We shouldn't be doing this, he's just a kid.

Jan remembered listening to one of the policemen say this as they raided his home. It was at the end of April, when the promise of summer stretched out days and brought its welcome heat. He had been standing by the living room, staring at the men drifting around but not really seeing anything.

"Are you going to tell him that?" the other officer had replied, his voice injected with so much venom it made Jan's chest hurt.

Even with the silence that followed, Jan heard the words lingering in the air loud and clear. And they tormented him. Not the fact that his family was gone. Not that college was only three weeks away. Not that he was now completely alone.

But words that hadn't even been spoken into existence.

"This is just something we have to do," another officer had whispered fifteen minutes later. "Try to keep your emotions away."

Those words triggered the resentment in Jan, as he picked up a suitcase and left. All the way to another city, on that hot, crowded, stinky bus, all Jan could feel was hate. Hate for the family who'd started this and the town that let them continue. Hate that grew fingers and gripped his heart like dying men on the edge of a cliff.

A decade later and he still was not free. He had not even been back in Hillford for a full day and it already consumed him.

Gripping the coffee mug in his hands tightly, he let the comforting smell of ground beans fill his lungs before he took a long sip. He swirled the liquid in his mouth for a few seconds before swallowing, letting the bitter liquid infuse with his saliva and smack the inner walls of his cheek.

A couple of gulps later, the mug was empty. Jan turned towards the machine and poured himself another one. Hello cup number three.
He would keep drinking till the caffeine did it's job and he no longer felt like the living dead. Stupid jet lag.

His ringing phone cut off his thought process so he set his mug aside and pulled it out of his sweatpants. Caller ID said it was Rhea Davis. Jan let it go to voicemail. Six minutes and eleven missed calls later, he changed his mind. "What do you want, Davis?"

"I don't think that's how you're supposed to answer the phone," she teased. "Especially as this call is about to make you richer."

Jan rolled his eyes even though she couldn't see him. "I don't have time for this, I need to catch up on my sleep."

"So you don't want to hear my idea? It's more of a business strategy with a new client but—"

"No."

"You know you want to," she continued in a voice too innocent to be considered genuine. "I promise its good."

"No," he repeated vehemently because Rhea only used that voice when she was about to cash in a favour.

The sound of running water filled Jan's ear and Rhea's voice was muffled as she replied, "I'll share this amazing idea with you if you do one tiny little thing for me."

"I don't think you heard me the first time—"

She cut him off. "So, I forgot to rent an apartment and I hate this hotel and I can't spend another night here so I was wondering if I could, you know, move in with you. Temporarily. Until I find an apartment that speaks to my soul," she said in one breath.

"No."

"Jan," she whined. "Don't be mean."

"Not considering the fact that you're my employee and people will talk if they find out we live together, you're a fucking terrible housemate." Jan finished his coffee in one large gulp, letting it burn its way to his stomach.

"That is the most ludicrous thing I've heard all year," she scoffed. "I can be good."

"Yeah, until you're waking up by two a.m. to do yoga and blast Hozier. Then you leave your junk food lying everywhere. I'd rather never subject myself to that again, college days are over."

"But... I—" she sputtered in reply. "That was years ago, you can't still be holding a grudge."

"No grudge here," he said as he set his mug aside and started up the stairs to his room. "It's just not happening."

"Please," Rhea begged. "I will literally do anything. I'll be good, Jan. I swear I'll be so good. I can't spend another night in this hotel, please please please."

Rhea had the most irritating begging voice Jan had ever heard— Puerto Rican drawl mixed with nails on a chalkboard and Jan would do anything to never hear it again. Anything but invite a spawn of the devil into his house. "No."

"You're being really mean right now," Rhea sulked after a pause. "You're not giving me a chance."

Jan stepped into his room and his eyes struggled to adjust to the dim lighting. He still wasn't comfortable with his room even after spending hours pacing it, a sentiment he shared with the rest of the house. It didn't matter much but Jan hated feeling out of depth.

He flung himself on his bed, cradling his phone beside his ear. "Okay, let's do it this way. If you share your idea and it has potential, then I'll send my driver to come pick you up."

"You've been here for less than thirteen hours, how do you already have a driver?"

"Focus, Rhea."

"Yeah, right." Jan heard her take a deep breath. "So I couldn't sleep last night because this hotel bed is so uncomfortable and I swear my back—"

"Rhea."

"Sorry," her voice was sheepish. "I couldn't sleep so I was brainstorming and it came to me. You know, we're on new turf in Hillford and we need to beat the competition and all that crap. So I checked and I found out that there's only one other company in this town that offers the same services we do— Franc & Co, I think."

Jan stiffened on the bed, letting his hand curl around the soft sheets. How many times had he stayed up all night, his laptop open in front of him, obsessing over the company and the man behind it? Too many times to count.

He tried to steady his breathing and ease the discomfort brewing in his stomach because it wouldn't do to react this way every time he heard or saw anything that had to do with that family. Especially when he was raging war against them.

"... so I found out that they have one major client who pulls in a big part of their money. If we could somehow convert that company to our side then—"

Jan cut Rhea off. "I already have that covered."

"But—"

"We're pitching them tomorrow," he told her.

"What?" Rhea screeched. "Jan, I didn't know that. I don't have the financial reports and state—"

"No one at the company knows about the meeting. I have everything covered."

"Why do you—" she cut herself off. "You don't trust me?"

"You know the answer to that already," he said in a firm voice.

"Then I don't understand why—"

"You don't have to understand anything. You just have to trust that I know what I'm doing."

The silence was tense before Rhea let out a breath. "Okay, okay. I trust you."

"Good."

