The building wasn't that bad at all once the boards had been pulled down, the light flooding the interior and making it look and feel a lot warmer than it had upon first glance. Hoseok found that he liked the place even when there was a strange feeling coming off the brick and cement walls. Not a sadness exactly but something like a melancholy. It was probably because of the fact it was hidden right on the outskirts of Taean County, hidden in the shadows of warehouses and buried beneath overgrown grass and a near forest of trees. The building was abandoned and yet it was so perfect for them that he found it hard to believe, just like the trainyard. Despite being boarded up the inside flooring still had a layer of dust on it, as did the bathroom, and so they had to try and clean away what they could. The idea of lying on concrete to sleep was already unappealing, lying on dusty concrete was even worse. Namjoon went into the bathroom and said that he would sort it out, and Jungkook started wiping the cold flooring down with an old scrap of burlap he had found in the grass outside. He dampened it under the sink water and when he started wiping it left thick tracks in the dust like snail trails. The dust also got all over the knees of his jeans but he didn't seem to mind at all. So Hoseok went out of the building to examine the shower, finding Taehyung in the midst of wiping the glass partitions down to try clean the cubicle up so it could be used. No sign of Yoongi and Jimin anywhere. Seokjin was messing around in the back of the car with bags, lightly humming under his breath as he did.

"You like this place?" Taehyung asked, jacket tied snug around his waist so it wouldn't get wet. His forearms were covered in droplets of water, little beads running along his golden skin and tracing the light scratches on his skin. Hoseok told him that he did, that he thought it was a very nice place even when it was in disrepair like this: missing electricity and furniture, just a skeleton. "We can fix this place up no problem, we can make it ours I know we can."

"You're talking like we're going to settle down here permanently," Hoseok said with a soft laugh. Taehyung smiled as he carried on splashing water off the glass and then reached up to check the metal fixture. But he didn't reply to this, didn't deny it or laugh it off. He just stayed silent instead. He wasn't possibly thinking something like that, was he? It was a silly thought, a foolish pipe dream, but also something that he could very much believe possible. This was Taehyung, the now eighteen year old dreamer with his head so high up in the clouds he often felt like he would need to grab a hold of his ankle to stop him floating away like a balloon.

There was a loud rustling sound and then the crisp snap of twigs being broken underfoot so he turned slightly to look behind them. Yoongi and Jimin finally reappeared through a gap in the trees, both of them looking slightly flushed and finding their boots more interesting to look at than hold anyone's gazes. Hoseok could tell why from just a single look over his shoulder at his friends, the pink cheeks and messy hair bringing a smile to his face. Oh they had tried to cover it up, had attempted to knock the leaves free, but one look was enough to show that they had been taken advantage of the thick copse of trees to make quick love in the grass. It was like something out of film, the two lovers running off through the trees: sweet even when it meant that their clothes and palms were stained from the grass. Yes, very sweet especially combined with their blushing cheeks. Hoseok turned back to Taehyung to study his face. He was still too busy cleaning to seem to have noticed. When exactly would he start touching him again, without flinching or looking uncomfortable? Hoseok didn't want to upset him, for he understood that the last strong physical contact he had had with a person had nearly resulted in his death. It was no wonder that the sight of hands getting close to his body still scared him right now. But still...it would be nice to feel Taehyung's arms loosely around his waist for no other reason than that they could be there; his chin digging into his shoulder as he back hugged him and laughed down his ear softly.

Maybe soon he would be get to feel this again. Hoseok was almost desperately hoping so.

It was the late afternoon by the time that they managed to clean the house up to make it a little more habitable. Not perfect, not by far but better than it had been when they had first stepped inside. Jungkook and Jimin could barely stand upright from scrubbing the concrete flooring for nearly two hours but at least they got rid of the dust. Namjoon had sorted out the bathroom and had then moved over to what used to be the kitchen. There was nothing there but a boiler and a sink that hadn't been removed from the wall, the cupboard section underneath missing to reveal all of the pipes like a skeleton. After cleaning the sink he had eyed the small bedroom but declared that he would clean that out tomorrow, that they weren't going to use it anyway. Hoseok just sat on the back of the flatbed with Taehyung and Yoongi, the former swinging his legs and the latter smoking and complaining about the heat, until Seokjin announced that he was going to drive down into the city to get food. He asked if anyone wanted to go with him but everyone seemed too tired to do so, just going inside the building and attempting to get comfortable using pillows and backpacks as cushions.

With the sun starting to dip in the sky the light that bled in through the windows was a deep orange, washing over them with a soft warmth. Hoseok felt tired, like he could curl up and just sleep for hours, and yet he was too hungry to possibly sleep. There was a dull pang under his ribs that he needed to fill and yet his eyelids seemed almost too heavy to keep open. He was pretty certain that he drifted off at some point to the sound of Jungkook telling a story, only to be woken up again by the sound of their friend returning. In the rather silent air they heard the car pulling up outside perhaps half an hour after it had left, the soft rumble of the engine and then the loud thump of the door being slammed shut. After a minute or so Seokjin stepped through the open doorway, a large blue plastic bag bulging with plastic and Styrofoam containers. He reached up to rub at his eyes and Hoseok noticed just how tired he looked right now. They all probably looked that way, but at least the rest of them had gotten away with quick naps whilst on the road. Seokjin however had not been able to do so because he had always driving.

"Dinner is served~" He declared as he held the bag up, the plastic rustling.

