“How do I look?” Ray wanted to know.

 Beautiful I wanted to tell her. I would have done if I knew her better, but I didn’t want to freak her out.  She was stood with the magazine’s stylist, Gwen Nelson, wearing a crisp white shirt that cropped just above her belly button, and navy trousers from Burberry that hugged the curves of her body. Her shoes were simple white heels, and she wore no jewellery, but her face had been painted beautifully by Ray herself, with her blue eyes rimmed by smoky eye shadow and two gems in the corner of each of her eyes. Her lips were, of course, her signature purple, and her hair was styled lazily into a fluffy bouffant.

 “Great,” I told her “One outfit down, four to go. This could be a long day.”

 “Nah,” Ray said “I like it. It’s like playing dress up or something.”

 I smiled “So. Where do you feel comfortable shooting? I thought a few photos with Barnaby would be sweet…”

 “Actually, there’s a room I didn’t show you yesterday…I think you’ll like it. Come on.”

 I thanked Gwen for her work, and she began organising the next outfit for Ray as the pair of us headed upstairs. I felt a surge of excitement as we headed back into the library, before remembering that Ray had said I hadn’t been in the room before. She headed to the far end of the room to a door I hadn’t noticed before and opened it. I followed her inside, intrigued.

 The room was painted white, and the floor was a simple wood like the landing, but the walls were covered in writing. Song lyrics, I realised. It was a work of art. Some of the lyrics formed pictures, like flowers and birds. Ray held her arms out with gusto.

 “Tadaa!” she said. I grinned.

 “This is perfect!” I said “But I still say we should get some photos with Barnaby.”

 “Too right. He’s always wanted to be a model. He craves fame and fortune,” Ray said, leaning against the wall. I smiled “So you want to take photos here? Now?”

 “Yeah. I just need to get the camera set up,” I said. “Wait here.”

 I called my assistant photographer, Ellie Atkins, to bring the rest of the equipment. She turned up around fifteen minutes later. She was dressed to impress, as she always was when she met a new celebrity. She had baby blue hair at the time, down to her waist, and that day she was wearing leather shorts and a white crop top. It was the sort outfit no one could get away with unless they were a celebrity or a hooker, but she looked annoyingly great. She always did. Plus she was irritatingly charming. The moment she arrived, she dumped all the equipment on me and started chatting with Ray, who surprisingly, didn’t bite her head off. It was kind of annoying, actually. I didn’t like the way I had to work to gain Ray’s friendship, whereas Ellie simply tossed her hair and starting talking like they were best friends. I let out a sigh of frustration as I tried to set up the lights.

 “A little help here, Ellie? How about you work for your pay for once?” I said irritably. Ellie and Ray both giggled.

 “Alright, alright,” she said, fixing the light for me, before heading to her car to get the other one. Ray was staring at me, but I ignored her, pretending to fiddle with the tripod for my camera.

 “What was that about?” Ray said, arms folded. I shook my head.

 “She just never pulls her weight,” I mumbled “I’m sick of having to do her job for her.”

 “Well, she’s clearly a bit of an airhead…”

 I snorted “What?”

 “You heard me. She’s not exactly blessed in the brain department. And she was showing me some of the photography on her phone. Yours is much better. All the stuff in the magazine? You shoot that, right? She’s only there to assist you.”

 “Is this supposed to make me feel better?”

 “It should. I’m telling you, she’s basically a Freya wannabe with cool hair. Not that your hair isn’t cool, but come on! Blue! Look, you should feel sorry for her. People who can only do half a job shouldn’t bother doing it at all. There’s always someone better to take their place. In her case, you.”

 I didn’t agree with her philosophy, but mean as it was, I was glad Ray didn’t think much of Ellie. When she returned with the other light, Ray pulled a face at me resembling someone half asleep, and pointed at Ellie. It made me giggle, and though I felt guilty, it was still a relief.

 “Would you mind making us a cup of coffee?” Ray asked Ellie as we were about to get started. Ellie looked irritated, but sighed and did as she asked. I stood at the camera’s tripod, looking at Ray in amusement.

 “She’s not your slave,” I said. Ray grinned.

 “She’s more useful doing that than here, right?” Ray said “Now. What is it you want me to do?”

 “Well, as you know, we always have the a picture of the celebrity with a magnifying glass on the front cover…but other than that, you’re free to do what you want. Whatever you’re comfortable with. I feel like the pictures are always better when I give you a free reign,” I said.

