Wow, the first task is over and done with! We loved reading all your entries this round and can't wait to continue. This task has really given us an idea of the quality of your writing. Thank you all for handing in- we expected a considerably smaller amount of entries, since we made a number of you wait so long to begin.

To clarify a few things, your score is out of a total of 12. If your score had points subtracted from it, you were balloted. Ballots remove half a point each during odd numbered rounds. Additionally, if you failed to follow rules we clearly listed in Binding Symptoms, you may have had half a point or a full point subtracted from your score, depending on how much you missed. Only some notes have been provided due to a certain password that was required in the rules. Your tribute will not receive any notes and will continue to receive subtracted points until that password is provided and you follow all the required rules. Please note that notes were also written in order of submission, so earlier entries will have received longer notes than later ones. Additionally, entries that needed a little more help but came later may be slightly more lengthy than those where we could say little but praise. There were additionally a few entries that we starkly disagreed on, and notes from both of us have been provided as an explanation for our differing scores.

You will have the chance to earn notes in future tasks if you provide the password. We will not provide notes until you have supplied it. Additionally, -0.5 points will be subtracted from your score for negligence regarding policies listed among our Binding Symptoms.

A score will typically appear like this with the order of additions/subtractions:

Initial Score + Bonus Point(s) +/- Task Requirements - Ballots = Final Score

If you received a bonus point or were affected by a task requirement other than those listed in Binding Symptoms (as all tributes were affected by those rules this round), we have specified. To avoid confusion because all of you received some sort of compensation for your efforts in following the rules in Binding Symptoms, we have included +0's to avoid confusion.

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Bonus Point:

Congratulations to Vida Jemison for submitting the first entry! You will have 0.5 points added to your final score. However, since you were missing something in the rules, you will not receive an extended feedback as typically given to the first entry.

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District 1 Male: Paris De La Cruz

Paella's Score: 7.75

Pluto's Score: 7.75

7.75 (+1) (-0.5, failure to follow requirements) (-0.5) = 7.75

Feedback~ Used extension.

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District 1 Female: Aroma Fastner

Paella's Score: 7.25

Pluto's Score: 8.25

7.75 (-0.5) = 7.25

Feedback~ You had a number of comma splices throughout your entry, incomplete sentences, some misplaced punctuation and capitals, along with typos. This can be checked with a spell checker or grammar checker, both of which are easily accessible online. Other than that, I found your entry incredibly humorous- especially the scene with Paris. This entry made it very obvious who Aroma is as a person, and I'm eager to see her develop throughout the Games. However, your descriptions were slightly lacking- in the future, try using Aroma's actions and what she experiences through each of her five senses to describe things. For example, don't just say that there was a door at the end of the hallway- explain how Aroma's eyes trail along the walls and meet a door in the distance. You used some similes throughout this entry, but I'd like to see more figurative language, such as personification. This could work to reveal her emotions without just saying "she was afraid" or something along the lines of that.

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District 2 Male: Mason Falkov

Paella's Score: 9.25

Pluto's Score: 8.25

8.75 (+1) (-0.5) = 9.25

Feedback~ Considering you've got two tributes in these Games, I'd say you managed to pull off pretty good entries. I liked the way you played with Mason's missing arm, and I got a solid hold on his bitter personality. One thing I found odd, though, was how you mentioned he'd been born without his arm, but earlier you'd stated that he'd reached for it, as though it had been there at one point. Like with Kaya, there were moments where you simply stated the emotions Mason suffers from. I'd rather see how these emotions impact him rather than just know he feels them. Maybe try some figurative language?

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District 2 Female: Aemilia Cassius

Paella's Score: 9

Pluto's Score: 9.5

9.25 (-0.25) = 9

Feedback~ There were a few technicalities I noticed needed fixing throughout the entry, such as speaking to the reader directly in the midst of a third person piece (the quote at the beginning from Aemilia's sister, which would have been more effective in quotations to signify Cleo was talking to her in a memory moment of sorts, and the comparison when Aemilia first walked into the darkness and "the stars seemed to wink at you from a million miles away", which should have been winking at her, because that's her memory). I did like how you continuously brought back Cleo in your entry- it gives the feel that she and her accomplishments are a big part of Aemilia's life, which I think you were going for. Some of the description, though, seemed a little rocky, such as when you mentioned the color of her "sea-green eyes". Unless you're writing from a completely omniscient point of view, stick to things that Aemilia can see in your description- she can't see her own eyes. Additionally, in places such as when she "took the final step into the area", it would benefit your description to replace meandering phrases with short, concise words- for example, if she simply "paused". Another thing that would have made your entry a little stronger would be to circulate concepts through your writing. Your entry seemed to be a bit everywhere- though this did introduce a lot of little things in your character's life (the cracking, her mother, Drusus, etc.), you didn't bring back or reinforce any of them.

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District 3 Male: Remult Tedusius

Paella's Score: 0

Pluto's Score: 0

0 (+0) (-0.5) = -0.5

Feedback~ No entry received.