Jan heard rustling in the background. "So I'll text you the hotel's address so you can send your driver, that good?"

"Yeah, no. Your idea was already mine."

"You can't do that," she protested. "I swear I will spit into your—"

Jan ended the call before she could continue.

|~|~|~|

Someone was breathing into the crook of Jan's neck. That same person reached out and tugged at the hair close to the nape of his neck, snickering lightly. Jan released an exasperated sigh as the sleep he'd looked forward to all day evaded him.

"Am I turning you on?" Rhea asked with a nudge.

Jan smacked her hand away from his hair. "How the hell do you know where I live?"

"I think you forgot that I have access to your bank statements. You made me waste money on a cab but that's besides the point," she rolled away from him on the bed. "Jan, this place is so beautiful."

"Yeah," he muttered as he sat up groggily.

"That didn't sound very excited," she said, her voice mirroring her concern.

"Can you blame me?" Jan snapped. "This is the first chance I got to sleep since I arrived and you ruined it."

"Well, don't be a baby about it."

"Get out, we had no deal," Jan said.

She rolled her eyes. "Don't waste your breath. I've already unpacked in the room opposite yours."

Jan worked on controlling his breathing, until he was sure that he wouldn't reach out and throttle her.

"Anyway," she continued. "I've been here for two hours and you've been asleep the entire time. That's enough, I want to go sightseeing."

"You're delusional." Jan said as he shuffled around on the bed, prepared to go back to sleep.

"Or you are. Come on, you must at least want to know what this town looks like now."

"No. Shut the door on your way out, because I am not going anywhere with you."

Forty five minutes later, Jan found himself standing by a sidewalk, puffing air into the sleeve of his jacket as Rhea window shopped.
It was colder than Jan expected it to be and he regretted letting Rhea drag him out. Not that he had much of a choice anyway.

"Stop sulking," Rhea commanded. "Come take a look at this necklace."

"You already have something like that," Jan said as his eyes zeroed in on the antique she was pointing at.

"Yeah, but this one is vintage. I might never see anything like it again." She was full on pouting now, and it made Jan want to puke.

"Let's go inside the actual shop then. Window shopping really isn't my thing."

"Never mind," she said and started walking away from the shop.

Rolling his eyes, Jan followed her. They walked around aimlessly, Rhea dragging him around and pointing at things that caught her attention. Which was basically everything. He suppressed another eye roll.

Jan wasn't sure what he expected Hillford to look like after ten years but this wasn't it. The buildings were taller, the streets were busier. The places he'd spent most of his younger years in didn't exist anymore. A part of him didn't know why that bothered him so much, it was almost like he had hoped that time had frozen in this part of the universe. A tinge of nostalgia creeped up his chest.

As though he could somehow come back and pick up where he left. He knew it was as stupid as it was impossible. He couldn't go back to the time he was stupidly in love and the best part of his day was sneaking into her bedroom hours past her curfew.

To a time where the smell of his mother's lasagne filled the crevices of their home. Where his father hugged her from behind, planted soft kisses on her neck and he would pretend to gag at the sight of their sappiness. To a time where he was undeniably happy and had hope for the life ahead of him. A time where this ever-present crushing pressure wasn't there.

Those days were gone, forever lost in the sands of time.

Out of nowhere, all of the animosity he felt towards this town flared up again. Red-hot and blinding. His hands curled into fists and Rhea's voice faded into the background. He could hear the sound of his own heart beating with rage. 

As though she could feel his pain, Rhea gave him a sad but nervous smile and then tugged him into a random diner. "I think you deserve a break," she told him.

The slate outside read The Rusty Spoon written in mismatched colors, coming together to look like the rainbow. Jan took a lungful of the coffee-scented air as they walked in. The smell sank straight into his body and was oddly refreshing.

The diner had exposed brick walls with wood-paneled ceilings and pictures dotted around the room. The tables were decorated with pressed white tablecloths and a grand piano sat in a corner. The counter was made of thick glass and below it, there was a display of cakes and various pastries.

Rhea was practically vibrating as they started towards the counter. She rang the bell and then bounced on the balls of her feet. Jan placed a hand on her shoulder to control her excited fidgeting. "Rhea, you're literally just ordering coffee."

"Yeah, but I haven't had a cup all day. I need my fix," she pointed at the pastries. "Look at those donuts!"

"They look nice," he acknowledged.

A guy came through the backdoor. A brilliant smile on his face. "Welcome to The Rusty Spoon,  what can I get you?"

"Can I get two donuts?" Rhea hummed. "No, make that three and a cup of tea. Coffee this late makes me antsy."

"I'll have my coffee black, one sugar, no milk," Jan said.

"Okay," the barista replied. "You can go pick a table, your order will be ready shortly."

Rhea picked out a booth and immediately they sat down, she grabbed Jan's hands. "How are you feeling?"

"I'm okay, don't fret."

"Is it hard being back here? Please, don't lie to me." She pleaded, her eyes sad and voice quiet. Jan remained quiet, his lips a thin line and his brows creased.

"I don't know what I'm feeling," he finally replied when he could no longer ignore her concern. "I just feel so much and at the same time nothing at all." He sighed. "Let's not talk about it."

"I won't let—"

He fixed her with a look that cut her off just as the barista appeared with their order. He gave them a wide smile as he placed it on the table, lacing his fingers together behind his back when he was done.

Rhea offered him a tense smile. "Thanks."

He nodded and walked away.

"Hmm. We weren't done with our conversation," she said.

"Let it go," Jan snapped. He was tired of talking and thinking. All he wanted to do was act and he was glad that tomorrow offered that option. He would start with one company and then another and another. Franc & Co weren't ready for him. He doubted they ever would be.