jeanette winterson, why be happy when you could be normal //anne michaels, infinite graduation // unknown

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summary.

It's been an agonizingly long time since JOCELYN CLARKE had sex.

(No, she hasn't counted the days. It's a perfectly reasonable assumption for any sexually active person who just happened to find a box of dusty condoms sitting in their nightstand drawer. With the year-old receipt taped on the front, mind you.)

An aspiring screenwriter moonlighting as a freelance film archivist, Jos hardly has time to juggle other scripts, let alone her own. Sure, it's given her the luxury of paying her rent on time, on top of helping her parents believe she's doing something productive with her life. Not to mention the gig's gotten her frankly atrocious credit out of the gutter. But despite whatever her sister thinks, her paychecks have yet to solve her performance issues, and they certainly haven't cured the existential dread that's followed her since The Breakup.

(Well, if you don't count her last three online purchases.)

          Unfortunately, for Jos, it was only a matter of time before she let this particular subset of first-world grievances slip during her latest therapy session, and before long, she's hitched a ride with "Risky Business"—otherwise known as a compilation of mildly uncomfortable tasks her therapist insists she accomplish to reclaim a sense of excitement. Confidence, security. Strength. And—dare she say, tongue in cheek because her anxiety's made her anything but a quitter—joy.

It's how she ends up seated in Second Take after her roommate's birthday bend: a shotgun Brooklyn pub fitted with vinyl sleeves and trimmed corners laced with fleeting memories and poorly kept secrets. Some parts nostalgia, others regret—all wrapped tight into a six-foot-something of an ill-timed challenge stood behind the bar.

NIKO COSTA was always meant to be a "what if"; a trivial crush, a slight hitch in her throat, a potential checkbox. He was never supposed to reciprocate her interest. Smile like it means something. Laugh at her beer puns. Ask about her screenplay. Hold her gaze. Lean towards her like she's worth spending his night with. Make her want to take a risk.

          (And oh boy, does she jump.)

          It should've stopped there—quick cab, great sex, no strings. After all, Jos already has enough psychologically taxing deeds to worry about without adding "convince yourself that your one-night stand was in fact casual" to her list. But Niko has an annoyingly impressive way of making otherwise easy things complicated: in the weight of his attention, in the warmth of his hoodie that he never asked her to give back, in the answers to his secrets that she can't help but chase.

          Jos tells herself that it's over before it even started, that walking away is the most brilliant move she can make. Which is, admittedly, true. (Probably.) Only problem is that Niko Costa isn't the type to follow the script. You know, the one where he doesn't look at her like she's anything other than the car crash set in slow motion that she's been for the past year.

          Or, possibly, the one where she wants him to.

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cast.

yandeh sallah is jos clarke
sean kaufman is niko costa
jillian nguyen is poh tran
netta walker is deja ocampos
kelvin harrison jr. is roman pascal
charles leclerc is enzo moreau
maitreyi ramakrishnan is anjali rajendran
alyah chanelle scott is charmaine clarke
dichen lachman is tashi laurier
namkoong min is jonah song

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content.

+ first person pov,

+ fun mid-20s, gen z romance with a heaping helping of strangers-to-friends(with benefits, wink wink)-to-friends-to-lovers razzle dazzle,

+ vibey angst with several spoonfuls of good 'ol crush culture,

+ baby reverse age gap (jos is two years older than niko),

+ three-dimensional characters starring wholly human reactions (we love mess),

+ a rather absurd number of film references (our protagonist is a cinema girlie, please respect her),

+ a dash of sports, because we love sports (baseball specifically in this context),

+ and awkward post-grad students being in generous proximity (but we all know they're in l-word),

+ (we hate heartbreak tho),

+ profanity and adult themes (18+ readers only, i CANNOT stress this enough.) (discretion is advised),

+ girls who just wanna have fun! (slutshaming will not and will NEVER be tolerated here. all offenders found to engage in misogyny/-noir will be blocked.)

+ episodes of anxiety and depression (engage with caution),

+ tales of Black daughterhood part two,

and

+ conversations regarding abortion (please approach with caution. pro-choice shaming will not and will NEVER be tolerated here. all offenders will be blocked if found to engage in anti-choice rhetoric).

content is subject to change. discretion is always advised.

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note.

no thoughts. just vibes.

okay, i'm kidding. really, though, this body of work is a result of a steady marriage between my complete lack of impulse control and my desire to see Black girls be their full selves in the media. right now, i have few intentions of an upload schedule; this is more or less a test run to gauge community engagement. i'm thoroughly excited to see what you all think in the meantime. frankly, we need more jos clarkes in the world for all my Black girls (myself included) who need assurance that messy is okay, but i am more than happy to introduce the first.

i'm not going to lie here. writing has been an absolute demon for me, lately, and i've had to take a step back from it to reinvigorate myself. as an upfront person, i want to say that posting this is no means an announcement that i'm back full-time. i might disappear, i might release slow updates, and i frankly don't know when i'm gonna finish this. what i do know, however, is anything i publish, i will always come back to. if you choose to stay, or if you don't, that's okay; i appreciate any time that i get.

with that said, here's to jos, niko, and all their mess in between.

all my love, jaliyah <3

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copyright statement.

© Copyright 2025 J TOUSSAINT.

All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced, distributed, or transmitted in any form or by any means, including photocopying, recording, or other electronic or mechanical methods, without prior written permission from the author, except in brief quotations embodied in critical reviews and certain other noncommercial uses permitted by copyright law. For permission requests, please contact the author.

This is a work of fiction. Names, characters, businesses, places, events, locales, and incidents are either the products of the author's imagination or used in a fictitious manner. Any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, or actual events is purely coincidental.

AFTERCARE is currently available on Wattpad ONLY. If you see a copy of this story on another website, please contact me immediately.

in other words, don't steal my shit. <3