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District 3 Female: Kaya Maldoran

Paella's Score: 9.5

Pluto's Score: 9.5

9.5 (+0.5) = 10

Feedback~ I thought this entry was incredibly realistic. The majority of the tributes were able to figure out what the monitors surrounding the patient were and meant, but it was smart of you to include some confusion, as most of the districts wouldn't have technology like the machines included in this task. You mixed the actions and Kaya's thought process very nicely throughout the entry, but it felt like you rushed the beginning and when Kaya entered the Training Center. Additionally, there were some moments where your description slipped a little, such as when you said, "a mixture of confusion and sadness crossed her face". Instead of just saying this right off the bat, describe what her face looks like as it contorts in such a way, or how those emotions feel inside her mind and body. I also think you could have expanded on the memory at the end, and perhaps put it into a full-blown flashback. I'm looking for a better grasp of Kaya and Bianca's relationship.

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District 4 Male: Roman Oxidane

Paella's Score: 4.75

Pluto's Score: 5.25

5 (-1) (-0.5, formatting issues) = 3.5

Feedback~ No notes provided.

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District 4 Female: Ruby Cortese

Dropped out.

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District 5 Male: Ralos "Ray" Greenwich

Paella's Score: 10

Pluto's Score: 8

9 (+1) = 10

Feedback from Paella~ This really captured the analytical mind Ralos has- it gave such a strong sense of his character. From the way you weaved in his thoughts about his father to the eccentric but charming structure of the entry, I enjoyed every moment of it. The ending left off on a satisfying note, and you did a nice of of starting with something big in the beginning and then zooming in on something small. The thing about this format, however, is that I don't think it's the most effective way to really include all the depth an entry needs to continue onwards- even if it gradually reveals things about Ray, everything about it was very brief and condensed; you may need to stretch out in future tasks.

Feedback from Pluto~ Although I understand this is supposed to match the mind of Ralos I feel this isn't the right way to do so. It's rather choppy and ineffective with the short bursts of etc. 1, etc. 2, etc. 3. The entry was very short if you developed the scenario more Ralos' thoughts may have come off better. The short bursts of lines after the thought classification could've been longer as well to show the moving ideas inside of your tribute's mind. Try to maybe put a bit more effort into Ralos next task.

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District 5 Female: Vida Jemison

Paella's Score: 6.5

Pluto's Score: 6

6.25 (+0.5) (-1) (-0.5, formatting issues) = 5.25

Feedback~ No notes provided.

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District 6 Male: Train Wreck

Paella's Score: 9

Pluto's Score: 9.5

9.25 (+1) = 10.25

Feedback~ You had one comma splice in there, but other than that, your entry was mechanically sound. I did like the way you weaved Train's memories of his own experiences regarding hospitals, and it was nice how you linked the nameless and faceless aspect throughout the entry. Your description, especially during the first paragraph, was lovely. However, as the entry progressed, I feel like you lost a little of it. Additionally, I was looking for more of Train's personality. You focused a lot on the accident- which, I understand, was the most significant event in his life, but I also want to know who he is now. His emotions were just a little too sparse.

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District 6 Female: Kia Whidbee

Paella's Score: 2

Pluto's Score: 2

2 (+1) (-0.5, failure to follow requirements) = 2.5

Feedback~ Used extension.

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District 7 Male: Elm Woods

Paella's Score: 10

Pluto's Score: 10

10 (+1) (-0.5) = 10.5

Feedback~ Used extension.

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District 7 Female: Kaelyn 'Kaylee' Menorr

Paella's Score: 9.5

Pluto's Score: 9

9.25 (+1) (-0.5) = 9.75

Feedback~ Used extension.

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District 8 Male: Zen Palladius

Paella's Score: 0

Pluto's Score: 0

0 (+0) = 0

Feedback~ No entry received.

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District 8 Female: Rhea Charon

Paella's Score: 9

Pluto's Score: 9.5

9.25 (+1) (-0.5) = 9.75

Feedback~ Your entry was very flowery- in the first paragraph alone, you included three, if not more, metaphors, which is just a little too many. The anvil and the ocean don't really go together, which set your entry off on a poor note. Much of your description was unnecessary and redundant, such as referring to darkness as "ebony shade", "matte black dusk", and "dark pathway of hell" just a sentence after "dark pit of terror known as death". Sometimes, what you're really trying to say gets lost in all that description- especially Rhea's emotions. They seemed dismissed too quickly and sort of unrealistic- or simply unexplained in detail. Why did the light fill her with optimism? Would Rhea not be wary of such a thing? Additionally, there was a moment where you spoke directly to the reader- it's far more effective in connecting a situation directly to your character instead of trying to reach out to the reader. There were also some comma splices littered throughout.