 “So if I feel like doing this…” Ray stuck her middle finger at me “I can?”

 I snapped a photo quickly and the lights flashed, making Ray blink in surprise “Exactly,” I said with a smile “So let’s see what you’ve got.”

 And of course, girls like Ray always have a lot to give. If you could see her, see how pretty she was, you’d know she was popular at high school. It’s one of those things you can tell just by looking at a person. You don’t have to know them. Ray would have been the sort of girl the others aspired to be. I kind of hoped she’d be one of the rare nice girls, who smiled at people in the corridors rather than barging into them or calling them names. But then again, I knew Ray could have a mean streak, so it wasn’t hard to imagine her as a bully. But I wanted to believe in nice Ray.

 But on that day, in her lyrics room, she shone. She knew how to pose. Suggestive, yet not unattractively so. Not to the point where she could be called a slut or some other derogatory term that certainly wouldn’t be applied to a man in her position. Sexy in personality, rather than her positioning. A girl like that can kill with her smile. Looking over her shoulder, teeth on show, lips stretched in a real smile. A smile like that on a girl like Ray is challenging. It says show me what you’ve got.

 And there were other aspects to her that threw me off my game. The way she managed to look so feminine with her hands shoved in the pockets of a black strapless jumpsuit, Barnaby sat on her shoulder. The way she could make aggression seem sexy, her teeth sunk into her lip, eyebrow raised, hands pulling her leather jacket tight over her short red dress. And it amazed me the way she could manage to look good stood perfectly straight and still, feet together, expressionless in a metallic silver dress. It was a good job it was my job to stare at her, because I couldn’t stop myself. Ellie stood to the side, seemingly captivated too. And worryingly, watching her made me forget all about Jamie. Safe, comfortable Jamie. Untrusting Jamie who would barely let me out of his sight. It made me angry just thinking of him.

 We were on to the last outfit of the day. We were outside on the pebbled driveway, and Ray was lying on the bonnet of her car, arms above her head, one knee pulled up. She was looking directly at the camera, eyes smoking, lips parted. She was wearing an overly expensive cream sweater with fishnet tights and black and white Doc Martens. As I positioned myself to take a picture, she threw me a slow wink, mouth spread in a crooked smile. And I found myself, for once, glad I was at work rather than at home. Because work with Ray was turning out to be the most fun I’d had in years.

***

 “That girl is such a flirt.”

 “I tried to warn you,” I said. Ray and I were sat on the upstairs balcony, knees pulled to our chests and champagne in our hands. Ellie had just left along with Gwen and all the clothes Ray had worn that day. Ray was back in her pyjamas. Makeup off, smile on.

 “I never knew people who worked for magazines could be so attractive,” Ray said, eye gleaming “I’ve never met a pretty reporter and photographer together, and now I’ve met both!”

 I blushed, but tried to think of something to say back “I’ve never met someone who can pull off a metallic silver dress before,” I said.

 “These past few days have been full of new experiences,” Ray said with a giggle. I sighed happily, turning my phone on to check the time. As predicted, I had a lot of texts from Jamie. My sigh turned sour in my mouth. I knew it would be childish to ignore him. I knew I had to go home and face him.

 “What’s wrong?” Ray asked. She must have seen my smile falter. I lowered my head, shoving my phone back in my pocket.

 “I have to go,” I said. Ray raised her eyebrow.

 “You don’t want to stay the night again?” she asked.

 “I do,” I said quickly. A little too quickly. I composed myself “But I…I have to sort things at home. I’ll call a taxi.”

 “No. I’ll drive you,” Ray said “I’ve only had half a glass. We’re going to talk about what’s wrong.”

 She didn’t bother changing out of her pyjamas, which at least made me smile. She slipped on a pair of shoes and we headed out to the car together. As we drove, I looked out the window. I knew Ray was waiting for me to speak, so eventually, I began talking. I told her what Jamie had said. About his dislike for Ray, without even having met her. I missed out the part where Emma had called her a bitch, though I knew Emma probably had right to at the time. Ray listened carefully, keeping her eyes on the road. Her knuckles tightened on the steering wheel as I spoke. When I was finished, Ray didn’t seem to have anything to say. We were quiet for a while, aside from me directing her to the house. When we were pulling into the street, she stopped the car.

 “I thought it wouldn’t be a good idea to park right outside,” Ray said. I sat awkwardly for a moment, wondering whether she wanted me to get out. She looked furious.