There were no plates at hand so it meant that they all had to sit huddled together, containers open on the floor. There was a bonus in that regard because it allowed them to grab chunks of food with their throwaway wooden chopsticks, spoon rice and sauce with their plastic spoons. Hoseok saw that there was japchae and he wasn't surprised, for Seokjin knew how much he loved it. Looking at it now it reminded him of that late evening in the motel last year; of how they had all gorged on takeaway food and had then been woken up to a bloody and beaten Jungkook in the early morning hours. Right now the boy was happily munching on sticky egg rice and he didn't have a single bruise on his face. It was strange thinking about it all, about how long it had really been. Just like Taehyung had said those few days ago; it really did feel just like yesterday.

"You know, I haven't had pizza in forever," Jungkook said around a mouthful of rice. There was a blob stuck in the corner of his mouth and so Jimin reached over to wipe it free with his thumb. The remark was enough to make Namjoon laugh under his breath, no doubt knowing exactly what the boy was hinting at.

"OK Kookie," Seokjin said as he lowered his plastic spoon. "If I buy pizza tomorrow, do you promise to stop talking about it?" The boy nodded enthusiastically, cheeks so packed with rice that he almost looked like a squirrel.

"Problem solved," Yoongi said, tapping chopsticks on the side of his shared food container. The ends of the wooden sticks were covered in a thick chili sauce.

"Are the problems ever solved with us?" Hoseok asked sarcastically. His words slipped out, a lot harsher than he had been intending, but it still caused a few chuckles. He stabbed around the container of japchae knowing that he should eat but suddenly feeling like it was more of a chore than a pleasure. The hole under his ribs seemed to have shrunken considerably and what he had swallowed seemed to have gained a great weight in his stomach.

"Speaking of tomorrow," Taehyung said suddenly, voice muffled around a mouthful of egg rice. "What's gonna happen tomorrow exactly?"

"Well," Seokjin wiped at his mouth with a napkin, clearly the only one with manners in their family. "I was thinking that tomorrow would be a good day to spend investigating the city. I've never been here before, I'm curious to check out Taean County and see what the city is like. Does that sound like a good idea?" Taehyung nodded at this, messy hair bouncing around his face. Namjoon pointed out the fact that their friend had been the only one to visit this city, and then asked him if he could remember anything about the place. After a moment of thought, chewing of mouthful of noodles and staring at the food containers, Taehyung glanced back up at them.

"I remember everything," he said in a soft voice. "I mean, over the years it's probably all changed, but I remember it all. Not just the coast, with the bluffs and the old lighthouse, I can remember the streets too. Wide roads, small sidewalks. A lot of the buildings close to the coast are plaster and wood and they've got verandas. Stripey, colourful, makes the place look really sweet in a kinda...old fashioned way. The business district in kinda central, I didn't spend a lot of time there. But the best place you'll find inside the city is the market."

"There's a market?" Jimin asked before smiling. "They'll have those little souvenir stalls." Taehyung confirmed that there was, or there had been. He recalled that they sold shell jewelry and trinkets, postcards and maps, things like that.

"But there's a place I remember..." He went quiet for a moment before laughing. "There's this old skateboard park. It was like, this big pit with benches and a couple of rails for kids to play on. I tried skateboarding for the first time there, and skinned my knees so fucking hard I'm surprised my skin ever grew back."

"We should go check it out," Yoongi said. "Get Jin on a skateboard and see what happens." Seokjin snorted and said that only one thing would happen: he would bust his ass. This caused an eruption of laughter and Jungkook swearing that he would teach him a trick or two so that he would look 'cool'.

"It was blue," Taehyung said in that same low voice. "The bottom and the ramps were this medium blue, kinda like the sky." His expression showed wistful longing, soft smile on his lips.

The food was finished in a relatively quiet fashion, everyone concentrating on their hunger rather than idle conversation. With the air outside being rather cold none of them wanted to brave the open shower just yet, but Hoseok very much felt like he could dive under it the moment he woke up. Instead there was just quick cleaning over the kitchen sink, brushing teeth and washing faces. Settling down on the floor with blankets and pillows and backpacks it wasn't exactly comfortable, but at least they weren't cramped in anyway. Just like the old warehouse they all slept in a line to try and keep warm, meaning Hoseok was lying between Taehyung and Namjoon. As he was drifting off he didn't expect to feel the sensation of arms moving to go over his waist, the press of another body against his that was most certainly Taehyung. He recognised it just as much as he recognised his reflection in a mirror. For the last couple of days he had fallen asleep with his lover beside him, just not touching him, but not now. It was enough to make him let his breath out in a content sigh. Taehyung, so warm and soft, breath on his neck and fingers sinking into his shirt.

"Hoseok?" He made a soft noise to let him know that he was listening. His lover shifted and he felt his chin lightly digging into the crook between his neck and shoulder. "I love you."

"I know, I love you too..." Taehyung's breath was on his cheek and he moved in a way that seemed to hint that he wanted to kiss him. He felt his lips brushing against his skin and yet when he tried to move his face and kiss him fully Taehyung flinched and pulled away again. Hoseok held his eyes and saw a brief flash of surprise get replaced by one of disgusted embarrassment. "Tae? Do you need to talk to me about something?" He asked, but Taehyung just shook his head and then shifted to press his face against his back, between his shoulder blades.

In the quiet of the building it was impossible to not hear him sobbing against his shirt even when he tried to mute himself, hands bunched into fists tightly around the material of his shirt and body shuddering against his.