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District 9 Male: Kaleo May

Paella's Score: 11

Pluto's Score: 11

11 (+1) (-0.5) = 11.5

Feedback~ Kaleo is such a lovely character. He's got a distinguishable personality, and I liked how you weaved our Pre-Game Evaluations into your entry and used them to bring out more of Kaleo. You had a lovely theme with writing pretty things on his arm- not only was the concept endearing, but to bring it back so many times continuously enforced its prominence in his life. Your entry included Pimbep at all the right moments; where hers excluded Kaleo entirely, here you weaved thoughts and memories of her in very effectively. The ending was thoughtful and gave the perfect amount of closure- that there would be more, but for now it was over(though his final action did sound vaguely like a dab). Very well done.

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District 9 Female: Pimbep Cottage

Paella's Score: 9.75

Pluto's Score: 9.25

9.5 (+0.5) (-0.5, failure to follow requirements)(-0.5) = 9

Feedback~ The beginning of this entry intrigued me- right at the beginning, you pulled us into Pimbep's world and point of view. The first half of the entry really gave a great sense of her character, it was lovely seeing her thought process play out (I especially enjoyed the line, "Her ability to walk in a straight line?" and the tidbits of humor you added in there. You described the patient quite nicely, but I feel that when you got to that part of the entry, the writing lost some of Pimbep's outlook and delved more into the world outside of her. Granted, the patient was the focus of the task, but it was also to give us a good, hard look at your character. I did like how you played with the task and how the closer Pimbep got, the better the patient fared, and the way you zoomed in on the wheel and then went up the bed was exemplary. However, you did forget to touch the patient, which we did mention was a requirement.

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District 10 Male: Wavelet

Paella's Score: 7

Pluto's Score: 6

6.5 (+0.5) (-0.5) = 6.5

Feedback~ No notes provided.

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District 10 Female: Raya Vinaia

Paella's Score: 6.75

Pluto's Score: 7.25

7 (+0) = 7

Feedback~ Like I remember from your writing in Literature, you've got a lot of humor in here (I actually laughed out loud when you mentioned sewer breath and oily hair). However, try to stay away from caps lock on entries- instead, express the raised volume of the words through description of how your character is saying them, or the emotions that accompany such words. When you included the memory of Raya's mother, I would have liked to see you expand on that. What did Raya see of her mother that calmed her down? How did her mother look? As soon as you mentioned Raya's mother, I wanted to know more about her and their relation. You went for a number of similes in this entry, which is a step in the right direction, but I'd recommend expanding on them and continuing to create a metaphor of the seen around, say, the wolf submitting to the alpha. Describe how obedient the wolf is, and how unwilling your feet are to step forward, yet do so all the same.

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District 11 Male: Kanyon Mace

Paella's Score: 0

Pluto's Score: 0

0 (+0) = 0

Feedback~ No entry received.

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District 11 Female: Sienna Delero

Disqualified, as previously noted.

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District 12 Male: Blaze Orion

Paella's Score: 3

Pluto's Score: 4

3.5 (-0.5) = 3

Feedback~ Used extension.

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District 12 Female: Edelina Renova

Paella's Score: 10.5

Pluto's Score: 9

9.75 (-0.5) (-0.5) = 8.75

Feedback~ Used extension.

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District 13 Male: Xander McColl

Paella's Score: 10

Pluto's Score: 9.5

9.75 (-0.25) (-0.5) = 9

Feedback~ I liked the way you attempted to link the beginning and the end of your entry, but I don't think the whole statement on contradictions really fit with your ending, which made it less effective. You never really went back to the contradictions after the first few paragraphs. Another thing about this entry that struck me was how technical it was. You focused a lot on Xander's actions, and though I did want to see how he would work in a situation such as that one, I think some of his emotions got lost in that. Additionally, it may have been better if you'd spaced out the segments of backstory you included at the beginning of the entry in order to continuously reinforce the concepts introduced there, instead of jumping right from that into the action- it'd keep the reader's mind on Xander's continuing plotline.

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District 13 Female: Cordelia Karmitta

Paella's Score: 8.75

Pluto's Score: 10.25

9.5 (+1) (-1) = 9.5

Feedback~ This was short. I feel like you could have expanded on the ideas you included a lot; your entry had a lot of potential to be great with the memories and aspects of back home and how Cordelia was raised and so on, but it would have been more effective had you weaved it into the scene your character was going through. I liked the way you began the entry, delving directly into your character, but I feel that in this you lost that introductory part of the task leading up to the encounter with the patient. Though the way Cordelia became afflicted by the child was intriguing, it struck me as a little too early in her plotline to be entering the catacombs of weakness (lovely metaphor, by the way). You accurately portrayed the emotions she was feeling through your description and the words she spoke, but it just seemed to be missing something.

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Capitol Male: Nicostratus "Nico" Bassius

Paella's Score: 0

Pluto's Score: 0

0 (+0) = 0

Feedback~ No entry received.

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Capitol Female: Carmine Valerius

Paella's Score: 8.25

Pluto's Score: 9.25

8.5 (+1) = 9.5

Feedback~ Used extension.

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