*** *** Weekend Write-In for 17th Aug 2018 *** ***

"liar": In 500 words, tell what happens when it is a lie

PLATINUM 

'Dear Platinum Super upgrade member, thank you for your fourth month renew. We notice you've hit a success rate of zero and we'd like to offer you some advice that will help you maximize your 'score rating' as we would hate to think you don't believe you're getting value for money with your premium £300 monthly fee.

So with that in mind, please recall that TENDER (TM) was founded with the express purpose of returning your hookup dating experience back to pleasurable basics. We are what Tinder was and we guarantee that any person of either sex using phrase words like 'Long Term Relationships' or 'No hookups' are automatically deleted from our database. We operate a 2 strikes and you're out policy on any profile that does not conform to the TENDER promise of casual, FWB, no strings sexual encounters.

In fact we guarantee a 100% membership of horny men and women age 18-80. Our satisfied subscribers have reported a first date score rating of 89%. Now we understand that some people like to move a little slower so that missing 11% can be found on second date score ratings. If a member clicks a non score by a third date, we promise to review the profile of the second party and if there's a pattern we send a TENDER warning and if they don't put out on the very next date, they're removed from the site.

So with that in mind, if you GET a date, you're already 89% of the way there! So what is the issue? We believe a few minor profile adjustments are in order - remember it doesn't matter if you look great - SHE/HE ALREADY WANTS IT. 

YOU JUST HAVE TO BE IN THE RIGHT PLACE AT THE RIGHT TIME!

So we suggest replacing your profile picture, from this ...

To this ...

We also have the following suggestions about alterations to your profile description and can offer you a one time only Platinum Super upgrade name change from ChessGeekMaxie to ... how about SexyToTheMax

Yours,

The TENDER Admin staff.'

***

'Dear TENDER ADMIN,

Thank you so much for your advice to update my profile. I have now matched with a gorgeous blonde in my area 'NaturalBeauty1997' pic included below.

She says she's 'hot, horny and ready for some lovin!' I can't wait for our date!!

Regards,

SexyToTheMax'

***

'Hi TENDER Admin guys!

Great advice you gave last week - a really sexy guy called Max asked me out - I think I'm finally gonna get lucky! Only fly in the ointment is my old pic didn't delete but moved to the private section. He sent me a LOOKSEE request and I really have to get it moved before I grant access just in case he doesn't like the real me when we hook up!

The pic is called Nat011 and I attach a version below. Please remove the one on my profile!

love and all that!

Nat xxx