 “So…what do you think I should do?” I asked.

 “Well, not see me for a start,” Ray fumed.

 “Well, that’s not happening. Even if I wanted to stay away, it’s my job to work with you. He’s the one being ridiculous, not me, or you. He can get used to it.”

 “You really mean that?” Ray asked.

 “Of course I do. I don’t compromise my life to please him. At least, I don’t mean to. He needs to grow up.”

 Ray nodded, and for some reason, a tear spilled onto her cheek. I frowned, my hand  moving straight to her shoulder.

 “Hey. Why are you crying?” I asked. She shook her head with a shaky laugh.

 “I’m sorry. I’m being stupid. I’m just…I’m used to people giving up on me. God, I’m so stupid. This isn’t about me.”

 “It’s fine-”

 “No, Freya. It’s not. I need to stop making everything about me. Fame is so selfish. I’m selfish,” Ray said.

 “I won’t listen to this,” I said “I’m not other people. I’m not going to give up on you…OK? I wouldn’t do that to anyone, least of all you.”

 Ray nodded, wiping her eyes on her hoodie sleeve “I know, Freya. I know. And listen here. You call me if you need me, OK? I’ll stay awake all night if that’s what it takes. And I’ll pick you up here in the morning, yeah? We’ll do something really fun.”

 “OK,” I said, smiling. I leaned across to kiss Ray’s cheek “I’ll see you then.”

 “Bye,” she said quietly. I got out the car and began heading up the street, trying not to look behind me. I didn’t want to look because I knew, right then, Ray Summers was watching me.

***

 It was ten past six when I got my keys out to get in the house. I knew Jamie would have been home a while. He only worked until lunchtime on a Sunday, but he usually went to the pub to watch the football on a Sunday if I was working. His dumb schedules were starting to irritate me. It was like I was forced to mould my life around his perfect timings and timetables. But for once, when I got in the house, I didn’t seem to be in synch with his agenda.

 I was coming in, and he was going out. He was grabbing his keys from the key bowl as I got in, and he stopped dead when he saw me, his lips tightening.

 “Where are you going?” I said, a little more coldly than I intended. He didn’t reply. He shoved past me, through the open door.

 “Very mature! I see you didn’t take my advice!” I shouted after him. He didn’t turn around. He was already half way down the drive.

 “Do you always run away from a fight?” I screamed at him “Is this what you did to the last girl? Couldn’t face a fight so you went and cheated on her? Huh?”

 Jamie looked back then, his eyes blazing in anger. I slammed the door in rage. My breathing was ragged. I paced a while, waiting for him to come back. But he didn’t. I caught sight of myself in the mirror. My hair was a dark mess. I realised I’d been clawing at it as I paced. I stopped, leaning back against the wall and tried to calm down.

 After a while, I pacified, realising Jamie wouldn’t be back for a long time. I wanted to call Ray, but I figured she’d think I was clingy, so instead, I invited Emma over to watch a film. I didn’t tell her about the argument with Jamie. Or rather the lack of argument, with Jamie too childish to talk. I made us curry and the two of us watched some romance film. The whole time, though, I was thinking how much more fun it would be with Ray. It made me feel so guilty, but I couldn’t help it. Emma was no match for her, nice as she was. She left at half nine, anyway. She said she was tired.

 When I was alone, I scoured the kitchen for a bottle of wine. There was hardly ever alcohol in the house, but I knew we must have a bottle of something collecting dust somewhere. Being with Ray had made me remember how much better things felt drunk. I figured it might numb my senses a little, and stop the pain. Either that, or force me to cry it out. Either worked for me.

 After my third glass, I found myself calling Ray. I was in bed, the bottle of wine on my bedside cabinet.

 “Ray Summers,” I said as she picked up the phone.

 “Freya Sherman. Are you drunk?”

 “Possibly. Probably.”

 “Should I come over?”

 “Probably not a good idea. I don’t know when Jamie might come home.”

 “So it went badly? What did he say?”

 “Well, Ray Summers. He said nothing. Nothing at all. And somehow, I think that could be worse than everything I said, put together.”

 “I’m sorry.”

 “So am I. And so is he. He’s a sorry excuse for a man,” I declared. Ray seemingly didn’t know what to say, as there was silence at the other end. Then she sucked in a deep breath.

 “Are you still drinking?”

 “Wine.”

 “Red?”

 “Red.”

 “The cure for everything.” She was smiling at the other end of the line. I could hear it in her voice.

