okay hi (this chapter is a mess, like this entire book thing but so am i so what am i on about)

how are you doing?

so as you may or may not know i have been in a pretty dark place lately but today i am telling you about something that touched me even though i was feeling numb and apathetic

so, on my birthday last month, i was gifted concert tickets for logic last week and let me tell you, it was really amazing

i really wish i could include videos of my library in here but ok i'll just try to recap and write out so....

right at the beginning we had to promise to participate,

" as for now, before we get started- before we get into this, i want you all to do me a favour. we're all here, i am so excited, so happy to be here. please participate. (...) so i'd like to start off with every person from the front to the very back, wherever you are please look at the person to your left, i know it's awkward, don't worry 'bout it. okay, now look to the person to your right, really look at them. great, now whether you know that person or not, tonight, they are your family, alright? and i want you to take good care of your family. i wanna have a blast, let's just have a good time. peace, love and positivity. "

and near the end of the show,

"thank you for joining me in the fight for every man, woman and child regardless of race, religion, colour, creed and sexual orientation.

i want to thank you all
for continuing to survive.
and
i want you to survive.

i want you to know that your life is important and you have so many great things to do, so keep pushing.

i want to hear you say
'i want to be alive'

...
no, louder than that
...

say, ' i am going to be alive!' "

i can't really explain what that felt like- being in a room with thousands of others who are belting those words out so loud that you can feel them vibrate in your chest... it's truly crazy.

but anyways, i found it to be really helpful and not only because of all of those people there (i was actually really uncomfortable in the crowd and was on the verge of panicking the whole time but every one was so lovely and logic's team handed out hundreds of water cups during some of the songs which was really nice because it was really hot)
but also because, if you get those words out and you feel their weight in the room, even if the room is empty besides yourself- i think that it will be effective, you'll realise that you ARE alive right now... idk if i am even making sense at all in this chapter but i don't know what it's like for you but sometimes i don't feel like i am here at all, i just kind of feel like i am floating around in a bubble, invisible to all
but yeah, i think i will try to gently remind myself that i am alive every so often now and maybe you should try to do that, too.

it's become a really great mantra..
i mean, you don't have to shout it out as loud as you can - it also help to just remind yourself but also maybe take some time to yourself, do some good stuff for yourself, meditate idk self-care is really important i suppose that's what i wanted to say so yeah

p e a c e , l o v e & p o s i t i v i t y

please take care,

drink enough water today,

have a nice rest of the day or night,

maybe try to read a chapter out of a book you like,

listen to a song that makes you feel at ease,

maybe take a nice, relaxing bubble bath to sort through your thoughts -

just try. i know it can be really hard some times. i mean i have days were i can't even manage to get out of bed to brush my teeth and have to kind of force myself to and then return to under my blanket and just stare at the ceiling, but we will keep pushing.

<3