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In the mornings, he always greeted Byungi with an embrace because even though it didn't really do anything, it still provided her with a sense of comfort and vague warmth. He made her happy, and above anything else, as far he knew, as far as he was ever going to know, she made him happy. Not a single synonym could truly fit the word or feeling; she just made him so happy.

And Wonwoo's been preparing. He's rethought this over and over again for years on end; contemplated and arranged words, certain addresses towards what he was planning to do or have to deal with. How he was going to leave her.

It's not like he wasn't prepared for anything, and with the time it's taken, he thought he had mustered up any moxie to get over the feelings he was going to be struck with like a freight train, but God, was waking up to an empty bed one of the things he thought he had been prepared for and wasn't prepared for, hard.

Every morning, literally, every morning, Byungi Li was with him. She didn't feel obligated, nor was there any sort of string, or unspoken string that made her feel chained to staying in bed, not to mention staying with him, but she wanted to stay in bed with him until he was awake and ready. Byungi loved him, so that meant she did what he wanted, and by doing so, she did what she wanted.

The previous night, Wonwoo and Byungi had been out all day with friends but once they arrived, they ate dinner, chatted for hours while doing so, leaving their food cold, showered together, which didn't include anything sexual (for they both wanted to wait until marriage), and fell asleep while he was attempting to braid her hair. The young man succumbed to sleep with a swiftly beating heart and woke with one, too, still eager to finish that braid, along with embracing Byungi and proclaiming his love to her.

But she was gone that morning, and though it was as bright as the average, cliche, summer day, Wonwoo felt his vision cloud and darken as quick as a cold front across the southeastern basin of the coast. First, it was the blinding blinking; the dry eyes hit and he couldn't see. Second, the sweaty fists; everything he touched didn't cooperate or seem to stay in his hands.
He opened and shut both eyes with fists rapidly.

In the midst of the mess that Jeon Wonwoo had encountered himself in, however, there was that very thin medium of reconciliation; as if his heart was wrestling with his own heart and his lungs were acting as referee. It was too much to keep up, but he didn't even have to. The back of his mind was murmuring this to him.

After everything, was leaving Byungi a good idea? Had it been he right decision? Even the brief declaration of, I don't want to leave Byungi Li.

The door shut from down the hall and the sound of rapid footsteps resounded before the room was filled with her. Byungi bursted in with a sheepish grin but like a switch, it vanished at the sight of Wonwoo, in such a visible state of fear.

Because, that's what he felt. She wasn't really gone. He knew that, didn't he? He had already started to imagine her somewhere else with someone else, all with Wonwoo having been erased from her mind as if he had been something as insignificant as a stupid math problem. Those were stupid. He was stupid.

"What's wrong? Are you okay? How can I help? Jeon Wonwoo, I'm sorry if whatever I've d一"

It was a nightmare that hadn't even been dreamt and yet here Wonwoo was already waking up from it because she was here. Byungi wasn't someone who was just physically beautiful; she was the peace to his turbulence.

But he just laughed, a pain in his chest, and embraced the girl of his dreams into his arms. There was something itching in his ear, in his mind一if losing her wasn't real and he was a wreck, how was he going to be when she truly was going to be gone?

"Wonwoo, what's wrong? I-I was worried about you, and you're laughing... what the heck, Jeon?!" They both laughed but the question wasn't answered, nor was it even the one that had been eating away at him for the longest time.

When was he going to leave her?

( you were both wonwoo and byungi to me, maybe i was both. you are amazing to me, and though selfish and though it may not mean much, you matter to me. )