March 8, 2008
Dear Dad,

The voice.
It's back.
I can't hear the Lady anymore. I don't hear her sweet voice that comforts me at night and promises never to leave my side.
He's gotten ten times worse.
He overpowers my own thoughts.
How can I think so horribly of my sister?
Of my mom?
Of myself?
Camila caught me rocking back and forth as I pleaded him to go away.
She laughed and called me a little boy who had an imaginary friend. I told her to shut up that he wasn't imaginary.
He told me to push, and push, harder and faster until Camila fell down the stairs and broke her arm.
I got in so much trouble after that, but she never bothered me again.
Mom says it's just a phase.
Puberty and teenage hormones.
She tells me to get over it and I try, so hard.
But whenever I push him away, he comes back louder, powerful and haughty.
His laugh still rings in my eardrums. It is so wicked and evil. That sound haunts me every night and I can't fall asleep.
He's real, Dad, you've got to believe me; someone's got to.
I feel so alone and powerless and helpless.
This life isn't mine anymore, so what's the point of living?
He's made me do things to my body. He's planning so much worse...
Dad, he wants to kill me.
Help me, please.
No one else understands me.
Where the fuck is God?
Where's my Guardian Angel?

Sincerely, Devin.

A SALINE DROP smudges Devin's neat handwriting. It soon gets absorbed by the thin paper. I bite my bottom lip to prevent it from trembling in agony. Shutting his words, I reach for the journal I live by and scan the highlighted verses, landing on Isaiah 54:17.

I read the words aloud, "...no weapon that is fashioned against you shall succeed, and you shall refute every tongue that rises against you in judgment. This is the heritage of the servants of the Lord..."

Breathing out, I take in His words. No tribulations designed to extinguish my faith will achieve its purpose because I am God's servant and I trust in Him.

Devin's words won't make me lose faith in Him. I told myself I would never ask God this because I'd be denying my faith. The all-time question everyone asks Him is, "Why do you let bad things happen to good people?" It makes me cringe when I hear those words come out of someone's mouth.

I have repeatedly told myself I'd never accuse Him because I'll walk in faith.

And I hate myself right this moment for asking this because I know God knew Devin before he came out of his mother's womb. He stitched him together and gave him a gift, a life, a purpose. God gave us free will and the bad are just consequences of our actions, but God, where were you when a little boy was suffering?

Devin, he was just a kid. An eleven-year-old couldn't have possibly done such an atrocious act that would lead to him witnessing his father's suicide. What could he have possibly done at the age of fourteen that caused him to hear voices? At sixteen when the voice overpowered his own and he pushed his sister, he was clearly out of it.

That wasn't Devin, that was him.

Did You somehow forget to give him a Guardian Angel? It's okay if You did, we all make mistakes.

At the thought, I chuckle.

Of course, not. You make no mistakes, so what happened to Devin was intentional.

I think pain brings us to God. I know this because I reached Him on my knees every night when Jess died. However, some people walk the opposite way, instead of finding solace in His words, they hate and blame Him, just like Devin did.

I'd like to think that if I were in his shoes, I would look for God in the darkest of places just to find the light, but that's because I know the serenity He brings.

I was raised in the church. I knew of the Lord ever since I was little. My parents gave me the foundation to build on His love, something Devin didn't have.

Wiping the tears from my cheeks, I get out of bed and kneel. With my hands clasp together and my elbows digging into the mattress, I close my eyes and seek strength as I repeat a known verse.

"And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard my heart and mind in Christ Jesus. When doubt fills my heart, your comfort gives me strength. I don't know why this had to happen to Devin, but I will trust in you and lean not on my own knowledge."

I repeat the verses until the words are imprinted in my head and faith bundles with steel and chains and iron padlocks that will be hard to break.

Feeling renewed, I continue reading Devin's journal.

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Hi everyone, this is just a sample of Alway Together. Always Together is completed and available on INKITT for FREE. You can head over to my profile for the link.