*

Even from the other side of the room, Chanyeol can still hear him cry, and it makes his heart break.

Baekhyun hasn't stopped crying ever since he told him he's gonna leave tonight, ever since they got off the car, ever since the two of them parted ways on the corners of the house.

Baekhyun never said anything as he only quietly sobs to himself, and the sole thing that Chanyeol heard was the closing thud of his bedroom door, followed by Baekhyun's heartbreaking cries.

Closing his eyes, breathing to maintain his ounce of composure, he closes his luggage after he rushingly packs his necessities. He checks his wallet, passport, visa and his airline ticket before he takes a last look around his dull room, bearing a heavy heart.

"Are you still awake?" Chanyeol asks while he knocks on the door of his lover's room. He doesn't bother to wait for a reply when he lets himself in and sits on the foot of the bed with Baekhyun crying on the other edge. His body is curled into a ball as he sobs like an innocent child, dressed in a white long sleeve polo shirt that Chanyeol owns.

"Baekhyun."

Baekhyun hears him, but his cries are louder than any sound, even louder than the voices in his heart telling Chanyeol not to leave. He knows he can't scream out his pleas, he knows he can't beg for him to stay, he knows he can't say how he wanted Chanyeol to just be with him for every second of his life.

His family needs him. Baekhyun would be selfish if he keeps Chanyeol only to himself.

But Chanyeol is his everything, and having nothing without his everything means nothing. It doesn't make any sense just like how his life would turn out the moment Chanyeol steps out of the fucking door. It's gonna happen, Baekhyun knows this time will come. It's his fault for not preparing himself for Chanyeol's absence. It's his fucking fault.

"Baekhyun, I don't want to see you like this when I leave," Chanyeol says, "Come here and look at me before I say goodbye."

It sounds easy but it isn't. It never was.

"Baekhyun."

He's still crying. It's too painful to hear and watch.

"Take care of yourself. I won't be here to do it for you anymore," Chanyeol starts, Baekhyun hears him and it all the more aches, "Don't leave the house when you're alone, bring Sehun with you when you go out. I don't want to say this, but he's the only person I can trust you with."

It hurts. So fucking much.

"I hired housekeepers so you don't have to worry about your food and laundry. They'll prepare everything for you like a prince. You don't have to clean your room, I know you hate it so much."

And I love you.

"Wear warm clothes when you're at school, and don't walk naked around the house even you're alone. When you miss me, you can go to my room and play with my clothes. It's fine if you don't return them, you can have them. You can have everything I own," Chanyeol says. "When you feel lonely, just look at our pictures together. Just think that I'm still beside you. Don't restrain yourself just because I left, have fun with your friends and don't think about me. I'll be back before you know it... I promise, I'll be back."

Baekhyun shakes his head as a reply. Still weeping, he crawls his way into Chanyeol's lap and rests his head on it. Chanyeol can see how bloody-red his eyes are because of too much crying, his cheeks are also soaked with snot and tears combined. His bangs stick to his forehead covered with sweat, and Chanyeol does the job to swat them away for him to see his face.

"If someone tries to hurt you, protect yourself using the weapon I hid in the very last drawer of your bedside table," Chanyeol reminds. "I taught you how to load a gun, right?" Even though scared, Baekhyun nods. "I left the key on my room. Open it when you need it."

Baekhyun doesn't answer.

"Baekhyun, are you listening?"

But he nods, still crying.

"When you feel aroused, you know what to do. I'm allowing you to take care of it yourself, except having sex with anybody. You're only mine, remember that. I'll do it for you as well. I'll stay faithful to you no matter what. Cut my dick off if ever I fucked anyone that is not you."

Baekhyun wants to laugh but he can't. Chanyeol rubs soothing circles along his back, and it's too gentle he wants to cry louder.

"Aren't you gonna say something to me?"

"I love you," Baekhyun blurts out in a broken voice, his breath hitching, "I love you so much it hurts.... W-will you.... stay with me... a little l-longer... Please... Don't l-leave me yet..."

"You know I can't do that," Chanyeol says as he lets out a sigh, "As much as I wanted to, I need to go back immediately."