Waking up the next morning seemed a little too hard for him to do and yet he had very little choice because he needed to use the bathroom. Hoseok felt like he could just lie on the concrete flooring and not move for hours, but after a few minutes of mentally arguing with himself he sat upright and rubbed at his heavy eyes. A quick glance to his side showed him that Namjoon was missing, as was Seokjin and Jungkook, but Taehyung, Jimin and Yoongi were still asleep. Jimin and Yoongi actually looked very comfortable to his eyes, having fallen asleep in each other's arms with the blanket pulled up nearly high enough to cover their faces. Taehyung however, did not look that comfortable. Studying his face he saw that there were sunken rings under his eyes, light bruised brown that would start to darken over the next few days if he didn't sleep enough. His lips were raw from him biting them and picking at them with his fingers, an annoying habit that he had never gotten rid of. His lower lip still had a slight crust of dried blood on it from where he had bitten down hard enough to cut the skin. Hoseok sighed and reached down to run a hand through his hair, which was in dire need of cutting. But with it being so long it meant that he could hide his eyes beneath the lengths and avoid having to meet people's gazes. Taehyung's brow twitched at his touch but he didn't wake up, so Hoseok got to his feet and crossed the area to get into the bathroom.

When Hoseok stepped out of the building a minute later he didn't expect to see that the car was not parked where it had been last night. However, by following the tire tracks in the dirt he located it parked around the back, Seokjin in the act of creating something. Well, attempting to create something. He was looping a thick twine rope from the eaves of one of the back windows over to a low hanging but sturdy looking branch. It was clear from one look that he was trying to make a line of sorts, one that wet clothing could be hanged on to dry in the summer heat. He didn't have a clue where he had found it but it could have been discovered or simply bought from a store whilst he had been sleeping.

"Need any help?" he asked, voice catching Seokjin by surprise for he jumped and twisted to look back over his shoulder at him. Hoseok smiled at his surprise and then his friend laughed under his breath.

"No, I think I've got this," Seokjin said in a reasonably confident voice. "If not then...well one of us will need to feed pennies into laundromat machines every few days like an old lady."

"I vote Yoongi," he suggested. "Imagine it now, Yoongi amongst a bunch of elderly women smoking and sorting out a basket of socks." The mental image was enough to make his friend agree with him, wide smile on his face as he wrenched hard on the rope and started knotting it. "Where's Kookie and Joonie?"

"Went out for a little walk about...an hour ago," Seokjin secured the first thick knot and then bundled the rope around to make another. Judging from the thickness of the knots he didn't think that it would fall down. In fact Hoseok was willing to bet that it would hold any of their weights without any trouble. He watched him pulling a second knot in place and then wrapping the slight length around the branch to stop it dangling. "Should probably be back soon."

"Have you tried the shower out?"

"Yes," he replied and that was when he realised that his friend was wearing clean clothes; a soft blue pullover rather than the black tee he had fallen asleep in last night. "It works, hot and cold. It's strange standing outside but it's also kind of nice getting to see the sunrise through the glass." He asked him if he had been awake since the sunrise and Seokjin shrugged and said roughly around that time, finishing the knot and jumping down off the back of the car.

His friend wasn't wrong about it being strange. Hoseok felt self-conscious about his nakedness in a way that he hadn't really felt with his friends, having shared gas station restroom sinks in the the past. It was probably because there was always that funny little idea that someone would see him even though the shower was hidden away behind the building. But none of that really mattered when he stepped under the scorching hot stream. It felt fantastic finally being able to clean his hair and skin so thoroughly and he almost didn't want to get out when he was finished. He had to use the one small towel that he had packed to dry his skin and hair, which was also in need of being cleaned after a couple of days of use. Yet Seokjin had solved that problem with his rather ingenuous washing line creation. Whilst waiting for the others to wake up and Namjoon and Jungkook to return from their walk, they both utilised the shower to clean the dirty clothing that they had amassed, using a powered soap Seokjin had bought back in Asan. His friend declared that it was easier than using a bathtub any day, rinsing thick lilac suds free with his pullover sleeves rolled all of the way up to his elbows. The process ended in wet knees and pink hands, but it was worth it seeing the line actually work and support the weight of their underwear and tees.

"I love it when a plan succeeds," Seokjin said with a wide smile, hands on his hips as Hoseok finished folding the last piece of clothing on the line.

By the time they were all ready, awake with clean skin and clothing and not lying on the floor refusing to move, it was nearly 10am. Yoongi complained about how he was used to sleeping until way into the afternoon thanks to his job, barely able to suppress a yawn as he said this; smouldering cigarette in the usual spot between his middle and ring finger. Jungkook retorted that he was used to having been in school for over two hours by now, and that he should be thankful that he wasn't stuck in high school. The boy looked wide awake and chipper just like always even though he had probably gotten very little sleep. Piling into the car Taehyung didn't say a word but rather just climbed up into the back, so Hoseok made sure to get in the flatbed too. Namjoon suggested that Taehyung get in the passenger-seat so that he could give directions and yet he just stayed seated in the corner and said that he didn't want to. Another sudden change of moods, like he seemed to be doing often now. Hoseok eyed Namjoon and tried to gauge his thoughts but his friend just walked away to climb into the front after a few seconds. Yoongi and Jimin stayed in their spot in the backseat and so Jungkook also joined them in the flatbed. It seemed the boy rather liked being in the open back.

