"What are you doing in my room, Macy?" I half shouted, my face burning red and my hands practically convulsing as I snatched the letter away.

"He's been cheating on her with you?" She demanded, her dark hair bouncing in the high ponytail as she shook her head. "Jessica is your friend and they were dating, yet she got a letter blowing her off, and you got this?" She widened her eyes before turning her back on me. "How could you do this to Jessica?"

I hugged the letter to my chest, trying to keep my eyes away from the nice handwritten lines of words that I just can't allow myself to read. Not anymore. "I didn't do this to her!" I insisted. "Yes, they were dating, but they weren't an official couple or anything and I-."

"Do you hear yourself right now?" Macy cut me off, spinning back to give me the full power of her disappointed glare. "You're making excuses about technicalities of their relationship to make yourself feel better about this secret affair the two of you are having."

I knew she was right, which only upset me further. I was barely holding back the tears as I carefully folded the letter back up and slid it inside of the envelope. "I don't expect you to understand." I muttered, although, if I was being honest, of my friends, I would have picked Macy for being the one I thought might have been the most understanding, not Sarah.

The look she was giving me hurt right into the pit of my stomach. Like a kid who was being scolded by their parent. I hated myself, felt dirty even for it, but I couldn't tell her that.

"Have you been sleeping with him, Tayler?"

Her accusation took me right from feeling so bad about myself, to being highly pissed off at her again. "Are you freaking kidding me? Am I sleeping with him?" I laughed. "Yeah, Macy, because that's the type of person I am, right? I just go around sleeping with random people?"

Macy stepped closer, the space between us full of tension. "How am I supposed to know?" She snapped. "I didn't think you were the type of girl who goes and steals a guy right from underneath your friend either."

"I didn't steal him!" I shouted, grabbing both sides of my head and squeezing as if that was going to help the swarming mess going on inside of it. "I didn't plan this, I didn't ask for it, and I sure as hell didn't expect it!" I cried, hot angry and embarrassed tears streamed my face. "Like anyone would have thought a guy would chose me over Jessica."

As soon as the words were out of my mouth I regretted them. I hadn't admitted to myself, much less said it out loud that I kind of liked the idea that someone could like me better. I've always been a little jealous of Jessica and her beauty and her charisma, and then along comes Hunter, one of the most amazingly gorgeous, and sweet to boot, guys I've ever known and he wanted to spend his time with me. He chose me.

A lot of good that did me.

"You're pathetic, you know that?" Macy sneered, her arms folded across her chest.

My bedroom door pushed open wider, knocking me in the shoulder as Sarah stormed in, grabbing me by the arm and pulling me into a hug while I cried.

"What the fuck is going on here, Mac?" She asked her, petting my hair to soothe me.

"She has been seeing Hunter behind Jessica's back!" She yelled, pointing at me. But something in Sarah's reaction, or lack thereof, must have tipped her off. "You knew about this?" I'd thought Macy sounded incredulous with me, it was twice as bad with Sarah.

Sarah sighed beside me. "I didn't know the whole time, I only found out right before he deployed." She explained.

"And you didn't think that maybe we should tell our best friend what she'd done?"

Sarah shook her head, the glint off of her gold earring distracting me from my self-loathing for a second. "No," She said. "I didn't feel the need to hurt Jessica and all of our friendship over this." She told her. "Tayler and I talked, and I thought we had agreed that she was going to stay away from Hunter and that was going to be it."

"But she couldn't do it?" Macy asked, her tone laced with disapproval and judgement. The exact reaction from my friends I'd been avoiding since the beginning with not telling them the truth.

"No!" Sarah snapped right back at Macy. "He couldn't stand to be away from her." She sighed. "The night of his going away party you saw how weird he was being. That was because Tay had ignored him like she promised she would, even though it was killing her. He wanted to see her so badly."

Macy still looked confused, her forehead creased in a deep wrinkle. "So you decided it was fine?"

