Today, I don't wait for the alarm to wake me up. I simply grab my phone from the end table and shut it off before the nauseating ring goes off. I get out of bed and rush to the bathroom, knowing I have no time to spend dwelling on a shower. I quickly brush my teeth and pack Ben's things.

I haven't been able to sleep all night.

The thought of Nick sneaking in through the window and of Zeus busting down the bedroom door has kept me awake throughout the night. I didn't dare close my eyes, afraid that that little mistake would be the death of Ben and me.

I don't know what the outside of this bedroom looks like.

I don't know if Ralph and his friends are passed out in the living room or awake and waiting for round two.

All I know is that I have to get out of this house. Now.

I throw our toiletries into my purse along with Ben's shoes and socks. I make sure to leave his uniform on the hanger, away from anything that might wrinkle it. God knows that'll earn Ben a citation.

I shift the window curtains to the right and unlatch the lock, sliding it open.

"Benny, it's time to wake up," I say softly, pushing his hair away from his forehead. He shakes his head and turns around, snuggling deeper into the mattress.

My heart breaks having to wake him up this early in the morning. While I'm sure every kid his age is snuggled up in a roll of blankets, my poor baby has to sneak out of his own house at four in the morning.

I try once more to wake him, but nothing seems to wake his drowsiness.

In a moment of desperation, I wrap the sheets around him and slug his limp body into my arms. I groan as I exit through the window in my most serious attempt at not falling into the mud.

Ben's forty pounds feel like heavy weights pushing on my lungs.

Just a few more steps, I encourage myself and make it to the car.

I turn it on and buckle him in, quickly running back to the house to grab my purse and his uniform. Closing the window behind me, I sprint to the car, away from this haunted house with monsters lurking in every room.

I throw my purse into the passenger seat. Ben's uniform, however, I make sure is hung on the handle that rests on the roof of the car.

It's only when I see the Thank You for Visiting Meadows Manor sign that my heartbeat starts to slow down to its usual beat.

I feel like I can breathe now.

I feel like I can finally close my eyes and fall into REM sleep in peace without the fear of Ralph and his friends trying to rape me and scar Ben for life.

Absently, my mind travels to the possibilities of what last night could have been.

A cold shiver runs down my spine, sending quakes throughout my body. I turn the heater on and rub my quivering hands.

Not today.

Not now.

I inhale through my nose and exhale through my mouth. I focus on the view, on the thick leather of the steering wheel, and the soft engine driving us farther and farther away from our nightmare.

I don't know what's gotten into me. I haven't been this anxious in years.

The last time I was touched by Ralph or one of his nauseating friends was the day I turned twenty. I got too old for them and was told to get off my ass and find a real job. I could no longer pay for my room with sex. They needed cash, and they needed it fast.

How fucking twisted is that? A twenty-year-old deemed too old to perform the same sexual acts I'd been performing since I was ten.

The thought makes my blood boil in repulsion toward my own self.

In some twisted part of my brain, I thought I was in love with Ralph.

His rapes were a normal occurrence in my life, as routine as brushing my teeth first thing in the morning. When he didn't sneak into my bedroom, I thought I was in trouble, for sure, I'd done something wrong, something bad that led him to not want to be with me anymore.

I had lost my father to death and my mother to drugs. Ralph was the only family member I had at the time.

I sought him.

I sought love in the way he touched me. In the words he used to describe me as pretty and mature for my age.

I guess Mom was right after all.

I wanted him just as much as he wanted me.

And those are the memories I'll remember because the moment I externalize the realization that I was a child and was taken advantage of is the moment I'll break down into pieces no amount of glue could repair.

I look at Ben in the rearview mirror, thankful he's a boy. Although I don't put it past any of them to do atrocious things to him solely for his gender.

Ben's my reason for living.

The gift I received from the universe for enduring everything I've been put through.

What a fucked up gift, huh?

A gift I have to tend to, feed, provide shelter to, and a love I'm not even sure I'm capable of giving. A gift that holds me back from pursuing my dreams and leaving the garbage dump that's Meadows Manor.

Gosh, sometimes I wish I'd been born a sociopath, feeling no sympathy for others and living life for myself. But I was born with Brian Walsh's genetics, and his compassion for others is a trait I haven't been able to shake.

I look at the clock.

4:30 AM.

Ben needs breakfast before school starts in three hours, and he needs a place to change.

The closest McDonald's is only a five-minute drive.

I look back at Ben and see him snuggled in the seat, resting his head against the blanket.

I can't stomach waking him up again. His school is already an hour away. I might as well drive there and let him rest for as long as he can. I'm sure I'll find another McDonald's on our way there.

Surely the ritzy parents of Summerlin's Preparatory Academy won't feed their prim and proper children fast food, especially from a place like McDonald's, so I'm not worried about bumping into anyone from Ben's circle.

We drive in silence the hour it takes us to get to the much better side of Nevada. As I enter the empty parking lot, I manage to read on the door their hours. They don't open until six-thirty. I have another hour to kill.

Putting a timer on my phone, I recline the driver's seat and rest my head against the window.

Here, I feel safe.

Here, I can finally close my eyes.