 “What about the drink you seem to love so much? Bubbly?”

 “That’s kind of the celebration drink. I drink it on good days to keep things good.”

 “And things are good at the moment?”

 “The best they’ve been in a long time. So good, I feel like maybe I should just quit the band. Become like a nun or something.”

 “You have to be religious to be a nun.”

 “Damn it.”

 “And nuns don’t swear.”

 “This one does. The Naughty Nun, they’d call me. Hey, now that’s a movie idea.”

 “Natalie Dormer as the main nun…”

 “You and your Natalie Dormer…”

 “You needn’t sound so disapproving.”

 “But I am, dear Freya. Now come on. Put that creative genius mind of yours to work. If I quit the band, what will become of me? What career path am I destined for?”

 “I reckon,” I said, turning onto my front “You could open a little bakery. Oh wait. You can’t cook…”

 “Ha, bloody ha.”

 “You think I’m joking?”

 “Just come up with some more ideas.”

 I lay there for a long time. At some point, I finished one bottle of wine and found another. Ray was drinking champagne. And we were laughing. Laughing so hard it hurt. And we talked and talked. About nothing in particular, but it was nice to hear her voice. To hear someone other than Jamie, and Emma. Ed. Gordon. Ellie. To hear someone not so familiar. But I was getting used to hearing her voice. And I liked it.

 It was past midnight. We’d been talking for three hours. I giggled “I don’t get free calls. This is gonna be a big bill,” I said.

 “I’ll pay for it,” Ray said “It was worth it right?”

 “Yeah. Thanks for the distraction.”

 “Anytime. I mean that. Anytime at all,” Ray said quietly. I was smiling, but there were tears on my face at that point. I could hear the door downstairs opening. Jamie was home.

 “I have to go,” I whispered.

 “He’s back?”

 I nodded, forgetting she couldn’t see me, but she knew.

 “OK,” she said softly “Goodnight, Freya. I’m here, OK? I’m here.”

 I pressed end call and hid the wine down the side of the bed. I turned my lamp off hastily as I heard him coming up the stairs. He opened the door roughly. I could hear him undressing. The sound of his shirt crumpling on the floor, and his belt coming undone. Then he climbed on to the bed.

 There couldn’t possibly be any more room between us. He was keeping his distance and so was I. I could hear his heavy breathing, but I knew he wasn’t asleep. But I felt like I was on dangerous grounds. We’d never fought before. It wasn’t either of us had seen the fight coming. Everything had been fine.

 But I wondered if maybe the problem was that everything was fine. Just fine. Not great, not terrible. It was easy. But I was beginning to wonder whether that was actually a good thing.

 I suddenly couldn’t bear to be near him. I swung my legs from the bed, and stumbled for the door. I stepped out on to the landing, but Jamie wasn’t far behind me. He grabbed my wrist.

 “Let go of me!” I hissed.

 “Where are you going?”

 “Why should I answer your questions if you won’t answer mine? Why should I try when you never will?”

 “You’re the one who never has time for me. You’ve spent more time with that girl Ray over these past two days than you have with me in weeks.”

 “It’s my job. OK? And I’m allowed other friends than you. I have a week off every month! You know that. But you’re never around to spend it with me.”

 “Some of us don’t have the privilege of a week off, Freya.”

 “It’s not my fault!” I cried. It was like everything was suddenly unravelling, and I couldn’t handle it. Tears stung my eyes “It’s no one’s fault, Jamie, but what do you want me to do? Why can’t you just-”

 Jamie’s lips slammed into mine. It was a cold, hard kiss. Like kissing tarmac. I shoved him off. I caught him off balance, and he stumbled back.

 “You can’t just kiss me and expect that to make this OK!” I shouted at him. “This isn’t a film. This isn’t just going to sort itself out! I…I’m sleeping downstairs. We’ll talk tomorrow.”

 “Now who is running away?”

 “Me! I am! Know why? Because I cannot take your shit right now,” I said, tears spilling “And you’ve just ruined a great day. So thanks a lot, Jamie. Thanks a lot. Don’t wake me up in the morning. You can make your own bloody breakfast for once.”

 I stumbled down the stairs, trying to sob quietly. It was dark, but I didn’t turn on the lights. I thought it would make everything seem so much more real. I curled up on the couch, sniffing as I made to set an alarm on my phone. I had a text. And the words on it kept me going through the night.

 I’m here. Ray x