"They love each other, Macy." Sarah groaned. "They were both miserable, and why? Because Jess had a crush on him?" She laughed. "You and I both know Jess has said he was only acting like he was into her at first, and then all of a sudden he was distant and was just acting like they were friends? That was because he fell for Tayler."

"Then why didn't he just dump Jess and go out with Tayler, huh?" Macy wasn't giving in easily.

I pulled away from Sarah and walked over to my bed, keeping my eyes down the whole time. "Because we weren't a thing either." I whispered. "Hunter and me, we were just friends but we got so close and we ended up really starting to rely on each other and he opened my mind up to so much, but he wouldn't have had a reason to blow off Jess or any of the other girls he sees because we weren't dating or cheating." I told her. "I never even kissed him until right before his flight left."

The room was quiet for a minute as Macy took a deep breath. "Sure is a lot of emotion and love in that letter from a person you've supposedly only kissed the one time." She muttered, her eyes down. "I find it hard to believe after reading that that the two of you were just friends up until hours before he left for a year."

I rolled my eyes, pulling my hands through my hair. "You know what, Macy?" I huffed. "Fuck you." I laughed. "Fuck you, and fuck whoever else has a problem with it. If you want to go tell Jess, go ahead. If you want to hate me for the rest of your life, please, go for it. I honestly don't care anymore what you believe, or what anyone else thinks because I know the truth." I sighed. "I can't tell you what the letter says, because as you already knew what with you being the one who came into my room and opened my unopened letter, I haven't had the chance to read it. I can only tell you what happened, and that's what I've done, and it doesn't even matter because we are over anyway."

"Wait, what?" She gasped, the wrinkle returning.

I wiped what was left of tears from my face and laughed. "Oh yeah, that's the best part, Mac." I told her, Sarah shaking her head sadly in the corner. "Despite whatever he might have said in that letter, and all of the amazingly perfect things he said to me in the total of five minutes of happiness we got together, he flew away pissed off at me over something I'd said to him and that letter you read is the only one I've gotten." I admitted. "He hasn't reached out to me at all, so we are through, and you can just be happy about it that my little fling came back to bite me in the ass." I laughed again, pulling at my hair. "Now if the two of you don't mind, I've had an abnormally shitty day and I really want you to just get out."

"Tayl-." Macy started to whisper, but I pointed at the door.

"Out! Now!"

When they were both in the hall I followed to slam and lock my door before I collapsed back on my bed and screamed as loudly as I could into my pillow. When my voice was hoarse, and my mind couldn't over power my heart anymore, I flipped back over and yanked the letter from its envelope.

Dear Kit,

I still am in shock that you actually showed up. I'm so sorry it took me so long to realize the way I feel about you. I've felt it so much longer than I wanted to let on, but I didn't know how to process it or know what I would do if you didn't feel the same way about me. (which I really hope you do or sitting here writing this damn letter only to fly over seas with it still in my pocket is going to suck). I'm going to just operate under the assumption that you did show up at the airport today and that we totally made out for a long time. I can't tell you how long and how much I've been thinking of your lips. The way you pout your bottom lip out just a little when you're thinking really hard, or how you bite it to keep from saying what's on your mind even though you always end up saying it anyway. You're adorable, and perfect and everything I've never even known I wanted. I know it sounds like a lot all at once, but I feel it with you. Things I never imagined I would, or even wanted to feel. I pictured my life one way, and then I met you and the whole image kind of started to change. I know a whole year sounds like a long time, and it will be, but god, I am just excited to get back to you. The anticipation will make every single day worthwhile and I promise to give you every bit of my attention when I am able. I know how strong you are, way stronger than me, so I'm sure you'll hardly notice I'm gone. I'm going to miss you like crazy though. I don't know how this all works now, or what we tell people, or what we call ourselves and all that garbage that comes along with deciding you can't stand the thought of not calling someone 'yours' anymore. But it's true. I don't want to go another day without you being mine and me being yours. You snuck up on my heart, but it's yours now. I'm really bad at all of this, I know. I've never been much of a romantic, but I want to be for you because you deserve it. You're like the sun, no, you're like the stars in my life now. I know most people would say sun, but to me, you've been the stars from the start. Something mysterious and beautiful that I can't stop myself from looking for or staring at once I find you. You take my breath away. Ok, I'm going to stop while I'm ahead (at least I hope I'm ahead right now. Maybe this has all just come off as a jumble of random attempts to be swoony and sexy but I hope you like it anyway). I may not know a lot of things right now, Kit, but one thing I do know, and I'm still sorry it took me so long to figure it out, but...I love you Tayler. I can't wait to search for you in the stars tonight.

