William sits me down on the couch next to Lily who is already chowing down on pizza. "Now," William looks Lily dead in the eye, "no matter what he says, do not let him get up by himself."

I give William an annoyed looked, but his gaze tells me I won't be purifying anything until he thinks I've recovered. So I guess I should just rest. First though, I should text my big bro. I take out my phone and message been, "gonna be at a friend's house for a while. So do whatever."

With that taken care of, I grab a slice of cheesy, tasty pizza and take a bite as the cheese stretches like a golden candy. The taste is full and satisfying, and it's only then I realize how famished I am. I wolf down the first piece without a moment's hesitation and proceed to the second. Which goes down so quickly in under two minutes I grab a third.

"Damn you are hungry," Lily comments.

"I haven't eaten in three days," I reply, "what did you expect?"

"Well given your track record," Lily sighs, "I didn't know what to expect."

"That's fair," I reply, "I could call myself captain crazy! Ha ha! Jokes aside I probably need help."

Purity smacks me in the back of the head, which I do feel.

"That reminds me," Lily turns off the TV which was on even though nobody was paying attention to it, "What exactly made you flip out like that? You were going to talk to Morgan and you come back with tears streaming down your face and try to kill yourself? What happened?"

"You know my phobia," I ask, "right?"

Lily nods. I nod back. It takes a few seconds and it hits her like a slap to the face.

Why did I hate the mental image that came with that comparison? I wish I could just express how I feel to her. Even if I don't know how I feel. Tell her what parts of it I do understand. I just wish I could understand. Cause when I'm with her, I don't have to purify or numb myself. The voidful feeling just isn't there. If only I understood...

"Oh," she looks away, "I'm sorry you had to go through that."

"It gets worse," I reply, "I saw the signs. There were so many red flags. If I had just stepped in sooner, I could've saved her. I knew deep down but my damn phobia led me to choose inaction. I just wish that I could make the world a half decent place for kids to grow up in. I just wish..."

I break down crying as I continue, "this world, abuse runs rampant in it. Physical, verbal, and other types. I just want to protect everyone. I just want the ones I love to he safe. I mean, I have two other novels I'm writing with that romance novel. They're both about that. One's, like, an allegory and the other is pure fiction with the same message but all I want to do is save Morgan. Abuse runs rampant and there's nothing I can do. I'm worthless. Even my mom hates me. You know the expression, "a face only a mother could love?" My mom doesn't care about me. She thinks my sole purpose is to satisfy her and I can't do this without Morgan. I can't deal with all this without my sister. I just want to protect people. Make the world a better place, but what's the point now that Morgan-"

Lily suddenly grabs my cheeks and turns my head to face her. My eyes are locked with hers now and I can feeling grow as she speaks, "Richard, look at me. I need you to listen to me."

I wipe the tears from my face and reply, "OK, but it's kinda hard to take you seriously when you're squishing my cheeks."

"But you look so cute when I do," Lily sighs, "OK fine."

Lily lets go of my face and grabs my hands, holding them in hers as she looks me in the eye. In her eyes, I see a a deep compassion, caring, and concern, but something else. I can only describe it as what I feel for her. The feeling I don't understand.

"Yes," Lily sighs, "society has problems, but you're not alone. There are other people like you who will rise up. Who will make things better. Even if you fail, things will get better, but you have to understand you can't save everyone. There will be those you lose along the way, and that's OK. You'll find new allies, you'll make new friends, and no matter what happens I'll stand by you, and be here for you, no matter what. I know how you feel about these things and I won't betray you. No matter what."

"You'll stand by a worthless, stupid, psycho, ugly person like myself? With all my issues and all my flaws?" I ask.

Lily appears almost hurt by this question, looking at me with a shocked expression before hugging me and replying, "I'll stand by the you who knows better than to say such things."

I feel overwhelmed by the pleasant feeling as I look at Lily and my heart pounds in my chest. I have to tell her. I have to tell her. I have to tell her how I feel. Even if I don't know how I feel.

"Lily there's something I need to tell you," I sigh.

"Oh God are you cutting?" Lily sighs, "I swear to God if you're cutting I am calling Bertha and we are going to talk to her right now!"

"First or all," I reply, "if I don't wanna talk to Bertha I won't. What ever happened to being equal?"

"Sorry I'm just worried about you," Lily replies, "I mean you did stab yourself like three days ago."

"Fair point," I reply, "but this is also about you."

"Carry on," Lily's face goes slightly red and she smiles at me.

"I don't know how to describe this," I begin, looking at her, "and I'm not sure what to call it, but when I'm with you I feel this intense, blissful feeling. I feel... happy. When I hug you, when I'm with you, I don't have to write to numb emotion. I don't feel afraid of the world, or angry at those who harm their children. I just feel... happy. I feel like the world we live in is already what it needs to be. When I snap, when the world breaks me, you're my lifeline. You remind me it can be OK. It can be better. I don't know the word for how I feel, but deep down, I just want you to be happy. I just want to hold you. I just want you in my life. Is that weird?"

Lily sits there for a moment with a shocked look on her face. Immediately I realize my mistake and correct myself, "sorry! I knew I shouldn't have said anything. I can go. Just don't hate me please!" I begin to cry, "I can't lose anyone else!"

Lily leans into me, holding me in her arms. "It's OK," she reassures me, "I think I know what you feel, cause that's how I feel about you. However, you've been through so much. I don't wanna put more stress on you. Do you wanna just stay cuddle buddies for now and talk about it when you get better?"

"Sure," I reply, "cuddle buddies. Works for me."

Lily snuggles me and relaxes. I feel my fear, anger, and stress fade as I hold her in my arms. As I sit there, peaceful, I realize something and ask her, "Lily?"

"Yeah?" Lily asks.

"What if things don't change?" I ask.

"Then we'll force the world to change," Lily replies, "it'll be OK."

Right, that's what I have to do. For her, for Whitney, for Morgan, I'll do it.

I'll force the world to change...