Katniss Everdeen began to leave the hospital, and I knew it was my cue to leave too. The old man I’d spoken with was patched up and now lay asleep on the ground, his lips stretched in a thin smile. I felt guilty leaving so many helpless people to suffer, but there was little I could do for them. Besides. My job was to protect Katniss.

 When I got outside the hospital, Katniss and Gale were talking and Katniss was laughing. Gale’s face wasn’t quite smiling. I’d never seen him smile. But he looked happier than usual. I remembered how defensive he got when I thought they were cousins. Could they be lovers instead?

 Suddenly, a voice appears in my earpiece. It’s Haymitch, Katniss’ mentor.

 “Get back to the airstrip quickly. Attack incoming.” Boggs can clearly hear the voice too. Katniss looks panic stricken, like she did back in the arena. Boggs pulls Katniss’ helmet onto her head and shouts “Let’s move!”

 I had no time to process what was happening. Before I knew it, I was running hard, my feet pounding hard against the ground. Gale fell in step beside me. I kept looking to the sky, wondering where the Capitol planes were. And then in a flash, they appeared, soaring over our heads in a V formation.

 Then the bombing began. All of us were knocked off our feet, and my face hit the ground hard. I felt my nose shatter, and I could see black. Gale and Ronan pulled me over against the wall, giving me time to muddle through the searing pain. But when everyone began to move again, I still hadn’t recovered. My ears were ringing. Gale threw my arm over his shoulder and helped me along, until eventually I could see a little better. Then the second wave of bombs arrived, and Ronan pulled me to the ground with him. I pressed my face to the floor, unable to register my fear with the pain in my face taking over everything. I could swear I heard screaming, but I couldn’t be certain. Nothing was certain, lying there with my senses in turmoil.

 The bombing ended again and I managed to stand without assistance. I heard Katniss saying something about the hospital, and I whipped my head around, a fresh wave of nausea hitting me hard. I watched Katniss remove her earpiece and make for a ladder, beginning to scale it. Gale followed her, taking out Boggs with a kick to the face that left him stumbling backwards, clutching his nose. By that time, Katniss had reached the roof where, I dizzily observed, rebels were opening fire on the Capitol ships.

 “Damn it,” I heard Haymitch say, making me smile. Katniss was the biggest rebel of them all. Ronan quickly explained that Katniss had figured out that the bombers were aiming for the hospital. I got my missile gun out from its sheath at my side and nudged one of the camera girls, Cressida.

 “Let’s take that roof,” I said “Katniss is already up there, we’re more use helping than on the ground. Ronan, with me.”

 Before Boggs could protest, the three of us were climbing a ladder to another roof. I tried to focus on where I was putting my feet, but I still slipped several times. What I was doing was reckless in my condition, but I refused to stay put when people were in danger. People we could help, maybe.

 We reached the roof, and I aimed my gun at the sky. The planes were fast, and they formed a V shape in the sky. I knew we’d probably be too slow to get them, but it was worth a shot. Ronan came to my side and Cressida shot some footage of Katniss on the other roof while we attempted to take down the Capitol ships. We missed a lot, even though between us, our firing was almost continuous, and the missiles fell onto abandoned buildings, but just as the second wave was ending, I hit a straggler ship, watching it explode and crash into the ground. It was small victory, but there was no time to celebrate.

 The third wave arrived. I began firing again, keeping a constant eye on Katniss Everdeen. She was out in the open, barely protected. I’d failed my mission of guarding her, but the least I could do was assist her attack on the ships. I kept firing until there was nothing left in the sky to shoot. Yet still, I had a sense we hadn’t stopped something terrible happening.

 I climbed down to the ground again, and watched Katniss running in the direction of the hospital. Cressida, who’d climbed down before me, was already following her, hoping for some good footage. I ran after the pair of them, Ronan on my tail. As I approached, I caught sight of smoggy black fumes rising into the sky.

 I fell to my knees a few metres from where the hospital once was. I could see my feelings mirrored in Katniss’ face as she stared at the remains of the building. She looked angry. Shell shocked. Unbearably sad. The roof had collapsed, and I could see a pair of feet sticking out from underneath the debris. I knew straight away that there were no survivors. Everyone in the building, dead. The patients, the medics, the children. Gone forever.

