyeol to come back to him to where he belongs. He's just hoping to be with Chanyeol again like what he has promised to him before they part ways.

"Whatever happens," Sehun says as he holds Baekhyun's hand, "I want you to stay strong, Baekhyun."

"Just because I cried a lot doesn't mean I'm weak," Baekhyun answers, "After all I've been through, I'm now strong enough to endure everything up until now." He takes a deep breath as he steps outside the car when it stops in front of a house.

Sehun hesitantly releases his hand.

"You're going to be okay, right?" he asks worriedly. "Promise me."

"I promise," Baekhyun replies. "Can you take a cab and leave the car to me?"

"But what about you? Is it okay that I leave you alone here?"

"Yes. I'll just drive myself home," Baekhyun says, "So you should go ahead now and not wait for me."

When Sehun left after he waits for him to get in the taxi he hailed, Baekhyun proceeds in front of the large mansion with a tall gate barricading around it. Pressing the doorbell after he musters enough courage, he waits for something to happen.

The gates suddenly open.

"I admit I'm expecting to see you very soon," Yura says. She places a cup on the table in front ot Baekhyun, before sitting on the couch across him. "I know your friends had been watching us. I'm sorry if I didn't have the courage to see you first."

Baekhyun quickly shakes his head, his hands folded on top of his lap. "You don't have to apologize..."

"But still, I know I owe you an apology."

He chooses not answer. He keeps his eyes busy, wandering around the big empty house as Yura pours tea in his cup. Everything inside the mansion, Baekhyun can tell, is so melancholic and depressing. The silence is too deafening, the air is suffocating. Yura's eyes seem to have lost their shine as well. She looks different the last time he saw her in New York on Chanyeol's birthday.

"Are you mad at me, Baekhyun?"

"No... There must be a reason why you weren't answering my messages."

Baekhyun knows he has no right to get mad. Yura is Chanyeol's sister, she is his family, and she doesn't have the responsibility to tell him everything happening about Chanyeol. She has been nice to him when he was in New York. She provided everything she could do to support him. Asking for more, is more than enough.

He only wants answers from her to clear his mind and heart once and for all. He came here to hear reasons, and he's not demanding for an apology.

"Have you been well?" Yura asks, smiling at him a little. It doesn't reach her eyes.

Her smile feels very painful.

Baekhyun only shakes his head, trailing his eyes downcast.

"Why aren't you still asking anything?" Yura says. "I know you have a lot of questions when you came here."

A minute of dead silence ascends between them. Baekhyun decides to take a sip of his tea before he looks at Yura.

"Can I ask you where Chanyeol sunbae is?"

"He's sleeping in his room right now."

Baekhyun's eyes widen at that sudden straightforward answer he's not expecting. The fact that Chanyeol is here in this house and he's been breathing the same air as him, the fact that he'll get to see and hold him again, is slowly sinking in to his brain.

"Please tell me everything that happened after I left New York up until now," Baekhyun says, "I won't ask you many questions... Just tell me what exactly happened..."

Yura takes a deep breath, and Baekhyun finds himself getting scared all of a sudden.

"Chanyeol was supposed to come back to Seoul one month after you leave New York, wasn't he?"

Baekhyun nods.

"Apparently, he lied to you," Yura says, "That very day when you left the airport, he already lied to you."

"W-what do you mean he lied to me?"

"Because he was planning to follow you not after a month," she smiles sadly, "But only after a day."

Baekhyun is surprised. "W-what?"

"Chanyeol booked a flight to Seoul the next day as your flight. He was supposed to already see you the next day... He had already planned on surprising you... He told Mom he couldn't be far away from you even just for a day... He sorted out everything and prepared everything to see you..."

"But what happened?"

"It was the happiest and the saddest day of my brother's life, Baekhyun..." Yura quickly wipes the sudden tears falling from her eyes. "Mom drove Chanyeol to the airport on the day of his flight... They talked heart-to-heart... She told him that he should be with someone he loves... She asked Chanyeol to be happy with you in Seoul... She said she has been a bad mother, and he shouldn't forgive her for what she did to you... She hugged Chanyeol after so many years... "

Baekhyun brings out the handkerchief from his pocket and offers it to Yura who immediately takes it to wipe her tears. He needs it too, but he can still hold his tears and endure the ache inside his chest.

"But on her way back home.... Our Mom... She...," this is when Yura finally breaks down into hard sobs, "She got into a car accident..."

Baekhyun can hear his own heart tearing down into shards and it's too heartbreaking to take in.

"Baekhyun," Yura mutters as she cries, "Our Mom has passed away... She's gone..."

Baekhyun clamps his mouth with his hand due to utmost shock, tears finally streaming down his cheeks continuously.

"She already lost her heartbeat before she was even taken to the hospital," Yura says, "She died on that exact day after you left New York..."

Baekhyun clutches his aching chest as he feels guilt and pain rushing into him. He couldn't even tell Chanyeol's mother he was sorry for the troubles he caused, for giving her a hard time and for disrespecting her. He didn't have the chance to ask for forgiveness, and tell her how much thankful he is for giving birth to the man he loves.

But what's more depressing is that.

Chanyeol didn't tell him anything.

Why did Chanyeol...

Why didn't Chanyeol say anything?

"He didn't want to break your heart," Yura says, as if she heard what Baekhyun is asking in his mind. "He didn't tell you our Mom died because he didn't want you to get hurt... He kept it to himself... He was happily talking to you in the morning in your video calls... He was smiling and laughing, and telling you his make-up stories..."

She buries her face into her hands while she weeps.

