The Doctor's breaths were shallow and he was covered in a cold sweat. He was buried under the blankets of the bed that he used to share with Rose and he could still smell her on them. He could almost feel her warmth there. His stomach ached and his head hurt, his hearts were pounding as they tried to keep blood flowing to it. He shook and waited for the telepathic call from his pink and yellow girl that he knew would never come.

He was afraid to fall asleep, but eventually he did. It was anything but a peaceful sleep; he tossed, turned, kicked, and flipped in the couple of hours. He dreamt about Rose, who else but Rose? It was her telling him that everything was okay. He kept on trying to tell her that it wasn't, but each time, she would say that it was. He was unsure what they were talking about, but he felt the anxiety from the dream within himself.

When he awoke, he was at peace. He was calmed and could think again; his breathing relatively normal. Which was weird since his lifeline had left him. He decided to get dressed and go to a planet that had always calmed him down, Jadisvena. It was similar to another, Midnight, except for one could survive walking on it's surface without being instantly evaporated.

Jadisvena was definitely in his top one hundred favorite planets to visit. The first time he had been was with Rose-- maybe she was why it was his favorite. He put on a red sweatshirt and jeans. Today, he would not interfere. Today, he would sit and wait for Rose to want him back. Maybe this week, maybe this month. But as for today, today, he was John Smith and was taking the day off. Today, he was not the Doctor.

He ran a hand through his hair, a habit that he quickly remembered Rose teasing him about, as he walked through the TARDIS door. His lips quirked as he thought of her mimicking the motion and sticking her tongue out. It was a good day on Jadisvena, not that there were ever any bad ones.

The sky blazed with reds, yellows, and oranges, the clouds light green in contrast. This reminded him of Gallifrey, though the terrain was completely different. It looked like a suburban town, but there was sand instead of grass and at least ten bodies of water that took up 80% of the planet. Jadisvena itself was a little bigger than the continent of Africa on Earth, but not by much, making it a tiny planet.

The Doctor sat in a little cafe, just off of the water. He watched as the clear, icy, blue water crashed together in calming waves. There was a small, wicker table in front of the leather chair that he'd chosen out of four more chairs among the table. Being there with Rose would have made it so much better. Her smile and optimism. And love of the quaint.

But, what was it that he loved the most about her? It could be her smile and optimism, or maybe it's her grin and positivity. Possibly the way she walks and her voice or the way she always knows and does what's right. Maybe the way her hair flows or the way she held his hand. Most likely, it was every single thing about her, from the littlest details up.

And then he saw her.

At first, he thought that it was just his mind playing a trick on him, but it was really her.

He saw them; himself and Rose, that is. The first day they'd been there. She had some chips that had barely been touched because she couldn't stop smiling and laughing enough to eat them.

He remembered the day so clearly, especially this part.

"I love..." He had said, but trailed off and ran a foot over the grass, "Applegrass. I love this applegrass." He mentally cringed at how botched the sentence was. "I love you," was what he had meant to say. Luckily there was a tiny patch of the beloved grass right by them. Nice save. Back to the point; it was what he had meant to say for the past year. Or two. Maybe three. This wasn't even the first time that he had tried to tell her, either.

Two years prior, on Krop Tor, when he thought that he was as good as dead and hoped that she would somehow happily live out her life in the wrong time. They'd made a deal. But, he had faith in her, and rightfully so.

When they were in the 1950s and at the Queen's coronation, and Rose had gotten her face stolen; that was one of the first times that he realized how much she affected him. Nothing could have or would have stopped him from saving her, and he knew it. He fought for her and the option of losing was not present that day.

I. Love. You.

"I love applegrass too," Rose had said, her smile not wavering.

The days were ticking by and she didn't know that he was in love with her, he was nowhere near telling. Besides that. he thought the day amazing. It was one of the times where he could really feel himself falling in love with Rose. He could truly feel himself falling in love with her every day, but there were a few days where something was different. Something that made the days stand out among their other anything-but-ordinary days.

"Do you know how many other planets have it?" she asked.

"A lot," he simply said. He kicked himself for that one. He knew that precisely 67 other planets had applegrass, counting each different New Earth as the same planet.

"Is that science?" she asked and smiled.

"Physics," he said and repeated it a few times, "Physics, physics, physics."

"What's next?" she had asked.

"What do you want to do next?"

"Maybe the museum? The massive purple cube outside of it looked quite intriguing."

The Doctor watched as past himself and past Rose turned and walked in the opposite direction, towards The Museum or Jadisvenian History. He remembered that upon arriving, they'd seen that everything was originally purple, but there were particles in the air that made each different shade of purple look like a different color. They had asked what the point was and how they knew about the other colors, but quickly let the question go after not receiving a straight answer.

The Doctor sat back and flipped through a book of poems. Well, John Smith flipped through the book of poems. He noticed that this planet was heavily influenced by Earth's culture; half of the poems had been credited to its ancient writers.

"Sir," a barista with bright green hair and pale skin approached him as he took off his glasses (not that they affected his vision in any way), "would you like a refill?"

"I, uh..." He realized that he'd forgotten something very important. Money. He always forgot money. "I can't even really afford this one."

"Oh, it's fine." She grabbed his mug and saucer.

"Thank you," he read her nametag, "Kristen."

"No problem," she said.

A couple of minutes later, she came back with a fresh vanilla cappuccino, but this time, she sat down opposite him. "Here ya go," she said as she sat it down next to the book that he'd been flipping through.

"Thanks again." He attempted at a smile. Damn it. He didn't want to talk.

"What's your name?" Kristen asked.

"John, John Smith."

"I was just curious because I've never seen you before. The planet's pretty small and it's kind of odd because we don't get too many visitors because-- well, who would want to visit here?"

"I think it's beautiful. The water and the colors. The colors that aren't actually there."

"You're joking, aren't you?" Kristen asked, smiling.

"No, I really like it here. It's quite relaxing," the Doctor honestly answered.

"You're the first one. Everyone always tries to leave... But not successfully."

"Why not?"

"It may seem silly to you, but they're just developing space travel. No where near time travel."

"Time travel?" he asked, cocking his head.

"I was in the shop across the street at the same time as you were and you were with a girl, but then, I saw you walking this way. It was you in the shop, but it wasn't you. You were happy and so was she. I don't know what happened, but I'm sorry."

"Neither do I." He made no effort to deny it, "How did you know?"

"It was a wild guess." She sadly smiled.

"We still might be together. But how did you know that that wasn't me in the future?"

"Why would you bring her back to someplace that you were so sad in? Not to remember how sad you were without her; it makes more sense that you wanted to remember how happy you were with her."

"Clever."

"Thank you."

They were silent for a few seconds before the Doctor let out a sigh. "She's back home now. Miles, light years away. A couple of years in the future."

"I'm sorry."

"So am I."

Kristen was called back to work after a couple more minutes of sitting in silence. She didn't want to leave him; she could feel his loneliness. It was almost as if it were calling out-- a silent shout into a void. She knew nothing about him, but she knew that he shouldn't have been alone. She sensed that he had grown accustomed to the loneliness, which is something that should never happen to anyone. By the time she looked up from the cash register, he was gone.