We were hovering above the arena when the force field blew up. It shook the hovercraft, and a series of cries filled my ears as people struggled to keep their feet. I clutched the sides of the craft in fear, not wanting to plummet out the door, even with a parachute. I realised after a few moments that I’d squeezed my eyes shut, and when I opened them, the arena was a wreck.

 “Stations, people!” Gale cried “Get Katniss out of there!”

 I watched as a large claw began to lower itself into the wreck of the arena.

 “Grey, look out for Mellark and Odair,” Gale told me quickly “We have Katniss in sight.”

 I scoured the ground quickly, spotting two figures. They were too far away to make out who was who.

 “I can’t tell which is which. They’re both there,” I tell Gale, gun at the ready.

 “We don’t have time to get them both,” he said quietly. He adjusted his mouth piece and spoke into it “Go for the nearest one.”

 My breath caught in my throat “You’re leaving the other behind?”

 “We don’t have a choice!” Gale snapped. He yelled a couple more demands into his mouthpiece, before fixating his eyes on me “Katniss is priority. Coin insisted.”

 “No. No, you don’t care whether Peeta gets out,” I snarled “He’s competition for you isn’t he? You don’t want him getting in the way-”

 Gale grabbed me by my collar. We were dangerously close to the open door “You listen here. You don’t know me. You’re here to do a job. I’m in charge. That’s all. Do as you’re told and don’t question me again.”

 He let me go roughly, and I considered threatening him back. What are you thinking, Karissa? You’re on the same side. It’s you against the Capitol. Not brother against sister. Leave it. Don’t sink that low.

 Regaining my cool, I aimed my gun at the ground, looking for danger. I watched as the giant metal claw scooped Katniss’ lifeless body and began to haul her up into the hovercraft. Is she dead? I tried not to think of what might happen if she was. Would the rebellion die? I pushed the thought away. Another claw was lowering and I saw a figure leaping around in the air, grasping at it to be lifted up too. Somehow, I don’t think that’s Peeta.

 “Finnick Odair boarding the craft, over,” Gale hissed into his mouth piece.

 Where’s Peeta?

 I wished there was more I could do, but I was helpless in the craft. There was no way of getting Peeta or the others into the ship alone. Sighing, I kept watch, but as I suspected, the Capitol were too slow to deal with us. They’d never have suspected this in a hundred years. We were going to get away.

 The hovercraft began to move again the second Finnick and Katniss were inside. I watched as a group of medics hauled the pair away, Katniss unconscious and Finnick yelling out in pain. It was so quick it barely felt real, and I had to blink twice to convince myself it was happening. Gale shot me a hard look, still angry as he ran after Katniss. Love struck. I watched the arena disappear out the window. Peeta. Johanna. Beetee. Left for dead.

 I slumped against the wall, catching my breath. My heart was beating so fast, I could feel it’s thump against my chest. A few other soldiers walked by, smiled at me, nodded congratulations. We’d succeeded. We had what we came for. The Girl on Fire was safe. What did it matter that Peeta and the others had been left behind? It mattered a lot. I prayed that somehow, they’d be spared. The gun in my hand trembled, but I didn’t dare let it go. I didn’t feel safe yet.

 I was right to be paranoid. Half an hour later, as I paced the floor and tried to ignore the fact that we were high in the sky, I heard anguished cries from further down the craft. I turned in horror to see a man screaming by the window, his clothes on fire.

 “Fire bullets, fire bullets!” someone else screamed. The man rolled on the floor, trying to extinguish the flames from his frying skin. Everyone returned to their posts, rapidly firing at a threat I couldn’t see. It had to be a Capitol ship. I’d read about them in Warfare Awareness class. They could travel at thrice the speed of our own ships. That’s how they’d caught up to us. But we had superior defences.

 I stationed myself at the empty window slot the fallen man had left, and pulled the gun that was slung over my shoulder into position. Aiming quickly, I fired and hit the first target I sought. I was a good shot. I barely ever missed. My second shot missed by an inch. I heard someone behind me cry out as a bullet ripped through their skin. I didn’t turn to see if they were OK. I had a job to do.

 The place was in uproar. Cries of anguish filled my ears, medical staff dragging people away to be treated as we all tried to hold our own. Somewhere in the back of my mind, I remembered that there was an escape pod, but it was out of the question to evacuate there. Firing once more, bullets singing in a clashing symphony in the air, I gritted my teeth. I had to wait for our bullets to come into action before leaving my post. That’s what had been drilled into me; my duty as a soldier.

 I heard the hiss of fire before I felt it lick my skin. The bullet, no larger than a pebble, latched to my sleeve and burst like a deadly grape, fire stinging my arm. I cried out, feeling the fire burn through to my skin, blistering in moments. I dropped to the floor, screaming in pain as I put out the fire, leaving my skin singed and with a burning sensation. I remember how I shook as I lay there on the floor, eyes blurred and screaming out, the feeling of my arm being aflame remaining long after the fire was put out. Someone grabbed me under my armpits and pulled me away. I was damp with sweat, wishing the heat would go away. A jab of pain arrived in my other arm and I registered that they were knocking me out. As I drifted out of consciousness, I opened my eyes. I could see her. The Girl on Fire. Irony, I thought. She lay, serene in sleep on a bed behind a glass window, separating us. I could have died for her. I hope it’s worth it. I blacked out.

***

 When I woke again, I was home. My arm no longer hurt so much. Just a dull throb in my arm. My eyes were still heavy with whatever drug they’d given me. I wondered what had gone on during my unconsciousness. Had people died? Did we destroy the enemy ship? Did we have a war on our hands?

