Did Hollywood get it right? Did it actually rain on sad days? 

Or maybe it was just a coincidence that it had to rain today.

People spoke to you. Most of them you didn't know, but still you thanked them for coming. Anything to distract you from the big black casket that waited next to a gaping hole in the ground. And yet, your first thought when you'd seen it was that 6 ft felt small compared to the hole you felt in your chest.

Everyone said something similar to you.

"He was a fine man." They said, and if it wasn't that it was: "We're sorry for your loss." And if they truly wanted to sympathize they used: "Taken too soon. Didn't even get to walk you down the aisle."

After all, what else could you say to a grieving daughter? Apparently, nothing.

"Excuse me," a voice pulled you from your thoughts. "Are you Y/N?"

You nodded, focusing in on the unfamiliar woman in front of you. She wore a black outfit like everyone else, but she seemed so out of place in the color.  She looked like someone that suited a sunshine yellow much more. Her face was round but very pretty, and something about her eyes was familiar. "Can I help you?"

"How old are you now, Y/N?" She asked, seeming to bypass your question.

"I'm 20." You answered, confused. She wasn't sticking to the usual funeral script at all.

"20. So you're still in school?" She asked.

"Yes, I'm an art major at a college in Seoul." You replied, then opened your mouth to ask her a question but she interrupted you.

"An art major, I see." She nodded slowly, letting out a sigh.  "I've missed a lot it seems. When do you graduate, Y/N?"

"Next Spring." You said, and she began to open her mouth again but you held up a hand to silence her. "I'm sorry, but who exactly are you?"

"Oh no, I should be the one apologizing to you for failing to introduce myself. My name is Kim Sonya." She was quiet for a moment as if she didn't know whether or not to say the next words on her mind. "And...I'm your mother." She said finally, giving you a friendly smile that fit her face much better than the somewhat sad expression she'd been wearing moments ago.

You suddenly wished that she hadn't spoken to you. Your father had told you once that you shouldn't hate her, but you did. She had no right, coming here today while you mourned the loss of the only parent you'd ever had. Did she think that because you had just lost your father, you would welcome a mother with open arms? Well, she was wrong if that was the case.

All the times you'd needed a mother and you'd been stuck with your dad who didn't have a damn clue what you were going through.  He'd tried, of course but Aunt Rita had been your saving grace. She was your mother's older sister who'd come to visit every few months, the only one in your mother's family that had stayed in contact with your dad after she'd left. 

Aunt Rita knew you, she'd known you your whole life and made an effort to spend time with you, but this woman... whoever she was, had not. She knew nothing about you and you wanted to keep it that way. You turned away from her then, saying goodbye to an old family friend.

You picked up the duty from earlier, thanking the remaining mourners for coming until you were alone in the cemetery. Alone with your so called "mother" and the giant casket.

You approached it then with a sad smile on your face. They'd bury it after everyone left but it felt wrong to just leave it in the rain, so you set down your black umbrella and grabbed the tarp to cover it. It was a struggle at first but then someone grabbed the other side and helped you. Once the casket was covered, you looked up to see your "mother" quickly returning to her umbrella. You sighed as she approached you, grabbing your umbrella off the ground and forcing it into your hands.

"You'll catch a cold out here in the rain." She said quickly.

"Please don't act like you care." You snapped. It was quiet for a while then, probably because she had no response to the scathing remark. The two of you just stood there in the rain, watching the water fall over all the headstones. With a final glance at the now covered casket, you made your ways towards the little red bench at the far side of the cemetery. You'd parked on the other side of the road from it.

"Wait, Y/N!" You heard her call for you and you stopped. Damn it, why had you stopped? "Do you think... could we go for coffee or something?" She asked.

"No, actually. I don't want to go get coffee with you." You snapped. 

"Y/N, I-"

"What did you think would happen when you showed up at your ex-husband's funeral just to introduce yourself to the daughter you never found the time to visit while he was still alive?! Why should I give you the time of day, when you clearly have never spared me a single thought?!" You shouted, whirling on your heel to shout at her. 

