I rushed into the bathroom, ignoring when Octavia called to me, and I slammed the door behind me. I was so angry and hurt at the same time that I couldn't process anything else. I hadn't even been able to really listen to what Calvin had been saying because my heart was aching so badly from watching him lying there suffering.

I leaned back against the door and sunk down onto the floor in front of it, crying with my face in my hands. I was trying to be quiet about it because even though I was pissed at Calvin, I didn't want him to hear me crying in another room. Not in the shape he's in. I haven't even seen Calvin smile in a week now, and that should be written as an unbreakable law. Calvin's smile should be plastered everywhere, not hidden away as he slowly starves. I've tried my best to not be too close to him because I know that Cromley and Octavia have both warned me multiple times that even though he seems to be immobile, the smell of my blood just being in the same room with him at this point is probably driving him insane.

I wish I could just make everything better for Calvin, and it only makes it worse that I know that I could be making it better, but Calvin still refuses to do that with me.

I jumped when the door shook with a knock. "Who is it?" I asked through a sniffle and I quickly wiped off my face as I pushed myself to my feet and fanned my eyes to try to make the tears stop.

"Me." Logan's raspy voice said softly and I turned the knob to let him come in with me. I sat down on the edge of the tub and looked up at him with wet eyes. "He's right." He finally said after a minute.

I shook my head and dropped my face back down into my hands. "Logan," I groaned. "I don't need to hear it from you too." I huffed.

Logan leaned back on the counter behind him and shrugged his shoulders. "You ought to know I wouldn't be agreeing with that guy if it weren't true." He told me seriously, looking at the wall behind me. "Why do you want him to do it so bad?"

I pursed my lips, trying to figure how to put it so that he'd be on my side, but the reasons all sounded slightly shallow. "I don't know." I lied. I've wanted to share a blood bond with Calvin since the moment I found out that he had done it before. I was jealous, sure, but shouldn't this be something I'm allowed too? I know that Calvin loves me and that only makes it harder to wrap my head around why he won't give me the thing that he's given to someone else. "I want to make him better." I added because it was true too.

Logan looked uncomfortable having the conversation, the way he wouldn't make eye contact and he kept running his hand over the scruff that had grown onto his chin. "Look, Rach, from what he's saying, he sounds like he's really worried that doing it could be an issue between the two of you." He said awkwardly. "I know it sucks, but think about it." He told me. "He's choosing to starve and be in pain over feeding with you. Don't you think that means that he feels pretty damn strongly about it?"

"I feel strongly about it too, Logan!" I snapped.

"But yet you can't even tell me why." He reminded me. "Don't do something stupid, Rach." He said finally looking at me evenly. "Octavia says if he were to feed directly right now from you he'd probably kill you, so that's not even an option." He shrugged. "We all have another person to think of."

I glared up at him. "Don't use my child as an excuse to try to talk me out of this." I warned him.

He straightened his back and held up a hand. "I would never, but come on." He said. "Rose needs us all to be ok through this, and you doing something dumb to try to force the man who is begging you to leave it alone isn't going to help anyone." He pointed out. "Did you even listen to what he said?" He asked me, his voice lowering. "God," He shook his head and smacked his hands on the counter. "It still burns a little to see it, but that guy would do anything for you, Rach. It's like you're his only reason to be."

"I know that he does, Logan!" I cried again, and he came to sit beside me on the tub and put his arms over my shoulder, letting me cry into his chest. "I love him too, that's why I want to help him."

The door pushed open slowly and Octavia peeked around it, looking down at me sadly as she knelt to the floor in front of me, holding my hand in my lap. "Rachel, he's scared." She whispered lowly. "To him, the bond the both of you share is stronger and more real than anything he's ever felt in his entire life. Try to see if from his side, I know how badly you want to help him, and how much you still resent him from having a blood bond before, but he is literally terrified to mess up what you have together."

"But it wouldn't mess anything up!" I said. "He can't feed directly from me in his state now anyway, so it isn't even like we could actually blood bond. I just want to give him my blood so that he can have his strength back."

Logan rubbed my back with his hand while Octavia shushed my cries. "I understand it from your view, Rachel, but really think about what he was saying to you." She told me. "When Calvin looks at you, what do you think he sees?"

Her question caught me off guard and I leaned back away from Logan and furrowed my brows. "I-I-I don't know." I stuttered.

"I can tell you, because he's said it a million times." She sighed. "He sees his true love, his reason to breathe. He sees your strength and your heart and beauty." She smiled at me. "Do you know what he's afraid of seeing?"

I shook my head as I wiped my face. "Just stop." I told her, but she help my hand tighter.

"He'd be blinded by your blood." She said quickly. "You would become blood to him, because as I know he's told you, he has a particularly strong inclination to your blood already, which is why he has never tasted your blood before. It was why he was going to send you away before he met you on the first night of the competition." She reminded me. "He has a legitimate fear that once he's experienced your blood, that easy control he's crafted for being around you and being intimate with you will be gone." She reached up and wiped the tear from the tip of my nose. "It would always torment him, the desire to feed on you, and he doesn't want to crave that from you. He wants to be able to love you the right way, no other things baring on this perfect thing that he sees in his mind." She leaned over to look into my eyes. "Please give him some time. The new blood should be here in three days. Just three more days of this, then he'll be back to normal and nothing will have changed between the two of you."

I closed my eyes and pictured the way that Calvin looks at me, his eyes full of wonder, and that slight tilt to his lips like he's always just on the verge of cracking one of his eye blinding smiles any moment. That look that makes me feel weak when I see it. He loves me, thinks of me, and wants me when he looks at me. Do I really want that to change? How would he look at me if he's only thinking of the blood I could offer him?

