"I now give the defendant an opportunity to make a statement."

Before the world was the bustling wasteland it is today, there was a basic rule all life followed. Survive. Even if it kills you, survive. Of course the dinosaurs ignored that one. However, most life was able to evolve and pass their instincts on to the next generation. Lucky for humanity, I guess. It'd be pretty lonely if we only had ourselves to kill. And yet, with only four humans on the planet Cain still killed Abel.

Of course Cain wanted to find favor with God, there's nothing wrong with that. But you would think there was some moment of clarity-- hey, this guy needs to have kids yet, before Cain pulled his knife out. He could have created the worlds first punching bag, the first example of catharsis in a non-violent way. But no. Cain had to be known for humanities first human murder.

Survive. A funny term for what we call living. We are the safest animals on the planet and yet we require big guns and guards in every city to protect us. There are no big buildings and safe places in the wild savannahs of Africa; there are no armed guard lions waiting outside Pride Rock for the next Rambo to try waltzing through security. They are the ones truly surviving.

Most of us will respond to the question how are you doing today? with oh, surviving. As if we are the creatures being mauled to death by the same guy we split a gazelle with yesterday. Or an Impala. I have no idea what a Chevrolet has to do with this.

Even if it kills you, survive. The brain takes that order pretty seriously. That entity will sacrifice all else if it means saving itself. For all the complex everything the brain can do, it still hasnt figured out that in order for blood to make its way upward, the heart cannot be sacrificed. However, in the midst of my next breakup, I might try the heart ejection theory. All-brain-no-heart would make the dating world a much safer place.

The battle between life and death is an interesting conundrum to think about. Today a guy died on the subway. He was 55, with no kids or spouse. Some people said he got around, maybe a little too much. Always a drink in his hand, a scotch and soda if it was accessible. He wasnt saved, just like a man from three weeks ago. He was a goodly man, killed in a knife attack just three blocks down from his house.

The goodly man was bringing home Chinese food as a surprise for his wife and kids. He wanted to celebrate the fact he got a promotion at his law firm, which meant they were finally able to move out of the crummy apartment he put the family in. Before the man was a lawyer, he worked as a financial officer at a lending company to put him through law school. He did fairly well there but had to start out as an intern in the legal department after graduation. The family was living off her wages as a saleswoman from a local car dealership. The dealership that sold me a faulty Volvo and wouldnt take it back. She was the one who wouldnt take it back.

I promise the murders meant nothing. Its a special kind of justice, you know. Shell never know that I was the man who jumped her husband. As far as everyone knows, it was a mugging gone sour because the man was packing. Who was the man, you ask? Well, Im the man. I was packing. I was the man bringing home Chinese food. I was mugged by a man who wanted to make some money so his wife wouldnt have to work so much. The wife that is now living with the fact her husband tried to kill someone, a complete stranger at that, for a couple extra bucks. The wife that sold me a faulty Volvo and wouldnt take it back.

As for the homeless man, it was simple. He was an alcoholic who drank right after taking his doctor-prescribed Naprosyn, a drug that treats arthritis. Truth be told, the man wasnt suffering from arthritis, at least not yet. I told him it was a drug all the young kids were into because it makes the experience with alcohol stronger. The alcohol mixed with the medication? That's what killed him. In a way, the experience with alcohol was made stronger. It just goes to show people will buy into anything you tell them as long as you seem sincere enough. As for why I killed him? Well, that one was just for fun.

Since the defendant has refused an allocution statement, I will carry on with the sentencing. What does the jury recommend for the defendant?

For the first-degree murder, life in prison. For the second-degree murder, without the possibility of parole.