may 21st, 2021

sometimes, i think about what it would feel like to disappear. to stop walking the paths that i walked before — to become a ghost in places that were once warm and familiar.

sometimes, i ask myself why i'm here. why i do the things i do. why i put so much of myself in my work if it's all for nothing. why i keep trying and trying and trying endlessly.

sometimes, i wish i could just pause. instead of allowing life to rush by like it had for years. to just sit and breathe and feel what it's like to live — to let myself truly feel.

but in the end, i'm fluctuating between present and absent, never fully here but never fully gone.