"But he was actually pretending he was okay... After you hung up the call, I would find him in a depressing state that he almost took away his life... At the end of the day, he would cry himself into sleep or worst, not sleep at all. He wouldn't talk nor eat... He would keep on blaming himself of our Mom's death... It was really painful for him... Because he couldn't even tell Mom... How much he loves her... It was Chanyeol's very guilt... That he wasn't able to tell Mom... he was sorry for everything..."

Baekhyun's chest tightens witnessing Yura's misery in front of him. He can understand her sentiments, he can feel her agony as well as Chanyeol's grief about how excruciating hard it was for him to bear his mother's death.

He recalls Chanyeol's smiling face those days after Mrs. Park passed away. How come he didn't see his anguish? How could he not notice Chanyeol was hurting? How could he still doubt Chanyeol for not loving him anymore?

All those long days he thought Chanyeol was okay back in New York. All those selfish days when he has only been thinking of himself and his desire to be with Chanyeol already,

Are the days when Chanyeol was alone, dealing with his most painful suffering in his life.

"Why didn't I know he was suffering all this time..." Baekhyun cries within broken sobs, "I didn't have any idea... that he was going through this pain... I'm sorry... I'm very sorry..."

"That day when he stopped answering your calls... Was that day he couldn't take it anymore," Yura tells him, "We took Chanyeol to the hospital because of his manic depression... He had undergone weeks of therapies so he could get over from the pain he experienced and from the guilt he inflicted on himself... "

"W-what happened after his therapy?" Baekhyun asks. "Is he okay now?"

"It was successful," Yura replies, "He slowly started to come back to his normal self, and he started talking to us and smiling again..."

"That's a relief," Baekhyun says.

"But as a way to protect himself from the same painful experience," Yura continues, and she takes a deep breath and pauses a long silence before she speaks again.

"Chanyeol's mind... has shut down."

Baekhyun stares in disbelief, confusion written all over his face.

"Chanyeol," Yura says, "He forgot everything."

"Forgot everything?" Baekhyun says. "What do you mean?"

"He doesn't remember anything that happened from the past," Yura mutters, "Including our family..."

She looks at him in the eyes.

"And including you."

Baekhyun doesn't want to believe her.

"Everything since he was born and up until our Mom died, he doesn't have memories left," Yura says, and it also hurts her witnessing Baekhyun's heartbreak, "He only remembers the day when he wake up in the hospital after his therapy, up until now when we arrived in Seoul..."

"No... No... Y-you can't be real," Baekhyun says as he shakes his head in denial, "Chanyeol sunbae... He-he can't... He can't possibly forget me... You're lying!"

"Baekhyun... I know it's hard to accept it but it's the truth," Yura seriously says as she looks at him directly in the eyes, "The reason why he wasn't able to meet you was because he couldn't remember anything... The reason why he had been lost for days was because he couldn't remember the way back... The only thing he remembers is his own name, that I am his sister, the fact that our mother died because of an accident, and the fact that our Dad was left in New York for work. Other than that.."

She shakes her head wistfully.

"He doesn't remember anything."

Baekhyun feels like passing out, as if all his energy has been drained out of his body because of hearing what she said. He hopes this is just a nightmare.

He wishes everything she said wasn't real.

"We got rid of everything that might trigger a trauma. All of his stuff, his phone, and things that will make him remember our Mom's death, everything. Dad decided to throw them away for Chanyeol's sake. And we came back here for a new start," Yura says, "Chanyeol flew to Seoul first with his doctor while I came with my family two weeks later."

"I didn't know you've been through a hard time," Baekhyun mutters, "It must've been really tough for your whole family..."

"Yes, it was really hard. But I chose to look at the bright side, Baekhyun. Not remembering everything means not worrying about anything. This was the first time again when I saw Chanyeol smiling so carefree... He felt so light, he was like a new soul... Seeing him sleeping soundly, moving comfortably, living with nothing to worry about... It brings joy to my heart as his sister... I only want him to be happy. I want my brother to be at ease..."

"But all of my memories with Chanyeol sunbae... How about them," Baekhyun says, "How about the years we spent together... How about the two of us now if he doesn't remember me anymore?"

Silent, Yura has no reply because she herself doesn't know what exact words to tell Baekhyun and to console his breaking heart.

"It hurts so much..." Baekhyun says as he cries. "It really hurts so much... Especially now that I know... that I couldn't do anything... to change what has already happened... I can't do anything... to bring back the time..."

All those beautiful memories.

"Who in this world wouldn't care for the person they love?"

"I'm scared that if I loved you I'd lose you."

"I love you so much, Baekhyun. Did I tell that to you already?"

"See you in New York."

All those promises...

"I promise to come to you, and be with you until then."

"I promise you, that I will take you to the church and marry you for real."

"Wait for me whatever happens, okay? I will come home to you. I promise you!"

Those vows and those mentions of hope.

"I love you, I really do, and I can't imagine my life without you."

"Take care of yourself. I won't be here to do it for you anymore."

"You're an angel, that is why."

And every word Chanyeol said.

"Blinking is such a waste when I'm with you."

"Your hair looks good on you."

"My Baekhyun is so beautiful."

They're now forgotten.

And the one who remembers those memories....

"I love you so much, Baekhyun! Let's stay with each other till death do us part."

Is only him.

"Baekhyun, you're not the only one who's suffering," Yura says, pounding on her chest, "I saw everything... I was there with him... If you are hurting then I am, too. We need to stay strong for the man we both love."

"Yura, please... I want to see Chanyeol sunbae," Baekhyun tells Yura after he slightly recovers from his endless crying, "I want to talk to him again..."

"Come with me," Yura answers as she holds Baekhyun's hand, "I'll take you to his room."

*

To be continued.