Grian's Perspective-

Grian took a deep breath, his shoulders shaking and his heart racing. He had never experienced a panic attack this strong before, and he felt as though the floor was falling beneath him, his doubts and worries swallowing him whole.

He had to do this, though. For himself...

Grian tried to clear the fog in his brain and he called Scar. He felt a wave of shame and discomfort wash over him as the thought of being vulnerable crushed him.

"Hey, Grian." Scar's gentle voice came over the phone, "How are you feeling?"

The boy opened his mouth, but nothing came out. His throat felt dry, and he could feel the tears begin to stream down his cheeks as he desperately clutched onto his beanbag, trying to ground himself. "H-hey, Scar. I- ...I'm not doing well, honestly."

"It's okay, Grian. You don't have to say anything if you don't want to. I'm willing to just sit here and comfort you."

"I- I know, but," Grian swallowed, mentally reminding himself to breathe, "I want to. I'm so t-tired of him taking up so much stupid space in my brain." He sighed, slumped down, and pulled his knees to his chest. "I- I just...cod, I'm such a mess right now! I can hardly speak." He tried to laugh at how pathetic he was, but his fake smile faded when he didn't hear Scar laugh.

"You said you haven't told many of your friends about this, right?" Scar asked quietly.

"Y-yeah..." Grian wiped his eyes, "I'm really...I don't know why I'm freaking out so much about being vulnerable. I hate this. I want to claw my skin off and just disappear."

"Hey, no. You're not allowed to die." Scar lightly teased. "But honestly, Grian...you don't have to feel bad about being vulnerable. The whole point of having friends is to be open to them. Just take some deep breaths and I'm ready to listen when you're open to talk."

Grian tried his best to follow his instructions, but his nerves didn't leave him. "I- I just need to spit it out, ugh." He groaned. "I hate this- I hate how much I think about him. And what's worse- " Grian felt his voice begin to break as he fully cried. "Is sometimes I wonder if he was right!"

Grian laughed as he continued to sob. "I wonder if he was right when he said it was all my fault. That I was the asshole who never asked about how he was doing and got distant and maybe- maybe it was stupid of me to get jealous, but it wasn't! Right?"

He felt as though he smashed open a bottle and everything was flooding out without him being able to stop it. "What if he was right when he said he did everything and yet in the end it was my fault and I was the one who did everything wrong while he was perfect- "

Grian felt his chest give in, and he curled into a ball on the floor, sobbing as he felt his heart get torn out of his chest. He heard Scar tell him to breathe and that it wasn't all his fault, but he could barely hear him through the tsunami that was washing him away.

"I- I really try to believe that." Grian stuttered after a few minutes. "I try to think it w-wasn't my fault but...I- I just...I can't. I know I did some wrong and I know he messed up a lot too but recently I just- I start to believe him and t-think I really am this awful person who broke his heart. A-and I know I'm not! H-he made me so unhappy which is w-why I left but maybe I was the only one messing up and n-now, I'vestupidly wanted to apologize to him!"

"No." Scar said firmly, "Grian, promise me you will never apologize to him. You left because of how much he hurt you and how unhappy you were with him. Apologizing is just giving him more power." Scar fell silent for a few seconds before sighing. "I hate to say it, Grian, but...toxic people like him simply hurt people and move on. He's probably already moved on, and you staying stagnant on such an awful person is only hurting you."

"It wasn't your fault for giving him pain, because he most likely doesn't care anymore. You may have made mistakes, but it wasn't all your fault. It honestly sounds like he had been hurting you from the beginning, and you were finally able to see that and gain the courage to say something. Going back to him, even if it does feel like it's a way to get closure, will only cause you more pain. You've just got to keep fighting and push through this and find someone who means it when they say I love you."

Grian nodded despite him knowing Scar couldn't see him. He was still crying and breathing still shook his chest, but he was slowly calming down. On the inside, he wanted to say more. He wanted to tell Scar how much agony he had been through and finally explain to someone the entirety of what happened.

But he knew...tonight was not the right time. He couldn't force it out even if he tried. Grian took a deep breath, finally feeling like he gained some sort of control over himself. He stared at his clock on the nightstand which read 10:30.

"Scar..." Grian started, "I really appreciate you listening to me despite me just crying for like half an hour."

"It's okay. Like I said, that's what I'm here for."

Grian nodded. "I really can't thank you enough." He whispered, feeling his eyes tear up again. "I...I think I'm gonna head to bed, though. I'm sorry for pulling you away from your party."

"Don't apologize, Grian. And sleep well, yeah?"

"Thanks...goodnight." Grian hung up and took out his earbuds with a sigh. He stood up and walked to the bathroom, splashing water on his face before brushing his teeth. He stared at his reflection, frowning. Despite him looking the same as he did any other night, it felt as though he was staring at a broken version of himself.

The one who was weak and whose heart had been shattered. The one that Grian tried so hard to bury but had finally come out to tell his story.

The boy trudged back to his bedroom, turning off the lights in the house as he did so. He picked up his phone from the ground and plugged it into the nightstand, noticing an unread notification from Scar that had been sent three minutes ago.

Grian's eyes widened as he read it, and he felt his lip quiver. He bit the inside of his cheek, but he couldn't stop his emotions from spilling out. He sent back his response and stared at the ceiling as he felt tears drip down the side of his face.

"Fuck." He whispered, realizing just how much of a mess he was. He grabbed his blanket and yanked it over his head, trying to disappear.

His phone lit up on his nightstand from Scar hearting Grian's message when he matched Scar's sentiment that said, "Night, G. I love you girlie."