Pain

That's what I felt in this moment..
like a butterfly who's wings have been clipped
I wish to fly but cannot..
I wish to forget yet continue to remember
The scars I've earned I wish to return
Yet, they make me stronger
This shall pass
I will find myself and protect him with everything in me
I will find myself again... the me he broke
~Laurent Bourgeois

———
-Lau's POV:

I leaned back in my chair taking a deep breath trying to gather my thoughts, my thought process was fucked right now. Melody told me I could voice anything I wanted yet I didn't know where to start, there was so much to say yet so little time. I could just jump in head first about Jaden but this wasn't something you just leaped into so I'll just settle for expressing my feelings on Larry. "I actually would like to talk for something" sitting up straight in my chair I cleared my throat. "Alright, you have the floor" Melody smiled at me sitting up a bit more while picking up her pen, "I have feelings for someone but he my brother... h-he my twin". She nodded jotting it down before gazing at me "how does he make you feel Laurent?" I tilted my head a bit thinking about how to word my answer before deciding to speak from the heart.

"He make me feel like myself again, he support me through everything, he knows how I feel before I do... h-he share my pain, he know my heart, he protect me, he make my heart flutter... he make me feel beautiful, like I'm loved.." I bit my lip gazing at the red velvet carpet afraid to face her judgmental stare. A gentle "Laurent" made me glance up at her surprised when I saw only comfort. "I know he's your twin and most people would be disgusted but I am not, from how you speak it doesn't sound like you mistook his support and care as love, he actually does love you... I don't know Larry well but from how he looks at you I don't think it's just because he's your brother but I will not put words in his mouth or assume his feelings or intentions. To me love is love and I will not sit here and judge you for who you fell in love with, give yourself some time to sort everything out. Heal yourself first then speak to him about it."

I nodded my head softly gazing at her with a half smile before speaking "I loved him for years, been in love with his spirit for years, I know I no mistake anything for love... I know he loves me but I also know you no go above and beyond for someone you no love romantically... he treat me like a lover more than a brother b-but I no want to assume anything and hurt myself more." She nodded jotting down a few notes, "take some time for yourself Laurent you owe it to yourself. Let yourself heal before having that conversation, if he does reciprocate your feelings you don't want to give him half of you that's not fair to him or you" I nodded once again before sighing "you right... I focus on me first" she smiled nodding her head "from now on I want you to write down your feelings in a journal and meditate, don't hold your emotions in anymore. Release your anger and pain, it's easier said than done but I know you can do it. You don't have to share it with me if you don't want to but I want you to do this for yourself, now, would you like to speak about Jaden?"

———

Lau and Larry made it home driving in complete silence, their minds racing for the finish line. Larry was thinking about how to bring up what he'd done and how Lau would take it. Meanwhile Lau was thinking about what Melody said to him, he knew she was right he definitely needed to heal after what he'd been through but he didn't want to be labeled a victim for the rest of his life. He was more than the abuse he endured and he knew he could rise above this

It'd just take some time

Larry pulled into the driveway of the house putting the car in park before turning it off, his rings glistening underneath the car light. The sun was starting to set painting the sky a beautiful mess of pinks, oranges and purple.

He released a breath he didn't know he was holding glancing over at his twin. Lau rested his arm against the car door with his hand over his face, he looked stressed out and that's the last thing Larry wanted him to be but they needed to have this conversation

It was inevitable

Larry unbuckled his seatbelt climbing out of the car, Lau in tow. They made their way into the house and into the kitchen, Larry leaning against the counter while Lau sat at the island. He took a deep breath before speaking "Belle, we need to talk", he visibly saw Lau tense up as well as feeling it in his own chest. He made his way to the island with a heavy heart deciding to just put it out there, he looked Lau in the eyes as he spoke "I killed Jaden". The air felt stale and dry at that moment and the tension was so thick you could cut it with a knife, Lau felt the wind get knocked out of his chest gazing at the man in front of him. He couldn't believe what he'd just heard, he couldn't move, he couldn't breathe, he couldn't think.

Larry was becoming more nervous as the silence between them grew louder, his heart literally beating out of his chest. His eyes pleaded with him, "please say something" Lau squinted at him feeling his anger surfacing, yes he was glad Jaden was no longer a concern but how the fuck could Larry do something so reckless and stupid. "What you want me to say Larry?" Larry was taken aback by the venom dripping from his brother's lips, he knew he deserved it but didn't truly prepare himself for it. "Anything! Just bèbe please say something" he begged trying to swallow the fear slowly rising up in his throat. Lau shook his head getting up from the island making his way to the archway not wanting to talk about this anymore, he needed time to think, time to process everything. His anger was too strong right now and he didn't want to say something he'd regret or that would hurt Larry but knowing his brother: he'd most definitely take it there

And there he took it

"I don't want to talk for this anymore" Larry shook his head moving to walk towards Lau who whipped his head around halting his streps with one look, "Don't come near me right now Larry". Larry shook his head feeling his own anger boiling "We need for talk about this! Why are you so angry!?" Lau scoffed glaring at his twin with a bewildered look "Why would you do that!", Larry shook his head immediately firing back "To protect you!", Lau shook his head chuckling to himself "You a fucking idiot!", It was Larry's turn to glare now "I did this for you!" Lau fully turned his body around with fire behind his eyes "I NO ASK YOU TO!" The room fell deathly silent after that, neither looked at each other, Larry finally speaking up after what seemed like an eternity "I'm going out, don't wait up" his voice coming out in a deeper regimen then his brother had ever heard, it felt as if the devil was speaking to him.

Larry grabbed his keys walking towards the garage slamming the door behind him shaking the whole house. Lau stood in that same archway replaying the events that just occurred in his mind repeatedly, he could feel the tears threatening to fall but refused to let them. They'd talk about this in the morning once they'd both calmed down, if they'd both be calm. Larry was known to be more hotheaded than him and he knew the depths of his anger, they didn't call him "the devil" for nothing and right now, the devil is what he saw.