"But... but... We still have so much to do... We still have many things to finish..." Baekhyun sobs. "W-we haven't gone... grocery shopping together yet... You said we're still gonna cook barbecue... and, and we'll bring Mom some... You said you're gonna bring me to Namsan tower, right? And we'll stroll around Seoul using your car... and and, and... how about... the matching tattoos you promised?"

Baekhyun is staring at him with those wide pair of hopeful eyes. Chanyeol already knows he has broken a promise for the first time.

"We can do all of that when I come back," Chanyeol tells him in a gentle voice, "I promise you."

Baekhyun knows he'll sound selfish but he's gonna say it anyway. He can't control his breathing anymore due to overcrying, and his breath hitches like a kid every moment he talks.

"Can't, can't your father have a-another blood donor instead," Baekhyun mumbles as he snuggles closer to Chanyeol, making most of the warmth he's gonna miss.

"It's only me who share the same blood type as him in the family," Chanyeol says, "Don't you know that my blood type is rare? Only one percent in the world has a blood type of AB negative."

"Oh," Baekhyun mutters, "That probably c-causes the change of color in your eyes..."

"You only can see it, Baekhyun. Nobody can see it aside from you," Chanyeol says, "And that means you're special."

"But not special enough to be the reason for you to stay."

It takes Chanyeol a second before he finds his voice again.

"I will contact you everyday," Chanyeol says, cupping Baekhyun's bloated face and wiping off his tears using his thumbs, "So stop crying already. It's not like we're getting a divorce."

"It's not... like we're married for real anyway..."

Baekhyun ceases to stop crying. He keeps on sobbing on top of his lungs until his throat hurts. Chanyeol looks away, trying his best to endure the throbbing pain in his chest once again.

"I have to leave now..." Chanyeol says amidst the quiet, caressing Baekhyun's face. He plants a gentle kiss on his lips, tasting his tears on the end of his tongue. Baekhyun cries harder, making it more difficult for Chanyeol to leave him in this situation.

"Chanyeol."

"What is it?"

"Make the pain go away," Baekhyun begs, clutching on the hem of Chanyeol's coat, "Please..."

"Baekhyun."

"Please, I'm begging you... Just... Just do it... I can take it this time."

"No," Chanyeol states, "I can't."

"Please, Chanyeol sunbae... I don't want to feel this... I don't want to see you leaving... It just... Hurts so much... So please, let me take the drug."

Chanyeol stands up to get something, coming back to Baekhyun's room with a vial of propofol and a syringe in hand. Upon seeing that, Baekhyun gets up and rolls up his sleeve until his upper arm is revealed. Hesitantly, Chanyeol takes Baekhyun's hand and touches the smooth expanse of his skin. He looks at Baekhyun in the eyes, finding uncertainty and fear in them.

"You know this is not good for the system," Chanyeol says. "The side effects will drive you insane."

Baekhyun shakes his head.

"I don't care anymore... I just don't want to feel anything right now..."

Using his mouth, Chanyeol uncaps the syringe and carefully pushes the needle into the vial. Pulling the plunger until the amount of liquid in the barrel reaches the exact dose, he breathes and presses his lips into a thin line.

"Close your eyes."

Baekhyun does what he's been told, never letting go of the other male's hand as Chanyeol injects the drug into his veins. Chanyeol moves the injection into a twenty five-degree angle, before shortly pulling the injection back while looking out for Baekhyun's reaction.

Baekhyun blinks slowly.

"Are you okay?"

He only nods weakly. Chanyeol puts away the paraphernalia and leans down to Baekhyun's face to hear him speak.

"Thank you," Baekhyun whispers with a wry smile on his mouth, seeing Chanyeol's appearance becoming blurry in his vision.

Chanyeol beams back at him, and it just feels so surreal and heavenly. It might be the last time he's gonna see Chanyeol's face, and he's grateful... that he's smiling.... even for the last time...

Everything turns black.

"I'm sorry."

A sole teardrop rolls down his eye when Baekhyun finally lets go of his hand, his arm lying lifelessly on the bed. He drapes a blanket on Baekhyun's torso before standing up, watching the other male's peaceful and unconscious state.