Rolling down the streets of Taean County Hoseok found that his eyes didn't really want to study the buildings or the sidewalks but rather just Taehyung. The sights definitely made his lover cheer up but it wasn't the excitable laughter and grins that he had been hoping to see, just a mistiness to his eyes and a soft upturn at the corners of his mouth. The city was most certainly pretty to look at once they got past the boring blocks of offices and apartments, a rather quaint place that felt old-fashioned just like he had described it the night before. After nearly half an hour of travel Taehyung finally perked up and twisted to knock his curled up fist on the back window. Then he was giving directions on which way to go to find the skateboard park. Hoseok thought that maybe, over the years, he would forget the right way or that he would muddle it all up and get confused; but his lover gave clear and concise directions without the slightest hesitation. As expected, Taehyung had a fantastic memory, which was great for recalling directions and streets, but a curse for holding onto painful memories.

"Here, kill the car here 'cos we need to walk a little." So Seokjin pulled the car up at the side of the road and Hoseok shifted to look over the side. He saw a grassy patch of field and some trees on his right, and a small playground for children on the other side. It currently had a dozen or so kids inside it and a few parents supervising.

"You sure this is the place?" Yoongi asked, voice coming from the open window.

"Yeah, yeah it's through the trees." Taehyung jumped over the side and he started hastily crossing the grassy patch. He looked back over his shoulder at them and then waved an arm at them, telling them to hurry up and follow him.

The trees on the side weren't that thick at all, just a small copse that took a minute to walk through until they emerged on the other side. Taehyung had already raced ahead and he was standing down in what he had referred to as the pit, arms out wide and a smile on his face. Seeing that smile was like seeing the sun breaking through a thick bank of storm clouds. He loudly declared that he told them so, that he just knew that it would still be here and that he was right, just like always. The skateboard pit was indeed a medium blue in colour, slightly faded and scuffed here there from wheels. To Hoseok's eyes the ramps looked new, like they had been added to the place at some point because he could see that the pit was actually a rectangle shape with deep sides. On one of the far ends there was no ramp and he could see ladders set into the side, which helped him figure out that it had been a swimming pool at some point. But out here on the coast it had finally been renovated into a skateboarding pit, likely as a local community project. Jungkook didn't waste a moment and bounded down one of the ramps to get down into the pit, boots pounding on the thin wood as he did.

"I'm going to go get the food," Seokjin said as he finished eyeing the pit. They hadn't even eaten breakfast yet and it was nearing noon. "Anyone want to tag along?"

"I will," Yoongi said, unlinking his arm from Jimin's and shoving his hand in his black jacket pocket. It was probably because he needed cigarettes but he might just want to speak to their friend privately. Hoseok wouldn't be surprised if he did, after all he had unloaded questions and secrets on Namjoon in a gas station bathroom. So Seokjin said that they wouldn't be too long, that they would return with pizza and plenty of snacks; this announcement enough to have Jungkook grinning widely.

"Good," Jimin said as he started going down the ramp. "I'm so hungry I was thinking of eating the steering wheel."

"I wouldn't advise that," Namjoon called from the top of the pit, seated with his long legs stretched on the sloping ramp. Jimin laughed softly and managed to make it to the bottom without slipping, certainly something they hadn't been expecting. Hoseok ran his eyes over the interior to see old graffiti on the sides of the pit, mostly red and black scrawls of paint that looked like nonsense to his eyes. Amateur and childish, nothing like their tag back at the trainyard. Then he decided to slowly go down the ramp, finding that it wasn't as easy as it looked. Luckily for him he didn't fall either but he had felt like he was going to at one point.

Down in the skateboard pit there was very little to do but sit down on the ramp and take in the warm sun and sights. There were no boards left lying around and Jungkook voiced his annoyance at not being able to ride his bike in the pit, to attempt to do tricks on the metal rails built near the top. Hoseok thought it was a good thing he didn't have his bike or else he and Jimin would have been daring each to do something until one of them fractured a wrist or cracked a rib. Taehyung just lay down in the middle of the pit and stared up at the sky with a smile still on his face, basking in the sunlight and so much happier than he had been this morning. Taehyung being happy made the rest of them perk up considerably. His dark hair was fanned out on the blue wood and his arms were spread open so that his fingers curled up ever so softly against his upturned palms.

"Hey," Jimin said suddenly, hunkered with his elbows folded on his knees. "I never got to try dueling any of you."

"'Cos we'd have kicked your ass," Taehyung said without budging, making Jungkook smirk.

"I bet I'd have beaten every last one of you."

From the top of the pit Namjoon asked them what the hell they were talking about so Hoseok explained about the play fencing matches they had partaken in all the way back in Gyeonggi. Their friend listened to this and thought it over for a moment before suggesting they should have a dance battle to settle it instead, seen as they had no fencing foil branches at hand.

"Dance battle?" Taehyung shifted to sit up, hair falling messily in place as he did. "Joonie, none of us can fucking dance."

"That's the fun part."

"Dancing in this heat seems like a bad idea..." Jimin added, making sure to reach up and rub at his brow as he did.

"Dance battle or wrestling, those are the two options. Which one would you prefer?"

"A rap battle?" Hoseok suggested, making Namjoon snort and tell him that they could try but they weren't beating him. Jungkook said that he was certain that he could do it, and Jimin added that Yoongi would probably beat all of the without trying.

As it so happened no battle occurred, for they all fell into a rather passionate debate on who the hell would beat who. Yoongi had underground potential and a rather avid boyfriend backing his corner, and Namjoon had Taehyung telling him that he was a fucking monster whenever he heard him spitting tracks in the past, yet none of these things helped them come to any conclusion. All that happened was they ended up getting distracted from the main point of the discussion and Jungkook loudly declared that Seokjin would win no matter what they did so there was no point in even trying. It was a childish way to pass the time but Hoseok found that he didn't really care. They were all talking, poking fun and laughing about something together, and the conversation stayed light and sweet the entire time. It was so very easy to ignore everything that had happened until this very moment, to pretend that it hadn't even happened. Maybe that was why there was a happy smile on Taehyung's face during it all?

