I was reclining on the sofa in Shimba's living room, savouring   my vodka infused ice cream,  with the t.v displaying motion pictures for me. One that I had quickly lost interest in, mostly because of the picture quality

And also the fact that my mind kept telling me of things that weren't adding up.

First of all, I had asked myself the question of how Myself, Shimba and Mrs Anene came to be tangled in such situation and as always i came up  blank each time,

Aside from working for mrs Anene, I had never known her anywhere else. And as for Shimba if he hadn't stumbled into my life. I dont think we would have ever met, considering how far away he lived from me.  He worked with an advertising agency... Or at least that was what he said, right?

And then it clicked to my brain. He had said Mrs Anene had called him to ask for an interview once. And he didn't know why she had called.

Maybe if I asked Mrs Anene how she knew him and why she wanted to interview him. I'd get a hint of how she knows him, and I'd  most likely get how they are connected, after then,  because this whole thing started with Shimba? Or was it Mrs Anene?.

Shimba said he was going to call her, but i don't think he did. And even if he did, i had to call her myself too.

Damn. I usually am quite smart when I'm drunk, or tipsy as it is, but this particular tipsyness isn't even parking any form of intelligence In my brain the way i want.

I take another vodka infused spoon of ice cream,
And stare hard at the tv.  Not really seeing the pictures but rather a mental image of Mrs Anene and  Shimba and my sister, tied  together with a string.  Now. I have to find out what material that string is made of

***
The vibration from my phone woke me up

Oh God, I drooled in my sleep, I wiped my mouth with the arm of my sweater and quickly looked around to be sure Shimba wasn't closeby and hadn't caught me drooling, the t.v was off and judging by the silence, (from the t.v, and his loud whirring freezer) light supply had been cut off  and checked my phone,

It had stopped ringing by then, so I checked the call logs and it was Mrs Anene. And apparently, it wasn't the first call from her.

According to my phone, she had given me four missed calls, just now,Eight missed calls the previous day,...

Wait? Why is she suddenly calling me? Is it because i thought of her before I went to sleep? Did i really summon her with my thoughts?. Did i even want to speak with her? I knew i needed to speak to her, but was i in the right headspace for that conversation?

  The phone started to ring again. I hadn't been checking my missed calls heck I hadn't been with my phone till now. I hadn't spoken to anyone except Shimba since the last time I met  With my dad. 

I contemplated taking the call,  but i watched it ring till the end. Then I dropped the phone. And in a minute, it started to ring again. It rang three more times before I  picked the call

'for heaven's sake Salama. Why did it take you forever to pick my calls came her angry replacement for  the orthodox 'hello'

She yelled at me for close to three minutes, and I started contemplating whether to end the call on her, or not, so I placed the call on loud speaker, and then dropped it beside me. I stretched and yawned, and  felt my stomach rumble, all while she complained non stop.

She hadn't called off my suspension, so I had no idea why she was yelling at me. As far as I was concerned She wasn't my boss, untill she called off my suspension

It was when I caught

"For goodness sake answer me, it's a matter of life and death"   that I picked the phone and started to listen .

"What is a matter of life and death?" I asked but it took her a few beats before she spoke again, clearly showing how stunned she was at my question
" You weren't even listening to me?"

"Ehh Mrs Anene please I'm just trying to survive whatever it is that is happening to me right now, so... i don't really have energy to listen to bullshit from anybody"

"Excuse me?"

"You're quite excused " I replied Rolling my eyes. I was still quite tipsy but not so Bad for me to not realize that I was being rude

A sigh escaped from Mrs Anene,  the network was clear enough for me to hear it

" I'm sorry about what happened to your sister, Christy just told me,"  another sigh

"Why are you calling me?" I asked, not wanting to delve into that

" I really am sorry, i didn't mean to bring trouble to your door"

"What do you want Mrs Anene? Because if it is help, i don't have it me too I'm looking for help"

" The file."

"The file?"

"Yes, i need it as soon as possible"

"What file?"

"I know you've read it by now and know the contents so please don't act dumb, just tell me-"

"I don't know what file you're talking about... Like i honestly don't know"

"The file i gave you in my office, the one i camouflaged as a new program"

There have been so many files between myself and Mrs Anene.. i tried to remember which one she would refer to as 'the file' but nothing was coming to mind

" The one I gave you the night we went to your house the first time, Salama" she added

Oh! I remembered

" Ah, i never read it, plus I can't give it to you now"

"Listen, I'm sorry okay i didn't mean for what happened to your sister to happen, but please i nee-"

"I'm not trying to not give you the file, but it's in my house and i had to leave the house after the attack, I've been somewhere else for a while. And me i can't get lynched because of a radio program"

"Radio program? You really didn't read the file?" I could hear the exasperation in her voice

"It's not a radio program.  The contents of the file are quite serious and could be the reason why someone is after me".