He looks like an angel. He's his angel.

The moment Chanyeol takes a pace out of Baekhyun's room, out of their shared abode, he knows he has also left a huge part of him, almost his whole being.

And that is his heart, in Baekhyun's hands.

*

Sehun has been calling him for hours, but he won't pick up.

"Has he answered yet?"

"No," Sehun says after the fifth ring, looking up to the closed window of a room at Chanyeol's house. It's five in the morning and he's outside standing by Jongin's car together with the male. He rushed without thinking twice as soon as he heard the news. "I think we need to break in."

"The gate isn't locked. I guess Chanyeol left it for us," Jongin says, ushering Sehun and letting himself into the mansion, their steps light but hearts heavy.

Everything is at its place as they look around and call for Baekhyun's name. Jongin turns on the lights to illuminate the house as he waits downstairs, while Sehun goes up the staircase to check up on Baekhyun.

"We don't have much time, Sehun," Jongin shouts as a reminder, his loud voice reverberates, "We need to go to the airport!"

As soon as Sehun barges into the door, he sees the person he's been searching for all dozed off on the bed covered snugly in a blanket. He runs into him and shakes him, not receiving any single response from the small male.

"Baekhyun. Wake up, can you hear me!" Sehun says, undraping him out of the sheets and cradling him up in his arms. Lightly slapping Baekhyun's cheek, the male is still left unconscious, delved in his drug-induced sleep. "Fuck, Baekhyun. Wake up. You need to wake up!"

Sehun sees a small bottle of drug and a syringe on the bedside table, and it gives him the answer right away. Having no other choice, he carries Baekhyun on his back and leaves the bedroom, hastily going down the stairs in record time while Jongin awaits at the door. He puts a sleeping Baekhyun on the backseat of the car while Jongin takes the wheel, worry plastered all over his face as he drives.

"What happened to him?" he asks, setting the GPS to Incheon, looking at his friend at the rear-view mirror. "Is Baekhyun okay?"

"He's taken some sedatives," Sehun says, gently placing Baekhyun on top of his lap. He palms his forehead, checks his pulse and senses his vital signs, deeming that Baekhyun is okay. He's just sleeping. "Chanyeol might injected it to him for him to stop crying."

"Do you think we can still chase after him?" Jongin asks, revving up his car into the maximum speed. He sees an upcoming traffic several meters away so he slows down, "It's only five minutes before his departure. It's fucking impossible right now."

"Even if we couldn't stop him, Baekhyun still deserves a proper goodbye. He can't just fucking go like that, leaving Baekhyun in a drugged state while he departs to whatever country he is heading to," Sehun says as he clenches his fist, staring down at Baekhyun's face, "That bastard. Who is he to order me around? I'll take care of Baekhyun even if he doesn't ask me to."

It's just unfortunate when the traffic chooses to be terrible this time. Cars aren't moving a single inch when they reached the tollway, and Jongin as the driver is seriously getting pissed off. Vehicles are blowing their horns, people are getting off their cars while mumbling complaints to each other. The airport is still five hundred meters away, they're late.

"God-fucking-damn this traffic," Jongin says as he hits the stirring wheel. Sehun slides down the window and peers over to the people at the highway throwing blames at each other. He adjusts Baekhyun's head and gently puts him down the seat so he can get out of the car.

"Isn't it too early for this?" Sehun says. Jongin joins him on the street together with the thickening amount of people stuck in the traffic.

It happened too fast.

They saw it all with their own two eyes.

A plane takes off hundreds of feet above the ground, then suddenly the loud explosion in the sky causes the people to immediately crouch down into their feet into fetal position, covering their ears and head. It seems like fireworks yet deadly and black and orange, the mushroom-shaped smoke and fire darkens the cloud and skies.

Everybody is screaming for help and running aimlessly. Sirens are blaring. Ambulance is on its way.

Before Sehun could come back to his senses, Jongin has pushed him back inside the car. There's a deafening ring in his ears, he can hear nothing but sees everything right before him. Jongin is driving towards the crash, he's saying something. He's panicking. Everything is muffled until Jongin violently shakes him, yelling his name countless times.