When their two friends returned the atmosphere uplifted considerably, as it always did when food was involved. Hoseok turned to see that Seokjin had not only bags in hand but also his camcorder, and Yoongi had boxes of pizza rather than just one large one, the Polaroid camera stacked on top. The sight was enough to make Jungkook and Jimin start cheering excitedly, and made Namjoon loudly question if they could possibly eat that much food. Yet after some slight contemplation he took it back and said that they totally could. Their blond friend struggled to get down the ramp with the boxes but luckily for the pizza's sake he did, and Seokjin just walked the length of the pit to go down the ladder instead, a much smarter option.

"Why have I got a feeling we're all going to put on so much weight?" their eldest friend joked as he walked across the deep skateboard pit and hunkered down beside them, placing the bag on the flooring and pulling things free: a Styrofoam box packed with fries, napkins, cans of soda, a large bag of candy.

"Not like we're supermodels," Yoongi muttered as he dropped the boxes and sat down with a groan. Taehyung retorted that he was too short to be one, grinning at him from the other side of the circle. "I'm not short, you're all just fucking giants."

When Namjoon sat down he moved the boxes so that they could be opened, revealing a variety of cheese, vegetables and meats, so hot that stream actually wafted up from the boxes. Hoseok quickly discovered that his missing appetite from last night had returned, managing to devour several slices without slowing down, even when the pizza was hot enough to burn his tongue slightly. The rest of his friends did so too, making very short work of two of the three pizzas that had been bought.

"Wanna see a trick?" Jungkook said suddenly as he jumped to his feet, handful of fries prepared for said trick. He tossed one into the air and moved his head back to catch it, and another and another. He didn't miss a single one even when he had to dive to catch a few like a football goalie trying to save a ball from the back of a net. It was an amateur-looking skill and yet when Hoseok tried it he found it was harder than it looked, the fry bouncing off the pit flooring pitifully.

"Yeah, well wanna see my trick?" Namjoon said before shoving two fries up his nose. They all burst out laughing but he wasn't fast enough and Yoongi managed to depress the shutter button on his camera and catch it on film before he could pull them free. "Ah shit man, don't post that online I've got a reputation to uphold."

"You mean you can actually work a computer and not break it like the one back in high school?" Seokjin asked, camcorder pointed right at him in one hand and soda can in the other. Namjoon loudly argued that he wasn't used to such small computers, that was why he had kept breaking the school ones.

"I wanna try that," Jimin reached over to grab a handful of fries and also got to his feet. He managed to catch the first one he tossed, laughing as he did so, but the second was a little off and it landed on Hoseok's lap. The third he tried to catch but he didn't watch where his feet were going and he tripped over Yoongi's shin, stumbling backwards with a yelp of surprise. Luckily for him an empty pizza box broke his fall and he sat down right in the box. Jungkook snorted coke out of his nose laughing so hard and then started gagging because he couldn't breathe, having to get smacked hard on the back by Namjoon. "Shit, why does it always happen to me, huh?" Jimin asked, on his knees and rubbing at his no doubt tender behind. Seokjin told him that it was cute, that he looked cute on the video, this making him smile even though there was an embarrassed blush on his cheeks.

Despite the food and the jokes, the snap snap of the Polaroid camera and Seokjin's Sony recording it all, Hoseok couldn't help but notice that Taehyung wasn't really taking part. There was a smile on his face but it didn't look genuine, it looked like it was just there to mask his true feelings. He couldn't help but notice it and he wondered if anyone else did or if they thought that he was actually enjoying it all. No, it was clear that Taehyung wasn't enjoying it because his thoughts had come back to haunt him, making the corners of his lips dip down and his eyes go distant. Whilst Jungkook wiped off the pitiful dribble of coke from his face Jimin moved to get out of the pizza box, a smear of grease on the seat of his jeans from the pizza. Yoongi lifted his camera to take another snap, the shutter sounding loudly. Hoseok didn't see what he took a snap of exactly until he had shaken it enough to let it develop, and he was surprised to see what it was. A Polaroid of Taehyung, pizza slice still in hand and his eyes looking down at something. A quick glance at it, it might look like he had been caught in the midst of eating. In reality he had been holding the slice for a few minutes now without taking a bite.

Taehyung didn't say a word but rather put the slice down, getting to his feet and wandering off across the pit to climb up the ladder. They all watched him go, walking around the side to get back over to the trees and then disappearing out of sight. Hoseok watched him go and then turned back to his friends. None of them seemed to know what to say, surprised by the fact he had just walked off like that. He was not surprised, for he had watched his mood shifting for the past few minutes now. He wondered if any of them had even been aware of the fact that Taehyung had cried himself to sleep last night. Eventually he decided that he should go and check on him just like the other day, so he got to his feet, balling a napkin up and tossing it away as he did.

Hoseok climbed up the slight ramp on the side, having to move very quickly so that he didn't slip and fall right back down again. He grabbed the rim crawled onto his knees before getting upright and dusting his palms off on the knees of his jeans. A quick glance over his shoulder showed his friends still sitting in that sad attempt at a circle, always too loose to be considered a true one and also now missing two links. Seokjin still had the camcorder but he didn't seem to be recording anymore, rather just holding it in his hands with the lens pointed towards his lap. Hoseok crossed the area to get to the trees, ducking down low under the branches and walking through to get out and back to the road.