I'll write again soon with an address for you to contact me at.

Wholly yours,

                         Nice Ass ;)

I couldn't hold back the flood waters once the letter was over.

I re-read it ten thousand times, laughing and smiling through the tears as I could practically hear Hunter's deep voice in my head while I read his words. It was so him. Every bit of it. I wanted to scream to the hilltops how much I love him too, but also cry a river of tears for the ache in my heart where he should be, but isn't.

I knew I shouldn't have read it.

It was too much, and it hurt too badly, but now there was no taking it back.

He said he wanted a future with me.

He said he loved me. All of those beautiful things he said couldn't have been lies, yet, no letters...no calls...no nothing. I couldn't understand how my giving him the simple little card from his mom could have hurt him so badly that he'd throw me away, but it did. He just turned his back on me and walked out of my life, leaving me here to pick up the pieces all over again. I wanted to hate him, it would be so much easier that way, but I couldn't. Not my Hunter.

With swollen eyes I folded the letter back up and put it back in my top drawer where I had intended it to stay. I got changed even though it was still pretty early and I climbed into bed, really letting myself feel the pain like I hadn't before. I'd been holding it back. Not just pain from Hunter leaving me, but from Seth, and my brother's death, and every other hardship I've faced in my life. I let it all in until I felt like I was drowning in the emotions.

Hunter saw something in me that I never saw before, but I wanted so badly for it to be true. He called me strong, and that's what I was going to become. Stronger than betrayal, stronger than grief, stronger than heartache, and stronger than my fears. I let the pain wash over me until I didn't even feel it anymore. I rose above it instead. I stopped hiding from it all, and I took it on head first until I came out of the light at the end of the tunnel.

This isn't the end of the world for me.

I may be alone.

My friends might hate me.

But I'm done with letting things hold me back. I can't change how others act or feel but I can control me.

The tears stopped coming, and sleep moved in.

A deep, dreamless, restful sleep like I haven't had in so long I couldn't even remember ever having slept so well or woken up feeling so refreshed.

The birds chirped outside of my window as I rolled over at checked the clock on my nightstand. I still had a couple of hours before work so I wasn't worried until I remembered I didn't have my car. I'd left it back at work when Aaron drove me home.

I unlocked my phone and opened the texts from my friends.

Jess: Hey girl! Working today?

I guess that at least meant she hadn't been told anything about my running around behind her back yet. My next message confirmed as much.

Macy: I'm not going to tell. But not for you. For Jess. I don't want to hurt her and since it's over, there really isn't any point. I'm going to be out for the next few days.

I rolled my eyes. She was clearly still ill with me and thought avoiding me was best, so that's fine with me. I could use having the apartment to myself for a few days.

Sarah: Srry how everything went down. Call me if you need to talk. Luv ya.

I was still a little surprised at Sarah. I'd always thought of her as being kind of cold and judgmental at times, but she'd really proved me wrong lately.

I was in the middle of typing out a response when Aaron's number popped up on the screen.

"Hey, how you feeling today?" He asked cheerfully, the noise in the background sounding like he was in the car with the windows down.

"Better." I told him, and it was true. I was going to be better. "I've got work in a couple of hours."

"I'll swing by and get you in a few if you can be ready that quick." He said, a smile in his voice. "Any chance you want to grab a bite to eat? I'm starving and they just opened that new Tapas place down by the bookstore."

My stomach rumbled in response. I'd not really been eating at all lately.

"Give me twenty minutes and I'll be ready to go."

"Cool," He said, surprise obvious in his voice. "See you in a few."