Now my entire senses zoned in to this call

" What's in the file?" I question, trying to steady my heart beat.  It took her a few seconds to reply

" I can't tell you over the phone... meet me at the junction to your house? I will tell you about it but please i hope you had the file hidden"

My mind started to spin fast, going through the catalogues in my brain, trying to remember where I put the file, while at the same time realizing that if the file is important, it could be the reason why my house was ransacked. 

Without a second thought, i ran around the house brushing my teeth and exchanging my oversized t.shirt and leggings for black jeans and a  hoodie and running shoes...

***

It took Five minutes of waiting before I saw Mrs Anene dropping from a bike.  I wasn't surprised to see her in a large black skirt, sometimes i think she wouldn't really be herself if she didn't dress in oversized clothing.

"Sorry i kept you waiting, i actually got lost" she said, it was quite strange, Mrs Anene has been apologizing to me today more than she has ever apologized to all my colleagues put together, in all their years of working with her.

" So what's in the file". I asked

"Let's get it first then you can see for yourself"

One mind asked me What if the file wasn't there? She needed to know about the possibility of it being lost. But then again. What good would setting her on edge do?

" What if we don't find it?"

"Please don't put that kind of thought into my head. I'm too stressed to even imagine that kind of scenario"

"So then why didn't you leave with it when you were leaving with Dr Christy?, Or why didn't you come get it sooner than now?

you also could have told me how important the file was to you or the fact that  you knew it was the reason why you were in danger but you still decided to leave it with me, to distract your killers from you"

"Will you shut your mouth!" she said firmly, now glaring at me, i glared back at her, much to her surprise and mine

"Did i know it was the reason at first? Is it not because i learnt you have been attacked that made me connect the dots?"

She asked her nose flaring.

" I didn't leave with it because i thought it was safe with you. The contents of the file is quite confidential okay? I didn't want to tell you, i thought you would read it and see for yourself, and understand why you can't go blabbing about it"

"Blabbing? Asin im a blabber mouth or something?" I asked, rather offended

"You do blab a lot, with that friend of yours who is more or less a parrot in her own right" she finished with an eye roll

" Excuse me?" I stopped walking, gaping at her with my jaw dragging on the floor and my right hand on my chest to hold in the shock

" You're quite excused oh" she said  reminding me of our phone call earlier, as she continued to walk rather briskly, dodging loose rocks and the eroded potholes that lined the street leading to my house. 
I picked up my jaw and ran to catch up with her.

" If you want to insult me, do that, but don't bring Chizzy into it, I'm not a bla-"

" Get over it" she said, with a wave of her hand and without a hint of remorse.  Where was the woman who had been saying sorry like her life depended in it

"Fine" i said and started to go back towards the junction

"What are you doing?"  She asked, and i kept mute. I heard her grumble and curse under her breath as i kept walking

"Salama! Where are you going"

" Eat the file." I hissed and continued to walk away.

"you're going back just cos i called you a blabber mouth?"  She yelled from behind me
When I didn't answer, she continued

" You're behaving like a teenager right now" she added

"I will behave like a two year old if i like" i called back and continued walking

"For goodness sake this is too big a situation for you to be behaving like this... Is it sorry you want? Fine , sorry!"

It was crazy, the way the people at the barbers shop were looking at me, a group of women who had been gisting and braiding another Infront of their dinghy partially broken down shop, a shop I'd been to a number of times, also quietened just to focus on us

I could feel their eyes on me, but i kept going,

"I'm sorry"  i heard finally

The moment she said sorry, I stopped, took in deep breaths to calm down, i turned and started to walk back towards her, my arms crossed under my breast i walked past her. I heard her mumbling under her breath but i didn't care.

She may have said the sorry only because she wanted the keys to my apartment, but it still sufficed

I didn't say one more word to her till i got to the gate of my house.

"Just so you know, the house was burgled and ransacked after my sisters attack so there's a ninety percent chance that if it was done by the person looking for you, then the file is gone. But if it's not-"

"And you're just telling me this!?"

"Well i didn't want to blab about it, since it's apparently  my defining quality"

She pushed past me and ran to my door, she had to wait for me to come open it with my key, and dear God did i take my sweet time

I opened the door. My mind in all shades of haywire as i had a very heavy feeling in my heart that had me believing that the file was gone. I feared the possibility of that

All the drama of me pretending to walk away after Mrs Anene called me a blabbermouth was partly because i was really scared of going to find out the file was missing. (And also because i was offended obviously)

***
Mrs Anene was sitting right beside me in the snow of papers in my living room, our legs outstretched before us,  It had been an hour of searching all my papers fruitlessly.

