Dear journal,

       We reached DC partway through today. We're camped on the outskirts of town, in a forest. Our scouts reported earlier. What am I doing? Let me walk you through what happened today. I'll start partway through the walk here.

       This morning, we sent the five fastest people ahead to scout the path and find a safe location on the outskirts of the town. They left and found us this patch of forest. After they left, we started walking at our normal pace toward our destination. Even after yesterday, Sophia, Simon, and I still had to try to comfort Melanie.

       "Didn't we go through this yesterday Melanie?" Simon demanded, not even trying to hide his annoyance with her. "He's gone. Get over it already."

       "Well Simon, I'm sorry that I'm sad about my boyfriend's death!" cried Melanie, tears streaming down her face as she lifted her head from my shoulder to look at him. "It's like he was a stranger to you! Don't you miss him?! Does anyone here other than me miss him?!?!"

       As she said the words, it was like a punch to the chest. I didn't miss him. I was glad that he was gone because it would allow me to get closer to Melanie. I staggered back, clutching my chest. I was a selfish jerk. Melanie had lost the love of her life and I was happy about it. I didn't deserve her. She shouldn't be tied to the selfish rock that was Jacob Crowley. I would weigh her down. I had to leave her life. Permanently.

       "Jacob!" Sophia screeched. "Are you okay?! What's wrong?!"

       I realized that I was still clutching my chest. I removed my hand. Apparently I had fallen over, because Sophia was offering me her hand. I took it and she helped me up.

       "I'm fine," I lied. "It was nothing."

       "Are you sure, man?" Simon asked, I was shocked at his concern. "I thought that you got shot through the chest from your reaction."

       "I was, in a way," I told him, then turned to Melanie. "I'm sorry that Nico is gone," I told her, switching to her nickname for him without noticing. "I really think that he loved you though. No, I think that he does love you. Present tense. I think that he's still with you, in there," I placed my hand over her heart. "I think that he's in there and that he still loves you, no matter whether or not you know it."

       "Really?" she asked, joy and disbelief in her eyes. "You think that he still loves me, wherever he is? Even if I'm trying to let him go?"

       "My point exactly," I replied. "I don't think that you should let him go just yet. You should keep him with you."

       "Are you sure you're okay Jacob?" Melanie asked. "Yesterday, you were telling me how to let go of him, now you're telling me not to let go of him. Which should I do?"

       "You should let go of him when you find someone that you love as much as him. Not someone who can replace him, someone that you can love as well as him. Never fully let him go."

       "Jacob-" she began, but was promptly interrupted by the nomad leader.

       "We have arrived at our campsite!" she yelled, her voice carrying over the crowd. "Everyone find a spot to sleep! We will need five volunteer scouts to investigate the city! They will leave directly after lights out! If you would like to be a scout, come see me after finding a sleeping spot!"

       "You would have to be insane to take a job like that," said Melanie.

       "Yeah," Sophia agreed. "Let's all promise not to take the job."

       So, we did. Only, when it came to me, I crossed my fingers. I had to take the job. If I died, oh well, I was a jerk anyways. I would leave Melanie a note. She would understand.

       After we found places to sleep, I snuck off and signed up for the scouting job I gave Clarissa, our leader, a note for Melanie. I told her to give it to Melanie Anderson if I died on the mission. I'm sitting in my sleeping spot writing this. It'll be lights out soon. Time to go. I'll write to you tomorrow, journal. Be back soon.

       Jacob Crowley