"SEHUN!!!"

That's only when Sehun registers what's happening.

"Cover Baekhyun's eyes and ears!"

As if on slow motion, Sehun turns beside him and sees Baekhyun's frozen state. He hugs him in and pulls him close, tightly securing him inside his embrace when Jongin swerves the car to avoid an upcoming ambulance on the way at the middle of the road.

"An engine suffered an uncontained failure and caught fire on a Boeing 763-400 as it accelerated for take-off as Korean Air Flight 2017 at Incheon International Airport, 5:36 in the morning. All 14 crew members and 302 passengers were harmed..."

They catch each other's eye contact on the rear-view mirror as they listen to the news on the radio, as though reading each other's minds. Jongin is the first to tear his gaze away as he keeps his momentum. Sehun feels his heart tug when Baekhyun moves weakly against him, his face shoved into his chest.

"What's happening," Sehun hears Baekhyun say in a soft, almost inaudible voice. "Where... Where are we going..."

"We're going to the airport, Baekhyun," Sehun mutters, "To see Chanyeol off."

*

Even from the other side of the hall, Sehun can still hear him cry, and it makes his heart break.

Baekhyun hasn't stopped crying ever since he told him they're gonna see Chanyeol off, ever since they got off the car, ever since the two of them entered the hospital to where the injured passengers are brought.

He sees a man covered in blood and wound being carried in an emergency bed heading to the emergency room. No doubt, it's Chanyeol. It's definitely Chanyeol. He runs into him and holds his hand, his heart beating fast and anxious as he sobs his name.

"Chanyeol sunbae!!!" Baekhyun screams as he runs together with the nurses and staffs while Sehun and Jongin follow suit after him. "Wake up, please. Wake up! Don't do this to me, don't leave me like this! Wake up!"

It's not happening, right?

It's not happening.

"I'm sorry but you can't come inside," the medics say, pushing Baekhyun away as the door of the ER closes. Baekhyun tries his best to enter the room, only to be shoved away again, and there's nothing he can do but to weep helplessly while watching outside.

"Chanyeol sunbae," Baekhyun calls, "Chanyeol!!!"

The medical people surround Chanyeol and puts oxygen mask on his face. A doctor is holding a defibrillator, and Baekhyun only watches from a far on how he electrocuted his chest to deliver a countershock to his heart. The doctor conducts it a couple of times, but the heart rate on the EKG remains unstable.

Until the green waves turn thinner, indicating a cardiac flat line.

A long beeping sound.

It rings in his ears. It sounds terrifying.

It sounds...

"Charge, 200 joules," the doctor says before he defibrillates once again.

Baekhyun's breath hitches when nothing happens.

"Charge, 300 joules."

He can't afford to lose him. Not now, not ever.

He will not die, right?

He will come back, right?

"Asystole," the doctor says. "There's no cardiac activity."

"NO!" Baekhyun cries as he pounds heavily against the door. Sehun and Jongin tries to calm him down but to no avail. Baekhyun sees the doctors unmoving, and he wants to barge in there and begs on his knees to please do something.

"Please, save him!" Baekhyun says in a hoarse voice. "Do anything to save him! I'm begging you!!! Please let him live!!!"

If Baekhyun could only unsee when the doctor lifts his arm as he hopelessly shakes his head. If Baekhyun could only turn his eyes to looks away when the doctor stares down at his watch, declaring those words Baekhyun isn't capable of hearing of.

"Time of death. 6:14 AM."

If Baekhyun could only bring back the time passed, he should have told Chanyeol not to leave.

He should have told him to stay even though being called a selfish person.

In that way, he could have been still alive. He could have been still here...

He could have been...

"Baekhyun."

He could have been still with him in his arms.

"Baekhyun."

Baekhyun opens his eyes and breathes.

"Can you hear me?"

Silence.

"Baekhyun!"

He sees white.

"Is he awake now?"

"I think so."

He sees Sehun and Jongin looking down at him. He feels his head throbbing. He is nauseous. His vision is reeling. He touches his face. It is soaked with fresh tears.