" what's in the file" i ask as i watch Mrs Anene. Her head was bowed and i could see how distressed she was about this. It scared me more than i was letting on.

"How bad is it that the file is missing? Because if you ask me, since whoever wants it has  found it, there would no longer be a target on your forehead" i added when she didn't say anything else for a while.

"Where are you staying?" She asked, her voice as grave as fear

"Don't change the subject" I countered

I watched her face, seeing her mind drive itself away from where we were, she was clearly entering a dark terrain in her mind so i punched her lightly on her shoulder

"Ouch!" She yelled, grabbing her shoulder in pain, i was shocked at first before I remembered this was her injured shoulder

"Oh God! I'm so sorry, i completely forgot about your shoulder" i pleaded "i was just trying to bring you back to reality" i added

She just closed her eyes and nodded her head, still clutching her shoulder

"I never meant to put you in danger, me giving you the file..." She sighed and opened her eyes, only to dart them directly into mine

"Was a reckless move to keep it safe while i tried to figure out what was going on with me. It was one thing giving you the file and hoping you never get to read it."

"Listen, i understa-"

"No you don't" she cut me short  "you realize that me telling you what it contains automatically permanents the danger on your head... If... If you or your sister were attacked before only because they were looking for the file, then you knowing what i know... ". She shook her head unable to continue

" Mrs Anene-"

"You reading the file is absolutely different from me telling you. It makes it worse because if i had accidentally put you in trouble before, then me telling you means... I'm intentionally putting you in danger and if anything happens to you... If anything happens to you...  i would never be able to live with myself, that is even if i get to live-"

I noticed her breathing was getting way too fast, like she couldn't ind enough air to breathe, i realized it would be a panic attack so i quickly rolled to her front, kneeling before her, cutting short her babbles

I hugged her and rubbed her back, but she was still breathing fast and when I pulled out of the hug, tears were streaming down her face and i noticed she was beginning to shake

I had seen this in a movie before, i suspected it to be a panic attack, so. Made her steady her focus on me

"Calm down ma, you need to calm down, take deep breaths" i started to take deep breaths myself so that she would follow the rhythm i created,  and slowly she did

It took a little while before she was finally calm, i went to my fridge and got her some water,  the Fridge had been off for days so nothing in it was cold.

There was a half loaf of bread there gathering fungi, i ignored it and brought her a bottle of water

Walking back towards her, i couldnt help but notice how fragile she looked , her large black skirt, pooled around her crossed legs almost like the pool of blood. I had once found her in, she was hugging her arms with her eyes trained to a spot on my floor

This woman had always intimidated me, her fierceness, her fearlessness in handling her business, staff and other people around her

I guess it always made me see her as some form of indestructible mountain. She had always seemed unshakeable even though she had a small body size

Never would i have ever pictured Mrs Anene, as a fragile, scared woman, someone at a loss of what to do,  i think if i screamed "boo" she'd melt into a puddle,

But here she was, sitting on my floor, which has collected dust from the time it has spent inhabitant.

She took the bottle of water i passed to her and sat in front of her,

"Salama-" she started, i didn't want her going into panic Mode again

"Before you start any gist of how you telling me anything will seal my fate in danger, first of all, something massive already went down, you gave me a file that was highly confidential... classified  whatever, i don't know. "

"But the effects already have taken place, if the file is the reason why you were attacked in the first place, then it is the reason why my sister was attacked, it's also the reason why my house was searched. And do you know what that means?" I asked,

She kept looking at me, i didn't know if she knew the answer or not, But i was still going to spell it out anyway

"It means they already know who I am, the file was found in my possession, so automatically they would assume i know everything in the file, so wether i read the file or i hear the contents of it from you or not, I'm still fucked, and since I'm already so fucked up"

"And In my opinion" i continued " I'd rather be fucked up but well informed than just fucked up and roaming about like an ignorant headless chicken."

I take a sip of water from the bottle i had given her earlier, as i watched her contemplate within herself

"Oh, and there's nothing you can tell me at this point that will shock me or scare me more than i have already experienced"

I open the bottle and start to drink from it again while keeping eye contact with her, i needed her to see that i was not a weakling.

I had been one for far too long since this thing started , but now that i knew i was at the brink of hearing something life changing, i felt a new wave of strength within me,

Like i had just been dipped in cold water and i was coming out fresh, clear and ready to battle,

Anyways, i didn't have time or ability to stop my throat from spraying out all the water in my mouth and throat  after i  saw a mischievous glint in her eye, it didn't last a moment, moreover i still had the bottle in my hand, and water that somehow smelled like a malfunctioning fridge going down my throat

When she said

"I'm a lesbian"

So much for the whole you-cannot-shock-me speech. God bless your sweet heart Mrs Anene. Even the bacteria in my anus, froze from shock