He found Taehyung sitting in the flatbed section of the car, the bumper wall folded down so that he could sit on it and swing his legs in front of him; the soles of his boots lightly scraping the soil. He stopped a few feet away to study him, wondering if he should ask him if he was alright or just go over and sit down beside him. After some contemplation he decided on the latter and so he crossed over to climb up on the flatbed. He leaned forward and placed his hands down on the flooring, feeling warm metal against his palms. The air was still and silent, only the faded sounds of their friends' laughter, along with the fluttering of bird wings taking to flight punctuating it. He felt like he could stay here for quite some time and appreciate it, just enjoy the quiet for nothing more than the fact it existed. It was hard to get this level of silence back in Seoul unless it 3am and the rest of the city was falling asleep or just waking up. Breaking the silence almost felt like a crime.

"I'm not going to ask you if you're OK," Hoseok said in a low voice as he pulled his eyes away from the dirt road. "Because it's fucking stupid to ask that." He studied Taehyung's profile to see that he was listening to him, but his expression still looked distant. "So instead I'm going to ask: do you want to talk to me?" He had asked this question yesterday to no avail, but he might just strike lucky.

"...No," he said, barely above a whisper. "I don't wanna talk." Hoseok watched him swallow hard, lips pouted in a way that looked like he was very much trying to keep his emotions in check. Hoseok thought that he should tell him that talking was good for him, that talking helped him, but he knew that it wouldn't help. Talking about feelings was hard enough as it was, but talking about feelings and what he had been through at the same time? No, that seemed very much impossible. "Hoseok?"

"Yes Tae?"

"I just...I don't wanna be like this," Taehyung said, a slight whine in his voice. Be like what exactly he didn't know but it seemed that he was going to explain. "I don't wanna be sad but I can't help it." He reached up to pull at the neckline of his tee and let his breath out in a frustrated noise. "It's not even feeling sad I mean, I can't explain it y'know?" Hoseok told him that he understood him completely, thinking back to his own first sessions with Doctor Lee and how terrible he had spoken trying to explain his own thoughts and feelings. "I keep thinking that...that I should be happy 'cos that means everyone else will be happy. But it's not that easy. I can't sleep 'cos I'm too scared I'll have fucking nightmares and when I eat I think about how I...I think about him."

Him, his father: the corpse.

"I want to get it all out but I can't," Taehyung continued, boots kicking harder in the soil and leaving deeper trenches. "I want to jump up on this flatbed and just scream at the tops of my lungs but again, I can't fucking do it."

"Tae, I want you to try something, OK?" Hoseok shifted to grab his backpack, pulling it close so that he could unzip his bag and reach inside. There was another notebook in there, that he had bought in the gas station in case his diary started to run out of pages. But right now he had a better use for it. "I want you to do what I do with my diary, write your thoughts down instead of speaking them. It's easier than talking, but it can help you feel better. So...try it." Taehyung stared at the notebook silently, blinking languidly, and after a moment he accepted the book and opened it. He retrieved a pen and placed it in his hand and his lover put the pen against his lips, tapping in an erratic rhythm. "Just write whatever is on your mind."

So Taehyung did just that. He started out by writing slowly, hand moving stiffly and characters on the page messy because it had been some time since he had held a pen. Hoseok didn't read what he wrote but rather studied his face instead. He looked strangely distant as he did this, unblinking as his wrist started moving faster and faster, the pen scrawling along the lines until he realised that Taehyung wasn't writing, he was just scratching the pen across the page as he started breathing faster and faster until he was gasping for air. Hoseok said his name, reaching over to place a hand on his shoulder. The page was getting covered in a thick cloud of angry black ink. He told him that he should stop but his lover wouldn't. Taehyung let out a keening noise and that was when Hoseok snatched the pen out of his hand and tossed it across the flatbed.

"Tae, Tae it's OK. It's-" Taehyung was still keening, lips pulled back in a grimace, and he started shaking terribly. Hoseok grabbed his face in his hands tightly so that he could get him to look at him. "You're OK Tae." He was starting to sob again and he suddenly regretted giving him the notebook to write in. A quick glance down at the page showed that the paper was full of angry black scribbles and underneath it all he could see the words:

I fucking hate him.

The remains of the pizza were still in the box, cold and currently untouched because it had seemed like a waste to toss food away. Hoseok supposed that some point someone would get hungry and decide to finish it but not him. Right now, seated with his chin balanced on his knees and his hands clasped around his ankles, he wasn't thinking about food at all. It was the last thing on his mind. All of his friends bar Taehyung were asleep, all hidden under blankets and jackets with backs to him or faces visible peeking out from the material. Jungkook and Jimin had been messing with one of the plywood boards that had been blocking the windows before it had gotten too dark for them to do so, trying to figure something to do with the material. The youngest had scrawled all over it with Namjoon's pencil, seemingly wanting to cut it up and make a sign of some kind. Hoseok hadn't really been listening to their words but had rather just observed them until they had both stopped playing around. They could be asleep right now, they could be lying awake in the darkness of the building listening to the near deathly silence all around them. He couldn't even hear traffic, just the occasional soft call of a bird, a loon judging from the high-pitched warble.