"You've been sleeping for eight hours already. I thought you won't wake up," Sehun says brushing his fringe with his fingers. He blinks up slowly to him. "I'm glad you're awake."

"Where's.... Where's Chanyeol sunbae..."

Jongin and Sehun exchange looks.

"I want to see him... Please... Take me to him right now..."

"He's gone, Baekhyun," Sehun says in a low voice. Baekhyun's eyes widen, they're getting watery again. His chest tightens. He feels like dying in vain.

"Did he... Did he really die... in the plane crash?"

Jongin stares at Sehun wordlessly. Sehun stares back at him, then at Baekhyun.

"Did he overdose you?" Jongin asks. "What the hell are you talking about?"

Baekhyun gets up. "H-he didn't die?"

"You had too much drug. You're saying bullshit," Sehun says. He hands him a glass of water which Baekhyun accepts gratefully after he gets up. He only notices just now that Jongin and Sehun are inside his room, probably have been watching him before he could open his eyes.

"You were talking in your sleep, Baekhyun. Did you have a nightmare?" Jongin asks. He brings out his phone and shows their chatroom to Baekhyun. "Chanyeol's now in the plane heading to New York. Look, he even sent a picture of the sky."

Baekhyun pauses.

"But it felt so real," Baekhyun says as he stares in disbelief at the picture of the clear skies. "I thought... He already left me...."

The tears on Baekhyun's eyes now mean happiness. Happiness that it was all just a bad dream. Happiness that Chanyeol is still here, breathing and existing.

"I'm so happy that he's safe," Baekhyun says, "I'm really glad that he's still alive." It's just distance that comes in between them and it makes him realize that it doesn't really matter. "I'm gonna wait for him to come back... I will wait for Chanyeol sunbae. Oh my god... Sehun, I thought he really died..."

"You should stay home for now. You're mind's still in haze," Sehun says, rolling his eyes. "Your boyfriend told me to take care of you, and he's gonna kill me if something bad happened to you."

Jongin throws Sehun a fishy look. "So you're gonna stay here with Baekhyun?"

"Yeah. Why?"

"Hm. Nothing," Jongin says in a coy tone. He shrugs. "Just, you know. Asking."

"I lived with Baekhyun for god-knows how long, Jongin," Sehun states, slitting his eyes at him. Baekhyun goes back to lying on the bed while still staring at the sky photo that Chanyeol sent. "And I'm proud to say I had kept my hands to myself."

"And inside your pants," Jongin has to point that out. Sehun scowls at him when he wiggles his eyebrows suggestively. "Don't worry, I won't tell Chanyeol if something good happened to the both of you."

Sehun throws him a pillow. Jongin grins and catches it. It's good that Baekhyun has stopped crying.

"Baekhyun. Before I forgot," Baekhyun turns to look at Sehun with questioning eyes, "Chanyeol mentioned something about a drawer where he hid some stuff. Is it here?"

Baekhyun nods while Sehun rummages his bedside table. "The very last drawer."

"What about it, though?" Jongin asks. "Wait. Are you acting like Chanyeol's slave right now?"

"I'm doing this for Baekhyun. Not for that asshole."

"I think that's where he hides a gun. Careful Sehun! Fuck! Is that for real?" Jongin blurts out when Sehun inserts the key to the drawer, opening it. He gasps, getting the 9mm Glock 19. Jongin's jaw drops when Sehun points it at him.

"It's not loaded. The bullets are here. Why would he hide a gun and why would he tell it to me?" Sehun asks.

"Maybe because he wanted you to kill yourself."

Curious, Baekhyun looks down at the drawer while Jongin and Sehun bicker with the gun. He never expects to find stuff other than the gun itself and its bullets.

"What's this?"

It's a passport.

A visa.

An envelope containing cash.

And a note.

Baekhyun's heart suddenly races as he opens the passport, seeing his own face taken in the picture.

He opens the note and silently reads it, and he can't help but cry again for the umpteenth time as it says:

See you in New York.
- Chanyeol

*

To be continued.