 Swinging my legs out the bed and ignoring the protests of my arm as I moved, I tried not to cry out at the pain, making it to my bedroom door, only to be pushed back into the room by someone.

 “Not a good idea, Karissa,” Uncle Drew said tiredly “You’ll be lucky if your father lets you leave this room ever again.”

 I rolled my eyes, but I was glad to see him. He pulled me into a careful hug, avoiding my sore arm, which was covered in soft linen bandages.

 “I’m meant to tend to your arm,” he said, pulling away as though reminded. It didn’t take a lot to distract him “Sit down. I’ll see to it.”

 His hands shook uncontrollably as he undid the bandage on my arm. I was used to his instability. The bandage removed, I grimaced at the slab of meat I had for an arm, the skin blistered and red raw. It stung as Uncle Drew applied a balm to it, but after a minute, it calmed my skin, and I relaxed.

 “I suppose you’ll want…d-d-de-t-a-a-ils,” Uncle Drew stuttered. He wiped at his brow anxiously, his face red. I nodded, and he gestured for me to get back into bed. He was like a second father to me, Uncle Drew. He knew what I liked to hear. I didn’t want the stories of princesses and champions that Father offered me. I wanted to know the real stuff. Maybe I was too old for him to tell me a bedtime story, but I wasn’t prepared to be left in the dark. Uncle Drew scratched his head, reaching in his pocket for a cigarette.

 “Your Father isn’t happy,” he warned, taking a drag. I watched him visibly relax, his shoulders less tense as he breathed in tobacco. “He said you should never have been allowed to go. That you should have told him.”

 I sunk into the pillow, turning away from him “I’m not a child anymore.”

 I felt his ever-quivering hand on my hair “I know. But being your father is difficult for him. He’s worried about you. You could have died.”

 “I know. I know,” I told him. But remembering the adrenaline in my veins, I can’t say I ever regret it. “Uncle Drew, I can’t give up this job. I’m a soldier. I was born to do my duty. I won’t abandon it to keep his mind at ease. There’s a war coming. Am I right?”

 “You are. T-t-there has to be some boundaries, though. You should have told him. All he knew was you’d gone missing since yesterday morning. When they brought you back here-”

 “I didn’t know. And Coin kept me away from you all. Made me keep it secret.”

 “It doesn’t surprise me,” Uncle Drew said, wrapping a new bandage around my arm. Behind a face of wrinkled lines and harsh indents of age, I could see the wise young man he’d once been. Before the Games destroyed him “I don’t want to baby you. You know I’d never do that. But honey, be careful.” He took my good hand between his two shaky ones “Coin isn’t well liked within this family. You know that. And I know you don’t like her. So be careful. You can’t let her use you like that again. This is a choice you’ll have to make sometime. Either you keep your family and duty balanced…or you swing towards one. What’s more important to you, Rissa? Family or duty? Coin or your brother?”

 “You know which.”

 “I know. But always keep that in sight. Always.”

 I nodded. Uncle Drew smiled, ruffling my hair “Get some sleep. If you want to get back to training, I suggest you rest up and get well. And think of a good apology for your father.”

 I smiled, and Uncle Drew smiled back, the corners of his mouth creased. He got up to leave, but paused at the door.

 “Oh. And your mother is unfazed by the whole ordeal.”

 I raised my eyebrow “Really?”

 “Yeah,” Uncle Drew smiled “She said she never doubted you’d get through alive.”

 He closed the door behind him and I grinned to myself, resting on my good hand as I sunk back into the pillow. I felt my eyes flutter closed, and for a moment, I had some sort of respite. But I woke next to a burst of pain in my burned arm. I gasped. The room was dark. Elliott pinched his thumb and finger harder into my arm. I tried not to give him the satisfaction of yelling out in pain.

 “What’s Karissa been up to, hmm?” he said, voice soft as silk, but menace in his touch. “Leaving the District and nearly getting killed? Why wasn’t I invited? Sounds like good fun. Where did you go to? See, no one will tell me. They don’t trust me.”  Tears of agony poured down my face, but I gritted my teeth.

 “Wouldn’t you like to know,” I grimaced.

 “I tell you what, Karissa. You get Coin to invite me on one of her special field trips, and let’s just say I’ll let this instance go. You let me down. I thought I was your brother, your other half? Yet you left me behind.” He stopped pinching my arm and sat on the edge of the bed, his back to me. I breathed out in relief. He didn’t scare me much, but he knew how to hurt me. I knew that much about my dearest brother, if not much else.

 But he looked softer now. A single candle lit our bedroom, the one we’d shared since we were kids. Half his face was illuminated, beautiful in the yellow light. But the other half remained dark. He was changeable, like the light of a candle. I preferred his soft side. The side I remember from when we were children. Quiet, withdrawn. But kind and loving too. One minute, Elliott could be serene as calm water. The next, his hand could be around your throat, choking you. But for a moment, he was calm. And when he was calm, I was happier.

 “I’d love to get out this place,” he whispered. “You’re lucky. Why didn’t she choose me?”

 “You know why, Elliott,” I replied. And he did know. He just didn’t want to accept it. He hung his head.

 “I don’t fit in anywhere,” he said. Then he looked at me “You love me, don’t you? Sister?”

 “Unconditionally,” I assured him. It was true. I had to love him.

 “Then you’ll ask her. You’ll ask Coin? Next time, ask her to take me too.”

 “I’ll try-”

 “No,” Elliott said. He’d changed again. Reverted to the darkness that consumed his light. He blew out the candle and I heard him get into his bed. “You won’t try. You’ll succeed.”

 His words chilled me to the bone. I didn’t breathe easy again until I heard the soft breathing of his sleep. But I didn’t sleep again that night at all.