Hoseok couldn't sleep because he couldn't stop thinking about what had happened today; Taehyung having something close to a panic attack in his arms as he had tried to calm him down, the black lines and angry words on the notebook page that had been a terrifying insight into his current mental state. All this time, when he had been quiet or forcing one of those smiles, he had been full of that black anger and hatred. Hoseok liked to think that he purged some of the negativity out of his system by letting loose like that, but he was also frightened that he had a lot more still trapped inside of him. Should that mean letting him carry on writing even if it caused him such anguish? He didn't know, his own entries were supposed to be about the present, not the past. He wasn't supposed to look back but keep looking forward, yet it seemed that Taehyung couldn't anything other than look back. He stuck constantly in the past, wanting to relive childhood memories and ignoring everything else.

Wasn't that why they were here right now? In Taean County? It was because Taehyung had wanted to go back to the past and they had all allowed him to do so. He wasn't sure if that had been a smart idea, yet they had had no other choice. Perhaps when they finally took him down to the coast he would start to release all of the painful memories, let them be washed away with the ebb and flow of the tides. But what exactly would he be letting go of? At this point Hoseok was certain that it wasn't just the death of his father. He was certain that his lover had suppressed memories that had been dragged back up to the surface by what had happened, memories he had long learnt to bury under shots of soju that helped numb him to it all. Hoseok knew that the kind of things that he would suppress were not the kind of things that could be discussed without causing more pain.

There was a sudden rustling noise to his side and so he turned his head to track the sound. His eyes had adjusted well to the darkness and so he saw his lover moving clearly. Taehyung shifted to get on his knees, pulling one of the holdall bags closer and unzipping it. The sound of the zipper running was rather loud in the silence of the building. He stuck both hands inside to root through the contents and he saw him pulling the torch free. Then he located the notebook in his own bag, tearing the first page free and bunching it up to toss across the room. Hoseok heard it bouncing off in the blackness of the room, presumably landing in the far corner.

Despite what had happened earlier when Hoseok saw Taehyung retrieving a pen he didn't tell him to leave it alone. He was curious and he wanted to see just what he was doing with the notebook, so he just watched him open it and then reach inside his jacket breast pocket to pull something free. He placed it inside the front of the notebook and then he turned to a new page and started writing. He did so in a calm way this time, no gasping for breath and scribbling angry marks on the paper. No, Taehyung looked to be writing in the notebook and that got his attention, lying on his stomach with the torch angled to illuminate the pages. So Hoseok shifted to sit up and then moved to lie like he was, pillow under his chest and arms folded on the floor. His lover didn't even look at him and just carried on writing. A quick glance showed that it was a diary entry of sorts, one seemingly about today judging from the fact he had jotted the date on the top line.

"What's that, huh?" Hoseok asked as he shifted to place his fingers on the edge of the scrap visible under the page. He anticipated that Taehyung might shove his hand away because he didn't want him seeing it, didn't want him pulling it free and touching it. But he didn't do anything more than move his gaze to look at his hand. "Looks like a photograph, did you sneak Jimin's camera out and take a shot of someone?" he joked, seeing the corners of his lips lifting at this.

"No, it's an old photograph." Hoseok asked him if he taken it from the photo album in his room, thinking about how it had been left open on his desk. Taehyung shook his head and stopped writing. "No, I took it from the huh...home." He studied his face for a moment before dropping his eyes to the notebook. That little corner was sticking out and almost demanding he slip it free and see what it was. The home? He knew all too well what he meant by that. Taehyung was referring to the family home, to his parent's house. He had taken this out of the house the night that he had killed his father. Had Taehyung went to the house solely for the purpose of collecting the photograph, or had he seized it impulsively in the moment? Had looking at his own photo album reminded Taehyung that he had nothing like that of his own; photographs of the past that he could look back on fondly? He didn't know but it seemed like that just might be the case.

"...I see," Hoseok managed to say in a soft voice. The building fell silent for a minute and then Taehyung asked him if he wanted to look at it. He had offered, so that meant that he wasn't prying in any way. His lover wanted him to look and so that meant it would be for the best for him to do so.

Hoseok got the corner between his thumb and forefinger and he slowly pulled it free. He saw the white backing of the photograph, stamped with the faded grey symbol for Kodak all over it, but it was also stained heavily. The backing had smears of blood still stuck to it and he pulled his lips in taut to stop a noise escaping his mouth: disgust and also fear. His hand shook slightly but he managed to turn it over and look at the actual photograph. He saw that it was a snapshot taken of his lover's mother in hospital, right after giving birth to him. He saw the white gown and sheets, the bundle of blankets in her arms; the messy hair pulled back from her face but a few wisps sticking to her brow, flushed and smiling in a way that looked seconds from tears of joy. Hoseok could see in the glint in her eyes, the camera flash reflecting back glossily. That little red face visible in the blankets was yet to have any defining features but soon enough it would be clear that Taehyung had his father's mouth and his mother's nose. It was a beautiful photograph, one that he seemed to have recalled seeing, and that was when he figured out that he had. It had used to be hanging on the wall of the sitting area, but it wasn't any longer.

"It's a beautiful photograph," Hoseok remarked as he moved his thumb to check the time stamp. "Your mother is beautiful, looking at this it's obvious where you got your looks from." This was enough to make Taehyung smile softly, the torch light playing off his face and creating deep shadows around the upturned corners of his lips.

"Yeah, real beautiful. Shame I barely got to see her face, huh?" Hoseok studied the photograph just so he didn't have to look at how his smile soured on his face. "It's the only photo I got." Taehyung said, shifting slightly to place his head down on his folded up arms. "None of me as a kid, none of me smiling or playing or eating fucking birthday cake, just that one photo."