She was silent, watching you from under her umbrella with an oddly maternal patience. "You're lashing out because you're emotional." She stated plainly. Her rationalizing your anger somehow made you even angrier.

"Yes, I am fucking emotional! And I have every right to be! I just lost my only parent, so whatever the hell it is you want,  you can go fuck yourself." You were beside yourself at the audacity of this woman. 

"I know you can't afford the house, Y/N. I also know you have nowhere else to go." She said, her voice still calm as she watched you practically fall apart. 

You wished that you could turn around and walk away, but she was right. You had nothing. "And just how the hell do you think you know this?" You asked, your tone was less of a yell now, but only slightly.

"Your dad and I have been exchanging emails ever since he got sick." She answered, approaching you carefully. "I'm here on his request. And it would be a lot easier if you'd come with me to go get a cup of coffee." She said, offering you a patient smile.

You pressed your lips into a thin line before answering. "Fine. I'm assuming you know where the coffee shop in town is?"

She nodded with an almost giddy smile on her lips that reminded you of your baby pictures. Maybe she really was your mother. You turned away from her, trying to block that image from your mind. 

No, you were nothing like her.

You thought to yourself as you got into your car. As you drove into town and saw business carrying on as per usual, you were struck with an odd feeling. It was strange to you that on a day like today, where you found it so hard to function, all the businesses in town still opened and thrived. How could they all keep going, knowing that the world had lost your father? You wouldn't know.

You pulled into a parking space in front of the coffee shop and got out of the car. The coffee shop was one that you frequented often. Your father—being the old soul that he was—didn't have WiFi and you had to do your homework somehow when you came home for the weekend. You sighed, slipping into your usual booth at the window. Although the rain slipping down the glass didn't do much to comfort you, today.

"Can I get you something?" Asked the waitress after coming up to you.

"Um, an iced chai tea with soy milk ple-" the words were drowned out by the bell over the door chiming and your mom sliding into the seat across from you.

"An iced americano for me." She smiled, as the waitress wrote it all down.

"I'll bring it to you as soon as they're done." She said, bowing then backing away from the booth.

"Well wasn't she sweet?" Your mother asked, turning to you with a smile. "It's been a very long time since I've gotten service like that."

"Can we cut the small talk, please?" You said with a frown. The tiny smile that had been on her face just moments ago slipped away immediately at your words.

"He was right, you're so like me it's painful." She sighed, reaching into her purse and Pulling out a small envelope with your name written on it. "Your father gave it to me when I went to go see him in the hospital a few months ago." She murmured sliding it across the table to you. "And this," she grabbed a second envelope that was much thicker than the first, "is our email chain. In case you need that for evidence."

The waitress brought out your drinks then and  you stirred the tea before taking a sip. "Why didn't he tell me about this?"

She was quiet for a few moments. "Sometimes we make mistakes too." She murmured softly, meeting your eyes. "Just because we're parents doesn't mean we aren't human." 

"Is that supposed to make me forgive you?" You asked, stirring the tea some more so that your hands had something to do. Ever the stubborn child you'd always been, you'd really only said it to cover up the fact that she had struck a chord in you.

"No. But it might help you forgive your father." Your eyes widened at her words. However, it was clear that she wouldn't elaborate any further as she stood, grabbing her americano. "I know better than anyone that you need space right now. So, read up and give me a call when you decide you want to talk." She said, handing you a business card. She went up to the counter and paid for both of your drinks and was out the the door without another word. 

You watched her get into her car and drive away before you snatched up your father's letter.

Dear, Y/N,

I hope you'll find it in your heart to forgive me for keeping this from you for all these years. To tell the truth, I think if I weren't on my deathbed I would continue to keep this from you. But being at death's door has a funny way of making you reflect on all the mistakes you made in life. I regret it, of course, now that I am leaving you alone in the world. You only ever heard my side of the story and you didn't even hear all of it. So, If you're reading this, I'd assume it's because I'm gone and didn't have the courage to tell you before I passed. I'm afraid I wouldn't be able to stomach it if you resent me for keeping you from your mother all these years. Your mother wasn't the one that left after all. 