 And right then, I knew everything we’d done to save them had been futile.

***

 I didn’t speak the whole way back to District 13. I didn’t speak when we got off the hovercraft, or when they fixed my broken nose in the hospital. I didn’t speak when I arrived back in my quarters. And I didn’t go to dinner with everyone else, despite the pleas of my father.

 I was called to Command to view the propos filmed in District 8 the next morning, but I couldn’t even get myself out of bed. I lay there, shaking, after a night of dreams filled with fire and destruction, interweaved with twisted memories of Coin cutting me off from Finch and Elliott beating me in the night. I woke up in a sweat, to find that I was alone. Finch wasn’t there, and though I knew it was dangerous, I desperately wished he was.

 I didn’t go to training that day. I knew the soldiers would be waiting for me, but I needed a day to sort myself out. Just one selfish day to put myself back together. To allow myself to heal from all the bad that had been done to me, to all the bad I’d seen. Then, I knew, I could continue life in peace.

 It was late afternoon when I got out of bed. I knew where I had to be. The one place that I felt like I could breathe. I could have taken the elevator, but I didn’t want to risk being spotted by Coin, especially so close to curfew. I wasn’t planning on returning that night. So I climbed the many flights of stairs, breathing hard, until I was out in the open, the cool air hitting my face.

 I stumbled through the woods, the air welcome in my lungs. Then my stumble turned to a jog. Then a run. And then a sprint that made my sides hurt. But it felt so good to run. I was running away from everything. I was free.

***

 Night fell, and I was alone by the bridge where Elliot and I had last met. The taste of freedom had worn off a little, and I could feel the pressure of my problems weighing me down again. The ghosts of the people in the hospital, of those I didn’t save, followed me. You should have been with us they told me.

 Would anything change if I was gone? I wondered. There would be people who mourned, of course. My family. Finch. Maybe even my training team. But I was expendable. Just as those people in the hospital had been to Snow. I was a soldier on the battlefield, but there would always be someone to replace me. As I replaced Elliot in training. Right then, I didn’t know what I was living for. What did I have to look forward to? Until Coin died, my family would always live in fear. Until she was gone, I couldn’t have the one good thing in my life. And war was raging all around us, and I had no idea when, or how, it might end. I realised I could fight for the rest of my life, and still we might lose to the Capitol.

 And that realisation was what made me scream. I screamed at the top of my voice. I didn’t care who heard. I didn’t care that there could be Capitol spies nearby. I needed to scream. I needed to get it out of my system.

 I screamed until I couldn’t. I screamed until my throat was raw and my voice trailed off and there was nothing left at all. Only then did my knees buckle. Only then did I curl up on the ground. Only then did the rain start, refreshing me. I was being revived. I opened my mouth and let the water fall on my tongue.

 And then he was there.

 Finch was almost too beautiful for me to bear. He stood a few metres away, tentative, rain dripping from his blue hair, hands in his pockets. I was shivering, the rain soaking through to my skin.

 “Don’t come closer,” I warned him. It was dangerous even seeing him. But it was painful having him so close, yet untouchable.

 “I’ll stay right here,” he said.

 “How did you find me?”

 He didn’t answer. His hands were dug in his pockets. He was wearing the outfit he wore when I first saw him, all powder blue. His hair was freshly dyed. His eyes weren’t bloodshot and sleep deprived. I swallowed.

 “What do I do?” I whispered.

 “You close your eyes. And you heal.”

 I closed my eyes. And softly, amidst the sound of the pouring rain, the humming began. A sweet hum like birdsong. The sound was like a caress, a lullaby. I felt my body relax, my face pressed to the grass. And I listened. My other senses numbed and I lost myself in the sweet melody. I sighed, feeling the anxiety leave my body. When I opened my eyes to thank Finch for everything he’d done for me, he was gone. All that remained was the sound of his humming filling the night.

A/N I'm so sorry I haven't updated in ages, and I'm sorry for the awfulness of this chapter! Just so you don't think I've gone all weird on you guys...as you may have guessed, Karissa is going slightly crazy. Was Finch there or not? That's for you guys to decide.... ;) I'll try and update again soon!