"Well, this one photograph is worth a hundred," Hoseok argued, telling the truth because it really was worth so much more than a dozen or more blurred shots taken just for the sake of it, to finish a roll of old instant film. This photograph held a deep importance, for it was as old as Taehyung was and it was as much a piece of him as was his birth certificate: proof that he had been born, and that he had lived. "What's the point in having hundreds, huh? When you've got a big album and you end up hating most of the ones in it. You find one with bad hair, a weird smile, terrible clothes; you find faults. Now, look at this photograph and tell me where's the fault in it?" Hoseok held the snap up to him, watching his lover eye the photograph with great interest. It was as if he was actually studying it to find something wrong with it. "Where's the fault? Because I don't see one."

"I see one," Taehyung said in a quiet voice. He asked him what it was. "I'm in it." Hoseok studied his face for a moment and then he moved to grab his backpack, unbuckling it and opening it up.

"OK, look," Hoseok pulled the album out and opened it, spreading it open in front of them. Taehyung shifted the torch to focus on the pages. He placed his lover's photograph right next to his own one, the one of his mother in hospital. "See? They're the same, they're both beautiful." He didn't reply to this and instead just looked at the photographs. "And you know what?" Hoseok pulled one of the others free and shoved it inside another page like a bookmark. "This is going to go right here." He slipped the corners of Taehyung's photograph into the little slits in the thick paper, securing it in place. "Because this is where it belongs." Taehyung made a soft noise at this and tried to deny it, tried to claim that he was wrong, and he just closed the album shut instead. "It belongs in our photo album, and soon enough there will be more photographs in there too. Of everyone. That's where they belong."

"I...I do belong, don't I?" Taehyung asked in a soft voice. "I'm a part of this family, right?" Family, just like how Jimin had described them that day in the hospital; arms around Taehyung's neck as he had told them all that they were a real family and they were unbreakable.

"Yes, you're a part of this family," Hoseok said as he reached up to stroke his hair, fingers trailing down the lengths to the back of his neck. He let his fingertips linger on his skin, soft and warm, and then Taehyung moved his head to lean over and kiss him. Not fully on the mouth but just the corner, but even that was enough to make his heart skip in his chest. Taehyung told him that he should go to sleep, lips still at the corner of his mouth, and he told him that he wasn't tired yet.

Several minutes after this soft kiss he watched Taehyung slowly curl himself up into a tight ball, photo album hugged against his chest and face pressing into his holdall ball. He looked like he might just sleep comfortably tonight, now that he didn't have as much weight on his chest. Hoseok wished that he could lie down like that too, could just close his eyes and sleep, but he couldn't. There were still so many thoughts racing through his mind that he wouldn't be able to settle until he got them out somehow. So he shifted to pull his backpack closer, not needing to open it for it was already open. He slipped his diary free and turned to a clean page, other hand rooting around for a pen. When he snagged hold of one he pulled the cap off and eyed the blank page in front of him: double pages of white paper with soft grey lines. There was a pressing need for him to sketch something and so he closed his eyes and tried to think. Taehyung made a breathy little noise in his sleep and Hoseok opened his eyes again to look at him. Curled up tight, one hand hugging the album to his chest and the other in a tight little fist on his makeshift pillow. It was looking at that little fist that made him suddenly remember Seokjin this morning, hands tightly knotting the twine around the tree branch. Hoseok turned right to the very back of the diary and pressed his pen down on the page in front of him.

At first he started of with a rough line, light and soft pen strokes creating a frame for him to draw over and give substance to. From the line came more form, things hanging over it and dangling down, starting to take shapes that looked like the long sleeves of jackets and jeans. But then the sketch took a different turn. In the centre of the line that had become that of the washing line there was something dangling down several inches; a curved loop of twine that was most certainly not an item of clothing. Hoseok wanted to stop at this point and yet he couldn't. His hand wouldn't stop, his fingers applying more to the sketch to bring it to life: harsh lines to create shadows and wrinkles on the clothes, shadows down where the grass would be if he had drawn some. A quick glance at his own hand showed that it was almost clenched around the pen tightly like Taehyung's currently was.

When he was finished the sketch was thick lines on the page, that of the washing line outside with clothes placed along the length and a noose dangling right in the middle: beckoning.

He let his breath out in a weary sigh and shifted his gaze over to look at the blank page beside it. The entire sheet was there, waiting to be used, and yet he had just a simple thing to cover it with. Hoseok gripped the pen tightly and wrote a single line, the nib scratching into the page hard enough to leave marks in the paper like trenches.

Then Hoseok closed his diary and placed it back inside his backpack. He had thought that writing in the book would make him feel better, would ease the burden on his chest too, but it hadn't. He just suddenly felt like he was being crushed even more by the weight. He shifted to lie down on the building floor, pillow still left beside his lover, and he stayed on his side so that he could look at Taehyung's sleeping face. He looked so at peace right now that Hoseok hoped he was. One of them deserved peace and he would be more than willing to give his up to make sure that he found some. After a while his eyelids started to get heavy and he just knew that he was going to fall asleep, even when his mind was still full of thoughts. The last one that he was consciously aware of having was wondering what Doctor Lee would think if he were to show her his latest diary entry. Would she be shocked, concerned even? Or would she have expected it because she seemed to know exactly what he was thinking. Regardless of what she did think Hoseok knew that that didn't matter right now. The only thing that did was what his friends thought.

Which was why he wasn't going to show them the diary.