Let me start from the beginning, we met in school and your mother was something of an enigma to the world around her. She was gorgeous. But more importantly, she was passionate and driven. And I loved her. We'd started dating our senior year and got married a year after our graduation. We were happy. We were establishing our careers, and we were busy. But I started to express the fact that I wanted a family more and more. She always found a way to get me off her case: "We're so busy with our jobs," or "we wouldn't have enough time to properly raise a child." But I kept pushing, and finally she caved. We had you a year later.

But I, like so many other men, didn't understand everything that women are just expected to give up after having children. Her career aspirations were ruined when her company promoted a man into the spot that she'd wanted so badly. He'd been hired into the position over her because he wasn't tied down by children. She was devastated and irritable and we fought a lot. Finally, I suggested that she just quit her job. She did. This worked for a while, but she was a career woman at heart and felt suffocated by the idea of being a mere housewife. So she got another job, and to appease her, I started picking up the slack with you. 

We were good for a while, but trouble came after there was a call to the house for her. It was about a job offer abroad and I was furious. She'd just gotten a promotion and had been staying later and later at work. I confronted her about it and we fought. I explained that she'd been a workaholic and that her family needed her time too. And she explained that I was the one that wanted a family in the first place. After we realized that neither of us would budge she said suddenly that she wasn't going to take the job at first, but now she felt like she had to because she needed the space from me. So, yes, she left. But only to go abroad for a few months and then she'd be back. 

But it was me that really left your mother. I was so angry that I just picked up everything and we left. I got a new phone number and the only person that knew about it was your Aunt Rita because she caught me in the act. I told her that I would let her continue to come see you so long as she didn't tell anyone where we'd gone. It was me that kept you from your mother for all these years. You needed her, but I was too stubborn to admit my mistake. 

I started emailing her about a month after I collapsed. At first, I contacted her through Rita, but we started emailing directly when I found out it was terminal. I couldn't provide for you once I was gone, and we truly had nothing to our name. You need her, Y/N. You need your mother, now more than ever. She is the only one who can provide for you. I know I did a poor job of taking care of you, but she can. And she wants to. Rita always told me that she was frantic when she came home and we were gone but I never believed her. In all honesty, I take back my initial statement. I don't hope you can find it in your heart to forgive me. I hope you feel angry and wronged. Because I did wrong you. I thought we'd be better off without her but I made a mistake. And for that, I am sorry.  She lives in Seoul, close enough to your campus that you wouldn't have to live in the dorms. She wants you to move in with her after you sell the house. 

She's always wanted a relationship with you and I denied her that. I hope that you will right my wrong now that I am gone. I don't deserve that, of course. But she does. And so do you. You deserve a relationship with your mother. 

I know I'm trying to fix my mistake too late, but I love you, Y/N-ah. And I want this for you, and even though you don't have to honor it, it is my dying wish. 

Love, Appa.

You swiped away the tears that had fallen down your cheeks as you read to the end of the letter. It was hard to tell when they'd started; maybe it was in the very beginning, when you'd recognized the handwriting before you as the sloppy yet beautiful penmanship of your dad. But now that you were at the end, you felt like you were coming apart at the seams. You patted yourself on the back quickly for being a silent cryer and slid out of the booth. You headed out the door and got into your car, realizing that the house you were returning to would only ever be an empty shell of the home you once knew.

Hi lovelies, 

The first chapter has been EDITED. And by edited... I mean kind of entirely changed. I absolutely cannot wait to continue to edit the rest of the chapters! Although, they won't be changed as drastically as this one, but there will still be some newer parts so I definitely recommend rereading them!

As always, I love you very much.

-BLT