I took a deep breath and stood, trying to get my circulation flowing again. I didn't want to talk about this anymore, so I turned back to look at the two of them. "Have we heard from the men today?" I asked, trying to be hopeful. They'd sent word when they arrived in Britain, and then again a few days ago to let Calvin know that they were beginning the mission. They were moving in on the area, but the fear of the Lamia Mortem was keeping a lot of people in their homes and not frequenting the bars and places that the rebels were usually seen. The last we heard from them they were going to be moving further in the next morning. They were supposed to call when that phase was complete and they had neutralized the threat, but that was days ago.

Octavia stood up and pursed her lips as she frowned. "No." She sighed. "The night is still young though, the call could come in any moment." She said optimistically. "Try not to worry about it." She smiled. "The men that Calvin sent are the very best there are."

I peeked out of the door to look over at the bed where Calvin was laying sprawled from one corner to the other, his skin thin and shiny. He shook slightly, his body tremoring and Cromley reached out to touch his shoulder. My eyes filled with tears again as I saw him there, but I turned back to Octavia and Logan. "What about Pedro?" I asked. "I don't like that he hasn't called."

"I'm sure the only reason there was no call yesterday was because he was busy moving." Octavia nodded and I could see the worry on Logan's face too. He didn't like going a day without hearing from Rose either.

"He said he wasn't moving far, though." I sighed. When the team in Britain wasn't able to move in as quickly as planned, we'd decided to have Pedro go ahead and move to a new location just in case any of the rebels were getting close to figuring out where they were.

Octavia nodded and put her hand on my shoulder as she flung her hair back with the other one. "I know, but he will probably be calling anytime now too." She smiled at me, then turned her head quickly.

"What?" I asked her when I saw her narrow her eyes and peer into the main room.

She shook her head. "I just thought I heard something." She muttered. "Cromley?" She called. "Did you hear that?"

I walked into the main room with Logan behind me.

Cromley was standing at the front door, his back against it and his head turned to the side, his ear resting against the wood of it. "I did." He mumbled back, his eyes concentrated. "Might have been wind knocking some branches from a tree." He speculated. "Been storming all day." He shrugged.

"You're probably right." Octavia agreed.

I ignored their jumpiness. It was a usual occurrence, one or both of them thinking they heard something outside, but it never turns out to be anything more than an owl, or the wind.

I walked over to the bed and pulled the sheet up to cover Calvin's shaking shoulders.

"Be careful." Cromley said quickly. "Give him some space and don't touch him." He warned me.

I nodded and then turned back to look at Calvin. He was jerking his head back and forth again, and I knew they all wanted me to back up, but I could leave his side, not when he's like this.

"Rachel." He muttered quietly, still shaking.

I put my hand on his chest over the blanket and sighed. "I'm here." I whispered. "And I'm sorry." I added. "I understand why you don't want me to help you." I told him, and it was true. If it was even a possibility that me giving him my blood could ruin what we have, then I understand why he doesn't want to take the risk.

His body continued to shiver, but his face seemed to relax slightly. "L-Lo-Love..." He got out, but his voice was broken and dry.

"I love you." I whispered to him. "I love you so much, Calvin. Just keep being strong." I was saying it to him, but I needed to hear it more than he probably did. Every day that goes by I feel like I'm becoming smaller and smaller, my resolve weakening too. I need Calvin to give me strength.

I jerked upright when the ground beneath my feet shook.

"What the hell was that?" Logan snapped.

Cromley backed away from the door and looked angrily at it. "Someone's coming." He sneered.

Octavia came over to the side of the bed with me, and my heart pounded in my throat as Cromley waited for the door to open. The lock turned, and we all shared an anxious glance before the door slowly slid open.

We all let out an audible sigh of relief when we saw Patrick come in quickly. "They're trying to break out!" Patrick told us as he moved to the opposite side of the room from all of us and shook his head. "I had to get out of there, I was afraid they'd kill me."

"They who?" I asked, willing my heart to slow back to normal.

Cromley shut the door back and looked over at me then back to Patrick.

"The people." He said hollowly. "They're going crazy." He told us. "The infection has taken hundreds but yet they won't stay put. They refuse to barricade themselves. They are manufacturing their own explosives now."

"Is that what we just felt?" Logan asked, and Patrick nodded to him.

"I was no longer doing my work in the kitchens because they've been trashed and I had no staff anyway, and so I was staying locked in my back room, but then the explosions started and I didn't feel safe down there anymore." He admitted, then sat down on the ground against the wall. "I don't want to come any closer though in case I carry any contamination."

Cromley and Octavia nodded. "Ok," Cromley told him. "Just stay over there for now."

"How's the king?" He asked, looking over at us. "And the queen?" He said more to me.

I looked down at Calvin's pained expression and shook my head. "Probably doing as well as we look." I muttered.

The room fell quiet, nothing but the small agonizing sounds that crept through Calvin's dried lips coming to our ears until suddenly Cromley jumped and stared at the door again. "Were you followed?" He snapped at Patrick, but Patrick quickly shook his head.

"No, I'm positive." He whispered, listening too.

Octavia looked over at me worriedly. The only people who know we are here, are already all here. "There's people coming." She whispered to me. "Go hide." She muttered.

I looked down at Calvin. "I can't leave him." I insisted.

"How many are there?" Logan whispered.

Cromley shook his head. "I can't tell, they're running." He told him. "Coming this way."

Octavia grabbed my arm and pushed me back towards the bathroom. "Go. Now." She said and I went to go but the door slammed open and I was frozen in my tracks.

I turned to face the door, my eyes meeting with his for only a moment before I fell down to the ground on my knees, wrapping my arms around my body to hold myself together because I was sure I was going to literally fall apart now.

Octavia's eyes were wide, tears stinging the corners. "Pedro." She gasped.