I need to keep myself occupied.

I need to keep my mind interested in other things, instead of constantly missing Doug.

Since his birthday, I have been missing him terribly.

Sure, we message each other regularly and all that, but it's not the same as actually being with him, is it?

On Thursday, knowing that Doug was busy seeing his mum before boarding a plane that was bound for a sunny Ibiza, I decided to work on Hear The Chant again. Although Doug thinks that it's now studio ready, I think I was just trying to find weaknesses in my vocals, because anything was better than constantly thinking about him being somewhere else other than being with me.

I know, I've got this whole love thing real bad, don't I?

By the time Thursday night came, I needed to burn off some of my anxious energy, so I went to Zumba. It certainly helped. It temporarily took the edge off my persistent pining.

"Off to Clubbercise, love?" Mum has her head peeping around the dividing door.

It's now Friday evening, and I'm sooooo ready to sweat out some more of my pathetic pining of Doug. "Yeah, just going now." With a small smile at mum, I eagerly grab my curve bum bag and water bottle.

"Heard from Doug?" She asks, almost warily asks.

"Yeah, he messaged me earlier." Is my very hurried reply. Mum truly isn't helping me with my not-thinking-about-Doug-for-more-than-five-minutes plan.

"And he's okay, is he?"

It's kind of sweet that mum is so concerned about my boyfriend, as I know she's taken quite a shine to him, but I really don't have the time to talk about that sweet concern right this very second. "He's fine, Mum."

Nodding slightly, she smiles. "It's just he mentioned that he was going to see his mum yesterday, and because you've not said anything, I was just wondering if it went okay?" That's when I realise just how deep the sweet concern for Doug truly runs for my mum. Having watched her own mother suffer with dementia, I think it makes mum feel like she and Doug now share some emotional common ground.

Instead of being in a hurry for my own selfish reasons, I rush towards my dearest mum. "I think he is fine." Smiling widely, I gently rest my hand on mum's as it still holds onto the dividing door. "The main thing is that he is seeing his mum. He finds it so hard, but he's doing it." Although Doug had said that there was no miraculous change in his mother when he saw her yesterday, he looked and sounded calm about it during our Skype conversation late last night.

"I certainly remember how hard it was, but I also knew that in the long run, it would have been so much harder if I had stayed away." Mum quietly tells me, her smile now fading from sight.

Agreeing, I softly nod. "I think Doug finally realises that himself, Mum." I could also add that I think he has finally accepted that he has to stop fighting the Alzheimer's, but I really don't have the time to talk at length about this with my mother. I know that Doug's constant fighting of it, was so miserably draining for him. But I know that I heard acceptance in his voice last night—I know he is starting to accept that it's a fight he will sadly never win.

Again, she warmly smiles my way. "I'm glad he has." She then glances over at my clock on the wall, becoming suddenly aware of the time. "I'm sorry, love, I'm going to make you late for your class."

"Yes, I had better dash!" I hate running late, so I hurry past my mum and rush through the main house and leave via the front door. In seconds, I am starting my car and sticking on some high energy dance tunes to get me pumped up for my Clubbercise class.

When I do arrive at that class, for an energetic hour, I will get to experience pure and undiluted dancing joy. I shall forget about everything else during those sixty minutes of sweaty fun. At every class, I always push myself hard, and tonight won't be any different.

Perspiration will be dripping down my spine.

My hair will be tied back and thoroughly wet.

And I will taste the salt all around my sweaty lips.

For that hour, with glow sticks in each hand—it will be just music and dancing.

**

Yup, I'm a tired and sweaty mess.

God, I really do love Clubbercise!

It kind of resets my mindset.

I now feel invigorated, I also have my Miss Positive panties back on.

Sure, I'm still missing Doug.

But I know I've got to stop moping around because of it.

It's not like he has left the country for good, is it?

Just as I'm about to take my Miss Positive self to the shower, my phone pings from inside my bum bag. When I pull my mobile out, I smile at it like it's the most amazing thing ever.

I'm guessing you've just got back from Clubbercise and will be thinking about getting your sexy ass in your shower, right about now? So I'm just texting to say that I'm now thinking about your sexy ass getting in that shower.

Think of me, won't you?

D xxxx

Laughing softly, I think for a second or so. I want to reply with something just as sexy and witty.

I have been trying to NOT think about you.

The whole point of trying not to miss someone, is trying to forget that you are....but me and my sweaty body are very much missing you.

Frankie 💋

Okay, not exactly sexy and witty, but truthful, right?

Doug's reply comes back within seconds.

How sweaty are we talking here? 😉

I smile, tapping quickly with my fingers.

Very!!!

Again, his reply is super quick.

And the missing me part...how much we talking about there?

My fingers furiously type back.

A ridiculous amount of missing going on from me here in Peckham.

While I wait for his reply, I start undressing, then turn on the shower with one hand. His text seems to be taking a little longer, so I light some tea light candles and use my phone to put on some music.

Needing to wind down from my Clubbercise high, I'm listening to Passenger; the folky and wispy vocals of Michael David Rosenberg are just what I wonderfully now need.

Once beneath the cascading hot water, I tip my head back and saturate my sweaty head before massaging in some shampoo. I know that Doug has sent me another text, but I'll wait now until after my shower to read it; like it's something to treat myself with.

After rinsing my hair, I then squeeze some shower gel into the palm of my hand. As I rub it into my skin, I smile. I'm smiling, because I am doing exactly what Doug asked me to do while I am having my shower—thinking of him.

Only two more days without him. Is what I tell myself. Two days!

Work on both Saturday and Sunday will thankfully make the weekend fly by. My shifts are always full-on, so I won't really have the time to get caught up with my missing of Doug.

And anyway, I'm still wearing my Miss Positive panties, so any missing that I shall be doing, will be of the happy kind.

In just two days, I will see Doug again.

Two days until I get to hold him in my arms and kiss him until both of our mouths feel numb.

Once out of my relaxing shower, I dry my body with a fluffy towel and lift my phone from off the bathroom shelf as I blow out the candles with a gentle breath.

Slipping into my dressing gown, I plonk my tired but happy body down onto my sofa. Stopping the music on my phone, I am now so keen to read Doug's last text message.

I miss you too, Frankie.

There is nowhere I'd rather be than being back with you (especially in your shower) 😉

Ibiza just isn't the same without you here.

I, am not the same without you here.

All you need to know is that my heart is now yours.

That my heart is wherever you happen to be...okay?

I love you, Frankie.

I love you now and I will love you always.

I know, I've turned into a right sappy shit, haven't I?

Hopefully, I haven't made you reach for the puke bowl just yet. Even though I am sounding like a sappy shit, I'm not ashamed to admit that I'm missing you. I'm not ashamed to admit that you're taking my heart to places that it's never been to before...and I like it, Frankie. I like feeling all that I do about you.

Okay, I really am going to go now, before I really do make you hurl over my lovesickness!

I'll catch up with you sometime tomorrow.

Cuddles and Doug love xxxxxxx

Inhaling a breath of pure happiness, I stare down at the words from the man who has quickly taken up every corner of my heart. The man who inflates and deflates my lungs with the very same feeling.

With that pure happiness now reaching my lips, I smile while typing the only words that I can reply back with.

And I love you 💋

**Mallion Interlude 💋**

Awwww, I just love Doug & Frankie's deepening relationship. What about you lovelies? Are you loving these two? Did Doug's declaration have you reaching for the puke bowl? Lol! 🤢

As always, I loooooove hearing from you!

The gorgeous song above is: LET HER GO - PASSENGER